Repent (The Disciples Book 3)

by Cassandra Robbins

  “I have never been surer. Look, I need to go. I’ll call when I’m done unless you want Doug to drop me off?”

  I can’t help but smile at my little Smurfette. “No, baby, I’ll pick you up. I think we need a little alone time before we go to the ceremony anyway.”

  Her breathing gets harsh. “Edge,” she groans. “I love you.”

  “I know.”

  She starts laughing. “Jerk, say it back…”

  “I have to go. Be a good girl.” I hang up and toss my phone on the cheap black desk I got at IKEA.

  I pull up all the numbers from last night and do what I’m good at: controlling my empire.

  Today it’s one club. In a year, I hope for two, and so forth. Tonight is big. Not only am I getting patched in, but Blade, Axel, and Ryder have enlisted in the Navy SEALs.

  Blade has been getting a lot of pressure from the old-timers and other clubs to take over. They want him as Prez, not Chuckie.

  Chuckie has a heart of gold, but he lacks Blade’s intelligence and self-discipline. Blade is one step ahead of everyone else. He brings a sense of pride to the club, and more brothers are starting to notice.

  The truth is Chuckie is ruled by pussy, and it’s starting to cause a deep-seated problem. So by enlisting, Blade is taking himself out of the picture to let his brother be king.

  Axel is following and Ryder is too. He was disappointed when he was passed over to be Chuckie’s new enforcer. Chuck went with Slider. It was unexpected and has caused some controversy also.

  My eyes drift over to David who is almost falling off the couch, and I lean my head back, my mind racing about all that’s happened during the last three months. Somehow, we seem to have made it through. There’ve been numerous fights, and Dolly’s still able to make me lose my mind. But we’re together. Our lives are moving forward. She’s almost ready to graduate from cosmetology school. Shark is following through with his bargain. He’s already bought her the salon.

  I suspect a lot has to do with his guilt or lack of it. Fuck, he might be doing it so the Disciples have a new place to launder money. Because the club comes first for them.

  Always.

  It’s all clear now. I’ve gone into this with my eyes open ever since that day… the day I had to decide.

  “Edge, don’t do anything crazy, like—” she hisses as her eyes dart around. I drag Dolly through the front doors of the clubhouse. My head is pounding. The adrenaline has taken over.

  “Sit and don’t talk to anyone.” I stop at the living room area and motion for her to stay. She plops down and goes to open her mouth, but then mumbles, “Don’t get killed.”

  I knock on the conference room door. This is where the meetings take place, where everything takes place. This is our Church.

  Ryder opens the door, takes one look at me, and lets me pass.

  Chuckie sits at the head of the wooden table along with Shark, Blade, Axel, and Slider. No one looks surprised.

  Slider rises from his seat. “Take it easy, Prospect.” The man is close to six five and easily four hundred pounds.

  “Look, Edge.” Chuckie walks around the table. “We all know why you’re here.”

  I look around at the faces of my family and all of them look me in the eyes. No one is hiding; not one of them has guilt. And before I make a mistake and say that they couldn’t even let her visit once? Couldn’t even give me one letter to hold on to? Give me hope while I was inside? I take a breath.

  “Edge?” My eyes dart to Shark who stands, and even though he is by far the shortest, he still can kick any of our asses.

  “I told you that day you got arrested what you needed to do. You did it and then some. If you’re coming here to try to tell me your heartache, you need to take that shit to a priest. The club comes first. Always and forever.”

  The hum from the neon beer signs relaxes me. I pull out a chair and drop into it.

  I’m exhausted, raw, and now it’s all out. Axel hands me a beer and I say nothing. Sitting there, I let it sink in: everyone in here was on board with what had to happen.

  “I went to jail for her.”

  “Yes.”

  “She’s mine.”

  “I give you my blessing.”

  I look around. My whole life, I’ve wanted to hear those words. But a piece of me was taken and broken in jail. These men are hard. They love fierce, but it’s not a woman they fight for; it’s the club.

  So, me raging out that they kept my girl from me makes no sense to any of them.

  “I respectfully want to know why no one thought I was able to hear the truth. Or at least see her.”

  “We needed you strong. Dolly is my daughter, and I want the very best for her, but she would have been a detriment to you and the club.” Shark lights a cigarette and looks down at his phone.

  And that’s it. No apology. Black and white.

  “Edge?” Chuckie leans against the side of the table crossing his arms. “I want to patch you in, man. You’re a motherfucking warrior. But if this is a problem… or you can’t move past what we as a club thought was best, then maybe you need to think about leaving the cut here.”

  A cough from David makes me sit up. Christ, did I drift off?

  I reach for my phone to text Blade about a couple of things. He texts back that we’re on schedule. It’s a whole new time.

  The Disciples are thriving financially. Blade, Axel, and Ryder going into the SEALs is a huge adjustment. I have a feeling I’m going to be made treasurer. It’s smart—I’m the best at numbers. But first things first, I need to get my patch.

  My phone vibrates.

  Dolly: I’m finished. Come and get me, bad boy.

  I smile as I snuff out my cigarette, grab the keys to my bike, and shut off the lights. This is it. The moment. My moment.

  I am a Disciple.

  I will always be a Disciple.

  What I have with Dolly is mine. I have it all under control.

  I blink as I bang open the back door of the club and head toward our parking lot. The bright sunlight of the day seeps into me. Nothing can stop me. I’m a fucking warrior. With Dolly at my side, I’ve got it all figured out. The world is ours.

  DOLLY

  Eighteen years old

  I’m sitting on Edge’s lap, laughing. Laughing. We got here about two hours ago. We’re late because he decided to take a shower with me. Geez, it’s a wonder I could even ride the bike after this afternoon. He’s been insatiable lately; we’re talking three to four times a day, sometimes more. Edge can fuck hard. It’s almost like he needs to make sure I know I’m his or he’s catching up for lost time. Whatever it is, he’s a machine.

  I’m the luckiest girl in the world.

  I’ve pretty much moved him into my small apartment since the clubhouse seems to bring out the worst in me. I’ve stayed over, but the thought of running into Crystal makes me want to puke or get violent. So, Edge stays mostly in my cozy spot. I call it our love nest.

  But tonight, well tonight is his night… our night. I paid dearly to be sitting on Edge’s lap and I’m not about to ever leave it.

  The bonfires are in full force and Ox is shirtless and standing on a chair howling at the full moon. Ozzy Osbourne’s “Bark at the Moon” blasts out of the speakers, the music so loud I can feel the beat in my chest.

  “Brothers,” Chuckie roars. “Bottom’s up to our new treasurer.” He grabs Edge’s neck. “I love you, my brother.” He’s fucked up and getting sloppy. Does he not see I’m on Edge’s lap as he rocks back and forth?

  Pulling back, he grabs the bottle of tequila and dumps it in Edge’s hand. At last, his glazed eyes focus on me like I’m nothing but an afterthought. He grins and motions drunkenly for Mia, his latest whore, to hand me a shot.

  Thankfully Crystal has not made an appearance, although she might have had to work, so she could show up later. Whatever, she means nothing. I refuse to waste any more energy on her ever again.

  All the Disciples, old and new, are rag
ing. It’s insane. Not only is Edge getting patched in, but he’s also been made an officer, a huge honor. My dad and mom are already drunk and acting like Edge is their son-in-law, not the boy my dad threatened with a Glock, saying he’s not worthy.

  I roll my eyes as my dad laughs with him and the others. Remembering that day not so long ago when he locked me in my room, not letting me out until Edge was safely behind bars makes me want to scream. Whatever, it doesn’t matter anymore.

  Chuckie’s face is flushed red around his cheeks and the tip of his nose. God, he looks old already and he’s five years older than us. His handsome face morphs into a picture of too much booze and cigarettes along with a lot of sleepless nights.

  Edge kisses my neck bringing me back to him and what matters: us. On instinct, my body stiffens for an instant as I always take a second to relax when anything, even Edge, touches my neck. His turquoise eyes, so happy and alive, narrow as if he knows. Damn it. He must have felt me tighten up.

  He lifts the bottle as if we are the only two people in this insane compound. I clink the shot glass on his bottle as he guzzles, and I take yet another tequila shot.

  Disciples swirl around me as we laugh. Leaning back in Edge’s arms, I watch what it means to be a part of them. I have always been Shark’s kid or one-half of Edge and Dolly. But tonight, Edge is Edge, the treasurer to one of the largest, most-feared motorcycle clubs on the West Coast.

  I know Doug thinks I’ve gone insane, but it turns me on. Everything I thought I didn’t want doesn’t seem so bad. Look how nice everyone is being to me. I snuggle into Edge’s neck and he rubs my leg.

  I’m dressed in a short black skirt with a tight white button-up top. The first four buttons remain intentionally unbuttoned so my breasts spill forward. I’m surrounded by strippers with fake tits everywhere, and I’m not about to be outshined. My knee-high black lace-up boots make my outfit classy and sexy. Of course, I’m wearing my bright red lipstick; I wouldn’t be me without it.

  The smell of chlorine drifts over as girls and bikers splash and, I guess, fuck in the pool.

  “You ready, brother?” Blade interrupts my spying on the debauchery before us.

  “Let’s do it.” He rises and I slide my body down and sit in the plastic pool chair next to him. Disciples start screaming again as Edge pulls off his shirt.

  Christ, they’re like starved coyotes circling the latest member of the pack. Axel and Ryder stand behind him arms crossed.

  “God… what now?” I say out loud. No one hears me since I can’t compete with Eminem.

  “You’re not gonna faint, right Dolly?” Blade pulls my hair and I scream.

  “Jesus. Stop it. No.” I pretend like I’m fine. Not like I have no idea what’s going on. Maybe I shouldn’t have had the last shot. The colors of the backyard are starting to swirl.

  Out of nowhere, my mom and a couple of other old ladies are standing next to me laughing and smoking.

  They clear off the table, which is littered with cigarettes and empty cups and bottles. Edge seems to know what’s happening as he flexes and drinks from the bottle again causing all the crappy patch bunnies to giggle and try to touch him.

  I simply stare and blink. Because what the fuck?

  “Dolly. Easy, this is not the time.” My mom’s smoky breath is at my ear and her nails are digging into my arm as she holds me in place. “This is all part of it. You wanted to be his old lady. Don’t make a scene.”

  I turn to look back at her. She’s not smirking. Her eyes are sincere and I turn away almost as if I’m moving in slow motion.

  Doc comes forward with his tattoo machine.

  Ryder carries a huge branding stick.

  “Jesus,” I whisper as the key Disciples move around getting set up. In an instant, I get a huge slap of reality. This is not a joke. These men are not good. Holy fuck, this is like the real deal, not fun and games.

  I look around, for what I don’t know. No one is going to help Edge because Edge doesn’t want help. The party rages on, and I’m letting my mom hold my arm because if not… I can’t be sure what I might do. I swallow as I notice that people are fucking, doing drugs, smoking.

  So much smoking.

  “Do it.” Edge’s voice is steady and calm, but I jump when I hear it. My eyes dart to his. Not wanting to see this, I wish I could run away, hide even.

  I won’t though. Edge is mine. And this is the moment everyone needs to know it. I straighten my shoulders and feel my mom’s hand relax as she starts to smoke again.

  Doc motions for Ryder to hand him the branding iron, which he retrieved from one of the bonfires.

  “Holy fuck.” I gasp as the bright red-orange brand of the Disciples is handed to Doc and quickly sizzles on Edge’s chest.

  It’s loud. It smells. Jesus, it smells like burning flesh. This is barbaric.

  And my poor sweet boy doesn’t even flinch. Not a sound comes out. His eyes stay with mine the whole time. At that moment, I lose myself in him and acknowledge that he might not be my sweet boy anymore. I shiver, not because I’m cold, but because he’s hard core. Full-on scary. I mean, how can he get branded and not blink?

  “Wow.” A female voice tries to seep into the bubble I’ve created only for me and my man.

  “You want to share?” Lucy, one of Axel’s ex whores, almost groans it out. I turn, shocked to see her lick her lips at my Edge.

  Doc is laughing, smearing ointment on his chest as Edge accepts the bottle of Jack Daniels and all of the Disciples’ respect.

  I laugh. It’s either that or I’ll scream. Visualizing pushing her into the pool, instead I say, “No thanks. I don’t share.”

  She doesn’t look offended but seems kind of confused. “I heard he fucks hard. Are you sure? I can make it good for you too.”

  And just like that, I’m done. Not having fun anymore if I ever was. The laughter and drinking, the songs being sung fade as my brain replays her words. He fucks hard.

  She shrugs and starts to turn. “Wait.” I grab her arm. “Who? I mean who have you heard that from? Is he fucking around?” Again, she looks confused and I want to scream and shake her and say, What, are you fucking stupid?

  I swallow, take a breath, and smile. “I meant lately. Has he been fucking around lately?”

  “Um… I haven’t fucked him, which is why I asked you for permission. He says you’re his old lady and all.”

  She blinks and cocks her head, her eyes looking like she kind of feels sorry for me. One of her fake eyelashes is falling off. Her mousy brown hair needs a good cut and color. My mind is so crazy right now I almost give her my card at the school. She could benefit from my expertise.

  “Oh, honey, really you’re one of those?” She sighs and pats my arm making me want to jump back. I stand my ground though as she says, “You’d better stay on your toes.”

  She nods at the table where Edge sits on the end, a cigarette in one hand, the bottle in the other laughing at something Axel and a couple of whores are saying. Again, my mind scrambles to keep up. I never should have drunk so much.

  Blade sits in the chair that Edge vacated as Doc pulls on plastic gloves and the hum of the tattoo machine comes to life. Did the music get turned off? Because all I hear is my breathing and the hum as Blade gets something tattooed on his arm.

  I blink once, twice, trying to take it all in. This mayhem is what he wants. It’s what he’s good at. I can’t fight it, or I’ll lose him and that is not a possibility. Like I have a fairy godmother on my shoulder whispering to me what I must do.

  I maneuver my way forward, ignoring a group of loud bikers who sound pissed about some whore. In fact, there’s a good chance I might be the only non-whore here.

  “Doc?” The buzzing on Blade’s arm continues but I can now hear the music again along with the party.

  “Yeah?” He looks at me and pushes his glasses up with his wrist since his hands hold a paper towel and a tattoo gun.

  “I want to get branded.”

  Bl
ade’s eyes narrow, but it’s Axel who throws his head back to laugh, then ruffles my hair.

  “Aww, Drama, you never cease to amaze me.” He takes a swig from a bottle of Jack. “That’s one way to get his attention.” He winks at me, and for the first times in years, I don’t hate him. I don’t like him, but at least it seems like he might be rooting for me.

  “Dolly?” Blade’s voice distracts me and I meet his eyes. “You understand what it means, right?”

  Someone does a cannonball and there’s a loud splash and girls’ screams fill the yard.

  “Of course.” I nod. “I know exactly what it means.”

  He looks me in the eyes for what seems like an hour, but I’m guessing it was seconds. A smirk ghosts his lips. “Doc, do Dolly next.”

  Doc glances up. “You want a tattoo or the brand?”

  I look over at Edge who is still laughing but starting to make his way over to us. And I can’t breathe as I watch him move.

  Danger.

  His chest is angry and inflamed making me reach for the table to steady myself as he comes for me.

  He’s so beautiful he makes me shake with need. His auburn hair falls over one eye and his ripped abs glisten with a small sheen of sweat. He’s almost mesmerizing.

  “What’s going on?” He stops inches from me, and I swear to God I can feel the heat from his brand bleed into me.

  “Yes.” I’m breathless, acting like a bunny or something. He’s mine and everyone needs to know it. Jealousy, it eats you up, slowly spreading its poison to your brain until you don’t know what’s real or fake.

  “You’re done, Blade. Dolly, you doing this?” Doc takes off his rubber gloves and stands up to stretch.

  “What are you doing?” Edge’s warm hand lifts my chin, forcing me to stare into his turquoise eyes. I’m so in love with him. Sometimes it’s hard for me to even put words to how I feel about him.

  “I want to… I’m getting the brand.” He says nothing, but he doesn’t have to because it’s in his eyes as they caress my face. Leaning down to me, our lips inches apart, I breathe him in as the party vanishes.