by Alexis Angel
Like I sometimes wonder if my readers are gonna stop reading my books because I have such a lousy love life. Like I get laid plenty – getting laid isn’t a problem, for girls its just doing your hair and wearing a short skirt or something cute and boom. But it’s finding love that’s the problem. Like a guy to stay with you when it’s raining because you don’t wanna go outside but he will to go get your favorite eggrolls from the Chinese place and will also pick you up cookie dough and chocolate chips so you can bake at home because hello, its raining! And to sit and cuddle with you as you watch Girls and pretend that he’s not rolling his eyes. Or to go with you to Whole Foods and not get pissed when you’re like stop checking your phone. Or to like have sex with you in dressing rooms when you decide to reward him for going with you to Whole Foods. Like that kinda guy. It’s hard to find.
So anyways I sigh to myself and I’m like if I write in this condition then this novel is going to be so depressing. Lemme go see what they got all on the shelves.
So I go start to see what there is and I don’t know how but I end up in the romance section. I’m looking through, trying to find the smut, when I hear someone tell me, “They got the good stuff next shelf.”
I look over and there is this guy standing there. He’s got a coffee and he’s in just regular jeans and a white shirt but OMG. He’s so CUTE. Like I can make out his muscles through this shirt he’s wearing.
He’s defo hotter than Freeway. And WineBar. And Dodgeball. Who’s Dodgeball? That’s how hot.
I’ll finish the rest later.
Hugs and kisses and lots of love!
Alexis
Hmmmm
Wow imagine the response I got....
Ok you guys. So my mailbox is blowing up because apparently wearing a peach lace thong is not THAT bad of a reason to stop seeing someone.
Like people were all like OMG you stopped talking to Freeway just for that? I haven’t had a chance to respond to all of them yet, but I figured, let me take the temperature real quick of my audience. So, we’re gonna do our first poll!
All respondents get entered for a prize of a free book from my catalog!
Lets say you’re single and dating. And you meet a classy and hot guy and when you’re fooling around with him you find out that he wears lace thongs for women when he wants to feel sexy. Is this a dealbreaker!
Hell Yes
Hell No!
I’ll do anything at this point
I really am curious. Lemme know!
I’m gonna go to sleep now.
Hugs and kisses and lots of love!
Alexis
People Spealk
So the people have spoken...
66% of you say its a total deal breaker when a guy wears women's panties.
23% say, no it's not a total deal breaker.
I mean I get where you guys are coming from in the 23%. You wanna see if there is anything that can be done - especially after the guy is so unique in how he picked me up.
So here's what I did - because maybe I was being a bit harsh. I never actually talked to Freeway about his whole 'condition' so I texted him this morning and asked him hey you want to meet up for a drink later on today. He was like sure.
Dodgeball still hasn't called me. I think that lead is dead. He seemed like a perfect catch too. No wonder nothing came out of it lol.
WineBar does nothing but call or text me. I feel like I know him so well now. Like we must text each other at least 10 times a day. If Freeway makes me mad after today's drink, I'm going to go do WineBar to get it out of my system. I needs to get laid, ladies LOL.
Bookstore. What about that guy? Well, I left you on a bit of a cliffhanger didn't I?
Well, that's a small story by itself and I need to write it out. I will have it tonight!
Hugs and kisses and lots of love!
Alexis
Finale
So the people have spoken...
So the long-awaited (yeah right who was waiting, just you, huh?) story of BookStore.
So I’m turned around and looking at this hot guy. And he’s smirking at me because he’s like “the sexier stuff is the next shelf over,” and I’m thinking you’re a cheeky bastard but I smile.
So I’m like “What makes you think I want the sexier stuff?”
He gives me like a million dollar smile. “Well, you just look like you’d be into more of the sexy things in life.”
OMG. Like I’m already a puddle at his feet.
“I do?” ç (ya, that’s the best I can come up with)
“In a good way, of course.”
“Of course,” I say really adding to the conversation.
“I’m Bookstore,” he says, putting his hand out and shaking mine. I shake it and he’s got a strong grip and I don’t let go and just look him in the eyes and I wanna have like all of his babies right then and there.
“I still don’t know why you’re pointing me to the smut,” I say to him. Or at least I think. I’m so excited I sorta forget these things and I may have actually just said “Which way to the bathroom?”
“Well, you just called it smut and not porn, so I think you read it,” he says to me, acting all smart and stuff.
“I actually write it,” I say. I dunno why I instinctively said that.
“I wouldn’t doubt that at all,” he says completely unfazed. “I don’t read any but have I seen you around?”
I shake my head. “I’m in Amazon KU.”
“Oh, them,” he says and that’s when I notice he’s wearing a name tag. He works in the store. “Thought you were famous there for a second.”
OMG! WTF!
I’m flustered and I see he’s smirking and I get what he just did to me. Ugh.
But something I’m curious about.
“You’re not like put off by the fact that I write sexy stories?” I ask. “I mean I have a day job till end of July too, but this is like gonna be my full time gig.”
HE shakes his head. “Not one bit. In fact, the whole sexy story writer as you call it is kind of making me want to ask for your number so we can hang out Friday. Besides, despite what I said, if you write for Amazon and you’ve got a good following, then whatever name you write on is actually famous.”
“I’ve broken Top 100 before,” I blurted.
“There you go,” he says. “Congratulations. You must have lots of fans.”
“Lots!” I don’t know what I’m saying at this point. Someone please stop me.
“So get yourself one more and put your digits right here,” he says, handing me his phone. In a trance, I fill out the details in his iPhone and he texts me. Then he goes back to work.
Now I wait till tomorrow, when he calls.
Should I put him in the rotation? What do you guys think? I truly am curious because the last poll opened up my eyes about what you guys thought about Freeway.
BookStore. Keeper? Or Not?
Give him a whirl?
Concentrate on the ones you have
Pass him my way
I really am curious. Lemme know!
Hugs and kisses and lots of love!
Alexis
Last Drive On A Freeway
Thank God it’s Friday
I’m going off to have dinner first and then….oh wait, I should start from the beginning.
Oh, 94% of you believe that I should give Bookstore the chance, so it’s a good thing I answered when he called today!
So yesterday I met Freeway for a drink. Close by to my place there is this Spanish tapas palce so we went there. I actually got a dirty martini just so, you know, I’d be a bit drunker and not so shocked when I saw him.
Anyways, so Freeway comes in and OMG, this man is so effing cute. Don’t get me wrong, like Bookstore has bigger muscles and Bookstore is kinda like a hot alpha male nerd, but Freeway just has this confidence vibe going about him. Like he’s like this is my world and I’m gonna have and do whatever I want.
So he walks up to me as if it’s the most
natural thing in the world and he kisses me on the cheek. I let him because hey, a girl can only try so much and if a guy is charming I’m sorry I’m gonna be charmed. I know, he was a wierdo a while ago but I mean wearing clothes and out in public, he looks like a billion bucks and I feel like a million bucks just being around him. Like I feel smooth and sophisticated and suave and the music that’s playing is like European Jazz Techno Lounge music from Putumayo or whatever and it’s sleek and sexy and I’m starting to sway to the rhythm and Freeway is saying sweet sexy things to me over drinks and before I know it, it’s been like an hour and I’m feeling this guy.
I know.
I forgot everything. But don’t roll your eyes or anything. It was the mood of the place.
I kiss him. We’re sitting in the corner booth so its not really a PDA. He kisses back.
I don’t wanna go to my place. But they do have single person bathrooms.
I don’t normally do this, but I’m feeling sexy, and I never did get a chance to taste Freeway.
We’re in the bathroom within ten minutes. It’s pretty clean.
“Listen,” I ask this time, and I gulp. Maybe I’m gonna have to learn to live with this. “Are you feeling sexy again?”
“I always feel sexy, Alexis,” Freeway says to me.
“But like underwear wise, are you feeling Very Sexy?” I ask and gesture with my eyes. “Like Very Sexy with lace?”
Freeway shrugs and undoes his pants.
“I have nothing to hide,” he tells me. “You’re going to want me anyways,”
He pulls his pants down and yep. This time it’s a lace cheeky.
But there are also thigh highs.
THIGH HIGHs.
“I’m sorry,” I say, and once again, “Not gonna happen. I tried. I really did.”
I dunno. Maybe I could learn to put up with women’s underwear. Somehow. Who knows. I mean there are thongs for men. And John Tucker did do it too – I forgot who told me that this week.
But several of you were like watch out here comes Caitlin Jenner. And I dunno.
But hosiery?
I left the bathroom. Walked out of the bar. Sexy vibe is still there, but I put some cash down for the drink. Freeway sorta followed me, but I think he realized we’re just not gonna happen.
So then I take out my phone.
I call WineBar.
“Hey,” he answers.
“What kinda underwear are you wearing?” I ask him.
“Boxer briefs,” he tells me, no hesitation.
Apparently that’s all you need to be fuckable nowadays.
“I’m coming over,” I tell him and hang up.
I then proceeded to screw the weird feelings from Freeway out of my head and came home this morning.
So like I texted Freeway. We’ll still be friends. But I told him I’m old school I guess. I can’t deal.
Oh, and Bookstore called. But that’s a story for tomorrow ;)
Hugs and kisses and lots of love!
Alexis
Flowers
I don't know who smelled my "flower" lol
So ya, few things have happened since we last spoke!
I had like…uhm…carnal relations (?) with Bookstore.
As in he got on top of me and inserted his rather very large dick inside. And then turned me over and did the same. Multiple positions ensued. There may have been sweat, tears, and orgasms. Lots of thrusting and grunting, several explosions of pleasure, a few times I may have blacked out, and definitely a great sleep!
The next day I rushed out to go home for Mother’s Day. Didn’t have to worry about guys wearing thigh highs or anything. Instead just spent it with my crazy family.
O ya, the night before I had the crazy sex with Bookstore, I got some good love from WineBar too. So you can say I was pretty filled up and satisfied for the week haha.
Anyways, I get to my apartment and the doorman winks at me and I’m like whaaa but I get out of the elevator and walk to the door and there is like this HUGE bouquet of flowers that are just next to my door.
OMG!
I got me some flowers! And not hate flowers either! Like nice flowers!
It says, “Missed you over the weekend! Enjoyed our night together, can’t wait to see you again. Call me so I know you’re back.”
But he didn’t sign it. And it’s not in handwriting – he ordered it online most likely so the note is typed out.
Like, oh no!! Who sent it!!! I can’t ask one, because what if they didn’t send it!
So don’t know what to do
Hugs and kisses and lots of love!
Alexis
Who Was It?
I need to find out who gave me flowers!
Wow I love my newsletter peeps!
I was just telling Tia Siren the other day how much I love you guys. Because I drop in with a problem like oh hey I got some flowers but I don’t know which of the guys I’m having sex with (dating is too much of a commitment to say right now) is the guy that sent it to me.
I mean, I tried calling the florist. It was done online and they couldn’t tell me.
I asked my girlfriend. She was like girl get rid of those flowers now, they could have a hidden camera or something in them to capture you while you naked. I got all worried at that.
But honestly, some of your suggestions were so helpful.
So here is what I did. I texted both just maybe ten minutes ago! Saying, “hey, thanks for the flowers. Were they from you?”
Whoever sent it will get a very special treat from my mouth and other parts of me tonight. The other one will feel jealous. And maybe they’ll get me something better than flowers then. Like maybe shoes. Or underwear. As long as it’s not theirs a la Freeway.
Honestly, I just wanna find some guy to curl up and argue and make up with. Someone to grow old next to and share memories of naughty things we do in private.
Anyways, I heard two chimes so I got two texts back. Who is going to be the person that gave me the flowers???? Squeeeeee the anticipation is killing me!!
Hugs and kisses and lots of love!
Alexis
WTF?!
Book Boyfriends Need To Become Real...
So who sent the flowers?
The last thing I told you I did was send a text and then wait to see who responded. Well, it was Bookstore all right. He got my text and was like “How did you know it was me?” and I literally lolled so hard. So here was the text convo we had.
Bookstore:
Bookstore: How did you know it was from me?
Me: Uhm, bc we did it hello
Bookstore: Yeah, but you gotta have like 1000 guys lining up
Me: to do me????
Me: :o
Bookstore: Who want to do you
Me: But do u?
Bookstore: So much
Me: So u wanna cum over???
Bookstore: I’m at work. And then I have class.
Me: okay.
Bookstore: But hey, listen, we’re just having fun right?
Me: Ya
Bookstore: So I mean, its casual right?
Me: Of course.
Bookstore: gtg. Ttyl
Right. What kinda guy sends me flowers after doing me to tell me over text that we’re just casual???? I mean, OMG. Like, honestly, I put in some stuff with WineBar and the boom boom we did in Gambling For The Virgin, but honestly I feel like writing an entire book of frustration for Bookstore.
So what did I do? Here is my text…
Me: Hey…what u doin? Wanna cum over?
WineBar: I’ll be over in an hour.
Me: Okay, nothing serious, k?
Sure, you’re shaking your head at me like what am I doing. But whatever. He came over. And we messed around.
And then he left. And then I got this right before I went to sleep.
Bookstore: Hey. I was going up to your place. But I saw your friend leave. So I went back home, figured you were tired.
Let me just put it like this. I hate me
n! The only ones I like are the book ones right now!
I bet you book boyfriends don’t do this. I mean, I’m 99% sure that they don’t.
Because I bet it’s not as frustrating.