by Sandy Loyd
When he risked another glance, her expression wielded the same passion that swamped him, and he couldn’t resist reaching for her. She didn’t hesitate to close the distance between them, planting a soft kiss—one full of promise—upon his lips. He’d kissed her twice before but nothing prepared him for the jolt of longing that suddenly overwhelmed him.
The kiss grew hotter, more intense, and he waited for his remorse to surface. He felt none. What emerged instead was jealousy, and an all-consuming desire to erase James from Kate’s memory.
As irrational as the thought was, he couldn’t stop himself from gently nipping his way across her chin and up to her ear. “Do you have any idea how much I want you?”
A soft moan that traveled straight to his gut was her only response, one that drove him further over the edge of sanity. “Does he make you burn like this? Does he make you feel on fire like this?” he whispered, unable to contain the jagged torment from slipping out in his questions. He shouldn’t want her, but he was tired of fighting the attraction that went so much deeper than simple lust. Kissing her soothed his soul and took away the loneliness.
“No.” She pulled away and pushed on his chest. “We can’t do this.”
The sudden movement and words jarred him fully awake. He leaned back against the sofa, bringing her with him. He closed his eyes, reaching for normalcy.
After gaining full control, he faced her. “Why can’t we do this?”
“Because…” Her voice trailed off. She fixed her gaze on her sweats and picked at a piece of nonexistent lint.
“That’s not a good enough reason.”
She cleared her throat and smoothed the cotton fabric of her sweatpants. “We’re both in other relationships.”
“Didn’t we both decide to end those relationships?”
“Yes, but…you don’t understand,” she murmured, not meeting his gaze, as a guilt-ridden flush spread across her features. “There’s Judith.” She hesitated. “And James. They deserve more.”
He barely heard the last two sentences. Watching the emotions run their gamut, Paul assumed the worst. She regretted her actions because of James. Maybe he should regret his actions because of Judith, too, and he might have, if Judith had ever responded to his kisses like Kate had. Surprisingly, the jealousy he felt toward James ebbed as another realization set in. Their shared kiss proved his brother and Kate weren’t meant to be, any more than he and Judith. He felt it in every fiber of his being. She’d never respond to him so naturally and wholly if she truly loved his brother. Somehow, he had to make her realize that fact.
He hugged her fiercely. “It’s okay. We’ll work it out,” he said, before kissing her forehead. Because he believed his own words, a bud of hope sprung up inside his soul.
~
What have I done? Kate’s shame mushroomed. Too horrified to move, she felt Paul’s hands slide up and down her back in a soothing motion she didn’t deserve. There was no excuse for her rash behavior, except he’d looked so lonely sleeping on the sofa. When he’d woken up and looked into her eyes, a sense of loneliness called to her. She’d felt compelled to kiss him to try to take the isolation away. Whether his or hers, she wasn’t sure, and that only added to her guilt.
Unwilling to acknowledge the feelings he evoked, she extricated herself from his hold and stood. Still too embarrassed to face him, she pivoted and headed toward the guesthouse as fast as her legs could carry her.
In the privacy of the outside room, she rushed to the bed and climbed under the covers, remaining stiff as stone with her eyes closed. How could she have foolishly given into the urge to kiss him like some brazen hussy? Worse still…this time she couldn’t blame Paul. No! She’d taken advantage of his relaxed state, had wanted to feel her lips on his more than anything. So much so, that betraying Judith hadn’t seemed to matter. What kind of friend did that?
And what about James? She groaned and placed her hands over her eyes as more shame engulfed her. Only two days ago, he’d been her world and marriage to him had been her life’s goal. Yet, instigating a kiss with his brother, then desiring more than just a kiss belied everything she thought she knew about herself. Thank God, she’d put on the brakes when she had. Otherwise, they’d have surely ended up in bed. Talk about giving the milk away for free.
Tomorrow. She’d deal with this tomorrow.
~
Pristine white snowdrifts reflected morning sunlight that poured in through the windows when Paul emerged from the bedroom feeling one hundred percent better than he had the day before. Using the towel around his neck to dry his hair, he headed for the kitchen, thankful for electricity. The house was finally warm and he’d been able to shave in front of the bathroom mirror, which meant fewer nicks. Best of all, putting on a pot of coffee wouldn’t be the same ordeal as yesterday.
Today, the bean grinding took only seconds. He poured them into the filter and added water before turning on the machine. Listening to the slurping noise and watching coffee drip while the Krups worked its magic, he leaned against the counter. His thoughts centered on Kate and how he should best proceed with her. Nothing would sway him from the belief that she’d run away last night, too afraid to face what was between them.
As the brewing process neared completion, he took two cups from the cupboard and grabbed the half-and-half out of the fridge.
Thoughts of Kate, and the memory of the warmth of her lips pressed against his, made him want to bay at the moon. A sense of joy permeated his heart. Never before had a memory elicited such an intense reaction. He’d never responded with that much emotion or physical attraction toward anyone, not even Judith. With Judith, it’d never been about sex. If he were honest with himself, he’d have to admit that he wasn’t that sexually attracted to her. She certainly didn’t inspire the same soul-searing need that Kate did. In fact, no one he’d ever dated attracted him in that way. Why had he been willing to accept any less for so long?
Whatever the reason, he didn’t want to dwell on it. Nor did he want to dwell on all those wasted years spent chasing Judith. She’d always hold a special place in his heart. If she’d ever given them a chance to be a real couple, things might have turned out differently, as his love and devotion for her had been total. He was convinced more now than ever that he was making the right decision to move on. Having experienced a taste of Kate’s passion, he now wanted someone—namely her—who could keep that passion alive.
He finished pouring two cups of coffee, then turned at the noise of the patio door sliding open. A moment later, Kate walked into the kitchen, then hesitated when she spotted him.
“Good morning.” He smiled as he handed her a hot mug and nodded at the counter. “Cream’s over there.”
“Thank you,” she murmured. She eyed him with a guarded expression, before concentrating on pouring cream into her coffee.
Paul leaned against the stove and crossed his legs at the ankles. He sipped, keeping his gaze on her backside. She wore jeans and a sweater that did little to hide her curves. Her complexion had a rosy hue to it this morning. Her hair, swept off a face devoid of makeup, accentuated delicate features and he was again reminded of a nymph from a fairy tale. They were roughly the same age, but everything about her made her appear years younger.
He didn’t believe he loved Kate. How could he? Not after such a short time. He’d spent too many years taunting her, landing and fielding verbal jabs, for him to be comfortable with the thought of loving her so readily. His original view of her was shattered this weekend, and now he wanted to dig down through all of her layers and uncover them one at a time. He had every intention of pursuing her until he had it all figured out.
~
The bright morning light was a stark contrast to the dark commotion churning inside her. Kate was no less conflicted than hours ago; she hadn’t slept a minute. Lord help her, she hadn’t wanted to face Paul, but hiding was never her style. Neither was evasion. She always met challenges head-on, so why change now?
Ign
oring him, she put the carton back in the fridge. Mirroring his stance, she perched her rear against the opposite counter and warily watched him while she took a drink. He was dressed in faded jeans and a t-shirt that looked as if they were molded to his frame. Observing his nonchalant pose, she couldn’t help but find him sexy, which didn’t sit well beside her guilt. Nor was she happy about what his presence did to her senses. He simply took her breath away, made her heart beat faster. As cliché as that sounded, there was no other way to describe her feelings. Her gaze zeroed in on his lips, and memories of that kiss and her aggressive behavior flooded her. Something else she wasn’t happy about. If only she could forget…everything.
“Would you like some eggs for breakfast?” Kate finally asked, deciding anything was better than standing there looking at each other.
Paul shrugged. “You don’t have to bother. I can eat the Honey Nut Cheerios I bought.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. We have plenty of time before we hit the slopes.” Then, her eyes narrowed. “You are planning on going, right?”
“Yeah, I’d originally planned on it. And I guess there’s no reason not to now.”
“Well, you don’t have to go. Just drop me off and I can find a ride home on my own.”
Her offhanded comment must have hit a nerve because he stiffened. “What? Afraid to spend the day with me?” he asked, piercing her with an icy blue stare.
“Come on, Paul. You can’t think last night changes anything.”
“Excuse me.” An incredulous expression crossed his face. “I must be a little dense, so you need to spell it out.”
“Hello—this is Kate—remember?” she replied in an exaggerated tone. “Butt of your jokes. Last night was a mistake.”
“How can you say that after what went on between us?” Paul set his cup down so hard on the counter, coffee sloshed over the rim. He snatched up a dishcloth and attacked the mess with short, jerky motions, before throwing it in the sink.
“What about Judith? What about James?” Closing her eyes for patience, she sighed and counted to ten. “We can’t pretend they don’t exist for us.”
“What about them? Yesterday you said you were done with James. Then you kissed me. You can’t pretend it never happened.” Paul’s voice rose with his annoyance.
Raw emotion rose up like bile in the back of Kate’s throat, emotion that shouldn’t be there. Not toward Paul. They’d only spent three days together. Still, the thought of Judith and Paul together hurt and she snapped, “Look, I can’t deny that I’m attracted to you, but neither of us is free.” And knowing about Judith and his love for her, she added, “Even if we weren’t, I can’t see a future between us. So maybe pretending nothing happened is better. For both of us.”
Paul shook his head, clearly not buying her reasonable suggestion. “How can you give James any consideration after the way he’s treated you? He doesn’t deserve you.”
And Judith doesn’t deserve you, she wanted to shout back, but didn’t. There was no way she could let this continue. She’d already done enough to screw things up.
“Whether you admit it or not, something did happen and we have started something,” he whispered savagely, stalking toward her with determination in his eyes. He took her cup from her hand and placed it on the counter. She was too stunned to do anything but gape at him as he pulled her into his arms and bent to kiss her.
The moment their lips touched, jubilation swirled inside Kate. Sensation rolled over her in heated waves. Too caught up in a building inferno, she responded without thinking of the consequences. Kissing James had never been like this.
She moaned into his mouth. When the sensual sound reverberated into her thoughts, she froze. Distress and emotional overload swamped Kate and she burst into tears. In seconds, they were free flowing.
Like the day before, Paul pulled away, shushing her, holding the sides of her face and kissing her tear-stained cheeks.
“I’m sorry. But you have to see what we have.”
His voice held torment, which she ignored, too overcome with her own. “This changes nothing,” she whispered. “It only proves we turn each other on.” She pulled out of his arms, causing him to take a step back. She longed to hear words of love from him. Knowing she wouldn’t, or shouldn’t even want them, she had to get away. Using all of her strength of will, she spun around, and with as much dignity as she could muster, slowly walked out of the room.
The entire time her heart ached. She didn’t want to love him, but she did. Somehow, she hadn’t been able to stop it from happening and she knew she was in big trouble. What really concerned her was that her feelings for James were minor compared to what Paul made her feel.
~
Paul watched Kate walk off in the direction of the guesthouse, a whirlwind of chaotic thoughts swirling through his mind. To be fair, he had to admit that Kate was right. They did need to close the past. Still, why couldn’t she acknowledge that what flared between them was more than physical attraction? For him, it only heightened their potential relationship because they shared so much in common.
He wiped his face in frustration.
How had things gotten so crazy? The whole weekend had seemed surreal. Maybe it would be better if she did find another ride back to the city. Once out, he dismissed the thought. He found the idea of not spending the day with her too disturbing.
He snorted. Damn! He had it bad.
He grabbed his coffee and headed for the bedroom. He stripped the bed of its sheets and worked his way to the laundry room off the kitchen, picking up as he went. He filled the washer, but didn’t start it, waiting for Kate’s sheets. Chores finished, he retraced his steps to the kitchen for a bowl of cereal.
Minutes later, Kate emerged with her sheets and a packed bag. She dropped the bag near the front door then turned toward the laundry room.
“I already added soap,” he called. “Just add your sheets and start the machine.”
He heard her follow his directions. After returning to the kitchen, she reached for the cereal on the counter where he left it and poured herself a bowl.
Warily keeping each other in view, they stood in silence while eating.
Paul was amazed at how composed she appeared, as if nothing had taken place between them. Unwilling to give her the satisfaction of seeing how she affected him and having had years of practice at covering up his feelings with Judith, he tamped down the surge of emotion bursting to break free. He’d let her take the reins for now.
Finally, he set his bowl in the sink. “I guess we can get in a couple of hours’ skiing before heading home.” Then, looking at his watch, he added, “It shouldn’t take too long to clean up here and pack. We can be on the slopes a little after they open.”
Kate shrugged. “Great. I’ll help. Just tell me what you need done.”
“If you vacuum and do the baths, I’ll clean the kitchen and straighten up the living room.”
“Okay.” She rinsed her bowl and left him.
Chapter 12
Kate vigorously scrubbed invisible fingerprints off the mirror, thankful for an outlet to vent her frustration. She quickly polished the faucet, then wiped her hands on a towel and went to retrieve the vacuum. While working on autopilot, she considered her options.
Paul belonged to Judith. She had to remember that. She had no intention of becoming the other woman, so skiing with him was out. Otherwise, she’d do or say something she’d regret.
Even if the two weren’t involved and Kate could reveal her feelings, she wouldn’t. Their past prevented her from confiding in him. How could she when he’d mocked her for years? She doubted she could withstand his verbal blows now.
How ironic he was same man whose derisive comments made her feel so low for caring so much for James. Especially when her current feelings dwarfed those in comparison. No! Even if Judith wasn’t in the picture, there was no way she’d trust Paul with her heart.
She had to get away. Go home and lick her wounds. Break things off
with James.
With luck, she could then forget this weekend—pretend it never happened.
Kate finished her chores, praying for the strength to follow through on her plans to find another ride home. Before grabbing her bag, she quickly wrote out a note explaining her decision. It seemed the best way to avoid more confrontation.
She rounded the patio door and saw Paul coming out of the bedroom hallway.
“You about ready?” he asked.
She nodded and helped him pack the car.
Moments later they drove through freshly plowed roads on their way to the resort. Kate kept her focus on the beauty outside the passenger window. A pristine blanket of snow covered the grays and browns of winter. The cloudless blue sky contrasted with the stark white that reflected the sun so dramatically, she was glad she’d worn her sunglasses.
Paul glanced her way. “How long do you want to ski?”
Keeping her gaze out the window, she murmured, “I don’t care.” Her shoulders lifted in a careless shrug. “You decide.” It didn’t matter to her when her day depended on whether she could find a ride back to the city.
“Since we’re making the attempt, I guess we should get in a couple of hours.” He hesitated, clearly waiting for a response. When she remained silent, he said, “How does that sound?”
“Fine.” She felt his gaze and wished she could meet it. But doing so would only get her into trouble.
He sighed. “Look, Kate, it’s not the end of the world. Things’ll work out.”
His words, so softly spoken, were almost her undoing. Tears suddenly threatened to spill. Blinking them back, she had the strongest desire to blurt out how much it hurt to love him while he still cared about someone else.
“There’s nothing to work out,” she said instead, firming her resolve. She closed her eyes and fought her jealousy. No guy was worth destroying a friendship.