by Sandy Loyd
Thankfully, he didn’t say more, just continued driving.
This whole trip had been the weekend from hell, except for the times she had been in Paul’s arms—that had been heaven. How could she maintain her distance when all she wanted was to be back in his arms? And that could never happen again.
How had she gotten into this position? Wasn’t it bad enough that she had to deal with James? Now she had to look her best friend in the eye and basically lie.
When the ski resort parking lot came into view, she heaved a relieved sigh.
In the lodge, they headed toward the Morrison locker. Giving him a sideways glance now as he walked beside her, she had to admit he was gorgeous. The more she was with him, the more she wanted to be with him. The urge to dump her plans was tempting. She shook it off. No! Keep to your plan. You can’t get more involved with him. He wasn’t hers, despite their attraction for each other.
“Be right back.” Paul pulled out his ski suit and turned in the direction of the men’s room.
The minute he was out of sight, Kate sprang into action. She pulled out the prewritten note and set it inside the locker. Paul wouldn’t leave the resort if he thought she was still around somewhere waiting, and she didn’t want him to be inconvenienced.
Grabbing her skis and boots, along with her clothes, she bolted out the door toward the other building.
~
As he stepped into his ski suit, Paul’s thoughts centered on Kate. If only they could revert to the irreverent couple of the other night when their relationship had been easy and open, he’d be the happiest man alive. But Kate had a guard up—one worthy of a prizefighter. Until he dealt with his unfinished business with Judith, he didn’t think he should try to get around it just yet. Even though he and Judith were no longer a couple—in fact, had never been one in the true sense of the word—he still had to talk to her and set the record straight.
He straightened up, pulling at his zipper as a bigger question ate at him.
Would Kate end things with James? Or would she cave when his brother tried to smooth things over? Paul worried that her breaking up would represent a new challenge for his brother.
After sorting it all out, Paul decided those two just weren’t meant to be. Eight years of chasing and dodging certainly wasn’t the best foundation on which to start a life together. Maybe that’s why he’d always given her a hard time…because it bugged him so much. He could always see their dance so clearly.
Paul pressed the last snap together and snorted. He grabbed his clothes and hurried out the restroom door.
“Kate?” He looked around and didn’t see her. He glanced toward the restroom door, as Cameron Riley, another skier from the Bay Area, opened the locker adjacent to his.
“Hey, man!” he said. “How’s it going?”
“Good.” Paul nodded and twirled the wheel on the combination lock. Kate must have closed it when she went to change.
“Skiing should be great today.” Cam reached for his skis and poles. “I’m heading up the tram with Thomas and Jansen. Wanna join us?”
“I’m not ready yet. I’m waiting for Kate.”
“I just saw her carrying her equipment on my way in. Looked like she was in a hurry,” he said. “You’re welcome to ski with us till you hook up with her again.”
“Sure,” Paul said, spying the note as realization set in. He quickly read Kate’s note as his stomach lurched, then forced a tight smile for Cam’s benefit. “Just let me stow my stuff.” How could she? She actually ditched him like some creep she was trying to get rid of.
He slammed the locker, grabbed his gear, and followed Cam out the door. He’d had it with chasing after women who didn’t want his attention.
The kiss changes nothing, Paul. It only proves we turn each other on. Kate’s words, and the look on her face as she said them, played in his brain. Her disappearance said it all. She wasn’t interested in being with him. No matter that it felt so right and he wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anyone else in his life, he knew he had nothing if it was all one-sided. Eight years of chasing after Judith taught him that. He’d learned his lesson well.
It was her loss. He’d just go skiing and forget she existed. Why waste of all this fresh powder? His heart wasn’t in it, however, and he had to push himself onto the tram.
The gorgeous day and the awesome conditions did little to make him feel better. He skied several runs, trying not to dwell on Kate or her actions. Around one o’clock, they took a break for lunch, but Paul wasn’t hungry.
“I’m done,” he said to Cameron, as he stepped out of his bindings. He lifted his skis on his shoulder and nodded. “I’ll catch you guys later.”
“Oh, come on, man. You can’t desert us. Not with all this powder. We’re just getting started.”
Paul smiled good-naturedly and shook his head. “I know, but I want to get on the road before traffic hits.”
He walked away amidst more razzing about leaving early, not caring how they jeered. He just wanted to get home.
Then what? What’s there to rush off to? The questions stopped him for a second but, without a decent answer, he continued with purpose. He only knew he didn’t want to be here skiing any more. Every run he’d taken in the past hour brought back memories of the last time he’d been there with Kate.
When Paul reached the locker room, he couldn’t resist doing one last quick search for her. Just in case she’d come to her senses or couldn’t find a ride home. But it was a wasted effort.
After changing, he gathered his gear and walked to his car.
The entire drive home was filled with thoughts of Kate and their time together.
When he finally arrived at his apartment, he unloaded everything, including Kate’s bag. Possessing her bag gave him an excuse to see her in the near future. Maybe by then, he’d cool off enough to hear her explanation as to why she deserted him. But not tonight—tonight he’d do what he did every night when he had nothing to do—immerse himself in work.
~
In the lift line to Red Dog, Kate caught a glimpse of Paul walking toward his car carrying his skis and boots. He was obviously leaving. She expelled a sigh of relief. Earlier, she’d waited until he’d gone skiing with several guys before meeting up with Andrea Delano, a fellow skier.
As luck would have it, Kate had provided Andrea a ride back to the city several times this season, so asking had been no big deal. The only drawback was she’d be sharing the SUV with three friends. One of them, Mike Smith, was someone she’d met briefly two years earlier.
After ending up on the lift with him several times, she was pretty sure they were orchestrated opportunities rather than pure happenstances. He was a decent skier and she found his company fun, which kept her mind off Paul, except when she was comparing the two.
The day still dragged. Kate was never so glad to finally pile into the Lexus four-by-four. Unfortunately, Mike maneuvered his way into the spot next to her.
For the next three and a half hours, she worked at being cordial and friendly when all she wanted to do was bury her head in a pillow and cry.
A lifetime later, the Lexus pulled up in front of her building.
“Thanks for the ride,” Kate said to Andrea before climbing out. “You’re a lifesaver.”
Mike followed and helped her undo her skis. “I’ll help you carry your equipment upstairs,” he said, sporting a smile that most women would swoon over.
But not her. Great smile or not, he wasn’t Paul. She shook off the thought and offered a smile, going for cheerful. “Thanks. I appreciate the help.”
At her door, he leaned the skis against the wall while she reached for her keys.
“There you go, all safe and sound.”
“Thanks for the company.” She tried to sound upbeat. He really was nice, but he wasn’t Paul. “I enjoyed skiing with you.” She forced a quick laugh, then inserted the key into the door and glanced over her shoulder.
“It was my pleasure.” Mike
winked. “Besides, you’re the one who put up with me trying to keep up with you all day. It was like taking advanced lessons.” The width of his smile increased, if that were possible. “Any time you want a repeat performance, let me know. I’m game even if my body won’t forget the beating for weeks.”
A bit of remorse filled her remembering the advanced terrain they’d skied. None of the others wanted to stay on the intermediate runs, preferring fresh powder. Mike had eagerly gone along with the group, but had admitted to a few reservations on the lift. At that point, she’d taken pity on him and had given him some pointers. He had a few problems keeping up, but he stuck with them and improved, never quitting, which made him a winner in her book.
While standing there, she realized something else. Mike was good for her ego, and looking into his amused eyes, her smile felt more natural. He really was a nice guy and attractive, too.
But he wasn’t Paul. No! You’re not going to start doing that.
She’d always compared every guy she had ever met with James and now she was doing it with Paul. It was time to make some changes.
“Well, thanks again.” He placed his hands on her shoulders. When Kate looked at him with a question in her eyes, he gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and added, “Mind if I give you a call sometime?”
“I’d like that,” she said honestly. She opened her door and turned back. “You have my number.”
She headed inside, thinking for the first time in weeks that Paul was right.
Everything would work out.
Chapter 13
Kate walked the length of her apartment in long strides, dreading James’ arrival. She stopped at the window to look out. Noting an empty driveway below, she continued pacing.
They’d only spoken briefly after her return from Tahoe. So much had happened since then that her entire mindset had taken a one-eighty. How much easier it would have been, if she could just ignore James, like he’d always ignored her, and hope he’d quit calling. Even as the thought registered, she knew closing the door properly was the only way to end this episode in her life.
The doorbell’s shrill buzzer jerked her out of her thoughts.
She hit the intercom button. “I’ll be right down.”
“Okay.”
As she grabbed her jacket, she wished Paul waited below rather than James. She missed him. Tons. She’d gone back and forth a million times over whether she’d done the right thing by abandoning him at the ski resort when he’d been so nice.
It had taken every ounce of willpower she’d possessed to keep her from reaching for the phone to apologize. Part of her knew self-preservation was paramount, but the other part knew that deserting him was a coward’s way out. What if she’d misread things between them?
She hurried down the stairs, hating the roller coaster of emotions she’d ridden ever since stepping foot in Paul’s car.
At the door, James stood on the other side and helped her open it. Finally out, she headed to the passenger door and hopped in the car at the same time he did, as was their habit. He hadn’t given her a hug or a kiss. Kate also noticed his reticence at making eye contact. Instead of her usual annoyance, all she felt was relief.
He backed out of the driveway and onto the street. Kate snapped her seatbelt into place and glanced over, studying his capable movements.
What’s changed? Why didn’t she find him as attractive or as exciting as she once had?
He still has the same eye-catching looks. Blond hair, startling blue eyes, and a ready smile. So, what’s different? She never thought in a million years she’d be anxiously working up the nerve to break up with him.
“I thought we could go over to Sausalito.” He turned left on Marina Boulevard, driving toward the Presidio. “It’s midweek and the Walter Street Grille shouldn’t have a long wait.”
“Sausalito and the Grille are fine,” she said, sinking into her seat. He looked so much like Paul but he was nothing like Paul. He’d been her obsession for so long that it seemed weird to think of life without him. Curiously, the thought of life without him no longer bothered her, which led her to question every facet of their relationship. Had she really loved him all those years? Or had she been in love with the idea of being in love? She wrung her hands and closed her eyes, not wanting to believe either scenario.
“So, how was the weekend with my brother?” James asked after a long pause.
She chanced a quick glance in his direction. Did he suspect something? “I survived,” she murmured evasively, returning her gaze to the window. Time spent with Paul was the last thing she wanted to discuss with James.
“That’s exactly the answer I got from Paul.” James laughed. “Good to see neither one of you killed the other.”
“Yeah! Imagine that. I’m still alive and so is he,” she said. Too bad hindsight was twenty-twenty. It was hard to admit that Paul had been right all those years. He must have seen something she couldn’t. Of course, if she’d never had to defend herself from his barbs in the first place, she might have figured all of this out sooner.
She sighed. Or maybe not. She’d had her mind too set on James. It had taken three days of being with Paul and his hot kisses to do what nothing else could have—break the spell James had on her heart all those years. Now she found herself yearning for the impossible. She didn’t know what was worse—thinking she loved someone who’d never come around, or knowing she loved someone who loved someone else.
“So the skiing was great, huh?”
Kate nodded. “Yeah, I don’t think it gets much better, especially on Sunday. You really missed out.”
“That’s what Paul said. I wish I’d been there.”
“Oh well. Wasn’t meant to be.” At his second mention of Paul, she couldn’t contain her curiosity. “So you talked to Paul? When?”
“Earlier today. I called to razz him about the weekend with you, but he wasn’t very talkative.”
“Nothing unusual there,” she said nonchalantly, unwilling to alert him to the excitement shooting through her system. “I’ve never found him to be very talkative except when he’s throwing out insults.”
“He’s not that bad.” James smiled. “He got especially quiet right after I told him I was seeing you tonight. I asked him if he wanted me to give you any messages.”
She laughed and pretended her tummy wasn’t doing backflips. “I’m sure he threw out a few snide comments when my name came up.” She shouldn’t care, but she did. A lot.
“Surprisingly, he didn’t. He just told me to have a nice time.” James hesitated. “He also said I should treat you right.” He shook his head. “He sounded serious.”
“You’re kidding—he actually said that?” Kate asked, fighting to keep the amazement out of her voice.
“Yeah.”
She felt his gaze and glanced over. The speculation in his expression had her wiping all emotion off her face.
“Did something happen this weekend I should know about?” His eyebrows shot up and he continued with his thoughtful stare.
Praying her face hadn’t turned beet red as he refocused on driving, she slowly shook her head. “Nothing more than Paul being Paul.” A few seconds later, she threw out her best effort to appear innocent. “Why do you ask?”
“I don’t know.” He snared her gaze again for a brief moment. “You two are sure acting funny.”
Kate rolled her eyes. “Your imagination’s working in overdrive.” She snorted. “We had the kind of weekend you’d expect two enemies to have. We each got in a few barbs and tried to stay away from each other as much as possible.”
“Hmm. Maybe. But something’s different. I just can’t put my finger on it,” he said peering at the road ahead. “Are you sure nothing happened?”
“Yes. Quit trying to make a big deal out of it.” She crossed her arms and looked straight ahead, hoping he’d get the hint.
“Okay, consider the subject dropped.”
“Thank you,” she said softly, keeping her atten
tion on the cars in front of them.
Finally, the Sausalito exit came into view, just past the Golden Gate Bridge.
A mile down the road, he parked in a spot not too far from the restaurant. Both emerged from his Sequoia at the same time, and walked side by side toward the building. As before, neither touched the other. Somehow, the simple omitted act of hand-holding portrayed what was wrong with their relationship. She used to wish for more affection from him, but he seemed oblivious to her need. How sad to realize she just accepted it as the way it was. Now she was only too happy she didn’t have to hold his hand. It would be too weird. Somehow, after so many years, that saddened her even more.
James opened the door for her at the restaurant’s entrance, and waited until she was inside before following.
Since James had been right about the night being a slower one at the restaurant, they were seated right away near a window overlooking San Francisco Bay and the city as a backdrop.
A waitress bounced up to their table and asked in an overly chirpy voice, “What can I get you to drink?” Just what she needed. A waitress who acted as if she were at Disney World instead of Sausalito.
The waitress returned within minutes, still bouncing, and placed two glasses of wine in front of them before pulling out a notepad. “You ready?”
The atmosphere was entirely too cheerful for a breakup meal, Kate thought, watching the waitress sashay away after taking their order.
Kate fidgeted with her napkin and focused on her hand, stalling to gain some courage.
“Is something wrong?”
She inhaled deeply and her offered smile felt fake. “You might say that.”
“I know.” James shook his head. “You’re mad at me for working. I’ve thought about it and I owe you a big apology. You deserve better.”
She gaped at him, unable to believe he’d actually try to smooth things over. On the other hand, that was his usual M.O. when he’d pushed her too far. And she always bought it. Until now.
“I’m really sorry about last weekend. In fact there’s a lot I’m sorry for in our relationship.”
“What?”