by Sandy Loyd
Kate cleared her throat and studied her food intently. Finally, she gave a negligent shrug. “I wouldn’t know—Paul is unpredictable.”
“Don’t start,” Judith warned, nailing her with an accusing gaze.
“What? I’m not starting anything.”
Judith sighed. “Look, Kate, I know you don’t like Paul, but he’s my friend and I’d appreciate it if you’d at least be civil to him.”
Incensed, Kate asked, “What did I do?”
Shaking her head, Judith rolled her eyes. “I thought the two of you became friends after Tahoe. What happened to change things?”
“You thought we became friends? What gave you that idea?”
“I don’t know. Paul just seemed to accept you more. Seeing as how you’re my best friend, I’d really like it if you both got along when you two are around each other.”
The words tore at Kate. Had Paul been wrong about Judith’s feelings? It sounded like she was more serious about him than she let on…like she was thinking long term. No matter how outrageous the thought seemed, Kate had to know. “Are you two engaged?”
Judith laughed. “Heavens no! Whatever gave you such an idea?”
“Well, you have been talking about marriage. It sounds like you’ve changed your mind.”
“I haven’t. I love Paul, but he’s not the one. Thank God, I didn’t have to end our friendship to get him to see that. Now that he’s finally realized all we will ever be is good friends, I would really appreciate your cooperation on being civil. Is that too much to ask?”
“No.” Kate’s relief bubbled up into a nervous laugh. “I’m sorry. I’ll try harder to be nice to him.”
Judith nodded. “Thank you. I’m tired of playing referee.”
~
Ignoring passersby, Paul headed toward his apartment at a good clip.
“Hey, Paul! Wait up,” James shouted behind him.
He slowed his pace. James caught up at the corner. The two walked in silence for another block.
“What the hell’s going on?” James finally asked.
“Nothing.” His denial rang in the air and he kept walking until James grabbed his arm and pulled him to a stop.
“Bullshit,” he said. “Tell me what happened.”
Paul glared at him. He really didn’t want to get into it. But noticing James’ unyielding expression, he figured he had to say something. James wouldn’t give up until he got an answer.
“Let’s just say things ended before they even got started.”
“What?” Confusion clouded James’ eyes as they met Paul’s. “The last I knew, you were hot to get back here to see Kate and now you won’t even look at her.”
“She kept her date with Mike.”
“So? What’s the problem?”
Paul looked out across the street, unable to keep meeting James’ direct gaze. “Damn it all, you don’t understand.”
“Make me.”
“I can’t,” he muttered. “So, let’s drop it.”
“No.”
Paul didn’t respond, just stared at a distant point, rubbing the back of his neck in agitation.
James prodded, “I only want to help.”
“We were this close…” He stopped and shook his head. “No one can help. I just need to forget her,” Paul said, the words coming out in one long, aggravated breath.
“Wait a minute—you’re all worked up and talking about forgetting her because she kept a date she made days before?”
“Yes. I asked her to break it but she said she had to go out with him.”
James snorted. “You probably told her to break it.”
“What difference does that make?” he shot back indignantly.
“I thought you said you could handle her.”
“I can handle her.” Paul’s jaw clenched and his spine straightened.
“Well, you’re doing a lousy job. Hell, even I wouldn’t have done that.”
Glaring at him, he ground out, “You’re not helping.”
James let the comment pass and tsked. “And here I thought you were the sainted one when it comes to understanding and dealing with women. Obviously, you had me fooled.”
“I know how I feel.” Paul notched his chin higher and curled his hand into a fist, as the knot in his stomach tightened. “I’m damn sure not waiting around for anyone to figure out who she wants.”
“I can’t believe what I’m hearing.” James shook his head. “Think about it. You may have something special with Kate and you’re not even willing to fight for it.”
Stunned by the truth in the words, Paul hesitated, as doubt crept into his thoughts. But, the idea of Kate with this Mike guy ate at him. “My feelings meant nothing to her.” He caught his brother’s stare, one so much like his own and said, “Now do you understand?”
“Yeah, but do you?” he asked in a gruff voice. “Are you sure your feelings meant nothing, or is it your ego or jealousy coming out?”
“I’m not sure of anything anymore.” Paul sighed. Studying a point on the horizon, he mulled over James’ question. He didn’t want to accept the bit about ego, nor did he want to admit to being jealous. But he couldn’t deny the truth.
“If you and Kate had some kind of a connection, you can damn sure believe that this Mike character didn’t stand a chance with her. She’s not the type to lead guys on and I doubt she’d start now.” He remained silent for a few long seconds before urging, “Look at it objectively. Try to see it from her side. Maybe she had reasons for keeping the date. Did you ever consider her intentions might not have been to hurt you?”
That all made sense. Paul rubbed the back of his neck. “I guess I need to look at this from another angle,” he finally acknowledged.
James grunted. “While you’re at it, consider this. If you’re in it for the long haul, running away at the first sign of trouble solves nothing. I’m sure there’ll be plenty of times when you’ll hurt each other. Sucking it up and working it out is the only way you two will survive.”
Paul smiled, his first one in days. “How did you get to be so wise?”
James laughed. “I can dish it out. I just can’t take it.” He clapped him on the shoulder. “Talk to her. Don’t let her go without a fight.”
~
“There you go, Mrs. Stone,” Kate said, handing the woman a receipt. She looked up when the bell over the door jingled and was surprised to see James sauntering toward the counter.
She smiled and nodded. “I’ll be with you in just a minute.”
“No problem.” James took off his sunglasses and stuck them in his pocket. “I have nothing but time.”
“I can’t wait to see how that chest will look in my bedroom.” Mrs. Stone stuffed the receipt into her purse and snapped it closed.
“Let me know how it works out.”
“I will.” She stopped at the door. “I’ll take a picture and email it to you.”
“Great.” Once she left, Kate glanced at James. “So what brings you slumming to my neck of the woods?”
“It’s nice to see you, too.” He walked up to the counter and did a three-sixty, taking in her shop. “Wow, the store’s changed since the last time I was here. A lot of new stuff. Looks like business is booming.”
“Thanks. Sales are strong.” She tapped the keyboard on her laptop to bring up the account she was reconciling. “So, what’s up? I’m sure you didn’t drive all this way to ask about business.”
When he remained silent, her eyebrows shot up. “Well? I’m a little behind.”
He smiled and leaned against the counter. “Okay, since you’re obviously too busy for idle chitchat, I’ll get to the point.” He paused for the longest time, as if searching for a way to begin.
After more seconds, Kate prompted, “Today would be nice.”
“Damn, you’re annoying sometimes,” James said. She started to object and he put up a hand. “I’m here on a goodwill mission, so sheath your claws, woman.”
When she flashed get to it with her eyes,
he offered an innocent grin. “Okay, this is me getting to the point. What’s going on with you and Paul?”
“That’s personal.” She kept her expression neutral so as not to reveal her shock. How did he even know there was anything between her and Paul, let alone have the nerve to ask about it?
James’ smile didn’t quite reach his eyes. He shook his head and waved a forefinger in front of her. “Ah, ah, ah, wrong answer. I thought we decided to be friends.”
“Oh, and you think that gives you a right to dig into my personal business? If so, think again.” She snorted and, closing her laptop, she picked it up and turned toward the back room. “I’m really behind,” she added, while walking. “So, you’ll have to excuse me.”
“I never took you for a coward, Kate.”
How dare he call her a coward? She stopped dead in her tracks and spun around. “This doesn’t concern you.”
“When you hurt my brother, it concerns me a lot.”
“Does Paul know you’re coming to his defense?”
“No, I’m definitely butting in. I don’t like it that you’re trifling with him.”
“Trifling?” Fuming, she went rigid and lifted her chin. “I’m not the one who’s trifling.” Nodding at the door, she said, “I’d go before you say too much and really tick me off.”
“You know, Kate,” he said, making no effort to leave. In fact, his stance was now combative. “I always thought the problems in our relationship were all because of me and my inability to communicate or to commit. But now I’m not so sure.” He waited a heartbeat before adding, “What’s more, I think you’re running scared, which is cowardly in my book.”
His words stung. “Why are you doing this?” she whispered, hating the thought that he might be right. “I’m not a coward. The fact that I took your shit for eight years proves it.”
“Yeah, and you never had to take the final step to commitment either, even though that’s what you always claimed to want. Only, now I’m starting to doubt you really wanted it to begin with.”
Tears seeped into her eyes as she denied hotly, “That’s not true. I want commitment.” She wiped her eyes and glared at him, daring him to disagree.
James eyed her for a long minute. Then, he asked, “Who is this Mike? What’s he to you?”
“Why me, Lord?” she muttered, looking toward the heavens, knowing James wasn’t going to leave without some answers. “Just some guy I met at Tahoe.”
“From what Paul’s said, I gathered you two started something.” At her stony silence, he prodded, “Am I right?” When she offered a slight nod and looked away, he added, “So how could you let some guy come between that?” He waited until she made eye contact again. “It’s not like you to flit from man to man. Why start now?”
She laughed. “I’m not flitting from man to man. I like Mike.” Then, she weakened and shook her head, closing her eyes to block out the pain. She opened them and blinked, staving off the tears that built. “I’ve really mucked things up.” She wiped the moisture out of her eyes. “Oh, James,” she said, finally letting down her defenses. “I have no clue of what I want any more. Everything’s gone haywire. Three weeks ago, I hated Paul and you were my universe. Now, you and I are done and I love Paul but he hates me. I don’t know what to do about it.”
James caught and held her gaze, not letting go for what seemed like an eternity. “You know what to do about it.” He offered a knowing smile. “I’m just not sure you want it as much as you say you do.”
“You’re wrong.” She lifted her head, but couldn’t maintain eye contact and had to look away.
“Prove it,” he taunted. “You need to be willing to go beyond your fears and grab the brass ring. You aren’t even reaching for it, and it disappoints me.”
He took his sunglasses out of his pocket and put them on before turning and walking out of her shop without a backward glance.
Staring dumbfounded through the window as he climbed into his SUV, she wanted to run out and yell that he didn’t know what he was talking about. But his words held too much merit. And like a scratched CD, they replayed over and over.
If only she could find the Off switch.
Chapter 20
Kate stalked to the door and flipped the dead bolt, not caring that she was closing two hours early. After reliving James’ parting shot in her mind for the thousandth time, she was ready to scream. She had to get out of here. She darned sure couldn’t continue pacing, going back and forth and round and round, while trying to rationalize her actions.
James had been on target with his assessment and it chafed. Who would have guessed James—the guy she least expected it from—could have such insight?
Her lips curled in bitter amusement. It was better than crying over the truth. She was a coward. And scared. Of facing her emotions and living up to Paul’s expectations. He’d been so adamant about what he wanted. So sure of himself and his purpose. She hadn’t believed him when he tried to explain about Judith. She should have listened, not turn her back on his certainty or his love. She should have grabbed on to the chance at love and never let go.
The thought of life without Paul galvanized her into action. She headed for her car. It was time to apologize and beg for his forgiveness.
At her street, she rounded the corner. A man sat on the ground in front of her apartment building with his back against the brick wall. He watched her approach. It took a few moments before she recognized Paul’s lithe form. Joy rose up in her heart and her steps quickened.
He stood and brushed off his pants. Their eyes caught.
She ran the rest of the way and slipped into his open arms. “I’m so sorry. I love you. Please give me another chance.” Tears slipped from her eyes.
“Shush. It’s okay.” Paul wrapped his arms around her, hugged her fiercely, and covered her face with feathery-light kisses. In between them, he murmured, “I love you, too.”
Happiness burst inside her heart. Returning his kiss, she focused on one thought. He came back.
Paul lifted his head and whispered, “We’re giving the neighbors a show. Can we go inside and talk?”
Letting go of him, she smiled, realizing how close to the truth he was about getting off the street before they created a scene.
Like two kids on Christmas morning rushing to open packages, they raced upstairs to her apartment.
Once inside, Paul reached for her as he kicked the door shut behind him.
Heat flashed the moment their lips connected. This was surely heaven, Kate thought. Despite the excitement racing through her body, she felt more than that. A sense of peace enveloped her. A sense of urgency spurred her on, and a sense of his total acceptance had her trusting him completely. How had she lived so long without Paul’s love?
“Can you feel how much I want you?” he murmured into her mouth.
Kate moaned in response when he stepped closer. How could she not feel what grew between them? This was Paul. He was hers, just as she was his. She was right where she belonged. In his arms.
As if sensing her overwhelming need, Paul picked her up and headed behind the screen.
He gently placed her on the bed and knelt down so that he was above her.
Her half laugh of glee erupted. He caught her smiling lips in his own. The tender kiss was full of love and teasing, but soon changed to something deeper. More vital.
He broke their connection, then met her gaze and said, “Kate, I need to know you’re mine.” As those words faded to silence, he held her eyes captive for what seemed like forever. Sincerity shone in those intense pools of blue. “If you make love with me now, I’ll consider it a commitment between us and will expect nothing less than one hundred percent of you. Do you understand?”
Her heart soared. She nodded. “Oh, Paul, I love you.” A lump of emotion lodged in her throat and barely let her get the words out. “I have no intention of ever allowing anyone to come between us again.” She reached up and pulled him closer, sealing her promise with a
kiss. Sensations of well-being and longing set off sparks of pleasure. She kissed her way to his ear. “I’m glad you came back,” she said, nuzzling. “I needed to know you cared enough,” she admitted, in between kisses. “I needed to know that I was worth the effort.”
He chuckled and recaptured her mouth. His slow and thorough kiss wiped away her earlier doubts. He nipped at her chin. “Kate…Kate…Kate,” he said, adding a nip in between each word. “Until our weekend together, I had no idea what true love was. Now that I do, I’ll love you forever.” If he hadn’t already owned her heart, those words would have cinched the deal.
Then, his lips covered hers again. His kiss left her spinning with need and want. She felt a sense of loss when he bent to take off her shoes and socks. He methodically spent long seconds rubbing and massaging each bare foot before reaching for the snap on her jeans. His touch was soothing. Erotic.
He tossed her jeans aside and concentrated on her sweater. His lips were warm and wonderfully enticing as they moved over her body in slow motion, kissing and baring her skin all the way to her neck before he lifted the garment off her shoulders. She closed her eyes trying to hold on to the sensations cascading over her.
When he touched her chin and waited, she finally peered at him with eyes at half-mast. His gaze scorched her with its intensity, saying more than words ever could that she was essential to his existence. Her feelings were reflected in her face; how she wanted him inside her. Wanted more of his kisses. Wanted him for a lifetime.
After he slipped off her bra, baring her to him, she reached for him. He jumped off the bed and said with a boyish grin, “Patience.” Still, he rushed, shedding his clothes in seconds and was soon lying close to her.
Having him right where she wanted him, she wrapped her arms around him. He smiled lovingly and lowered his head, but not before teasing, “Okay—where were we.” His smile turned devilish. “Oh yeah! I remember,” he murmured into her mouth.
Heat and need slammed into her. Nothing in her life prepared her for the emotion filling her as Paul entered her. Kate knew she’d never be the same again. She’d belong to him forever.