by Sandy Loyd
“I think you’ve said enough,” she said, crossing her arms and tapping her foot. But her annoyance only seemed to amuse him. “I don’t see anything funny,” she huffed.
“I do.” His grin widened. “I was just wondering how the woman standing in front of me with such self-righteous indignation can be the same one who melted in my arms only moments ago.”
Paying no heed to his suggestive tone, she nodded toward the entrance. “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”
His bark of laughter filled the room. “Damn, even when we’re fighting, I find you fascinating.” He muttered under his breath, “Why do I have a feeling the challenge of overcoming your objections will be a lifelong battle?”
“What?” He had to be joking, either that or she’d mistaken his comment.
“Nothing.” He smiled smugly, lounged back against the wall, crossing his feet as well as his arms, appearing to make himself more comfortable, which only irritated her more.
“Didn’t you hear me? Leave.” She glared at him, willing him to go. He was too attractive as it was.
“Not just yet. I told you we have things to discuss.”
His words stopped her. She looked at him incredulously, her eyes narrowing. She couldn’t believe his audacity. Then she smiled and gave a resigned shake of her head. Why should anything he did surprise her? This was the same man who walked away from her taunting after their snowball fight. She knew he meant what he said. He probably wouldn’t leave until he spoke his mind.
“Well?” she prodded, tapping her foot faster, after long seconds ticked by.
Paul’s eyebrow lifted. “Well, what?”
Taking a deep breath for control, she waited until she could speak without raising her voice. “You came here to talk, so talk.”
Paul’s smile spread. He seemed to be in no hurry and was clearly enjoying her distress. “What I had in mind was more along the line of a dialogue—not a one-sided monologue.”
Kate sighed. She marched over to the table and sat, but well out of his reach.
Paul chuckled and moved to sit across from her. “As much as I like kissing you, I’m not going to ravish you. I promise.”
“Oh, shut up,” she snapped, feeling heat seep up her face. She knew he was well aware of his effect on her. “That has never been our problem and you know it.”
That comment brought on another bark of laughter. When it died, he sobered and was silent for a while before asking, “And what do you see as our problem, Kate?”
“Come on, Paul. I know you’re sexually attracted to me, but I also know your heart belongs to Judith.”
His jawed dropped and he stared at her, totally stunned. “Is that what this is all about?”
Blinking back tears over the memory of their parting, she worked to keep the hurt out of her voice. “Can you honestly tell me you don’t love her?” What was his game?
He shook his head. “No, but she and I are friends. Period.” His expression softened. He reached across the table and placed his hand on top of hers, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Surely you know that.”
“What about Judith?” she asked, capturing his gaze.
“We’re not a couple any longer.” Honesty shone in his eyes. “She’ll always have a special place in my heart. I grew up loving her and I can’t pretend it never happened. But it has nothing to do with how I feel about you.”
Pain engulfed her at his heartfelt words. “Paul, I saw you with her last Tuesday night,” she said softly, glancing at their now entwined hands and studying them for a long moment. “I saw the love you two share with my own eyes. I won’t be placed in the middle.”
He remained silent for a full minute, absorbing her words. Then, he whispered, “Is that what made you cry?”
Tears threatened again. Unable to speak because of them, she just nodded.
“Oh, Kate, I love you. The feelings I have for Judith are nothing compared to what I feel for you. They snuck up on me. I certainly never expected it to happen, but I can honestly tell you that I was ready to give Judith up anyway. She and I weren’t meant to be. I finally accepted it.”
She considered this a moment before discarding it. “Maybe, but I believe what I saw.” At best, she’d become a rebound; at worst, she’d be taking him away from her best friend. “Judith loves you. I can’t be the one to take you away from her.” And once they were back together, he could really have a laugh over her stupidity.
“She does love me. But only as a friend. We ended things, just like you and James did. So my heart is free and it chooses you.” With those words softly spoken, he scooted to the chair next to her and leaned close enough to give her a sweet, comforting kiss. All too soon, heat sparked between them. Right before it got out of hand, he broke contact and said in a tormented voice, “So tell me you’re not going out with Mike—not when you kiss me like that.”
Kate turned away, wishing she could trust him. He may think he was free, but she knew better. Right now, she was his rebound…until Judith realized what she’d tossed away. That thought hurt almost as much as loving him did.
Fighting tears, she stood and said in a resolute tone, “I have to go.” She started for her bedroom, beyond the screen.
“What do you mean you have to go?” Paul’s confused voice filled the air as he trailed after her. “Why?”
“I don’t expect you to understand, but I’m doing it for me.”
“No, I don’t understand,” he shot back, stalking to her front door. As he reached for the handle, he turned. “When you decide you want me and only me, give me a call. I’m done waiting around for what may be. I know what I want. I want you. But that goes two ways. You have to want me just as much. I’m not willing to settle any longer.” After his heated outburst, he was out the door quickly, pulling it shut behind him with a little more force than necessary.
Kate sat on her sofa, eyeing the empty space where only seconds ago Paul’s tall frame filled the doorway. For the first time in her life, she was unsure how to proceed. She’d always had a plan of action. Right now, however, nothing was going as expected.
Common sense told her she should trust the love and caring she heard in Paul’s voice. Paul wasn’t James. Why not trust him, or trust her own judgment? Judith’s face infiltrated her thoughts and she sighed, her breath coming out in one big whoosh.
She really didn’t want to go out with Mike. But the thought of Paul telling her she couldn’t just didn’t sit right, not after seeing him with Judith.
Mike was a nice guy, and she enjoyed his company. He certainly didn’t deserve a phone call with only two hours’ notice, canceling their date on the off chance that she and Paul would get together.
What a dilemma!
She didn’t move for almost an hour, staring into space. When it was time to get ready, she forced herself into action, trying to forget that her heart was breaking.
Chapter 18
Paul left Kate’s apartment with a heavy heart.
At home, he hurriedly put on running gear. Unable to sit in an empty apartment knowing that Kate would be out with another man, he headed for the street.
Remembering her curt dismissal, he ran faster, trying to outrun the pain.
How in the hell could Kate think he’d be able to go back to Judith after kissing her? Nor could he fathom how she could dismiss what was between them so readily.
Maybe he was being irrational. Irrational or not, he was through hiding his feelings. He’d never settle for love without passion again, which is what it amounted to with Judith. He wanted all or nothing.
Was that too much to ask? Of course not.
Didn’t Kate want the same? He had huge doubts.
He ran blindly, pushing himself hard for more than an hour. Eventually, his tranquility returned, mainly after coming to several conclusions. The thought of not having Kate in his life seemed unbearable, but he’d survive. On the other hand, having a one-sided relationship with her, like the one he’d shared with Judith, w
as something he’d never be able to survive. He also realized he had no control over Kate’s actions, so he did the only thing one could think of—let go of her.
With the determination he was known for, he put her out of his mind and out of his life, stopping short of locking the door. Only time would allow him to do that.
~
Kate tried to concentrate on the man across from her. She offered Mike a polite smile after he’d made some comment about his job. He was a sales representative for a major manufacturing firm based in south San Francisco and traveled a lot.
She felt horrible about Paul. She’d hurt him deeply. His angry departure was proof.
“Are you okay?” Mike eyed her thoughtfully. “You seem to be a million miles from here.”
“I’m sorry,” she said, shoving her thoughts away. Going for a bit of levity, she added, “I think the sugar from all this dessert is wreaking havoc on my mind.”
He grinned, clearly taking her excuse in stride. “You sure can put it away. I can’t believe you stay so slim with all you’ve eaten tonight.”
“I guess I have good genes.” She shrugged, not adding that tonight, eating had been a form of comfort.
“Yeah, you do. I know my sister would love to be that lucky. All she does is moan about how easy it is to gain weight.”
“I didn’t know you had a sister. Does she live here?” she asked, working at keeping the conversation going. “What about your parents? Are you from the Bay Area?”
He spent the next quarter of an hour talking about his family, before turning the conversation to where in the city he lived.
“The neighborhood’s a little on the funky side,” he said, of his apartment in an area above the Haight, a district the hippies made famous in the late sixties. “And it’s hilly. Gives my clutch a good workout.”
She should have stayed home, she realized too late. Her slight smile, as big as she could muster considering her glum mood, urged him to drone on about his work.
Mike had sensed her distraction too many times during the meal, so Kate tried to reciprocate with mention of her shop and some of her business trips. But her heart wasn’t in it and the conversation eventually died.
“How about more coffee,” the waitress asked, interrupting the uncomfortable silence.
Mike nodded, beginning to mirror her mood. As he drank his coffee, he became as silent and uncommunicative as she.
The waitress cleared the table, leaving behind the check. Mike picked it up and finally spoke. “Why did you come out with me tonight?”
His question brought Kate out of her thoughts and she looked up, unable to keep the guilt out of her expression.
When she remained silent, Mike added, “It’s obvious you have other things on your mind and don’t want to be here.” He shrugged. “I’m curious as to why you came.”
Her guilt spread to the heat rising up her cheeks. Unable to look him in the eyes, she drew figure eights on the table with her finger. “I’m sorry. I know I’ve been lousy company tonight.”
Mike smiled. “You want to talk about it?”
Shaking her head, she scrunched up her nose. “I don’t think that’d be smart.”
“Ah!” His expression turned from knowing to cynical. “How nice. Another guy.”
Kate’s eyebrows shot up. “How can you be so sure it’s another guy?”
“I have eyes and ears,” he countered with a self-deprecating laugh. “I’m right, aren’t I?”
She took a deep breath, giving up all pretenses. “Yes, I’m sorry. A lot happened after you asked me out, but I didn’t feel comfortable canceling.”
“Don’t you think that would have been better than putting us both through this torture?”
Smiling sheepishly, she said, “I guess I wasn’t thinking.”
“Okay—I can accept that, but promise me something?”
“I’ll try,” she said honestly.
“If this guy doesn’t work out, call me and give me another chance.” Mike stood and reached for the check. “You’re worth another try.”
His sincere words lightened her mood. “I would be stupid not to call you.” She smiled and nodded at the check. “And because I was such a boring date, I should pay for dinner.”
“Don’t worry about it.” When she was about to disagree, he shot back, “You can pay next time.”
They walked back to her apartment in amicable silence.
“I think I’ll leave you here,” he said, when they got to the outside door of her building. His car was parked a block away. “Will you be all right?”
Nodding, she offered a warm smile. “I am sorry about tonight,” she murmured, relieved she wouldn’t have to offer any more excuses or explanations. She stood on tiptoe and kissed him on the cheek. “For what it’s worth, I really like you.”
Mike’s laugh was quick. “Yeah, I know…bad timing. Well, I’ll see you around, Kate,” he said, before he turned toward his car.
Kate watched him walk away before letting herself into the building. Oh, how she hated the dating scene.
She’d never wanted to hurt anyone’s feelings. But today, in the course of several hours, she’d hurt two people who didn’t deserve it by doing the one thing she shouldn’t have done—go out with Mike. Her shoulders slumped at the realization.
As she trudged up the stairs to the second floor, one thought stood out above all others. Paul wouldn’t be back. Not without her calling him. Plus, she couldn’t discount Judith. But even if Judith gave her blessing, she didn’t know if she had the courage to call him, which totally confused her.
What she needed was time to think. Think about what she wanted and where she was going. With these thoughts and more roaming through her head, she pushed her way through the door and walked unhurriedly to her apartment.
Chapter 19
Kate’s cell phone rang, waking her from a fitful sleep. She reached across the bed to her nightstand and fumbled for it. “Hello.”
“Hey, Kate, it’s me, Judith. You want to grab some breakfast?”
A twinge of guilt tightened in her midsection, as Judith’s question registered. Almost a week had passed since her date with Mike. She’d been screening her calls, avoiding everyone, especially Judith. But it was time to face her demons. “Yeah, sounds great. Where do you want to meet?”
“How about Ernie’s on Chestnut—say, an hour from now?”
“Sure.”
Kate disconnected the call, then leaned her head against the pillows and closed her eyes. She hated obsessing over her situation and the only way to keep from obsessing more was to take a break. She’d been busy at the store so she could easily take off two days and go up to Tahoe. James told her the house would be free and that he expected her to use it. Paul usually took Fridays off to her Mondays, so he’d probably gone up yesterday. She worked Saturdays, so if she drove up tomorrow morning, she could easily avoid him. She hadn’t heard a word from him, but then she hadn’t expected to. Well aware the next move was hers, she’d put off dealing with him. Indecision kept her from calling and apologizing. The longer she put off doing something, the easier it became to do nothing.
“Doesn’t matter,” she muttered, shaking her thoughts and rising to shower. It wouldn’t change the outcome.
Forty-five minutes later, Kate was out the door. She arrived at the agreed-upon café a little early. After placing her name on the list, she grabbed a cup of coffee and went outside to wait for Judith. She leaned against the wall and savored the rich brew.
“There’s a twenty-minute wait,” she said when Judith joined her.
Judith nodded and went to order her own coffee.
When a waitress with menus called out Kate’s name, they followed her inside.
At first, Kate didn’t see Paul or James seated at a corner table near the window. Too late to turn back now, she kept her eyes straight ahead, praying Judith wouldn’t notice. As the two neared the empty table the waitress indicated, James looked up and waved.
Kate cringed inwardly when Judith glanced their way, then nudged her. “Look who’s here. Paul.” She started in their direction.
James scooted back his chair and stood. “Hey, guys, why not join us?”
Judith smiled at Paul and ignored James. “That’d be great.”
“Yeah, great.” Avoiding looking at Paul, who’d stood to kiss Judith’s cheek, Kate sighed, wondering how this was going to go over. She’d never told Judith about her breakup with James or her attraction to Paul, so her friend had no idea of the undercurrents going on around them as she sat down beside Paul. Left with little choice, Kate sat next to James and gave Paul a slight nod. He returned the gesture, but didn’t look at her.
Kate opened her menu, ignoring James’ perplexed expression. His silence spoke volumes.
Since Paul acted as if Kate didn’t exist, she followed his lead and pretended he wasn’t there—which had been the norm before their weekend in Tahoe.
Looking as if he were wishing he’d never asked the two women to join them, James finally found his voice. “So, how’s work?”
“Fine.” Kate shrugged and added, while perusing her menu, “How’s the architecture business going?”
James chuckled. “It’s still there.”
Judith, who was used to Paul and Kate ignoring each other, seemed to think nothing of carrying on a conversation with Paul, without the other two intervening.
Kate flashed James a grateful smile when he made small talk with her. To anyone watching, it appeared as if four friends were enjoying themselves, but Kate knew better.
When Paul finished, he threw some cash on the table and stood. “I’m sorry, but I need to leave you ladies. I have an appointment.” Then, he bolted for the door, not looking back.
James rose, offering an apologetic smile. “Ladies. It’s been nice, but I have to talk to Paul about something.” He added his cash to Paul’s, then turned and said in a louder voice, “Wait up. I’ll join you.”
Judith stared after them, looking totally confused. “I wonder what that was all about?”