I held my head high and smiled at him. Think whatever you want, I thought at him. I’m doing what I have to do. If you know what’s good for you, you’ll go along with my plan. After a moment Kyle looked away and nodded. Good.
“Y-yeah,” Kyle said hesitantly, “that’s what I wanted to tell you Lucas. Congratulations.” His voice sounded shocked, but given how strangely he’d behaved since he arrived, I don’t think it made Lucas suspicious. He probably just thought Kyle was a strange guy. He wasn’t wrong.
The two men shook hands and Kyle made his stunned way toward the door. I walked him out.
“I’ll call you in a couple of hours Kyle,” I told him with a final, threatening smile.
“Ok boss,” he answered meekly.
The look he gave me as I closed the door was a mixture of fear, disgust, and disbelief. I didn’t blame him. That was how I felt about myself.
19
Lucas
“That was really weird.” I shook my head at the closed door.
What a bizarre little dude. I guess staring at spreadsheets all day has taken its toll on him.
“Yeah.” Rae’s response was small. I turned to find her staring out the window with her arms wrapped around herself. “Weird.”
More than anything, I was shocked that Rae had outed herself to her coworker. “Why did you do it?”
She smirked at me and then swiftly looked away. “Well it wasn’t my preference, but if Kyle had told you that you’d passed due diligence, I would have had to fire him.”
I paused. “You really would have fired him?” I had a hard time imagining it, even though I believed Rae had it in her. Her take charge personality made her a good leader, but leadership has its costs.
She looked over at me with a sad, resigned look on her face. “We have these rules for a reason. What if he’d told you before the final decision and then you went out and bought a yacht. But then there was a delay in the deal and you and your company went bankrupt because you’d drained all your resources? How would that be good for Azure Group? He’s not authorized to make these announcements. Only I am. So yeah, I would have had to fire him for violating company policy. If I violated company policy, somebody would fire me, too.”
This was why I worked for myself. Well, that and I couldn’t wake up before nine a.m. unless pharmaceuticals were involved. Rae’s argument made sense. I didn’t like it, but it did make sense. Rae had to do her job whether I liked it or not. If she didn’t follow and enforce the rules, she’d lose her own job. I nodded.
Rae looked unhappy with the situation too. “It’s not like I wanted Kyle to see me like this with you.”
Her words made me uncomfortable. Was she ashamed of being here with me? Of course, she would be. I’m sure she didn’t like her coworkers thinking that she was sleeping with a client.
I keep screwing things up with you, don’t I Rae? This is all my fault.
“I’m sorry if I’ve made your job more difficult,” I ventured, watching as she turned pulled a dress out of her suitcase. She laughed, and it was a small, bitter sound.
“Don’t worry about it,” Rae said, stepping into the grey tweed dress and pulling it up around her. She’d lost any self-consciousness or timidity she’d shown before. Confident Rae was back, but she was also distant. “Would you mind?” She turned around to display her perfect, round butt. I stared, hypnotized.
“Mind?” I repeated.
“Will you help with the zipper?” she clarified.
“Um, sure. Of course I will.” I stepped forward and obliged, careful not to touch her inappropriately. Somehow the balance of power between us had shifted heavily in her favor. I felt nervous as I drew up the zipper. As soon as I fastened it, she turned. We found ourselves face to face. The moment stretched and became tense. I broke eye contact first. I had no idea what to say to her.
“I really have to go,” she told me a moment later. “I’ll be super busy these next few days working on the deal paperwork. Annie and Kyle will be here tomorrow to do the remaining investigative work. You probably won’t see me until next week.” Her voice was distant, like her mind was somewhere else.
“Oh. Alright.” I’d been hoping to spend more time with her on this trip. I knew I should be happy since this meant that the due diligence process was moving faster than expected, but I found myself feeling oddly disappointed.
Rae had held up her end of our deal perfectly so far. Yesterday she’d performed incredibly in front of Victoria. But when I woke up this morning, I wasn’t thinking of Victoria. I was thinking about Rae. Last night when we were kissing, I was thinking of Rae. Last night when I’d spent hours fighting down my desire to go knocking on my bedroom door, I was thinking of Rae. Even now, as she was gathering her jacket and slipping on her shoes, all I could do was think of Rae.
“Are you sure you don’t want to grab some breakfast before you go?” If I sounded desperate, I didn’t care. I wasn’t ready for her to disappear.
Say you’ll stay with me, Rae? Let’s pretend for a little while longer. I need it. Maybe, just maybe, you need it, too.
She shook her head and kissed me on the cheek. It was a decidedly impersonal, formal kiss. “I really can’t. I’ll bring a dress for the wedding next week. Is there particular color or style you want me to wear?” Rae was being so incredibly businesslike. It was killing me. The easy, teasing version of Rae was gone.
“No, you can wear whatever you want. I trust you.” It hardly mattered what she wore, it seemed Rae had a closet entirely full of sophisticated, dark colored clothing. I’d yet to see her wear anything that wasn’t black, dark blue, green, or purple. It all looked incredible against her pale skin. Rae could come to the wedding dressed in a burlap sack and still easily be the most beautiful woman in the room.
Rae, I don’t want to be alone.
“Sounds good. I’ll text you. Bye Lucas.”
Don’t go. Would it be so bad if you stayed?
Rae was already gone. Even as she waved goodbye and grabbed her suitcase, I could tell her mind was elsewhere. After she left, I stared at the closed door to my loft and a familiar feeling of loneliness started to creep in. I sat back down on my couch and tried to organize my thoughts. Moxie and Bob, sensing that the visitors were gone, crawled out from underneath it to beg me for attention. At least they still liked me, because all of a sudden, I was pretty sure that Rae no longer did.
The week was endless. The days crawled by, leaving me in a state of ever-deepening confusion. The more I was alone, the more alone I felt. The more alone I felt, the less I wanted to try to dig myself out of it.
I tried to focus on getting Victoria back. I stalked her online, looking at pictures of her and Kane at various trendy bars and clubs and restaurants. They looked so goddamn happy. In every photo, Victoria was smiling at the camera like she was telling me to fuck off. I was jealous, yes, but it didn’t feel like the jealousy I was used to. I didn’t know what to make of it.
As usual, I found myself at the Lone Star Lounge halfway through the week. Neither Ward nor Emma was there that afternoon, just Wendy.
“How’s your scheme going?” she asked when she delivered my drink.
“Scheme?” I wasn’t sure if she was talking about my plan to sell my app or my plan to get Victoria back. The fact that I was now a man with multiple schemes felt a bit worrisome.
“Yeah, with your ex.”
“It’s all going exactly according to plan,” I told her. My voice was confident even if I wasn’t.
“That’s great. I hope you weren’t offended the other day when we talked.”
My lips parted in surprise. “Offended?” I thought back to that day. “Why would I be offended?”
She frowned and looked around. Apparently seeing no other tables that needed her, she sat down in the chair across for me. “Because I don’t know anything about anything. I shouldn’t have given you any advice you didn’t ask for. I’m sorry.”
I cocked my head to the side, hal
f wondering if she was messing with me. She continued to stare back with guileless blue eyes. Wendy looked genuinely upset and concerned that she’d offended me.
“Wendy, you didn’t do anything wrong. I wasn’t offended. Ward asked you to give me your opinion. It’s not like you just barged into a conversation and started imitating Oprah.”
She brightened a bit. “I like Oprah, but I’m really glad you weren’t offended.” Her expression still seemed to be clouded by something. “I would hate to think that I contributed to you not getting back with your one true love.”
My one true love?
Was Wendy really as sweet and innocent as she seemed? She was clearly a small-town girl, and with her curly blonde hair, big blue eyes and deep country accent, she could be Cowgirl Barbie. She wasn’t my type at all, but it was no wonder her grandfather Willie had set Ward on protection duty.
“Don’t worry Wendy. I promise you didn’t.”
The cloud finally lifted from Wendy. “I’m so glad,” she told me again. She smiled at me happily. “Have you two gotten back together yet?”
“Not yet.
“Did you make her jealous yet?” She looked excited for me, and I found myself warming to the conversation. No one else supported me in this idea. I’d told one of my best friends, Ward, and got nothing but derision and pity. I’d also kept it from my good friend Cole. This was both because he was still in the honeymoon phase with his girlfriend Kate, and because he would almost certainly disapprove. It was nice that Wendy seemed like she really wanted me to succeed. It was also just nice to have someone to talk to. I grinned at her.
“I’ve made progress,” I told her. “I’ve still got work to do, but I know I’m getting closer to her to admitting she still wants me.”
“What’s your next step?”
“I’m going to take Rae to a wedding and introduce her to all of the mutual friends Victoria and I shared.”
“Rae is your fake girlfriend and Victoria is your soulmate, right?”
Soulmate? I would have laughed but Wendy was looking at me with such seriousness that I couldn’t. I guessed this was just how she talked. It was a bit odd but endearing too.
“Um, yes.”
“Well I hope you make Victoria super jealous once you introduce all your friends to your fake girlfriend Rae. Then she’ll come back to you and everything will be right.” She nodded her head as if thinking it through. “Good luck ok? I really hope it all works out just the way you said. I’m so glad I didn’t do anything to stop you from getting back together with the love of your life and living happily ever after. Sometimes people have to go to great lengths for love. I’m glad you’re willing to do what it takes to win her back.”
The love of my life? Happily ever after?
Even after Wendy and I wrapped up our conversation and she went back to work, the words she had used stuck with me. Soulmate. True love. Love of my life. Happily ever after.
Wendy was definitely a bit of a doe-eyed innocent, but she clearly believed in love. The way she talked about love made me feel insecure and jaded though. Wendy was obviously and totally, one hundred percent sure that I should do whatever it took to win back Victoria if she was my true love. Her conviction was total. I used to be that convinced about it too. But now I wasn’t as sure. Why was that? And what did it mean? I went to bed that night worrying about it.
20
Rae
Victoria reached out to me on Facebook with a friend request. I noticed in the middle of the work day and didn’t have a chance to think about it until I got home in the evening. I wasn’t expecting to have any contact with her and had no idea what to expect, but I was bored and lonely on a Tuesday, so I accepted. Being friends with her allowed me to look at all her pictures, which I began to peruse with a masochistic interest in her glamorous, musicians’ life. Her life looked a lot more exciting than mine. It wasn’t fifteen minutes afterward that she messaged me.
Victoria: It was so great to meet you this weekend Rae!
Rae: You’re so sweet. It was nice meeting you too.
I hoped that she’d just leave it at that. Although I was curious about her, I had no idea what to say to her. I thought we’d both benefit from just cyberstalking one another from afar, not talking.
Victoria: How are you and Lucas doing?
How are we doing? I paused. What was I supposed to say to that? I tapped out an answer and pressed ‘send’.
Rae: We’re doing great. Thanks for asking.
Victoria: I’m so glad to hear that. I want for you both to be happy.
Something told me that she didn’t mean that. Call it a woman’s intuition. I could only imagine she was looking through my photos and wondering how her ex-boyfriend had ended up with someone so boring and pedestrian. The majority of my recent posts were work-related. I probably looked like someone with no life whatsoever. At least I didn’t have a bunch of photos of my cat or anything embarrassing like that.
Victoria: How’s the long-distance thing going? Is it tough?
When I saw the message, I stared at it for a full five minutes and seriously considered not replying. I mean, this was getting inappropriate, right? It was weird, wasn’t it? How much did I have to talk to my fake-boyfriend’s ex? It seemed like I’d already put in enough effort in being polite to Victoria. Unfortunately, even though I thought it would probably be better to take the high road, my curiosity got the best of me.
Rae: It’s going fine so far. I’m in Austin quite a bit.
Victoria: That’s good. It’s a great city isn’t it.
Rae: Yes.
Victoria: Are you going to be moving here soon?
Rae: We’re taking things slow.
There. Surely, she would get the message that I didn’t want to discuss the details of our ‘relationship’ any further. She’d initiated each and every one of the messages so far. I’d replied with succinct, short answers. Obviously, I didn’t want to chat with her.
Victoria: Look, don’t take this the wrong way, and I know it’s none of my business, but I don’t think Lucas will be able to do long-distance for long. He’ll be lonely. If you know what I mean.
Holy hell. Lucas was right about Victoria. She was so transparently jealous and possessive that it was almost sad. I didn’t realize that real people behaved this way. It was like something about of one of those bad romantic comedies that were always playing at the nail salon I frequented. Soon she’d be trying to trick me into believing that Lucas was an abusive partner or something. I wasn’t nearly that gullible.
Rae: You’re right. It’s none of your business.
I wasn’t the type of person that’s foolish enough to engage in some sort of pissing contest with Victoria. Even in the fantasy that Lucas and I had concocted where I pretended to be in love with him, he’d never asked me to pretend to be a moron. Seeing what kind of person that she was, however, made me feel a bit bad for him. I couldn’t help but think he deserved better than someone like Victoria. She seemed vaguely psycho to me.
Victoria: Ok. Fine. I’ll back off. I’m just trying to warn you. No one likes being cheated on.
Whatever Victoria, I thought to myself, this isn’t a bad romcom. Even if Lucas and I were in a relationship together, that kind of transparent bullshit wouldn’t have done anything to dissuade me. There was no female solidarity between us. She had an agenda, and while I was going to ultimately help her to fulfill it, I was not going to make a fool of myself in the process. That wasn’t the deal.
After I closed my laptop and paced around my hotel room for a while, I found myself standing with my phone in my hand. I dialed Lucas’ number almost without any consciously thinking. He answered on the second ring.
“Rae? What’s up?” Lucas sounded surprised to hear from me. I looked at the clock. Nine p.m. eastern time. So, ten in Austin. Was that too late to call? Well, it was too late now.
“Hi Lucas, how are you?” I tried to play it cool.
“I’m doing ok. You?” I c
ould hear the sound of music in the background. He was out somewhere. Good. That meant I hadn’t woken him up or anything like that.
Maybe Victoria was right, and Lucas was out looking for someone to spend the night with. The thought didn’t make me happy. However, even if it was true, it wasn’t any of my business. He was a free, single man. If he didn’t want to spend every night alone until he and Victoria got back together, that was his choice. I could barely even judge him for it. I definitely wasn’t going to let Victoria get into my head and make me paranoid.
“I’m fine. I, uh, I just wanted to call and let you know that Victoria contacted me.”
The silence on the other end of the line lasted long enough that I almost wondered if we’d been disconnected.
“What did she say?” He asked eventually. His tone of voice gave nothing away about what was in his mind.
“She basically told me that you were going to cheat on me.”
Once again, a long period of silence followed my statement.
“Ok. Sorry. You don’t have to talk to her.” His neutral tone didn’t help me to decipher his feelings.
I didn’t know what to make of that response. This was a lot harder when I couldn’t see his face. “Do you want me to block her?”
“You don’t have to block her.”
“Do you not want me to block her?
“You don’t have to.”
I frowned into the phone and ground my teeth. “Lucas, I don’t understand what you want from me here. I know I don’t have to do anything. I need you to tell me what you want. I don’t know how to handle this situation. This whole fake-relationship thing is uncharted territory for me. You have to help me out.”
He sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m irritated that she told you that I was the cheater. I’ve never cheated on anyone in my life. She certainly can’t say the same.” Now that he was being honest, I could hear the anger in his voice. In the background, I heard something hard hitting against something else, like a hand smacking a table.
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