Trying It All

by Christi Barth

  Might as well get used to it.

  He took one last, long look at her delicate features, her molten chocolate eyes, and knew that his next sentence would end it all between them. But he had to say it. It was the only way to protect himself.

  “If I can’t trust you to keep yourself safe, Summer, to someday keep our kids safe, what is the point?”

  Impossible to think that silence could fall in a room with so many beeps and squeaks and overhead announcements and gurneys and carts banging out in the hall. But it did. Like a three-hundred-pound linebacker falling on a Nerf ball.

  Finally, she pointed a finger at her heart, at his, and then back. “Didn’t we just say we loved each other?”

  “I do love you. But the feeling isn’t enough. You have to be willing to back it up with actions. You have to believe we’re worth fighting for, planning for. That the future is worth planning for. Can you tell me right here, right now, that you do?”

  “We can’t control what will happen, Riley. Fighting for it is a waste of time. We just have to roll with whatever Fate throws at us.”

  He’d heard her say numerous versions of the same thing over the past few weeks. Riley had hoped he’d just given her a reason to believe in more.

  Guess not.

  “You realize that you just called hope and love a waste of time? We’re done here.” Riley had to walk out, now. Before he embarrassed himself by begging her to try harder, to give them a real shot.

  “Riley, you can’t control the world. And you can’t control how I feel about it.”

  “I know.” He paused with one hand on the doorframe. “I’m glad you’re okay, Summer. I’m glad you pushed me out of my comfort zone. I had a lot of fun with you. But as for giving falling in love a try? I’d call it an epic fail.”

  Chapter 22

  “This is really happening,” Summer muttered under her breath.

  In the living room, the photographer was setting up his first shot with Brooke, wearing a stunning red McQueen floral-print skirt, red-and-cream spectator stilettos, and a fitted navy blazer. Annabeth watched over him with what she’d promised would be an eagle eye while Summer sat on a high-backed stool with her leg up on the kitchen counter.

  It wasn’t the least bit professional, or appropriate for this major step forward in her business. But if she was to get through this photo shoot without resorting to whimpers and/or the good drugs, elevating her leg was a necessity, not an option. And it did give her an excuse to show off the long turquoise-and-silver feather necklace and kick-ass cowboy boots she’d picked up in Austin at South by Southwest last year.

  See? Silver lining. This week didn’t suck after all.

  Except that…it truly, truly did.

  Finding out that your boyfriend loved you? Then, less than five minutes later, discovering he didn’t want to stick around and deal with you being a scarred, emotionally stunted wreck? That cast a, um, pall over the week far darker than that of having an itchy leg brace, an itchy five-day-old incision, and an achy broken bone.

  “Hey, even if you hadn’t made it back in time, we would’ve pulled this off for you,” Chloe said with a reassuring pat on the shoulder. “Not as well as with your expert eye, but since you’ve already done most of the work, it would’ve happened.”

  Madison spun to make her navy-and-taupe paisley dress flare out above the knee-high brown boots. Her rust-colored scarf was even knotted and ruched correctly at her neck. “I, for one, couldn’t live with the guilt of not paying for all the beautiful clothes you gave me if I didn’t get to pose for the shoot. Really, it’s a beautiful combination of efficiency and a prevention of self-loathing.”

  What a sweetheart. In less than six months, she already considered Madison as close as a sister. As close as Chloe, and as now Brooke was becoming as well. Which would undoubtedly make the whole staying-far-away-from-Riley thing nigh unto impossible. Especially since they’d started planning Chloe and Griff’s engagement party on the long ride back from Connecticut.

  “I’d call it more a gift to me. I couldn’t stand those shapeless outfits you brought from Alaska. It hurt me to look at your gorgeous body covered up in that boxy, limp polyester.”

  Madison’s eyebrows shot up. “Don’t hold back how you really feel.”

  “I never candy-coat bad fashion sense. I do educate, however. And you’re coming along nicely now, Madison. I can’t wait until you get your hands on Knox’s money. We can go to Fashion Week—New York, Paris, Milan, whichever one you want—and we’ll have so much fun dressing you.”

  “That’ll never happen. I don’t plan on touching any of Knox’s money. I have a job. I earn my own way.”

  Summer bit her tongue, not wanting to spoil the surprise Knox had asked her to plan: a trip to New York for all of them, to have Vera Wang design Madison’s wedding dress.

  Chloe, in a tight white dress half-covered in a hand-painted blue hibiscus and dripping in lapis lazuli beads, sighed. “And that’s how she captured the heart of D.C.’s most notorious bachelor. By not caring a bit about his money or his fame. By only caring about his heart and his brain.”

  “Let’s be clear—his epic lovemaking skills had a lot to do with it, too.” Madison’s eyelids fluttered shut, and a dreamy expression relaxed her face. “He’s legendary in that regard for good reason.”

  “No. Stop. Huh-uh. I’m not allowing any talk of sex while I have officially entered a sex drought.”

  “You mean because of your leg? Since you don’t have a cast, you could probably get back at it in less than a month. Nothing acrobatic, of course, but—”

  Summer hoped it was her glare that cut Chloe off before she got going. “The broken leg is the least of my problems. I’m in a sex drought because my boyfriend just dumped me.”

  “Did he, though?” Brooke asked in a weirdly suspect tone.

  Uh, where the hell was this coming from? “Yes. Yes, I was there. I was the one bawling afterward. I heard every cutting, hurtful thing he said. Riley absolutely dumped me.”

  “Hmmm.” She tapped her index finger against her lips. “That’s not how I see it.”

  “You’re kidding.”

  “What about solidarity for our sad, sad friend?” Madison asked, caramel-colored eyes wide and a little frantic with outrage.

  “Hey, I’m here supporting her big night, aren’t I? I baked her a triple-chocolate Bundt cake in solidarity with her broken heart as soon as we got home. And I researched a site where you can borrow a dog. Okay, it’s actually pet-sitting, but it can be for just a day, or a few hours. Dogs are great for warding off depression. Half a day with a French bulldog and you’ll feel cheerier than ever.”

  “I don’t need a dog. Especially not with crutches. I’d end up with a second broken leg.” It didn’t make sense, what Brooke was saying. Not just the bit about the dog. Summer lifted her leg off the counter to swivel to face her. “What I do need is for you to explain. You wouldn’t make a crack like that just to taunt me or hurt me. So there’s something spinning around in your brain. Spill.”

  “I have a lot of experience watching relationships flame out. In high school, that happened about every two-point-five days, with at least someone in my class or on my cheer squad. Most of the time, whatever they gave as the reason for the dumping wasn’t the real one. You had to look wider to see the whole picture.”

  “You’re equating the serious relationship Riley and I share—being in real, grown-up love—to a flash-in-the-pan high school infatuation?”

  Brooke shrugged. “I call ’em like I see ’em.”

  Annabeth, who’d been hovering in the doorway, clomped to the fridge in her heavy boots and pulled out a bottle of Riesling. “I was saving this for later, but I think Summer needs it now.”

  “You brought me wine? After you did so much extra this week while I was in the hospital?”

  “Well, that’s what an employee’s supposed to do, right? Cover for the boss?”

  It was about time something goo
d happened. Even with all the heartache and sadness, Summer’s mood lifted slightly. Not just her mood. It felt like a five-hundred-pound weight had lifted off her back. She’d have someone to share the work, the responsibility, and, yes, the excitement when things went right. She hadn’t let herself realize how hard and exhausting and pressure-filled doing it alone was.

  Summer reached out, grabbed her hand. “This is tremendous. Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure I want to give it a try.” The very brash, very outspoken Annabeth had an unusually tentative smile on her face. “I took courses on Web design, coding. It was something I could squeeze in around work that didn’t take the time of getting a full college degree. I don’t want to do that all day long, though.”

  “Because you’re not a boring computer nerd like my fiancé,” Madison said with a knowing nod.

  Annabeth smirked. “I think I could live with ‘boring’ if I was a billionaire like Knox. But I know I’m not brilliant at it like him—I just have a knack. And I want to be able to apply it to something I care about. I think working at Forever Summer could be a great mix of my new computer skills and styling customers. Maybe even start up a more personalized service where we style clients at their house for an event.”

  Omigosh. A sparkle of excitement crawled up Summer’s spine. Even more proof that she wasn’t doing this alone anymore. That Annabeth brought not just an extra pair of hands to the table, but fresh ideas. “See? Do you see what a marvelous idea that is? It never occurred to me. I love it.”

  Hope shone in Annabeth’s dark eyes—and doubt pursed her lips tighter than a perfectly made dumpling at dim sum in Chinatown. “That’s not the codeine talking, is it?”

  “I’m on OTC ibuprofen. The boring stuff, or I wouldn’t be grabbing for that wine,” Summer said, crooking her finger until Brooke slid her a glass. “Put in your notice at the POV and I’ll reiterate how much I like the idea on your first official day.” She tugged on Annabeth’s hand to haul her in for a one-armed hug. “We are going to have so much fun and make so much money.”

  “I like the sound of that!”

  Chloe scooched in to add her own hug of congratulations, which encircled both of them. “Ooh, can you hold off on quitting until after Saturday? The ACSs are taking Griffin out to celebrate my finally popping the question. I know they’d want you to be there with them one last time.”

  “The way Knox tips? Heck, I’ll go back in and pick up shifts whenever they want to stop by. But yeah, I’ll have to give two weeks’ notice. I’ll make sure I’m on their section Saturday night.”

  Just hearing Chloe mention the other ACSs brought the thought of Riley back to the forefront of Summer’s brain.

  Ouch.

  So much for the brief, happy distraction. Wallowing was back in full force.

  No, first she had to get Brooke fully back on the sympathy train. “Can we revisit how I’m miserable because the man I love dumped me? Categorically and undeniably dumped me, while I was in a hospital bed?” Sure, it played the pity card. Sure, Summer was well-aware that Riley had tried to avoid the conversation and she’d pushed him into it. But she needed a full complement on her sympathy squad.

  Brooke held up the wine bottle and waggled it back and forth. “Hey, I’ll top you off all night. Every night you need it. Same with chocolate, cheesy movies, and sushi. I’ll listen to you whimper about no longer having fantastic sex and I’ll make all the appropriate noises. But I won’t agree that Riley dumped you. Because he didn’t.”

  “Is it Logan?” Madison leaned in, nose crinkled in distaste. She plumped up the ruching of her scarf. “Did he use pillow-talk time to brainwash you into only seeing Riley’s side of it?”

  Brooke settled on the stool next to Summer. Grabbed her hands. “Hear me out. Riley didn’t dump you, per se. He ejected. You know, when a fighter pilot can tell things are going south, he ejects so that he doesn’t burn up and crash with the plane.”

  “I’m the spiraling, crashing plane?”

  “Yes.”

  Well…well, fuck. Summer snatched her hands back. “I’m not wild about that analogy.”

  “I’ve only known you for two months. In that short time, I’ve learned that you have a deep and abiding love for red lipstick. You’re never afraid to speak your mind—and a customer is the only time you at least pull your verbal punches to not be deadly. You’d never turn down a dare. And you don’t believe in the future.”

  Summer wanted to stand up and pace while she defended herself. This metal rod in her leg was turning out to be a bigger nuisance than she’d anticipated. “That’s not true. I’m not a fatalist. I don’t think the world will end in our lifetime. I believe in happy endings.”

  “But you don’t believe they’re guaranteed. At least, not for you. Almost like you used up your one free-life card already, and don’t expect another one—but you do expect that the need for one will arise.”

  Amazing how Brooke had known her for only two months and yet summed her up so perfectly. Desperate for backup, she swiveled to face her best friend. “Chloe. You’re awfully quiet. Agree with me. Tell Brooke she’s clearly nuts. Tell her Riley dumped me.”

  Moving a tad awkwardly in the rarely worn heels, Chloe moved closer. Lifted her arms waist-high as if to make a strong point, and then dropped them. She looked at Annabeth, Brooke, Madison, in turn. Even craned her neck around to look at the photographer back in the living room. When there was nobody left to look at besides the crow on the windowsill, Chloe finally shifted her gaze to Summer.

  “I think, while not on purpose, you made it clear to Riley by both words and actions over the last few months that you two don’t have a future.”

  “What?” It came out as more of a gasp than a word.

  Chloe bulldozed on. “You love him, but you don’t have the wherewithal to take it to the next level and start planning for an entire life with him. Brooke used the perfect analogy. He could see that your relationship was on a death-spiral trajectory to crash. Riley simply ejected before he got any more burned.”

  That shook her. Chloe was always there for her. She’d literally saved Summer’s life, for crying out loud. Was…was it possible she thought Riley had done the right thing? That Summer was so damaged and closed off to the future that she’d basically forced him to break up with her out of self-preservation?

  That Summer had—or was well on the way to—hurt Riley more? More than he’d hurt her?

  In a very small voice, she said, “I do love him. I do believe in love. I’m going to be the maid of honor in your wedding, for crying out loud.”

  “There’s a perfect example to shore up my argument.”

  “I don’t want you to shore the damn thing up.” Summer drained half of her wine in one long gulp. “You’re making me sad.”

  “Good.”

  Omigod. Summer fitted her crutches under her arm and stood. A more lopsided than angry stance, unfortunately, but it felt right. “What the hell, Chloe?”

  Her friend didn’t back down in the face of her obvious temper. “You held a mirror up to me not too long ago. Made me confront some things about myself I’d been not just ignoring, but not even acknowledging. It’s my turn to put a mirror in front of you. One that is a million times more unflattering than any department store fitting room mirror.”

  “That’s cold,” Madison whispered.

  Chloe clasped her hands in front of her heart. “I know, from the top of my head to the bottom of my toes, that you think Griff and I are perfect for each other. But right after we got engaged? You said, I hope you’ll be happy. Not I know you’ll be happy. It’s a tiny difference, but it shows so much. It shows your fear.”

  “My what?” Summer tightened her grip on her crutches. Because even if she had two good legs, they’d be the only things holding her up right now.

  “You don’t have a lack of faith in the future. You’re just scared you won’t get one. You, the girl who’ll try anything, who lets the world think she’s fearle
ss.” Chloe shook her head so hard that her carefully styled hair came out of the bobby pins at the side. “You’re the most fraidy-cat of us all.”

  That lit a fire under Summer, got her pounding unevenly the length of the room to get away from the accusation. Leaning against the front door for support, she brandished a crutch at Chloe. “How dare you?”

  “How dare I what?” Throwing up her arms, Chloe stamped her foot. Madison, Brooke, and Annabeth all froze. “Make you confront your fear instead of ignoring it? How dare I care about you enough to want you to have the same happiness I do? How dare I want you to give this man who lights you up and treats you so well a chance?”

  Summer was shaking with…she didn’t even know what. She sure as hell didn’t want to identify the emotions coursing through her. Not if there was the tiniest chance those feelings would prove Chloe at all right. “I’m not a coward.”

  “You are if you don’t change. If you don’t confront this head-on.”

  “This label of a ‘fraidy-cat’ is ridiculous. I’m way braver than you. I have literally left my apartment at midnight to come over and kill a spider for you.”

  “Which I appreciated.” Coming closer, Chloe’s voice gentled. Softened. “Consider this to be me returning the favor. Me saving you—from yourself.”

  No. Summer Sheridan didn’t need saving. Not again. Not since the day she got shot and Chloe had saved her. Once she’d died, she’d remade her life exactly how she wanted it to be. New name, new college major, new attitude. Everything was perfect as is.

  “Just stop it,” she demanded. Harshly. Because Summer really couldn’t take another minute of this supposedly well-meaning attack. “Stop saying things like that. You’ve got bride brain. You want to see everyone married.”

  “I’ll admit that I think life is better when it’s shared. I’m your best friend. I’m not being mean to you. I’m saying all of this out of love. Yes, you’ve proven you are independent and successful. You don’t need a man. You need this man. And I’m pretty sure that he needs you just as much.”