Even Now

Home > Other > Even Now > Page 3
Even Now Page 3

by Hugo Claus


  virtues, wrinkles, solitude.

  The nights grew older and longer.

  And then, without a sign or word, a grumbling verdict

  was passed. That’s right! Justice could be done!

  How else can we explain that we

  unnecessarily, improbably, unjustly,

  were dancing slowly by the sea?

  Now often, when the evening falls like snow,

  a thing or creature moves towards us. And it

  reaches us and in our pity-hollowed trunks,

  it bears its fatal young.

  from An Eye for an Eye [1963]

  (after the ancients)

  1 Him

  My soul says, Run,

  even if it costs you money and love

  So says my soul

  But I don’t move an inch, I can’t

  Because my soul, the snake, is still mad about that little

  black-haired bitch!

  2 Her

  An evening like any other. Nothing

  to tell me you were present in the world.

  I received no notification

  I could have missed you

  I could have stayed home that afternoon,

  fallen ill, met your cousin instead of you

  Someone else would have taken me that night

  Isn’t it better to be made of stone?

  Or am I glad it was you?

  It’s better to be grass

  People mow it, weed it and

  it grows wild again, never the same.

  4 Him

  People say that a man

  who has been bitten by a mad dog

  sees the image of the beast

  in water everywhere

  Have the teeth of rabid love sunk into me,

  that in the vastness of the sea, the river’s

  whirlpools and the glass from which I drink,

  I cannot escape your image

  smiling up at me?

  5 Her

  Marsha said, He’s too old for you. Imagine!

  Knock it off, I said. Next thing you’ll say

  I can’t forget my dad. Come on!

  But I still think Marsha’s great. Lovely, really

  ’Cept when she gets like that …

  You’re old, my beetle, yes, but you find your way in me.

  No one finds their way as easily as you.

  Wait, I have to do my nails. Now? Yes, right this moment.

  Wait, I said.

  (“I’ve got him where I want him,

  like a beetle on a pin.”)

  9 Her

  Dear bumpkin, I won’t be beautiful when I’m old

  Hurry,

  caress the eyes of my breasts

  22 Him

  Yes, your eyes sparkle star-like everywhere!

  And you make me your captive

  when you dance with another!

  It’s true, it’s true, your secret hair

  burns on the lips of your lovers!

  But soon (so very soon, my bunny rabbit)

  you’ll see them land on the moon on TV.

  And what will still be shining then,

  there in your room?

  The diamond in your ear and nothing else.

  from The Sign of the Hamster [1963]

  Een razernij, een kuil, een pijnbank om te pijnen

  Haar zotter lievers die nog in haar kercker zijn.

  Bredero

  (A pit, a frenzy, a rack on which to torture

  the foolish lovers imprisoned in its dungeons.)

  ~ ~ ~

  This is what I will write:

  a trip from Ghent to Bruges and back.

  Because I am being written.

  It doesn’t rain, it drizzles

  in this country in the grip of the past.

  Should I emigrate?

  No rock or wilderness anywhere unless this history-crazed nation

  excavates it and cultivates officers there to keep the peace

  and nowhere is the thought’s main seam laid bare.

  This is what I was going to write:

  a tater for later, a third for a verse,

  allegro con fuoco.

  But peevishly grieving, the hooked spire rises,

  surrounded by clawing clouds and trees like antlers,

  under the aluminium sky with, in it, a falcon

  or a sparrow hawk.

  Tower, gallows, cross.

  Now that — from the days of Ursula, her virgins and her executioner—

  the plague has been reintroduced

  to the cocked and loaded continent

  I will be intelligibly resistible.

  Left Ghent

  — though I, thank God, do hate this town,

  there’s not a turd that doesn’t have a fly to buzz around it in the sun

  and Ghent has gates that never close

  although the Lys reeks of folklore (foreign currency)—

  for the town where I was born among cars,

  scalpels and Memlincs.

  Left not unwillingly,

  but with women-trouble i.e. moody

  and otherwise not contemplating heavenly bodies

  but more the skin you pull over your own eyes

  and the disease in which you find a home — satisfied.

  Now the rabbits have died in the west

  the foxes (giant hamsters) feed on the sheep,

  biting their udders and bellies at night.

  The sun wants its shadow.

  Nocturnal birds of prey (so much softer than falcons or sparrow hawks)

  wear lined gloves that cover

  their fingers to the beds of their nails.

  Like the cross spider’s

  simple rhymes.

  Left Ghent among loaded smiling postmen,

  following the tram tracks

  “between channels, many”

  and waving to relatives or residents.

  Lots of streets offered diversions under skirts.

  Low entertainment throbbed in wandering eyes.

  Slow down, you, who used to

  venerate the moment

  and now return to perhaps, therefore and but

  and will soon believe in Nature like a newspaper.

  Cat people sleep away their days and hunt at night,

  the birdman wakes before dawn,

  I am the toad and nowhere to be found

  unless you drag the pond

  or beat the grass.

  The houses here are grey and crenelated,

  their skin recalls a woman with

  the pox. Renovation only speeds

  the rot. The houses here are dead and

  tortured The residents shack up in them

  quite happily.

  Like using a scalpel

  to search a vagina

  for a foetus.

  Stefan George in Heidelberg: You can ask me

  to eat bread that has been adulterated

  with a large amount of bark.

  That’s acceptable.

  But there are situations in which one must say,

  “No, not that. I would rather die.”

  (Which? He doesn’t hesitate,

  a mountain wind blows,

  the poet shines on a boy like the sun.)

  “For instance.

  If one were obliged to eat rats or mice.”

  At that time (in the Bagne of Toulon)

  they dyed the Zouaves’ trousers

  crimson.

  Near South Station, in the Telstar, the card-players sit,

  silhouetted sharply against the day.

  Present are: Horsedick and Hadji Baba (because of his slanty eyes)

  Gaspipe (for bashing passers-by) Snowwhite (four years suspended

  sentence) and Bugs (who scratches)

  cadaverous, sordid,

  the weavers’ shady descendants, joking

  and hoping for a guardian angel to bring

  them stunning luck and Sundays

>   (when they give the cards a rest)

  udders.

  In the Advanced Book Shop,

  as academic as the lost Hebrew word in

  Isaiah Two Six, as dark as Yahweh,

  the toads are mating.

  Her underneath, dropsical, with eyes of mud and chlorine,

  and on her shoulders,

  struggling yet motionless,

  the father (like a suckling).

  Blocked yet balanced.

  No peat smoke can bother them. Gender is absent,

  inflection and conjugation.

  Then like a moral lesson, a celebration,

  he moves, almost falls, gives a bitter belch and shudders. A tic.

  Respect makes women thin. He moves no more.

  Like the lure of your hedgehog

  among plaster prickles.

  Left for Bruges. The year has taken off its coat.

  Rode through the countryside under azure skies, paling.

  As always, the bandy-legged farmers came

  to stare at the rain-bringing train,

  bowing chastened to the ground.

  No more than a legend, they dig the earth

  like harnessed ploughshares. And vote compliantly.

  Cherishing their farms and children Senator and priest

  so sacred groaning wins over legislators

  and no-one ever hits his neighbour, in astonishment

  and fury at the sameness of things.

  No-one vomits, skin rules and smothers the broad suspicions.

  I don’t want to go on, they are contagious, I want

  to go back to being wrapped in the jabbering that dims as

  Death defeats me.

  Come here. Now? Come on. “Look into my eyes.”

  Bruges. My mother holds her babe — her prey — tight.

  They have to search inside her.

  The doctors at her bed compare makes of cars

  and my father beeps at the gate.

  Boneblack and dead I am born between

  the hospital Memlincs,

  Ursula among the angels wrapped in membranes.

  No vine leaves or deerskin,

  but metal organ pipes.

  The seraphic canon: my first breastplate.

  Again the year takes off its coat

  in the city of lacework, obsequies and star-shaped vaults.

  Oh, the old-style zinc smirks

  of paladins, prelates and pimps

  crammed onto panels!

  On brick walls: the Annunciation.

  Naked with a dagger and a feather hat: Lucrezia.

  How elegantly mocking

  is the past.

  The fools of Bruges stand at the back

  of the preaching hurtful mob.

  Like the moth-

  eaten myth.

  […]

  from Lord Wildboar [1970]

  Lord Wildboar

  THE DEATH OF HIS FOREFATHER

  He left us well before he died,

  six months before, dull, broke, reeking, wrecked,

  for all he walked intact from room to room.

  “I haven’t known a moment’s joy,”

  he said and tried to breathe,

  audibly in the cooking smells.

  He then turned blue. Like a plum.

  He loved his plums. And cherries too,

  the younger the better. Mother sat alone.

  Not that he was dead just yet. No,

  he held onto the chairs, seasick.

  It was his heart that wouldn’t die,

  the engine. The chassis, the bodywork

  were shot but the engine was still good.

  He took to bed and sometimes he was dead.

  The nuns hissed, “Yes, his time has come.”

  But with a gasp and a hiccup,

  he started up again; just bluer.

  They took him to the room

  reserved for dying—

  where the soul escapes decay.

  His head was clearly shrinking,

  the size now of a woman’s fist.

  With staring eyes. But could they see?

  Nature takes its course. They stopped

  his food and drink, but still he wanted it;

  he chewed. The nuns sang the Angelus.

  When they dabbed his lips with a sponge,

  he bit into it and wouldn’t let go.

  They pinched his nose and he let go.

  No rattle. A gasp and hiccup now and then.

  Yes, his time had come. Freezing cold below the knees

  and sweating up above. But the engine didn’t stop.

  They gave up bed baths. Turning him

  might jolt his heart and make it stop.

  Eau de Cologne, not too strong, on his temples.

  Don’t talk too loud. Don’t mention debt.

  Or signatures. Could you please leave now, sir.

  Son or not, please leave. He hears it all, every word.

  The inside of his mouth turned black. His skin—

  the less said the better. They wiped away the black

  that crept into the edges of the sores, so fast.

  Fist-sized craters in the cheeks of his arse,

  with black mouldy edges. Declutch, a shock, he over-

  strained the engine. Which stopped, thank God.

  And suddenly collapsed in on itself.

  They filled the man-sized hole inside

  with cardboard and cotton wool.

  And wrenched him straight, before he stiffened,

  or else they’d have to break the bones

  to make him look good in the coffin.

  No washing even now. Each touch disturbs

  the flesh, as light as pollen in spring,

  bone dust in the wounds.

  Difficult sorrow came for Sir Wildboar,

  beset by attorneys and family meetings

  and the days of the cart and the funeral.

  I was the nail in his coffin, he often said.

  Even now, a fingernail, as a final gesture,

  scratching the walnut of his head.

  Lord, take your son into your arms.

  The women went left (all lovers).

  The men went right (all sons).

  The time of the earth fermenting inside him now.

  The time of the seasons. Quick give me a beer.

  Forefathers galore — and all cut off.

  His Prayers

  1

  The slow cattle of my days

  and all those years of rancour,

  bad-tempered romps in the garden next door.

  I dreamt I unzipped my lashes

  and gave them to you, merciful one,

  and you blew them like a dandelion,

  oh, restrain your punishing hand!

  In my subterranean warehouse of words

  the iron jams, the plum bursts open,

  teeth chip and splinter.

  Your holy bread won’t heal me.

  Nails, thorns and Veronica’s veil.

  And how the guts of the three murderers

  on Golgotha dried out, the third one’s too!

  Your will be done!

  The temple curtain works itself loose,

  falling over my eyes, my lips, my crotch

  through the intercession of all your mutilated children.

  2

  It’s later than anyone imagines.

  What’s growing in our core?

  What’s gnawing on our backbone?

  We carry our skin.

  —Benevolent one.

  And we are not scorched

  though darkness falls

  in the stairwell of thought

  and night splits the tips of our fingers.

  —Look down in mercy.

  Warts from earlier crimes

  are planted in the child

  in its mother’s womb.

  Quick. Slide Father under the bed,

  put on a crash helmet.

  —I plac
e myself

  at your disposal.

  3

  The house rustles, a board snaps loose like a shot.

  Then someone says my name,

  nearby, more clearly than my mother used to call

  in the darkening street.

  Clattering leaves,

  animals lapping water,

  and my name again,

  like the bark of a birch bursting open.

  Listening to the muffled tick

  accelerating in my wrist

  I wait for the order that will now

  descend from a hellish flock of crows.

  Demolish the house, brick by brick?

  Quell the embryo inside of her?

  What must I incinerate?

  How to smother forever the prayer

  rattling around my bed?

  from Hearsay [1970]

  Anthropology

  This nation that supposedly

  moves between two poles,

  excess and godliness,

  believes less in the hereafter

  than in its daily groats.

  This nation will give alms on Sunday

  for the pope or Africa,

  or burn incense to venerate the statue

  of the Curé d’Ars who stank of the poor,

  but generally pays and prays to calm

  its fear of leaner years and butter up

  its docile rulers, the realtors.

  In Flanders Fields

  The soil here’s the richest.

  Even after all these years without manure

  you could grow a dead-man’s leek

  to beat the best.

  The British veterans grow scarce.

  Each year they point out to their scarcer friends:

  Hill Sixty, Hill Sixty-One, Poelcapelle.

  In Flanders Fields the threshers drive

 

‹ Prev