Even Now

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Even Now Page 4

by Hugo Claus


  in ever tighter rings around the winding lines

  of hardened sandbags, the bowels of death.

  The local butter

  tastes of poppies.

  Memorial Statue in West Flanders

  The grazing of the nearby cattle.

  The farmer sitting in the shade of the pale statue.

  The trees that bow for the wind from the sea.

  His parents bought the patch of land

  where he was buried in mud up to the jawbone.

  He was a gifted student.

  “Maths or something,” the farmer says.

  The sculptor worked from an old school photo.

  “Two years later the parents died as well,” the farmer says.

  “It’s getting cold. I have to milk the goats.”

  More bones somewhere else.

  Corroded by the acid of the polder soil,

  a childless son with a guilty stare,

  as if looking down at his geometry,

  his grave in the grass.

  A Bed In Bruges

  “I work in the chemical industry, Sir,

  where you die by degrees.

  After ten years you get to retire

  because of the fumes in your lungs.

  “I’ve been there fourteen years, Sir,

  the last two as a driver.

  And in those two years I haven’t had to vomit once,

  because of the fresh air.

  “We Belgians drive better than anyone else in all of Europe,

  and I’ve been everywhere.

  Because we drive dangerously.

  It makes you more careful of the others,

  who drive dangerously too, but won’t admit it.

  “And you know the most beautiful thing I’ve seen?

  And I’ve been in the Sistine Chapel,

  and I’ve seen Gisele lift her skirts in the Mocambo.

  Well, it’s in a shop in Bruges,

  a wine-red bed. Empire. Or is it Louis Quinze?

  “In that bed, with Gisele, I would forget my three children

  and the entire calendar.

  Love, Sir, should be in satin.

  And death, Sir, is the feeling you get in your stomach

  when you know you will never be able to afford a bed like that.”

  The Farmers

  Thirty pigs, fifteen cows, a tractor 75 HP,

  a TV, fifty chickens, no kids.

  (“We’d have liked some, sure, Sir,

  but we’re not keen on doctors or hospitals,

  ’cause what if something happened to the wife, Sir,

  who’d take care of the stock?”)

  Villas—“Morning Glory”, “Spring Breeze”, “Bambino”—

  are planted in their fields.

  Their rye and wheat dissected by

  the Flemish Touring Club’s recommended walking path.

  Sundays, after Mass, they shuffle,

  wearing shirts, transformed, clean-shaven, awkward, over their fields,

  staring at the earth they don’t see on workdays,

  with their short-sighted grubbing and grabbing.

  Potatoes and bacon weekdays

  and every Sunday a chicken out of the freezer.

  When the air boils and the crows are gasping, they drink seven

  slugs of brown ale

  leaning on the oil tank in front of the house.

  They only tremble after a day tossing hay up over their heads,

  or filling in the deposit slip at the Municipal Credit.

  (“Three to three and a half percent. Is it safe?

  The notary says it is. But what if they get in trouble, Sir?”)

  Does the tolling of the village bell

  preserve them from their fate? To avert the evil eye they nail three

  bats to the barn door, alive.

  The Rubens Room in the Antwerp Museum of Fine Arts

  Faced with so much irrepressible flesh, the girl in the museum smiles

  like a young nun in the sun.

  Such excessiveness is hardly human;

  the human, as her ethics teacher taught her,

  is a mammal, true, but these women,

  this endless flood of fleshy quince (the perfect bridal fruit)? No,

  the girl laughs. She hugs her Avenue to her breasts,

  two underdone fried eggs with lots of runny white.

  Does she have the same tissues?

  Will a similar surrender one day melt her skeleton

  into such filthy, sloppy tumescence?

  If this blubber is divine,

  then life’s a thing that suffocates in gravy and jelly

  with udders and tangled hair,

  a thing that strangles by embrace.

  The girl laughs. Chastity, as far as she’s concerned, can triumph over love

  and death can triumph over chastity.

  The vulva deificata is a different commodity,

  installed in her it’s quite a different thing,

  a whisper, rather, in the night in spring.

  1965

  (in reply to a newspaper survey about the previous year)

  Year of atrocities, year of TV screens and stock reports,

  Year of milk and honey if you’re asleep,

  Year that weighs on your stomach if you’re awake,

  Sweet year, good year for sleep-walkers,

  Year that 25 billion Belgian francs went to NATO

  for tanks, flags and jets

  (mosquitoes in death’s unbounded clouds)

  Year of Mobutu, we send him assistance in dollars and cents knowing

  they’ll

  blossom into percentages,

  Year of Voeren, which people want to rescue for a language they only read

  in

  advertisements,

  Year of freeways for ever hastier sheep,

  Year of rot in Belgian skulls,

  Year that licked at the trough of folklore,

  Year (fortunately far from our piggy banks and our folk dancing)

  of the escalation there where children grey with fear

  dig themselves deeper into mud

  (Give them this day our daily napalm

  and later our canned food and later our prayers)

  Year that freezes smiles.

  That was the year I went to live in a village

  with books, a woman and a child

  that grows

  while I tell stories about tigers in the East.

  Home

  III

  The singular sky

  That brightens the earth.

  The path that leads our steps

  And in it our track: a dotted line to the end.

  Nature: bordered.

  The land: bound in.

  In shades of salmon and metal.

  The posts that sway when you move.

  The reflection of the saffron field.

  The pigeon behind wire.

  The mouse-grey on the floor of the cage

  Is the old seeds.

  Speckled and striped.

  The world seems trapped in a grid.

  Your eyes pierce the pattern,

  Mottled, almost hidden,

  The hole is a mirror.

  The simplicity of a bucket.

  And finally, awake, present,

  Never ready-varnished, only limited

  By walls of gradual lines,

  Turning on the spot,

  The man bending down to his bucket.

  Home. Almost a world of its own.

  In Memory of Ferdi

  In the Paris I now hate,

  in ’55, in rooms that were scorching,

  we were hungry,

  you showed a lot of breast that summer—

  Your lips: scornful of all others.

  You’re in the night now and in water

  and I — do you believe me? am senseless, sleepless.

  You who made velvet ferns

  in what I must call
“back then”.

  Even now you confuse my thoughts of you.

  They flake and chip, chattering away

  in this disenchanted canto for a slight, lost lady

  Ah, the emptiness of my regret

  and the wandering desperation

  of my provisional present tense

  with you in many coats, flowering flesh

  in the bygone, bygone zone.

  Female Friend

  She said, “I would never kill.

  Not even if a man a meter away from me

  was strangling my little boy.

  All life is sacred.”

  And I saw her in sodium light,

  the sibyl with her outrageous law,

  in heat with suicide and prayer.

  How the clay hungers for the skeleton

  and the earth for the dung

  and the mop for the blood!

  And how I dance in my bestial sweat

  and would kill and how!

  Early December

  (for the New Year’s guests)

  Shall I ask them for New Year’s? To celebrate together here

  With punch and feeble grins? To see the New Year in.

  Who? Not those who are too wild, not those who are too mild,

  Not those who count too much, but those who tell too much.

  And most of all the ones like us.

  I will soothe them with booze until they crack.

  Should I make them pay? Would that enhance their thirst?

  Quail? Waffles? Shall I also ask the self-generating

  Toad full of poison gas who guesses at family secrets

  In my transparent verse? And the greasy connoisseur

  Who sits up and begs at the slightest crumb of protestation?

  And that shrunken beetle who writes in his paper so brashly

  To deny the migration of souls in my poetry? Ah,

  Even his corpse will never crack a smile!

  I will invite them. No, you ask them, madame, as

  I, homunculus in my menthol cloud of dread,

  Am like Mickey Spillane, weathered out of my own desires.

  Ah, together we will all compulsively pig ourselves

  To a full-blown rectal cancer,

  We, miniatures more at home in heraldry

  Than in nature. Ah, to greet the New Year with

  All its whims and grudges, its freezing cold, we’ll scream

  dozens of Quantanamèras and Yesterdays.

  Yes, again, again. Shall I ask them?

  Diary Pages

  6 (

  On Thomas’s Fourth Birthday

  )

  Later, my son, you’ll be a man,

  later you will yearn to learn the how and why.

  They’ll stamp you like luggage.

  They’ll hurt you for your wishes and your dreams.

  And you will try once and for all to photograph

  the how and why of the woman

  who turns between your sheets

  who sings as you expand in her skin.

  And later still, son, your life

  will be a scrapbook.

  But not for ages yet, no, not for ages yet.

  17 (Translation)

  Translated Borges’s Tango today.

  (qua propter quod bene factum est in una lingua)

  Jesus!

  It creaks in every joint, it waddles,

  this dirge of a dance.

  In Spanish: a hard box with music inside,

  a sparking flint, a coiled spring.

  In Flemish: a band-aid. The metre slides under the table.

  The link to the music is lost.

  (non est possibile)

  Faithfully ailing, how else could it be?

  A Flemish tango on two-timing feet.

  from Morning, You [1971]

  Mad Dog Stanzas, traditionally reserved for poetry by drunkards and lunatics

  ~ ~ ~

  I see her thinking: My kisses

  are cold tonight. — How she then hurls

  herself into that trusted void!

  Mechanically prodding me from

  her vacuum. — Towards her smell.

  ~ ~ ~

  I count the steps on the stairs

  and then subtract her age.

  The number of times the clocks strike

  are the thirteen letters of her name.

  I tear her like a wet newspaper.

  ~ ~ ~

  Will I ever grow used to time

  that wears us down together?

  Or will I, like her, become a coincidence,

  an aperture in time? —

  Her slit is my sign.

  ~ ~ ~

  You lie there naked, but no more naked than at the doctor’s.

  Your wound no more naked than your knees.

  As if it’s a habit. My own body, I’ve come to see

  with different eyes. As if, after all these years,

  the rejection no longer applies.

  ~ ~ ~

  Your palm glides more softly, you’re starting

  to get it. Your breasts are fuller too

  after three months of caresses. The dance

  of your hip finally echoes our first nights

  with all those teething problems.

  ~ ~ ~

  Close to her, I think: our story is

  cold metal, something for half

  a day a week, a passing madness.

  And I’m just the table leg a bitch

  pisses on out of longing for something else.

  ~ ~ ~

  Getting dressed. Pressing what I’ve worshipped

  into stretch panties. Arranging your segments.

  You raise your foot & I think

  you think I’m a part of you.

  Something like an ingrown toenail.

  ~ ~ ~

  “More. Don’t stop. Faster!” No, she didn’t groan

  it, she swore, “Oh, God, oh, God damn it!”

  And then, “What have you done

  to my face? It looks years younger!”

  And then, “Oh, boy, if you ever cheat on me!”

  ~ ~ ~

  It’s finished. Adieu. Hidden under make-up.

  Or rather, did it ever exist? Or is there

  a corpse still lying here between the sheets,

  looking like the two of us and panting still?

  Her mouth: my lock.

  ~ ~ ~

  The smell of her cunt and arse confuse her,

  the taste in my mouth shames her.

  She’s not that fish, she thinks, with piss and sweat,

  but some other animal, deodorised and in another land.

  That’s why she’s sometimes hated by her glands.

  ~ ~ ~

  Her name which you say and yawning

  spell out over and over again, snowed under.

  Her name which you groan

  until the neighbour calls the police.

  Her name which you swallow / like she swallows her pill.

  ~ ~ ~

  When she sleeps I open

  her finest pages and read

  the wiring of her soft,

  warm television—

  a circuit from her to her.

  ~ ~ ~

  Ha-ha! I had a heart, I swear it,

  trembling like any other. And chattering.

  Truly, it lay there waiting for her.

  — She took her iron and placed

  it on my heart and pressed and pressed.

  ~ ~ ~

  “Do you want to?”—“If you do, so do I.”

  “Then I don’t want to.”—“Me neither.”

  Who wanted to? Who wanted to?

  When tenderness is in the majority,

  there’s no one to open the door.

  ~ ~ ~

  “He took my virginity,” she said.

  “Every day I’m scared of him,” she said.

  “I can never trust him,” she said.

  “I sob for h
ours at a time,” she said and sobbed,

  “and you, you’re just my lover.”

  from Figurative [1973]

  Five Polaroids of Jesus Christ

  1

  A stick insect

  with something feminine around the ribs

  an iris in his midriff.

  (Death is in my hipbone, the left,

  my jaws already calcified;

  once I was as bright as a flower,

  as bitter as blossom.)

  Mutant. Transformed from man

  to mantis by paternal wrath.

  He is edible, digestible

  like the crickets of the sea.

  The sun burns him

  to blisters and shreds

  and ash that drifts to the water.

  2

  At the village pump he let the children

  play with his crown of thorns.

  He pointed at a comet and said,

  “Look, my father’s winking at you.”

  Then his mount grew restless.

  “I would like,” he said, “the greatest sinner

  among you to take a bite out of my ear.”

  But they kept staring at his girlish hair

  and sullenly he spurred his pony on

  across the crushed-ice sand.

  3

  One of his manifestations preached

  the following: “Hey, followers!

  What’s going on? People,

  God help us, with the hots for purity,

  want to replace gold with white!

  They want to shuck off their senses,

  unsullied by minerals, changing

  the gold of thought

  into bland half-hearted white!

 

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