by Lindsey Hart
The light turned green and Evie resumed their journey. Thomas stared straight forward. He felt like shit. His body ached. The burns always hurt, just below the surface, a pounding, vibrating ache that never went away. A wicked headache pounded just behind his temples and the bright afternoon sunlight did nothing at all to help. Not to mention the fact that his stomach churned with anxiety and nerves. Fear gripped his guts and twisted them. Bile crawled up the back of his throat.
“We don’t have to do this,” Eve said, breaking into his thoughts once again. “If you’re not ready, we can just turn around and go home. I thought this was a good idea, well maybe not a good idea, but something that was necessary, but I don’t know now.” She turned worried, pale blue eyes away from the road. She’d foregone makeup, which was unlike her. Her lips, a beautiful pale pink, looked better without gloss or lipstick anyway. She smiled gently. “I just don’t want to hurt you, Tom.”
I just don’t want to hurt you. She sounded so sad when she said it, it was like a knife to Thomas’ stomach. Like a physical blow. Suddenly he wanted to do this for her. For himself as well. To prove that he could get through it.
“No. You’re right. We’ll make it. I might have to punch someone if they stare at me too long, but we’ll make it.”
“Oh god, I hope you’re joking,” Evie laughed. “Please tell me you’re just joking!”
“I’m just joking. Unless someone is a real asshole and we’re out in the parking lot anyway. Then, you know…”
“Thomas!”
“I’ll behave.”
“Promise? After yesterday and the dishes I-uh- well anything is possible, I guess.”
“You mean that I could actually fly off the handle at the least amount of provocation.”
She turned towards him again, one blonde brow arched. “Yah. I guess so.”
He still couldn’t believe she hadn’t left over the kitchen scene. God, what a mess it was. All of it. She hadn’t said a word. She’d come home with coffee earlier and made a couple calls. Swept up the broken dishes afterwards and stacked up the ruined drawers. All so very calm.
Evie rounded a bend into a parking lot. Thomas glanced up at the big box store in surprise. This wasn’t the kind of place Eve shopped. Those dishes he’d destroyed, they’d been specially ordered from some company that exclusively sold dishes. They were astronomically expensive, but she had to have the best.
“Here we are.” She maneuvered the car into a parking spot, far too cheerfully, before she killed the engine.
“Yes, here we are.” Thomas’ whole body began to tremble.
The shakes were slow at first but grew worse the longer he sat there staring up at that stupid box store with the white stucco and red letters emblazoned across the front. Smiling, laughing people walked through the parking lot. Some were couples, holding hands. Others had children they guided. It was all so normal. A world he no longer was a part of.
“Tom?” She reached over and gripped his hand in hers. “If anyone stares it’s only going to be because they’re envious.”
“Envious of this?” He asked incredulously. He jabbed his index finger incredulously in the direction of the ruined side of his face.
“No. Envious of me. That I’m with such a handsome man. That even after a year in a hospital bed you’re still incredible. None of the men in that store are going to measure up. None of them.”
Thomas’ gaze met Evie’s. He searched her eyes for a hint of humor. She must be joking. Must be, yet he only saw honesty there. Honesty and… desire. He was so stunned it nearly knocked him back in his seat. She wanted him. It was as clear as day. She hadn’t looked at him like that in a very long time. Looked at him like he was a man. It took his breath away. The sting of tears burned at the back of his eyes and he turned away, grabbing the door handle before he could break down and bawl like a baby.
What the hell is wrong with me?
He stumbled out of the car and stood uselessly in the parking lot. He waited for Eve to come around. Waited for her to make the first move because he was no longer brave enough. He was afraid of what he saw in her eyes. Afraid that she didn’t really mean it. That it was just a trick of the sun. That he’d imagined it in his own state of hard longing.
She walked up beside him, a vision in a yellow sundress and a pair of flip-flops. He didn’t know where she’d got them. Evie didn’t wear flip-flops. Yet there she stood, her feet clad in flimsy plastic with little yellow flowers on the straps. Her hair was unbound, hardly brushed, a little mussed. No makeup. She was still flawless. Like a sun child, wild and free.
She slipped her hand through his, the bad one, the one that always felt a little numb. She didn’t flinch at the feel of the scars, the rough, raised skin. She held her head high like she truly did believe he was still a man she could be proud of.
He was wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt. He still felt exposed. His hand, his neck, his cheek. It all stuck out, glaringly. He barely restrained a sense of panic as they stepped through the double glass doors and into the store.
He expected the stares to be drawn to him like a magnet, as though his scars were a beacon. No one looked at them. Not a single person turned to stare or hover or point, laugh, whisper, scream. Nothing.
“Okay, well then. Let’s go find the dishes.”
Thomas was glad that Evie took charge. She never used to. She never used to take the lead in anything at all. She always waited for him. This new side of her, this bolder, fearless, more compassionate side that wore flip flops and didn’t scream and rage at him after he destroyed her kitchen, didn’t look at him like he was some broken creature who didn’t have the capacity to save even himself, was more than a little astounding.
And sexy as hell.
The dishes aisle, unfortunately, had a few people browsing. Instead of waiting in the wings, holding back and hovering, Evie led him right down into the middle, past the elderly woman, past the couple holding hands and pointing at a red and white set, past the younger woman perusing boxes on the lower shelves.
“I like those.” Eve pointed at a flowered set with red trim. They were bright. Not heavy looking at all. Rounded. Affordable. Like nothing she would have picked out in a million years. “But I said you could choose…”
Thomas glanced around. The couple in the aisle had turned to stare at him. The woman, a middle-aged lady with streaks of grey in her dark hair, didn’t even look away when he caught her gaping at him.
“Tom?”
He whipped his head back towards Eve. “Ya. Whatever.”
“No. Not whatever. Do you like them?”
“They’re dishes. I don’t actually care. I mean, they’re fine.”
“Alright then.” Evie bent to look for a boxed-up set.
Thomas swiveled his head around, just enough to see the woman in the aisle whisper something to her husband. If the way they both turned to stare at him blatantly was any indication, it was about him.
Impotent rage and a sense of horrible futility washed over him. What did it matter if he survived that crash if the rest of his life was like this?
“Evie…” Thomas tapped her on the shoulder urgently. She pulled a box out of the shelf and straightened, glancing up at him quizzically. “Can we go now?”
“Sure-” She caught sight of the man and woman staring at him. He was shocked when she actually smiled. She shifted the box to her left arm, took a step past him and smiled. “Hey, can I help you with something?”
The older couple immediately acted flustered. The woman’s face turned beet red and her husband cleared his throat with a rough cough.
“No-er- sorry,” the man stammered.
“That’s alright,” Eve said confidently. “Have a good day.” She turned, still smiling and reached for Thomas’ hand. He let her take it, let her wrap her fingers through his, let her beautiful light envelop him.
She walked him to the cash register, whipped out her card and paid for the dishes. The cashier, a teenage kid w
ith pimples and braces, stared at Thomas the entire time. He looked away, shifting from one foot to the other.
“This might be an impolite question, but do you have a girlfriend?” Eve leaned in towards the kid and lowered her voice after the kid stammered that he didn’t. “Well, when you do-that’s a lesson to be learned. Always heed what she says. She’s always right. Otherwise, who knows. She might beat you too.”
Thomas’ head whipped back towards the cashier in time to see the poor kid go completely white. He nodded solemnly and handed Eve the receipt.
“Have a great day!” Evie flashed a winning smile, grabbed her box of dishes and sauntered out of the store. Thomas trailed after her, a small smile turning up his lips despite his effort to keep it at bay.
“You shouldn’t have tortured that kid like that,” Thomas chastened her out in the parking lot.
Evie grinned. “Sorry. That’s the more evil side of me coming out I guess. I couldn’t help myself. He knew I wasn’t serious.”
“I don’t know about that. You looked like you scared the hell out of him. He’ll probably never want a girlfriend now.”
“Oh, he knows I didn’t beat you. You would be bruised, not scarred. Unless I forced your face onto a hot burner or something.”
“Oh my god.”
Evie laughed. “Sorry. That’s just wrong.”
Their eyes met and they stared at each other for a minute before Evie burst out laughing. Thomas couldn’t hold back his own mirth. Soon his chuckle turned into a full belly laugh that almost hurt.
They reached the car and Evie put the dishes in the trunk. “Want to get some groceries? The fridge is bare.”
Thomas didn’t, but he nodded. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed so hard. Hell, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d laughed at all.
He realized, as Evie stared the car and pulled out of the parking lot, that it wasn’t just her who had changed. When she stood up for him like she had, looked at him like she did… it gave him hope. It made him feel-treasured. Like he actually had some worth. Like he mattered.
And maybe that meant that what other people thought didn’t. Eve had said it meant nothing. Maybe she was right. He was once a skinny kid with acne and braces himself. He was laughed at for that because he was a lightweight up until the tenth grade when he’d hit his growth spurt. Kids used to tease him because his mom was single and she had a different boyfriend every week. He was made fun of for so many things he couldn’t control.
Maybe the scars weren’t really that different. They were just a part of him that he had to get over. If people truly wanted to know him, if he really wanted to let someone else in, then the scars wouldn’t matter nearly so much as his attitude towards them. If Eve could accept him, could look at him with love in her eyes again, maybe there was hope after all.
CHAPTER 9
Della
Della sat, mesmerized in front of her sister’s laptop, which was propped open on the kitchen table. Her eyes were grainy and red with lack of sleep, but all the research she’d done when she couldn’t sleep made it worth it.
She’d been surprised to find herself awake at just past four. She stayed in bed as long as she dared, staring at Tommy’s face, so peaceful and serene in a deep sleep at last. There had been a shift in him, subtle, but it was there. She’d noticed it right after they’d arrived back home the day before, after getting groceries.
“I thought I was the only one who had issues sleeping.”
Della started. She slammed the laptop shut then realized that might indicate guilt. “Sorry. I woke up early and didn’t want to disturb you so I came in here. I brewed a pot of coffee and was able to drink it since we now have mugs.”
“Is there some left?”
“I can make a fresh pot.”
Della moved quickly to distract herself. She brushed past Thomas and busied herself with the coffee maker. It was a complicated contraption, far too expensive for its function. She didn’t want to look at Thomas too closely. Clad in plaid pajama bottoms and a tight-fitting black t-shirt, sleep still clinging to his eyes, his hair mussed, he was somehow more vulnerable than ever. And far sexier. She was very well aware what the tight squeezing of her stomach muscles meant, the flood of butterflies, the tingling lower, in a place where she had no business feeling it.
It just figures. She was his fiancé and had every right to kiss him, to touch him, to want him, but she really had no right at all. Her desires would only confuse things for them both.
“There we go.” Della switched the maker on after adding water and fresh grounds. “We should have got a new one of these too. One that cost like, twenty dollars so you don’t have to fiddle with it forever to get it to work.”
“Yah…”
He shot her that funny look and she realized she’d messed up again. She said nothing. Covering her tracks would only make it worse.
“What were you looking at? Out here all by yourself.” His dark eyes met hers searchingly. She couldn’t miss the hard ache in those depths. He’d missed her. Missed her in their bed.
“Uh…” Della nearly choked. She coughed to clear the lump at the back of her throat. Her body responded eagerly to the raw masculinity in his eyes. To his hard form and broad shoulders. He was far thinner than he used to be, but the definition would come back with time. He was still the most beautiful man she’d ever seen. She used to think he’d been chiseled from rock. He was tall, over six feet. A hell of a lot of manliness should she ever want to-She gave herself a shake. I can’t go there. I just can’t…
Thomas moved over to the table. He rested one hand on the solid, dark stained surface. With the other, he flipped the laptop open. He blinked. “Puppies? You were looking at-puppies?”
“Yeah,” Della mumbled. “I was doing some research. I thought maybe you’d like one.”
“Research? Like what kind of research?”
“On service dogs, animal therapy, that kind of thing.”
Thomas slapped the laptop shut. He rolled his eyes. “I’m burned, not blind or deaf.”
“Yeah, I know that. Obviously. I just think maybe it would be good for you. Some of the stuff I read says that animals can be very therapeutic. For loneliness, for health, lots of reasons.”
“You said you never wanted a pet. Too much mess and too much work.”
“Forget what I said. That was before. Everything’s different now.”
Tommy left the table and walked slowly back into the kitchen. The way he moved, slow and deliberate, his presence filling up the entire room, froze Della to the spot. That look in his eyes, the heat, the spark, the desire, was back.
He stopped right in front of her. Hesitated only a second before he reached out and drew her in close. She went, melted against him like she had no bones. Her hands tangled around his neck, twined in the longer part of his hair, brought his head towards her.
He was almost there, so close. His breath was warm and sweet on her cheek. His lips parted and her whole body leaped with joy. Every ounce of her being screamed with need. The ache inside was overwhelming. The ache that he could banish…
The shrill rang of Della’s phone interrupted the silence of the kitchen. Thomas stumbled back. His eyes flew open and he fumbled over to the counter, to check on the coffee, as though nothing at all had just happened.
Della spun and grabbed Evie’s phone off the table. Whoever is calling has the shittiest timing in the entire universe.
Mom. Of course. Della brought the phone to her ear and forced out a greeting.
“Evie,” their mother crooned. “I was just calling to see how you’re both settling in. We wanted to give you some time alone before we checked in on you.”
“We’re fine mom. Thanks.”
“Good. I’m so glad to hear it.”
Della winced. Their mother had no idea what was really going on. She’d been just as clueless before Evie showed up at her apartment and broke the news. Was that really just a couple days ago? It f
elt like an eternity had passed in the span of a few days.
“Yeah, thanks mom.”
“Your dad and I were wondering if you and Thomas would come for dinner. Maybe Wednesday night.”
“I don’t know, mom.” Della’s eyes swiveled over to Thomas. He stood, steaming mug of coffee in hand, staring at her quizzically. “Can I call you back?”
“Sure. Talk to Thomas. See what he says and then you can let me know. I’ll call Della and ask if she wants to come as well.”
No. No, don’t do that, mom. “Okay. Sure. I’ll let you know in a bit. I love you.”
“Love you too, sweetie. Bye now.”
Della hung up, her stomach in a tight knot. She needed to fire off a text to her sister and tell her to decline the dinner invitation before it was too late. Going with Thomas would be close to a disaster as it was, even if it would be good for him to get out and do something ‘normal’ again.
“Your mom?” Thomas’ deep voice cut into her thoughts.
“Ya. Inviting us to dinner on Wednesday. I told her I’d call her back.”
“Do you want to go?”
“Uh… I guess so, but I know-”
“We’ll go then.”
“What? Really?”
“Don’t look so surprised. I promise I’ll be on my best behavior. No kitchen wrecking and all that.”
“That’s not what I was worried about.” Della did her best to suppress a smile.
Thomas set down his mug on the counter with a clunk. “Look. Your parents visited me in the hospital more times than I can count. They showed up when my own mother didn’t. I think it would be the right thing to do. To go and show them that we’re doing alright.”
“And are we?”
“I-guess so.” His eyes cut into hers and Della had to look away. She couldn’t bear to see the emotion there or feel the answering response rising in her own chest.
“You were looking at puppies so that must mean that the world is going to be okay. A dog… god, Evie-really? You would really consider a dog?”