by J. A. Owenby
“Hey, buddy, how was your day at school?”
“Stupid,” he replied. “Walker’s in his room, just go in.”
“Thanks,” I said as I made my way to his room.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey, yourself,” Walker said as he tied his shoe. “Are you ready to go meet Aunt Linda?”
He stood up and pulled me in for a kiss. It was weird being with him in his bedroom while his mom was in the living room. Mama would have never allowed it.
“Almost,” I said and wrapped my arms around his waist. “Your mom . . . why didn’t you tell me, Walker? I unloaded all my crazy shit on you last night and not once did you mention your mom and what you’re going through. You have enough to deal with—why am I here with you?”
“You’re here because I want you here. I was going to tell you about Mom, but it wasn’t first- or even third-date material. I wanted to go out with you for a while and make sure before I brought you home. I didn’t want to send you running.”
“I’m not the one that should be running,” I said. “We never talked about our conversation in the parking lot last night. You never said much—I mean, not about what’s wrong with me.”
“We will, but for now, I want to introduce you to Aunt Linda. We can talk after you meet her.”
I nodded, but I didn’t understand why he wanted to wait.
“Trust me,” he said as he kissed the top of my head and took my hand. I followed him as he walked from his bedroom to another door off the kitchen.
“Where are you taking me?” I asked.
“You’ll see.”
I followed him up a set of stairs to another door, which he knocked on.
“I didn’t realize your Aunt Linda lived above you, Walker.”
He smiled as I squeezed his hand and we waited. Moments later the door opened and we entered another house.
“Hi, Aunt Linda,” Walker said and hugged her.
She chuckled and patted his back.
“Hi, Lacey,” she said as she extended her hand to me.
“Nice to meet you, ma’am.”
“Call me Linda, please.” Her face lit up with a warm smile as she motioned for us to come in.
It was obvious that Linda and Susan were sisters. Walker got his blue eyes from his aunt. She was shorter than Susan, but shared the same cheekbones and hair color.
“Aunt Linda bought this place when Mom got sick so she could help take care of her when I couldn’t be around,” Walker explained.
I attempted a smile as I struggled with what to say. What were you supposed to say when you found out your boyfriend’s mom might only have six months to live?
“Make yourselves comfortable,” Linda said.
We followed her to the couch; Linda sat in the chair on the other side of the coffee table and folded her hands in her lap. Walker took my hand as an uneasy gnawing tugged at me. I had plenty of experience with sensing uncomfortable situations, and I didn’t like this one. I was confused as to why Linda was staring at me, too.
“It’s okay,” he whispered and rubbed his thumb across the back of my hand.
“I can tell by the surprise on your face that you’re confused about why Walker brought you here other than to say hello,” she said. “I’m a mental health therapist, Lacey.”
“What?” I jumped off the couch. “Walker? How could you? You brought me here to lock me up?” I tried to step around his feet to leave, but he was too fast. He grabbed me and pulled me into his lap.
“Lace, wait, it’s not you. Aunt Linda isn’t here to diagnose you or anything close to it—please give her a minute to explain . . . for me.”
“I’m sorry, Lacey,” Linda said, “I didn’t mean to scare you. You’re in no way being diagnosed with anything. It’s the opposite, actually. Walker told me a little bit about your mother.”
“Walker!” The humiliation crushed my chest. “How could you? I told you that in confidence. I trusted you.” I tilted my head back and closed my eyes. If I squeezed them hard enough maybe this would all disappear.
“The reason he said something is because he knows that there isn’t anything wrong with you, Lacey. I wanted to talk to you and help you understand that you’re not demon-possessed or anything close to it. I can also give you some information that could help you at home.”
I turned to face her. “I’m not possessed? Are you sure? You’ve only met me for a few minutes.”
“Let me ask you a few questions so we can clear this up.”
“Okay,” I said as a little bit of the tension eased from my shoulders.
“Do you black out or lose periods of time?”
My eyebrows furrowed as I thought about her question. I’d never blacked out before that I was aware of. Surely someone would have told me by now.
“I don’t think so. I remember what I do during the day. I remember what I did a month ago and farther back.”
“Okay, good. Have you ever harmed yourself? For instance, cutting?”
“No, oh God, no.”
“What about animals? Do you hurt them?”
The questions grew more absurd by the moment.
“What? No!”
“Okay, and are you violent? Do you ever experience bursts of anger and harm others even though you were fine a few minutes before?”
I shook my head and tried to process what Linda was asking me.
“Lacey, those are a few of the typical signs that someone—if you believe in possession—would exhibit. Often it’s another cause, such as an undiagnosed mental illness. Someone doesn’t walk around for years with something like this without it being detected.”
“You don’t understand. I appreciate your help, but . . . Mama is different, she has this relationship with God that most people don’t understand.”
Walker rubbed my arm.
“Do you trust Walker?” Linda asked.
I turned to look at him. I did, or at least I wanted to.
“Yes.”
“He’s spent several weeks with you, correct?” She didn’t give me time to answer. “Walker has assured me that he hasn’t seen anything wrong with you other than that you’ve been hurt. Take a minute to think about the questions I asked and your answers. You were horrified at the mere thought of harming yourself, someone else, or animals. These are not signs of someone with a demonic possession problem. Lacey, you’re not in any way walking around with a demon or demons inside you.”
“Are you sure?” I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. “Are you sure there’s nothing wrong with me?”
“I’m positive,” she said with a gentle smile.
I sat there for a moment and tried to wrap my mind around what Linda was telling me.
“Linda, if what you’re saying is true, then what is wrong with me?”
“Why do you think anything is wrong with you?”
I didn’t answer.
“Let’s do this. Let me ask some questions about your mother. I think that might help you understand some more. Is that okay?”
“Yeah,” I replied. I slid off Walker’s lap and onto the couch next to him.
“Walker mentioned that your mom has a roommate. What’s her name?”
“Patsy.” I stared at my shoes. My cheeks burned with the question. Here I was, once again, explaining Mama’s situation. “Yes, they share the same bedroom and the same bed,” I blurted.
“Is their relationship healthy?” she asked.
“What do you mean by that? Where’s this going?” I was unable to hide the exasperation in my voice.
“I’m trying to get a clear picture, or the best picture I can, to explain some things. But first I need more answers.” She waited patiently for me to indicate we could go on. I was so focused on the conversation that I almost forgot Walker was next to me.
“They fight,” I said. “I don’t mean they just argue, which they do too, but Mama gets hot pissed. Sometimes she hits Patsy. A few weeks ago, Mama had Patsy pinned down on the floor. Mama had a butcher knife
in her hand and she screamed that she was going to kill her. Mama’s big and super strong when she’s mad. I just walked right back downstairs. I don’t think Patsy or Mama even realized I’d witnessed the fight. So, I guess now that I think about it, no. I guess they don’t have a great relationship.”
“Tell me more about Mama. Is she angry a lot? Is she in a good mood one minute and the next she isn’t?”
“I guess. I honestly stay away as much as I can. I work and go to school so it helps me stay out of the house.”
“Does your mom work?”
“Does sitting in her recliner praying for everyone count as a job?” I snapped.
“That makes you angry?”
“Of course it makes me mad. She never wants to go anywhere or do anything. She’s always in that damned chair praying. The minute one of us walks in the door she’s sitting us down and explaining everything we’re doing wrong and what demon needs to be prayed out of us,” I hiccupped.
I covered my face to hide the tears from Walker. Walker hadn’t said a word, but he pulled me closer and kissed the top of my head. I wasn’t sure if I wanted to crawl into his lap or run. I’d never shared any of this with anyone. He was going to break things off with me for sure.
“What do your mom and Patsy fight about?” Linda asked.
“A few times, Mama accused Patsy of wanting to leave. I don’t know if it’s true or not. Mama doesn’t like Patsy to be out of her sight very often. Even when Patsy’s at work, Mama calls her. Patsy has even come home from work to talk to Mama.”
“I know this is difficult, Lacey. Have you spoken to anyone about this before?”
“Only a little bit—Mama always stopped it. Somehow she finds out what I’ve said and she doesn’t allow me to schedule appointments with a counselor anymore. She says I’m always trying to turn people against her and that I’m her enemy.”
“Did you ever tell anyone about your mom hitting Patsy?”
I shook my head no. “You’re the first person I’ve ever told—you and Walker, anyway.” I didn’t dare glance his way.
“Do you consider her to run the family?”
“Yeah, everyone does what she says. I’m not sure if it’s because we think she’s right or because we’re scared.”
“You’re afraid of her?” Linda leaned forward in her chair.
“I don’t remember a weekend I was home that she hasn’t threatened to kill Patsy or hit her. I don’t want her to come after me too.” I choked on the last words as I spoke them.
“Has she come after you?”
I shook my head. “Not like that.”
“But?”
I didn’t answer her. I wasn’t ready to tell anyone else about my argument with Mama.
“So, you don’t think I’m sick?” I asked, redirecting the conversation.
“No, I don’t. I think your mom is.”
“What do you mean?”
Linda leaned back in her chair and crossed her legs.
“Lacey, I can’t say anything for sure since I’ve never met your mom. Off the record, we might be dealing with several possibilities, including bipolar, borderline personality disorder, or narcissism and depression. It’s difficult to say, but I can promise you two things: you’re not demon-possessed, and no matter what, the violence you’re living with is not normal or acceptable. Your mom doesn’t have a right to hit you, Patsy, or anyone else. Ever. Do you understand?”
“She doesn’t mean to,” I said, “I just say the wrong thing. She can be okay and then I say something I shouldn’t have and I’ve started the war.”
Silence hung in the air for a moment.
“Lacey,” Linda said gently, “she can’t get better as long as you’re making excuses for her.”
“I . . . can she get better? Are these things you mentioned curable?” I asked, ignoring part of what Linda had said.
“It would take a lot of hard work, Lacey, but people get better all the time.”
“This is a lot to take in,” I muttered, biting my lip.
“I agree. It is a lot. Let me give you some information to read concerning some disorders. Maybe it will help you understand mental illness a little bit better. Your mom needs help, Lacey. However, you’re not responsible for her. You can’t change her—she has to want that for herself.”
I reached out and accepted the brochures from her.
“Thank you, Linda. Thank you for talking to me and I’m sorry I was snappy.”
I stood up, walked out the door, and left Walker and Linda sitting in her living room. I hopped down the stairs two at a time and went straight out the front door. My head pounded with each step I took. I lost control as the tears streamed down my face. What if Linda was right? A part of me wanted her to be right. I didn’t want to be possessed, but I didn’t want Mama to be sick either. And, if all of that was true, how was I going to help Mama?
“Lacey?”
“Susan, what are you doing out here?” I asked as I walked down the path to the patio. I attempted to wipe away my tears as I approached her.
“Well, I do like to come outside sometimes and sit under my oak tree. Have a seat and join me.” She smiled and pointed at the available chair.
I pulled the chair out from the small table and sat down.
“I’m sure whatever Linda said is a lot to take in. I can only guess, not having all the details.” She arranged her oxygen tank at her side as she shifted in her chair. “It was my idea.”
“What do you mean?” I asked. I wrapped my arms around myself and leaned back into the outdoor chair.
“When Walker called me last night, he was so upset, Lacey. He wouldn’t tell me exactly what happened, but he wanted to talk to your mother.”
“What? Oh my God, Susan, no! He can’t do that!” I shot forward in my chair as my eyes grew wide at the thought of Walker showing up at my house.
“I realized that. That’s why I told him to bring you here and suggested you talk to Linda. It was all me.”
“Why would you want to help me? I don’t even know you,” I said as I leaned back again.
“Well, you do now.” She laughed, which was followed by a coughing fit.
“Susan, I’m sorry.”
“Lacey, you need to stop apologizing. None of this is your fault, honey. You didn’t ask for problems with your mom, nor did you ask Walker, myself, or Linda to help you. There are some things I can still do before I leave this earth. If one of them includes helping you, then I gladly accept.”
I leaned forward and rested my head in my hands as I cried. No one had ever said anything like that to me before. Susan remained silent as I cried.
“I’m a mess,” I said as I tried to wipe away my smeared makeup. My eyes had already been puffy from the crying and lack of sleep even before I came over.
“Did Linda tell you?”
“No, and she won’t. Walker won’t either. It’ll need to come from you.”
“Okay,” I said and bit my bottom lip. “Linda thinks my mom might have a mental illness.”
“I’m sure that’s a lot to think about,” Susan said.
I nodded. “I don’t know what to think right now. Mama always told me it was my fault she acted like she does.”
“That’s a lot of power she’s giving you.”
“What?” I asked, surprised. “I don’t have any power, or I’d be able to make Mama stop hitting Patsy or throwing me on the floor . . .” My voice trailed off as I realized what I’d said. “She’s not a bad person, Susan. I love her very much.”
“I know you do, or you wouldn’t have protected her secrets this long. The hard part is understanding that you can’t save her, nor is it your job to do so. She’s grown, she knows right from wrong, and she also realizes that help is a phone call away. Your mother sounds like an intelligent woman.”
“She is,” I nodded.
“So are you, Lacey. Take some time to think about everything Linda talked to you about. You can talk to her, Walker, or me anytime.
”
“Thank you,” I said.
“You’re always welcome,” she said and flashed me a warm smile.
Chapter 18
“Hey,” Walker said as he crawled into his bed next to me.
“Hey,” I whispered as his strong arms wrapped around me. “I guess I fell asleep. It’s all this stupid crying.”
“It’s okay, I wanted to check on you,” Walker said and brushed my cheek with a kiss.
I rolled over to face him.
“I feel like hell. My eyes burn from crying,”
“You’re beautiful, and your eyes are even greener if that’s possible.”
“What time is it?” I asked as I rubbed my face.
“It’s six o’ clock,” he replied.
I sighed and peered out his bedroom window at the large oak tree.
“Walker, what if your aunt is right? What if nothing’s wrong with me?”
“I have no doubt in my mind that she’s right, Lace. I knew there must’ve been something going on with your mom even before we talked last night, but what you told me took it to a different level. She can’t hit anyone. That’s never okay.”
“If she’s sick, how did I not know? How did I not see it?” I asked as I covered my face with my hands.
Walker gently pulled them away.
“You can’t blame yourself. We all believed what our parents told us when we were growing up—we didn’t know any different. You couldn’t have known it wasn’t normal because it was your normal.”
“I still don’t understand everything. Like, how did she find out you and I are together? I mean, we’ve been out to the lake, the mall, dinner, and other places so I guess anyone could have seen us.”
“Yeah, there were always other people around, except when I took you to watch the sunset at the lake. No one was around then, I checked.”
“Oh, I guess I wasn’t paying any attention.” I giggled as I thought about that day.
“You haven’t laughed in a while,” Walker said.
His gaze traveled up my face and held my eyes. If I let myself, I could get lost in his eyes for days. They were warm and safe.
“I love you,” he whispered.
I stared at him, speechless. No guy had ever told me he loved me, and I’d never said it to anyone in a romantic way. I’d never been in love before, until now. Not only had he accepted me even after I’d revealed the worst parts of myself, but he had taken me home and kept me safe.