She turns and looks at me. “Did I say something wrong?”
I look at the bottle of lotion in her hand. “No. And I need to apologize for making you feel like you did. I need to be honest with you right now because I don’t think I can change my whole personality overnight. Just like you can’t be boldly honest, I can’t predict when this … shitty part of my past is going to spring up in my mind and turn me into a massive dick.”
She smirks a bit. “Okay. Go on.”
“Come with me a sec.”
“Are we going outside? Do I need to put on boots at least?”
“No. You’re fine just the way you are.” I hold out my hand. She crosses the room and wraps her fingers around mine. I lead her into my office that I never use.
I give her a minute to look around at the boxes I have stacked in the corner, the loft bed that’s stacked with odds and ends that belonged to my grandparents. Some of my mom’s things. The dust on most of the surfaces is pretty obvious to me. I’m not sure if she sees it.
“This was my room,” I tell her. “It was my mom’s room and when I remodeled the house it was going to be a nursery.”
Her head snaps in my direction and I realize what I just said.
“I didn’t lose a kid.”
“Oh. Okay. What happened?”
“I had a girlfriend who I wanted to marry. She knew how things were for me. What I... need.”
“She couldn’t do it?”
“No, she couldn’t but she made me think she could and she made me think she wanted to. I tried to turn this place into a real home for us. I proposed, but she split with some guy who she met online.”
“Yeah, that’s shitty.”
“I’m not trying to get you to take her place. You’re only staying a week.”
“Oh. I didn’t think that.”
“Nah, I just—I know how to dominate someone who is already in that headspace. The, uh, the woman I deal with in LA is a submissive twenty-four seven. She’s been in the lifestyle for over ten years. I have it very easy with her. I know I take that for granted. I don’t know how to dominate someone who could possibly just be going along with what I want just to make me happy. Or for whatever reason. I know it feels like we’re going in circles here, but when you said ‘Sir,’ that’s why it reminded me of her. Of my ex. She used to tease me like that. When we finally talked about shit, she said it was my fault. I was pushing her.”
“You don’t think I want you to dominate me for real.”
“It’s just where my head’s at.”
She steps in front of me and puts her hand on my chest. “If you did believe that I wanted you to dominate me, what would you do to me right now?”
I figure I might as well tell the truth. There’s no harm in hypotheticals. “I’d have you get on your knees right now and I’d fuck your mouth.”
“Okay.”
I watch Claudia as she pulls the towel off her hair and starts to fold it in half. She folds it in half again. She steps back just enough to place it on the floor. Then she kneels in front of me.
“You were saying?”
Nine
Claudia
Shep seems a whole lot taller when I’m down on my knees. A lot more imposing than the gentle giant he’s proved himself to be in the last twenty-four hours. His brain also seems to be working overtime because he’s just staring at me. Whatever happened between him and his ex really did a number on him, but I get it, finally. He takes this submission thing very seriously and it only works for him when he’s with people who take it seriously too. I like to tease him. I like to tease everyone, it’s my nature, but I’m not trying to make fun of him.
I know he means business when he says this is the only way he can do things. I don’t want to freak Shep out by letting him know that I have no fucking idea what I’m doing. I don’t want to scare him off. I want him to fuck me. I want him to show me what he needs, especially since he’s already giving me exactly what I need. Focus. Attention. A touch that isn’t hesitant and incomplete. We made a deal. He wants me on my knees. He’s got me. On my knees.
He’s still looking down at me. I see his eyes roam all over my body. My pussy is totally into it, swelling and soaking already and he hasn’t even touched me. My hair’s still wet. I can feel water dripping down my back, down the crack of my ass. He’s still looking. He’s so concerned about what I actually want. I want him to touch me. Getting my mouth fucked doesn’t sound half bad either. But I’m seeing now, I need to play his game a certain way.
He’s still looking at me. I can see his cock growing in his jeans, inches away from my face, but he hasn’t said a word.
“I’m on my knees,” I say. “What happens next?”
He licks his lips. “You’d take my cock out of my pants.”
I reach up and undo his belt, then pull down his zipper. His erection slips into my hand as I reach into the slit in his boxer briefs. I didn’t get to touch him before, down at the motel. Not the way I wanted to, but I can do what I want now. I start to stroke him. Shep swallows and licks his lips again.
“Put your hands on my thighs and leave them there.” I do what he says. “Just like that.”
Shep takes his dick in his hand and starts to stroke himself. “Open your mouth.” I do what he says. “Good. Just like that.” I watch his face as he slips it between my lips. There’s no way I can take him all the way in. He’s just thick enough that I know my jaw will be pleasantly sore when he’s done, but he’s too long. There’s too much of him. He knows. He gently nudges the back of my throat. I close my lips around him, move my tongue. My pussy clenches. It's been too long.
“You open to tips?” I almost choke on him when I try not to laugh, but I manage to nod. “Bad choice of words. Simple suggestion. Breathe, but don’t try to swallow. It’ll make this a lot easier.” Of course my body instantly tries to swallow, but he must have guessed I would because he pulls back just enough that I don’t choke on the head of his massive erection.
He pushes forward again, still gripping the base of his cock. I help him this time, bobbing and tilting my head a little to take more of him. When I pull back, I make sure I use my tongue, swirl it around every hot veiny inch I can reach. I suck on the head, lick the saltiness from the slit. He groans. He moves forward again. I match his rhythm, glancing up before I focus back on his thick patch of dark hair at the base of his shaft.
He starts to move a little faster, but it’s not anything I can’t handle. I haven’t told him how much I like sucking cock and how many fights Jason and I had over simple things like blow jobs because he thought I wasn’t ready for regular sex yet. Shep has no idea how much I’ve missed this. He leans over me and gathers up my hair. His cock slips out of my mouth as he’s reaching. I take a moment to catch my breath.
“You okay?” he asks me.
I nod and say “Mhmm.” He runs his thumb over my bottom lip. I flick my tongue out and lick over the callused skin there. He’s looking down at me, his gaze turning into somewhat of a glare. I have a feeling I’m about to be in a world of hurt.
I pull back as much as I can. He’s still gripping my hair. “Would I have a safe word or something? If we were doing this the way you wanted to.”
He stares at me some more. He’s back with his thumb, pushing in and out of my mouth, rubbing it all over my bottom lip. I bite down a little before I go back to sucking it. I have no idea why this turns me on, but it does. My pussy is fucking aching. I want to touch myself.
“No,” he finally says. “I would just keep fucking you and fucking you. And you would like it. You wouldn’t need to tap out, but I’m not that crazy.”
He bends over and I’m forced to drop my hands from his thighs. He pulls my head back, hard. I wince, but it’s more shock than pain and then his mouth is on mine. I fucking love the way he kisses. I should tell him at some point, I think and then I can’t think. All thought leaves my head. It’s just a sea of moaning sounds and desperately pleading. I’m not
sure whether I’m saying anything out loud.
He pulls away. I almost ask him to come back. I want more. Instead I lick my lips, lick up the taste of his mouth on mine and look up into his dark brown eyes.
“Put your hands back where they were. If you want me to stop just pinch my thigh. Okay?”
I nod and find my voice. “Okay.”
He nods and then he’s gripping his cock again and this time he isn’t gentle. He shoves it back in my mouth. I gag a bit in the split second before he pulls back and then he’s pushing back in again. He’s fucking my mouth hard and fast, pumping in and out. I’m trying to keep up with him but I can’t. I don’t know why, but I start to panic.
I want him to fuck my mouth. I want to suck his cock until he’s coming down my throat, but when his grip on my hair starts to hurt, when it becomes clear that he’s holding me perfectly still so I won’t work against the thrusting of his hips, I find myself scratching for purchase on his jeans. I’m not pinching him, but I’m pushing back. There’s just too much of him. I need room to breathe if this is going to work.
“Look at me,” he says. I realize then that my eyes have been darting all over the place. I’ve been looking everywhere but at Shep’s face. He focuses on my eyes. “Just look at me. There you go. Don’t look anywhere else. You’re fine. Right?” He’s still pumping in and out of my mouth, but I realize what he’s saying is true. He’s not hurting me at all. I’m just freaking out because this is all new to me. “Breathe, but don’t swallow. That’s a girl. Just like that.”
I glance down at his pelvis again and his fingers are instantly on my chin, even though he still has a firm grip on my hair. “Uh-uh. Eyes up here. Yeah. Look at me. Do you want me to stop?” he asks.
I shake my head the best I can.
“Good. Just keep sucking.” Something about the way his voice sounds when he says those words has my pussy clenching again. I do my best to relax. I hold on to his thigh as he pumps in and out of my mouth. I’m doing what he says, watching the expressions on his face as he works so hard to stay in control. He’s trying not to come.
Before I realize it, drool is running down my chin and between my breasts. Another thing that shouldn’t be turning me on so much, but it does. I moan. Shep seems to like that. He makes his own sound, maybe something close to “Fuck.” He fucks my mouth a little harder. I start to gag on it, over and over, but I don’t want him to stop. I just worry about breathing and licking along the length of him.
“Suck it,” he finally says. And I do, even though he still has my hair wrapped in his fist. I bob my head back and forth, taking as much of him as I can. “Fuck,” he groans in that very specific way. I know he’s close to coming. I’m about to go for my finishing move, the signature lick and suck technique that I know will have him coming down the back of my throat, but he stops me before I can and he’s fucking my face again.
I make a noise. A high-pitched moan and maybe that’s what does the trick. He holds still and grips the base of his dick. He starts coming in my mouth. I close my lips around him and start sucking again even though he hasn’t told me to. He groans even louder and bends over me and shoot more into my mouth. Now I do swallow. I can’t help myself. I suck and swallow and suck and swallow until he pulls away from me with a gasp and sinks against the dust-covered desk along the far wall.
I stare at him as he rubs his beard and utters a few swears. I sit back and my hand automatically goes between my legs. I don’t realize how hard I’m rubbing my clit until another breathy moan slips out of me.
“You want to come?” he asks.
I nod. “Yeah.”
Shep stuffs himself back in his pants and zips up his fly. He’s up in a flash and he has me by the hair again. “Get up,” he says firmly. I push off the floor, but really he’s picking me up. The back of my head fills with a pleasurable ache, but I can’t call it pain. It feels like every point on my body is wired directly to my cunt. I stumble forward a few steps as he turns me toward the door, but let him march me to the bedroom with ease. He sits down on the bed and propels me over his lap. I don’t have time to think before his hand comes down on my ass.
“Jesus!” I scream, and he’s smacking my ass again. I wiggle and try to cover my butt with my hands but he lets go of my hair and grabs both of my wrists in one of his hands.
“Stop moving,” he says, his tone deathly serious. His fingers slide between my legs and he’s pushing his way into my pussy. I cry out and push down on his hand. I don’t know whether or not he’s fucking me or if I’m fucking myself using him, but I can feel myself desperately grinding my hips.
When he pulls his hand away, I think I might die, but he flips me over and before I can open my eyes, he’s on the floor and his head is between my legs. His mouth is on my clit. It’s my turn to dig my fingers into his hair. I realize he’s still wearing his beanie. I pull it off and toss it somewhere. My fingers slide into his thick curls that he should never hide under a hat and pull him closer. It’s my turn.
There was something between us earlier, something about not overselling it. Shep’s mouth is lethal. A gift. He knows exactly how to eat me, how to use his fingers inside me. There’s no way I can just lay back and enjoy this. I’m coming in minutes, practically humping his face as he holds me down with a firm hand on my hip. I call out his name. I pull him closer until I can’t take any more.
I flop back on the sheets. I try to breathe. I look up when Shep rises to his feet. He swipes his beard in the crudest way, then reaches for his hat from the foot of the bed. He slides it on his head all casual like. He doesn’t look at me.
“Finish cleaning up,” he says. And then he turns and leaves.
When I catch my breath, I head back into the bathroom and rinse all the drool off my chest and rinse out my mouth. Assuming we’re going to be in for the rest of the night, I settle on a sweater and some leggings before I head back into the massive living/dining area that makes up most of the house. Shep is at the kitchen counter cutting up two massive steaks. There’s already a freshly tossed salad and some mashed potatoes and gravy ready to go.
“You cooked all this?” I ask.
“Yeah. Like I said, it’s a pain in the ass to drive down the mountain just to eat. Had to perfect my favorites.”
I climb up on the stool. “So I see what you were saying.”
“About?” He glances up from his knife work.
“About the difference between saying you want to submit and actually doing it.”
He puts down the cutlery and braces himself on the edge of the island. He looks me right in the eye. “Do you regret it?”
“No. I liked it. A lot. I just didn’t realize how in control I was before. I… I usually initiated everything with my ex and with guys before him.”
“Do you want to stop?”
I bite my lip and shake my head. “I liked the way we did things today. It was just shocking. Yeah, shocking is the right word. I’m gonna cliché you all the way up and say that I’ve never been with a guy like you before. Like ever.”
“I’ve never been with anyone like you either.”
“First of firsts, huh?”
“I’m still not doing this the way I want to,” he says, like he’s still so conflicted.
“What do you mean?”
“There’s this thing called aftercare. When you finish a scene like we just did I’m supposed to check in with you, make sure you’re good. Stay with you when you’re coming down from the endorphins—”
“I’m fine,” I say. “I mean you didn’t have to leave the room, but I was fine. I’m fine now.”
“There are actually rules to this, so no it’s not fine for me to leave you alone like that. If my—” he stops himself, then rocks back a step and looks at the floor. “There are rules.” He comes around the counter and gently slides his hand around the side of my neck and up under my hair, which is still damp. Goosebumps break out all over me at his touch. “Did I hurt you?”
“N
o.”
“Are you sore anywhere?” He starts to massage the base of my scalp. My eyes roll closed and I sigh. He asks me again. “Claudia. Listen to me. Just tell me. Are you sore?”
“My knees a little and my mouth, but not in a bad way.” I lean into his touch. “When I say I’m fine, I mean it. Are you okay?”
“Feeling different levels of guilt, but I’m fine.”
I reach up and wrap my hand around his wrist. “Listen to me. You have nothing to feel guilty about. I liked what we did. I want to do it again. I want to do more.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes.”
“Alright.”
“I’m sorry things went down that way with your ex. I know how difficult things can be with exes, but as we get to know each other better one thing you have to know about me, even if I have a hard time telling you my deepest darkest secrets, I am horrible at doing things that I don’t want to do. I wanted you to show me how to submit to you. I want you to show me more. I liked what we did, a lot.”
This time I lean up and kiss him. I knew I was in trouble the moment I booked my flight, but now I’m in real danger. We’ve made a deal and yeah there are rules, but there’s some stuff I just can’t tell him. Like how the way he kisses makes me lose all my fucking sense. Or how he has the best mouth and the best dick I’ve ever experienced in my whole life. I know I mean for this to be a short, reassuring kiss, but I find myself wrapping my arms around his waist and pulling him close. He gathers up my hair again, but this time he’s extra gentle.
When I break our kiss I can’t help but laugh at the look on his face. His brow is all scrunched up. He’s looking at my lips and licking his own. “You don’t like artificial pineapple flavor?”
“Is that what that is?”
“Yeah, it’s my favorite after shower lip balm.”
He rubs his finger along his lip like it’s gonna come away a different color or something.
I sigh and slip my hand under the hem of his shirt. “What am I going to do with you?”
HAVEN: Beards & Bondage Page 10