“Tonight. We’re shopping.”
“For what?”
“Bondage rope. A few different gags. A flogger. You have any sexy lingerie in your luggage?”
I laugh a little because it wouldn’t be all that far fetched if I said I thought about packing some. “No. Just regular draws.”
“We’ll have to get you some.”
“I see. And what else?”
“Some toys.”
“Toys?” I say, kind of feigning shock. What the hell does this boy have in mind?
“As much as I would love to be able to fuck you all day long, my dick needs time to recover. With the right toys though…”
“Uh huh. Go on.”
“With the right toys, I’ll be able to keep you wet and ready all day long.” My cunt swells at the thought.
“Are you going to be good to go again tonight?” I ask.
“Are you asking me if I’ll be able to fuck you again?”
“Yes.”
“Is that what you want?”
“Yes.”
“Then we’ll have to work something out. Are you hungry?”
“I’m starved. Are you going to let me keep my tits in my shirt during this meal?”
“Are you going to pretend you didn’t like that?” He steps back around the counter and starts portioning out the steak and potatoes until I’m satisfied with what’s piled on my plate.
“I mean, I didn’t hate it.”
I serve myself some salad, then watch him as he prepares his own plate. I watch him some more as he comes around the counter with the two beers he’s just pulled out of the fridge and sits down beside me at the island. “Mhmm. That’s what I thought. I hope you enjoy my epic cooking skills.”
I take a bite of the steak which is smothered in this mouthwatering garlic butter. I glare at him. He watches me as I chew. When I swallow I debate punching him in the arm.
“Well?”
“Could you cook like this when your ex was in the picture?”
“I started cooking like this when I was twelve, so yeah.”
I keep from saying what’s on the tip of my tongue and take another bite. He nudges my leg under the counter.
To each their own, but I cannot for the life of me imagine what the fuck his ex was thinking when she left this perfect man.
Ten
Shep
“I want to tell my friends about this steak, but I'm afraid at least four or five of them would show up at your door,” she says. She’s almost cleaned her plate twice. I’m thinking about asking her if she wants thirds, but she’s slowing down. She talked through most of the meal, giving me plenty of time to eat my own dinner.
“If they can find it. You save any room for dessert?” I ask, looking at her nearly clear plate.
“There’s dessert?”
“May-Bell is a baking machine.”
“I’m stuffed. It’s so much easier to eat when someone isn’t playing with your tits—What are you thinking?” she asks with a smile. “You may be quiet and brooding, but your expressions give you up every time.”
“I was just thinking that I should make you spend the rest of our meals completely naked.”
“You’re a pervert,” she says. Her glare is full of mocking.
“I’m pretty sure you’d enjoy it though. It can be something we work on together. You being naked for me isn’t something to be ashamed of.”
“But just for you? Not anyone else.” I don’t tell her how my body reacts to the thought.
“Yeah.”
“Mhmm.” She pushes her plate away. “There’s this place in Brooklyn that serves up the best cut of meat I’ve ever had, but you might have them beat.”
“High praise. I’m glad you enjoyed it.”
“Have you been to New York?”
I laugh. “You’re asking if I’ve ever been off the mountain.”
“I mean, I know you have. You have your sexcapades in LA, but—”
“I went to RISD and we went to the city pretty frequently.”
“Oh.”
“I'm not some backwoods yokel. Though I have few friends who are and they are pretty solid people,” I say.
“You know I didn’t mean that. I just meant you seem so comfortable here and you mentioned how much of a pain it is to go up and down and up and down. What made you settle back up here after getting a taste of city life?” she asks.
“I had a great experience on the east coast, but —”
“Hmm, you can take the man out of the mountains, but you can't—”
“Pretty much. And I was homesick. I missed my grandfather a lot.”
“You were really close with him, weren’t you?”
“I mean you see how big this place is. Almost twenty years up here just the two of us…and he was a good father. I’m pretty sure my mom felt good about leaving me with him. He taught me everything I know and gave me the tools to figure out the rest.”
I look up as Titus starts sniffing around the front door. I owe him for the distraction. I don’t like thinking about my grandfather too much these days. “I have to let him out. You okay here for a bit?”
“Yeah, sure. I’ll clean up.”
“You don’t have to,” I say as I stand. “You’re my guest. I’ll handle it when I get back.” I fight the urge to kiss her and grab my jacket off the back of the couch. “Back in a minute.”
She flashes me a half smile before I close the front door behind me. It’s getting toward full night outside. The weather has been unpredictable, but the sun is setting earlier and earlier. The security lights flash on the moment I step off the porch and Titus takes off for his favorite copse of trees at the bottom of the driveway.
Titus handles his business and then after a few minutes it's clear he's just making up for the fact that I've been ignoring him all day. He comes when I call him and tries to race me back to the front door. I owe him a long walk over the weekend.
When I open the door, I find Claudia frantically searching through my cabinets and drawers. She’s cleared the island and washed most of our dinner dishes.
“What are you looking for?”
“Dish towels. I don't know how you live up here alone.”
“Other side of the sink. Top drawer. What do you mean?” She ignores me at first and digs out a towel and starts drying. I walk over to the sink and fill Titus’s bowl. I keep my eyes on Claudia as I move back toward the island to get the rest of the potatoes. She starts drying our plates and our silverware and I decide to wait. She figures out where everything goes and finally she stops moving. She won’t look at me though. I wait longer. She turns around and takes a deep breath.
“You were gone like five minutes and I couldn’t handle it.” The words spill out and her tone is all fucked up, like she’s telling me a funny anecdote and not coming down from a panic attack. “I tried to wash all the dishes, but I couldn't hear anything over the sound of the water. Freaked me out a little.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah. It's just—the city’s so loud. It’s so quiet up here. But I'm glad you're back. Jesus, I'm fucked up.”
“No, you're not,” I say.
“Yeah, you say that but you don't know what's going through my head.”
“I opened the floor for communication.”
She almost rolls her eyes, but it turns into more of a wince. “Fine. I'm scared. There.”
“What are you scared about?”
“Well first I had this really sickening thought of you walking out into the woods and not coming back. And then when I heard you call Titus, I started thinking about just how scared I am—you know, in general.”
“I’m back. I came back.”
“I know you did. Still having some issues though.”
I don’t know what to do. I keep asking her, pushing her, but maybe the talking isn’t actually helping. I don’t need more reminders that maybe we’re making a mistake here.
“This,” she blurts out. “The
dependency thing. I don't trust the way I feel right now at all.”
“How—”
“You make me feel so good, Shep!” she shouts at me. It's enough to shut me up. I pull out the stool and sit. “This is just—this must seriously be what crackheads feel like. Honestly. There's that voice in my head—ugh!” I watch her as she presses the heels of her hands against her eyes and then spins toward the sink. Her face is a little splotchy when she turns back around.
“I need to get help. I need to get on with my life, but just being around you makes me feel so much better. I don't know why,” she says sounding a little disgusted and then she smiles. “I mean you're not all that great.”
“I'll try to suck a little more.”
“Could you?!” She sighs and leans back against the counter and wraps her arms around her waist. “What I want doesn't make sense. It’s like there's this treadmill and there's this monster chasing me and instead of facing the monster or even assessing it for weak spots, I want you to hop on the treadmill with me.”
I can feel my jaw clench. “We’re already on that treadmill together.”
“No, we’re not.”
“I think we are.”
“I'm fucking falling for you, Shep and it makes no sense. You want to know why?”
“Sure. Shoot.”
“You're made up. Tall, scruffy, brooding, you know when to admit you're wrong, I think. Surely there's something I have to hate about you,” she says. “Do you know how bad that is? Do you have any idea how afraid I am that it's going to get worse? I cannot trust myself right now. You’re exceeding my wildest coping mechanism fantasies and I know it’s too good to be true. And even if it isn’t, the clock is ticking—”
“Do you want to leave?” It’s the only thing I can think to say. “I feel like every minute you’re here I’m fucking something up or causing you pain.”
“You’re not. I’m sorry. And no. I can't. I need this week as badly as you do. I want you to fuck me again. I want to…”
“You want me to what?”
“Nothing,” she says as she shakes her head. She won't look at me.
“Claudia. You want me to what?” She still doesn't answer. I cross the room and step right into her personal space. I park my hands on the counter on either side of her perfect body. She sags closer and I can feel the heat coming off her.
“Tell me.”
She shakes her head again. “I know it's not wrong, but it's coming from the worst place. Maybe it is wrong. I don't know.”
I take a risk and go for her throat again. I slip my hand up around the front of her neck, tilt her chin up. My cock goes hard when I hear her little gasp. She looks up at me, her big hazel eyes rimmed red with tears ready to spill over.
“Tell me. Say it.”
“My brother is dead. He's not coming back.” The tears spill over. I loosen my grip and use both my thumbs to wipe her cheeks. “I know survivor’s guilt is real. But I don't know what to do with it.”
“Neither do I, but you can still tell me what you want. This can be shitty and hard and you can still tell me.”
“I want you to hurt me. I want you to degrade me. I want you to turn me into a nothing little slut and then build me back up again. I want to feel something that isn't this for as long as possible. I need something to break. I need something in me to finally shatter. I couldn’t get myself there at home and everyone around me was all about me pushing forward, but you can give me this. I know you can. It still doesn’t make it okay for me to ask you to do it.”
I know this is bad for both of us. For all the reasons she stated and because I know I can't trust my own feelings for her. They’ve already climbed to unsafe levels. But I have to give her what she wants. Fuck what the better part of my brain is telling me.
“Don't move.”
I go over to my crate filled with random shit I haven’t found a specific place for, grab a bungee cord that I haven’t needed in a few months, then dig out a pair of scissors from my kitchen drawer. I walk back over to Claudia and spin her around and bind her hands behind her back with the cord. It has enough give so she can move, but not enough for her to get free. I grab the scissors.
“You wearing anything under this?”
“Just a bra.” Her voice is shaking.
“Hope you're not too attached to this sweater. Or the bra.”
“Wha—”
I grip the bottom of her sweater, pull it away from her body and start cutting from the bottom. The knit looks durable but it comes apart instantly under the blade. I pull the open side apart and reach for the center of her bra.
“Wait!”
It's too late. I pull the center of her bra forward and cut it open too.
“Jesus, Shep.”
“You’ll recover. I swear. Turn around and bend over.” Her feet are still free, but it’s clear she’s not used to being bound at all. She awkwardly turns around and then manages to bend over the edge of the counter. She makes a little noise when I grip the crotch of her stretchy pants and cut a small hole.
“Good thing I didn’t like any part of this outfit.”
“Less talking,” I say. I toss the scissors on the counter and squat down behind her and rip her pants open at the seam. She has underwear on underneath that I shove to the side. She’s wet. I toy with her a bit, sliding my finger up and down her slit. Then I stand and leave her there. I cross the room and make myself comfortable on the couch, adjusting my cock in my jeans as I sit.
“Now. I want you to turn around and get on your knees. Take your time.”
She turns slowly again. She’s pissed, but I don’t care. She slowly sinks to her knees and I try not to laugh when it becomes apparent that I can only see the top of her head over the island counter.
“I hope you’re happy,” she says.
“You need to learn to understand your own demands. I want you to come over here. On your knees.”
“I’m going to make you regret this,” she grunts, but I see her head start bobbing around the edge of the counter. Titus trots over to see what the hell she’s doing. I snap my fingers and order Titus over to his dog bed. He tries to lick Claudia’s face for good measure before she ducks out of the way. I snap again.
“Go on, buddy. Leave Claudia alone.” He finally listens and goes to sit down.
“Thanks.”
“As soon as you get over here we can really have some fun. You can hurry up or you can keep running your mouth.”
“I'm gonna bite you when I get over there.”
“I can gag you right now if you want.”
She stares at me, eyes narrowing as she shuffles forward, but she’s making decent progress. I pull out my cock as she makes her way over and start to stroke myself. I don't miss the way she licks her lips. Finally she makes it over to the couch. She sits back on her heels, taking the pressure off her knees.
“What next, Master?”
“I told you Sir or Shep works just fine, but we can go with Master if you want to be a smartass. I can still dominate you even if you talk back. It's not bothering me one bit.”
She sighs and cocks her head to the side. “What will you have me do next, Master?”
“Sit on my cock. Actually, fuck. Wait.” I stand, tuck my hard on away, and snatch her off the floor. She screams as I toss her over my shoulder with ease and carry her into the bedroom. I set her upright and chuckle a little at the way her hair is all over her face. “Where are all those condoms you always carry with you?”
“Pink makeup case in my black bag—right there.” I grab the little pouch and see that it's filled with condoms, enough to get us through the weekend. I shove two in my pocket.
“Great. Up you go.”
“Oh fuck you, Shep,” she screeches as I toss her over my shoulder again. I do laugh this time, but I straighten my expression by the time I set her back on the floor.
“Back on your knees,” I say. I flop back down on the couch and open my pants. The tip of my dick is
already leaking when I pull it out again. Claudia’s breathing hard, but I'm not about to give her a break.
“Come on, it's not gonna suck itself.”
“Are you sure?” she says. Still she comes forward.
“We could wait and see, but I'm not sure how that would work out for you.”
“I thought you were so sweet an hour ago.”
“Funny how things can change so fast. Suck it now.”
She growls at me, still she leans over my lap and takes the head of my cock into her mouth. I hold back a groan. The wet heat just behind her lips feels fucking amazing. She pulls back a bit and I stroke my hand up, forcing a thick drop of precum from the tip. I look down at her staring up at me with homicide in her eyes but then she's licking the slit of my cock.
I grip the back of her head and gently push it down. She doesn't fight it. After a few bobs of her head she moans. She sucks me good, swirling her tongue around. I know I'm going to come in her mouth soon if I don't stop her.
“Enough of that. Get up here.” I pull her by the hair, but she won't relinquish my cock so easily. She fights against my grip, dipping her head back down and rubbing her tongue all over the underside of my cock.
“Fuck. That's enough.” I haul her up and pull her over my lap so she's straddling my dick. I pull out one of the condoms and quickly slide it on.
“There you go. Neatly wrapped. Have a seat.”
“No.”
“Excuse me.”
“No,” she says and then she shrugs. “I changed my mind. I don't really feel like it anymore.”
“Oh is that right?”
“Yeah. I mean I'm sure you have some great board game—” I cut her off with one firm hand on her hip and the other on the base of my cock. I find her entrance with ease and slam home. “Shit,” she whines. I rock my hips up and back, grab her other hip and pull her down even harder. “Shit,” she says again.
“Uh huh. You were saying?”
“Shep.”
“You still want to play board games?” I say.
“Yes. I wanna to beat your ass at Scrabble.”
“Uh huh. Tell me more.” I slide to the edge of the couch, then gather her hair in my right hand again. I’m guiding her hips with ease with my left. “Tell me what you want to do.”
HAVEN: Beards & Bondage Page 11