In love and ruins

by Rachael Tonks

  “Glad to hear it.” He smiles and I continue studying his face.

  “And there are no other issues to report? Because I’m here to help and support you in running this place successfully. If there is a problem, I need to know.”

  “Nothing. The staff have been really friendly and made my first week a good one. It’s a good setup here.”

  “I agree, and the atmosphere is great here. This is one of my favorite joints.” I carefully push back the chair, step up and offer him my hand. He takes it, shaking and looking at me like he wants to devour me. I pull my hand back from his hold, reaching inside my jacket pocket and drop my business card on the table. Pressing my long, manicured nail on the small card, I guide it toward him. “You have my number. Call me if you need anything at all.” I see a sudden flicker of something in his eyes. He reaches for the card, holding it in his hand and tapping it against his palm.

  “Sure will.” He smiles, pushing it inside his pocket on the front of his suit jacket. Leading me to the door, I shake his hand and say a final goodbye. Making my way the short distance to my car, my thoughts are dominated with all things Nate. I can’t get what Brax said out of my head, and part of me feels like I need answers. Knowing the truth will help me draw a line under it and move on. I press the key fob, unlocking the door and drop inside the driver’s seat with a thud. Dropping my briefcase and purse on the passenger seat, I rest my head back, releasing a huge, pent-up breath. Tapping my hand against the top of my thigh, I try to work out what to do. Lifting my head, I grab my keys and start the engine.

  I deserve answers—the truth—after everything we have been through. Without a second's thought, I set off on my way to the Savage clubhouse.

  After about thirty minutes, I arrive at the one place Nate made me swear I would never venture. But this is different. I have to see him.

  Driving slowly, I pull up outside the front of the huge house. My eyes scan the less than appealing exterior, my hands shaking as I know I have to go knock on the door. Dealing with these guys at work almost daily never fazed me. But being here, on their territory, scares the life out of me. Shit, this was a bad idea. Craning my neck, I look out of the windshield, over to the garage which appears to be open. Reaching for the handle, I open the door, grab my purse, and make my way over to the opened door. Music blares and I approach slowly. Coming to a complete standstill, I look inside to see Nate hunched over his desk, sketching and working on something. I can’t help but watch him for a few seconds. His forearm muscle is tense and his head cocked to the side as he grips the pencil, sketching away. I almost feel bad for interrupting him. Making a fist, I peer around the wall, and knock lightly against it. He snaps his head in my direction; his eyes bug out the second they land on me. The look of anger in his gaze is all I see, and I can’t stop my feet from shuffling backward. Dropping my eyes, I turn and start to pick up the pace. Running back to my car, I fiddle with the keys, trying to locate the fob.

  “Tara,” he growls, his voice hoarse and low. Grabbing my elbow, he spins me on the spot, forcing my back against the car. His eyes are on my lips, his free hand snaking behind my neck as he squeezes gently. “You shouldn’t be here,” he mumbles, his gaze flickering between my mouth and my eyes. My heart hammers in my chest and I can’t help but lean back into his touch. The one I’ve craved and missed so much.

  “I came for answers.” I force out the words through my nervousness. He narrows his blue eyes on me, his eyebrows arched in question.

  “I told you never to come here. I warned you.” His jaw is clenched so tightly it causes the veins in his neck to protrude.

  “You don’t answer my calls.” I reach up, placing my trembling hand against his cheek. “I miss you,” I blurt out, suddenly feeling vulnerable that I laid my cards on the table so early on.

  “Fuck,” his blue gaze now drops to the floor as he steps back from me, pain etched on his face. “I have no choice. My father forbids this.” His finger flicks between us and he shuffles his feet against the dirt beneath it.

  “This… this doesn’t have to end between us because of your father,” I rush out, stepping closer to him once more. “We can keep this a secret. We can be together like we have for the past God knows how many months.”

  “No,” he exclaims, scraping his hands down his face, a look of despair in his steely blue eyes. “He will find out. He has cocksuckers reporting to him from all over. We can’t. We just can’t.”

  “Please,” I beg, stepping into his arms. “I know you want me.” Lifting onto my tiptoes, I place my lips against his, the thick stubble harsh against my skin. His familiar smell invades my senses, and within a millisecond, he’s kissing me back. He fingers work into my hair, grasping a handful as he tugs me closer. My body presses against his, and I start to melt into him, his kiss feels like no other. Sensual, full of meaning…

  “No,” he groans, thrusting me away and staggering back. The back of his hand swipes across his mouth. “We can’t do this.”

  “But you want to?” I take a tiny step back toward him, and his head lifts, his eyes connecting with mine. “Why are you fighting this?”

  A guttural moan comes from deep in his throat. He turns on his heel and charges back to the garage. Letting out a growl of frustration, I storm after him. Stopping at the entrance to the garage, I glare at him. His palm is flat against the white wall as he leans against it, his chest heaving as he breathes heavily.

  “You can’t run away from me, Nate. You need to face up to what is happening between us. Listen, I have no idea why you called it off, but saying you don’t want me is a lie, isn’t it?” I move inside the garage, small steps until I’m resting against the black couch just behind where he’s standing.

  “Do you know how much it's fucking killing me having you so close, yet knowing I can’t fucking touch you?” Hitting his clenched fist against the wall, he spins to face me.

  “It doesn’t have to be this way,” I whisper, my head swimming with confusion. “What happened? What changed between us?”

  “It’s not…”

  I raise my voice, cutting him off. “Don’t you dare.” I hold a wavering finger, pointing at him. “Don’t give me the ‘it’s not you, it’s me’ bullshit. Just don’t. Be honest with me, Nate, ’cause this,” I flick my hand between us, “this is killing me inside.” I press my palm flat against my hammering heart, tapping gently.

  “Please don’t,” he pleads, his eyes clenched shut, his head shaking from side to side. I tense at the sight of this beautiful man in pain.

  “Nate, I need you to tell me what is going on here. I’m not giving up on us, even if you have.” But he says nothing. Standing in front of me, his fingers pressed against his forehead, his eyes remain shut.

  The longer he stands there in silence, the more the pain seizes my chest.

  “Please…” I choke out, unable to finish my sentence. Reaching my hand forward, I brush the top of his arm. “Please, Nate. Hold me. Make me feel better.”

  “I can’t,” he murmurs. “I can’t do this.”

  My body starts to tremble, the fear of losing him spirals out of control. My breathing is erratic and I feel like I have to do something. Anything to make him realize that this isn’t what he really wants. Dipping my head, I place my hand under his chin, forcing his eyes to meet mine. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t want me, Nate. Because I call bullshit.”

  “The way you feel now won’t last forever. You’ll find someone else.”

  “You… you don’t mean that?”

  Snapping his head from my hand, he puts space between us, turning and walking over to his desk. “You should leave now,” his monotone voice instructs me.

  I stare at him, feeling completely lost and confused about what is happening. How could things have changed so drastically?

  “This has something to do with your father, doesn’t it?”

  “Yes,” he roars, spinning in his seat, leaning forward on his knees. “This has everyt
hing to do with my father. You and me, well let’s just say, we were a bad idea. It was never going to work.”

  “It works.” I slam my hand down against the couch. “It’s worked perfectly between the two of us for months.” I suck in a shuddering breath, holding back the tears that are trying to break the seal.

  “Sneaking around, fucking each other isn’t working, Tara. It’s called having fun. Safe to say, fun time is over.”

  “Fuck you, Nate. It was way more than that and you know it.” I swallow down the lump of emotion that has formed in my throat. My head’s a wreck. How could he say these things?

  Wrinkling his nose, he looks me dead in the eye. “Not for me, sweetheart. You must’ve mistaken me with some other asshole you fucked.” I freeze at the feeling that recoils inside my stomach.

  “How. Dare You,” I grate out, storming toward him. Drawing my hand back, I can’t help the anger that spirals out of control as the palm of my hand connects with the side of his face. He doesn’t react, his eyes expressionless. Shaking my hand, I try to ease the stinging feeling as I slowly step backward. My heart sinks and I just have to get out of here. A few more steps and I’m out of the garage. Without another glance, I turn and race toward my car, fumbling with my keys to get inside. By now the tears are hurtling down my face and my flight reflex is on overload.

  “Dammit,” I growl, kicking the tire on the damn car I can’t seem to get unlocked. Finally, I manage to press the right button on the key fob, yanking the door open and falling into the driver’s seat. I have to get out of here. This was a mistake. Turning the key, I don’t stop to buckle up. I turn, racing out of the driveway.

  Driving as if on autopilot, I make my way back to the office, pulling up in my regular parking space. I sit there, my shaking hands grasping the steering wheel. Despite the nasty bite to his words, I can’t help but believe that he doesn’t mean it. Even now, I still want him in my life, because without him, I feel lost. There is something missing, and he’s the only one that can fill the damn void.

  A loud, unexpected knock on the window causes me to jerk in surprise. I clutch my hand to my racing heart, willing it to steady.

  “Dammit, Izzy,” I grumble, lowering down the window.

  “What are you doing out here? You’ve been gone a long time. I was getting worried.” Her eyes hone in on my tear-stained cheeks and her forehead crinkles as she offers me a sad smile. “Honey, what’s wrong?”

  Pulling my lips between my teeth, I will the tears to stay at bay. Before I can answer her, she’s racing around to the passenger side of the car, opening the door and sitting beside me. “Hey,” she soothes, grazing her hand on my arm. Frowning, her eyes are narrowed on me. “What’s going on?”

  The tears are in full flow, my breathing all over the place. I try to speak through my tears, but I can barely string two words together.

  “It’s okay.” She circles her arms around me, pulling me closer to her. “I’m here, shhh…”

  “I went to see him,” I sniffle. “Big fucking mistake.”

  “What did he say? Did he offer you some kind of explanation?”

  “No.” I take in an unsteady breath. “Just made out like there was nothing between us, but I don’t believe him, Iz. Something about this just doesn’t seem right.”

  “Give him time. Time to realize what he’s really lost.”

  “This has something to do with his father, I just know it has.”

  “Sure. You know he’s forbidden this thing between you two, right?” She looks at me with narrowed eyes.

  “Yes,” I snap a little more than intended. “That’s the excuse I’m getting, but I can’t believe that would be enough for us to lose what we had together. I finally thought I’d met the ‘one.’ How could his father having a problem with us, suddenly mean that he no longer wants me?”

  “I don’t understand it, Tara. But I can imagine how you’re hurting. Like I said, give him some time. Maybe he’s getting a lot of pressure from home. This can’t be easy for him, being caught between what he wants and what his family will allow.”

  “Shit,” I groan, slamming my head against the seat behind me as I realize just how fucked up things are between us. “Why can’t he just be honest with me? Tell me what is going on?”

  “It’s that little thing called stupid male pride.”

  Closing my eyes, I can’t help but feel utterly broken. “I want to be worth fighting for. Is that too much to ask?”

  Izzy clasps her hands over mine.

  “You are. Don’t ever think that what’s happening here is a reflection on you. You are so worth fighting for, believe me. And if Nate doesn’t see that, then he’s a fool.”

  “I feel like I’ve lost everything, Izzy.” I lift my head to look at her, tears blurring my vision. “My best friend, my lover, the one person my whole life has revolved around for months now. I finally thought I’d met a good one. A keeper. Someone that makes my heart full and beat faster than it ever has. How can something that special just end?” I sniffle, the tears pour across my face. Izzy leans into me, pulling me into her arms.

  After a few seconds, I give myself a mental slap across the face, pulling away from Izzy’s hold. “I’m okay, I’m okay,” I repeat, adjusting my posture and swiping my hands across my face, clearing any sign of fallen tears. “We should get back inside. I’ve got work to do.”

  “You don’t have to do this,” Izzy says, offering me a sad smile.

  “Do what?”

  “Act like there’s nothing wrong. No one expects you to be okay.”

  “But I have to be. What other options do I have?” I don’t wait for her to answer. I grab my briefcase and my purse, throwing the door open and stepping out. Glancing back to her, she remains seated, her mouth slack-jawed and her eyes wide.

  “Are you coming?” I ask her, throwing my arms in the air for a second.

  “Sure.” She flashes me an unsure smile as she leaps out of the car, slamming the door shut and rushing toward me. Locking the car, I walk towards the building in which we work, my heels clicking loudly against the sidewalk.

  “Wait,” Izzy calls. “What’s the hurry?”

  “No hurry,” I shout back over my shoulder.

  “Tara,” she yells. “Stop.”

  But I ignore her and continue to steam toward the building now in sight. A few more steps and my hand connects with the door, causing it to fly open. Making my way through the entrance, I ignore the voice that calls to me. Head down and feet moving fast, I’m not exactly focused on where I’m going. The next thing I know, I’m halted to a stop, my body connecting with someone else's. Lifting my head, I see the weathered face of the craziest Savage.

  Silver. The vice president.

  “Hey, pretty thing. What’s the rush?”

  “Get out of the way,” I order, ignoring his question. I narrow my eyes in warning, but he doesn’t move. Crossing his arms over his chest, a smirk dresses his lips. I place my hand on his folded arms, trying to get the stupid mountain of a man to move.

  “Did you hear me, asshole? I said move!”

  “Oh, I heard you alright. Only, this asshole doesn’t take his orders from whores who are nothing more than Savage fuck bunnies.”

  “Lucky Brax didn’t hear that.” I cock a brow, smiling widely at the jerk standing in front of me.

  “You plan on hiding behind him forever, huh? Only, I didn’t like Carter much and I’m not sure about you either.” His nostrils flare and his eyes scrape over me as he scowls at me with a look of disgust.

  “I don’t hide behind anyone.” I glare at him before sidestepping, trying to get past him. Only he holds out his arm, blocking me from stepping any further.

  “What’s going on here?” Izzy’s voice calls from behind me and Silver is quick to snap his hand away.

  “This asshole won’t let me pass,” I quickly shout over my shoulder and Izzy’s footsteps approach me from behind.

  “Silver,” she asks in a questioning ton
e. “What’s the problem here?”

  Holding his hands up in mock surrender, he lifts his shoulders. “I was just trying to be friendly,” he says, darting out his tongue and swiping it across his lips. His bright blue eyes twinkle and I rush past him, watching as she taps him playfully on the arm.

  “Get out of here,” she laughs before following me up the stairs.

  “What is that guy’s problem?” I grate out, pushing the door, causing it to fly open.

  “Hey!” Brax shouts at me, staggering back, coffee cup in hand. “You nearly burned me.”

  Glancing at him, I can’t help but stifle a laugh as he glares at me. “Why are you behind the damn door?”

  “Me?” he gasps. “Why are you charging in here like that?”

  “Don’t,” I yell at him. “That asshole Silver just called me a goddamn whore.”

  “What the fuck… why?” he asks with a gasp, dropping his mug on his desk and walking toward me. “Are you okay? What happened?” His eyes are hard on me and I can tell he’s angry. Slamming my briefcase and purse onto the desk, I turn to face him.

  “It was nothing, honest. And I’m sorry I spilled your drink.”

  “I don’t give a fuck about the drink, I want to know why that cocksucker has upset you.”

  “It’s fine—”

  “Stop saying it's fine,” he cuts me off, making his way to the drawer located in his desk. Pulling out a gun, he pushes it into the band on his pants.

  “Stop, Brax,” I yell as he walks toward the door, only to stagger back as Izzy opens it, smiling as she peers through the gap.

  “Did you see him?” he asks Izzy, her face contorted with a look of confusion.

  “Who? Silver?”

  “Yes,” Brax replies pushing one hand through his hair, while the other grips the handle of the gun. “Cocksucker called Tara a whore. I should put a fucking bullet in that twisted little head of his.”

  “Guys, stop,” I cry, dropping into my seat. “I don’t want this. Not any of this. I’m quite capable of fighting my own battles.”