Tomorrows Child

by Starr West

“That depends on how you look at it. It isn’t my intention to hurt you. I never want to see you unhappy, Psyche. You have to know that.”

  I did know that. I just didn’t understand why.

  “What I told you today is only half of the truth. I do remember things from before I came here, but it is far more complicated than that.” He poured more tea. Either this was a long story or I would be awake until dawn.

  “When you decided to begin this journey and take on a new life, I’d already decided to stay. Neither of us needed to return to earth, but you were bound by duty. It was the first time I would not return to earth with you; this time you would be alone. It was a hard decision for both of us.” Phoenix looked sad as he spoke, but he wasn’t looking at me. He looked far off in the distance, remembering a sadness I didn’t understand.

  “When you left, you kissed me and said you would never forget. But you’re meant to forget. That’s the way it works when we cross the veil into birth. You forget. But I didn’t forget. I missed you. Every incarnation on earth had been with you. This time we were both alone.”

  “But you’re older than me; you were born first.”

  “No, I wasn’t, there was an opportunity for me to come later… I didn’t expect to find you, but I thought the distraction would be good.”

  “Phoenix, it doesn’t make sense, you’re older than me.”

  “I know, but there is a way.” Phoenix hesitated. His violet eyes had grown dark again and were almost black. “Sometimes souls finish their work early and want to come home. For others, the life they planned is too hard and they request an early exit. And some, have strayed so far from their purpose or are so lost, that they are removed.” He looked into my eyes, but I said nothing.

  “There are so many reasons, but these souls can go home without death and the human body remains a viable vessel, allowing another soul to live in the body that remains… without being born. That’s what I was asked to do, but I had to take over the responsibilities of the first soul. I couldn’t go off looking for you, but I hoped that you would be somewhere near.”

  “Didn’t you know where I was?”

  “I wasn’t part of your life plan or even involved in the planning; so there was no way for me to connect you with the girl I was sent to protect. There was no obvious connection between you and the first soul. There was no way I could have recognised that it was you.”

  “How do you know now? How can you be sure that I am the one you lost?”

  “I can tell. There is a connection between all souls that can never be broken. Even humans with no memory can recognise a soul they’ve known before. It’s only our conscious mind that has no memory, our subconscious remembers everything and can recognise people we are connected to on a higher level. This usually happens through eye contact. The connection of souls is automatic and links you to your soul memory.”

  He looked at me now, not searching like he had in those first few days, but waiting for my response. “It’s too much for you, isn’t it? Libby said I should wait.”

  “How’d Libby know?”

  “She knows who I am, everyone knows, but I told her what I thought about you after that first day in the forest. You’d never looked at me before that day. You were so sad for so long. Even when my spirit recognised you and my heart confirmed it, I didn’t know if I could believe it was really you. I couldn’t see how I was going to do my job if it were you.”

  “I heard you talking to Libby that night, it was a strange conversation, but I couldn’t come back into the room and tell you I had overheard your private conversation and then ask what you were talking about.”

  “I wish you had, it might have saved you a lot of distress.”

  “Hardly, I wasn’t ready for any of this then; I’m not sure I am now, but I trust you and I’m open to the idea that anything’s possible. I wasn’t then. So you really think I am this ‘soul’ that you have been missing?”

  “I know you are. Don’t you have some feeling of recognition, some sense of familiarity?”

  How could I tell him what I thought? I felt a connection, but it wasn’t as if I’d been having pure thoughts, after all. It was hardly a heavenly connection. I could never tell him I had spent the afternoon lusting after him or that I imagined his lips kissing mine.

  “I thought it was from the dreaming. I am comfortable with you, yet we’re practically strangers. I did think it was weird. You get away with things that I would never allow anyone else to get away with.” He looked confused; he really didn’t know, “All that bossy stuff, like telling me what to do and watching me all the time. With anyone else, I would just tell them off and do whatever I wanted.”

  “I thought that’s exactly what you had been doing!” He smiled. “So you’re okay with this,? You believe what I’m telling you? No questions?”

  “Yes, I’m okay with it, but I have plenty of questions. We probably need more tea, maybe even coffee.”

  This time I boiled the water and made coffee. I needed a distraction to think about all he said.

  Did I believe everything? Maybe not, but I trusted Phoenix and knew that he believed it. “I feel like I’ve been whisked away to an alternate reality, a place of magick and magickal creatures, a place where anything is possible.”

  “In a way you have. Ten years ago, most of this wouldn’t have been achievable, but changes to the energy and the veil made it all a reality.”

  “How closely are we connected? Like brother and sister? Or something else?” I hoped the answer would not be brother and sister or parental, because it would make my thoughts very wrong.

  “Something else, you and I were together in our first incarnation… We are partners, part of the same energy, twin souls, but not brother and sister. That is a human experience, not a spiritual one. It’s like together we are complete, apart we are left searching… always unsatisfied… always alone.”

  “Oh Phoenix, I feel so bad, it sounds dreadful,” I couldn’t find the words needed, nor did I fully understand, because I didn’t remember, “So let’s say I believe you… no question, no doubt, what then? What happens next?”

  “I have no idea. There are no rules. There’s no script written for us to follow. I guess it’s up to us. What do you want? What are you feeling?”

  I couldn’t give him an answer now; it was too much, too many decisions to make, too much at stake. “I need time, I don’t know what I’m feeling, I’m a teenage girl, Phoenix, we never know. I want the rest of the story, all the details.”

  Tiny tears glistened in the corner of Phoenix’s eyes. I didn’t understand why… Did he think this meant I didn’t want anything from him? Or that I had nothing to give? That wasn’t true, but I didn’t know what I had to give or how much I wanted to give him. I reached over the table and raised my hand. He reached across and pressed our palms together. The tingling I felt when Phoenix touched me was present, as always. I twisted my fingers until they interlocked with his and held his hand tightly.

  “We have time,” I whispered, “It will be fun getting to know each other all over again. See how it turns out.” I was delaying what I felt inside my heart… I could love Phoenix. I knew that already; but when I do fall in love, I want it to happen naturally, not because it was destiny.

  “I do know you, Psyche.”

  “No, Phoenix, you know who I was, before this life. I might be much the same in your eyes, but I’m someone new. I don’t even know the person you remember, not really, I’m sure there’s much for us to learn. It’ll be fun. I’ve never been… in love.”

  “True, it will be fun, I know that. Falling in love with you is always fun. But you’re so reluctant to embrace your future, I thought you would push me away too.”

  I saw the sadness in his eyes, and my heart ached to hold him, to take away his pain. I felt it too, as our hands interlocked across the table. I knew there was nothing to fear, but I was afraid. I knew why Phoenix hadn’t kissed me. This was my choice. Our destiny was in my hands. />
  From across the table, our bodies were separated by a chasm that holding hands wouldn’t satisfy. I let go of Phoenix’s hand and stood.

  “It’s okay,” he said, “you don’t have to choose me. You’re free to choose whomever you want.” Want was the key word, but in that moment, it scared me more than the creatures of the night. Phoenix thought I had already chosen and was walking away, but I was about to leap over the divide that separated us.

  As I approached him, I could feel my heart pound and the knot in my stomach twisted low and heavy. I reached out and pressed my hand against his heart. It thumped against my hand. He was so warm. His face flushed and his eyes glistened. I brushed my lips against his. I could taste the peppermint and honey sweetness on my tongue.

  First kisses are supposed to be awkward, unnatural and clumsy, but his wasn’t. It was perfect. I was surprised, surprised by my response, surprised by his. I pressed my lips against his and moved closer. My body responded in ways I’d never felt before. I pressed against him until there was no space between us, not a sliver of air remained. I wanted to be closer.

  Phoenix didn’t resist. He kissed me exactly as I imagined. He wanted me more than I wanted him, but he was stronger. He held my arms and pushed me away. Between rasping breaths, I said, “I thought this is what you wanted.”

  “You have no idea how much I want you, but I thought you wanted love, not some quick lusty fling.”

  “I do want love, but you make me crazy. My heart beats faster when you’re around. I can feel you in a room without seeing you there and I know when you walk up to me without even looking. This is making me crazy, I think I love you already, but I am afraid.” That was the truth, I had lied about wanting time, but lust had taken over, and he was right.

  “In this moment, you think you love me, but tomorrow you may see this differently.”

  He pulled me closer and held me tightly. “Give it some time, let this sink in and then see if you feel the same. But you have other questions and we have time for that now.”

  I couldn’t even remember what we were talking about, let alone my questions!

  “Yes, there are questions,” I said. “When did this happen? Does Tahinah know?”

  “Of course she knows! There are some rules about who we tell, but if family asks, we can’t lie. I’d only been here a few days when Tahinah asked me who I was. She had suspected something from the first day, but it was beyond her understanding, so she let it go.”

  “What happened?”

  “Ruben and Tahinah took their kids swimming at the falls. They used to go there in the summer. There was an accident. Their eldest son fell, hit his head and got caught in the rapids. He was unconscious, but not dead. I stood by and watched. It took only seconds for them to revive him. In those few seconds, his soul let go of the body and their son and I swapped. It was no more complicated than that, except your body has to be very close to death, or at the very least, unconscious.”

  “So it’s like a possession. You’re like a body snatcher.”

  “No, possession is when a soul enters a body uninvited, usually two souls living in the one body. That can only happen when a spirit hasn’t crossed over, when they’re lost and desperate to live again. Occasionally, there is a more sinister reason for a possession, but most of the time, it is the action of a lost and confused soul.”

  “In a way, this was a good thing,” I said, “Tahinah and Ruben didn’t lose their son, you got a perfectly good body and the first soul got to go home. That’s how it should be all the time.”

  “Yes, I suppose, but there son was a different a person. Who we are, is defined by our souls, not our bodies. We are what’s inside – who’s inside; the body is just a vehicle that suits this dimension. Sadly, Tahinah had a difficult time and she did mourn her first son. She refused to allow me to call her ‘Mum’ and demanded to know why he left. It took a long time for me to explain, but she searched until she found others like me, and now she’s an expert. She actually wrote books on the subject and was quite famous in certain circles.”

  “How long have you been here?”

  “Nine years; their son was only ten.”

  “Phoenix, this is so out there! You know that, right? Like out there with UFOs and dragons.”

  “Yeh, I know. For a human, everything is ‘out there’; but you do have a pet dragon, so it’s not that ‘out there’ for you anymore.”

  “Why did I decide to come back without you?”

  “You were always coming back. You’re from the line of daughters in the prophecy. It was your destiny. You could have left it for another member of your family, but this was your choice. The timing was off anyway and their birth would have been wrong. You had to go. We always knew this, but it didn’t help me deal with it.”

  “I thought when I made it to heaven, everything would be perfect. You’re telling me it’s no better than being human.”

  “It’s different, to be sure, and the emotions are different, more able to be controlled. But I didn’t know how much your absence would affect me… it didn’t have to. I could have done any number of things to help, even taken your memory away while you were gone. We always have a choice. But I don’t want to tell you about life at home, you need to discover that for yourself.”

  We were still talking when the sun peeked over the horizon. Phoenix held me for a long time and sat on the edge of the bed, as I lay down, too tired to stay awake any longer.

  “I should go.”

  “You should stay, your father said not to leave. What happened to Navarre? He was supposed to arrive at midnight.”

  “He did. You were ravishing me at the time.”

  “Why didn’t you say something?”

  “I was trying to decide if I would let you have your way with me.” He smiled with the same cheeky grin that I’d seen more often on Navarre’s face. “He is probably outside, standing guard. I wouldn’t worry too much, Navarre takes this warrior thing very seriously.”

  “You can lie beside me if you like. I don’t think it matters very much now. If you’re mine, you may as well stay,” I smiled.

  Phoenix’s deep violet eyes sparkled, “I can only stay if you plan on sleeping.” He kissed me gently on the lips. I could still taste honey, but I didn’t respond like I did the first time. He lay on top of the covers with his hand on my hip. It was nice to have him here. I felt safe and that was the last thought I had before I fell asleep.

  Chapter 16 ~ SOMEONE TO WATCH OVER US

  I wrenched myself out of bed, too tired to care about the weather, but too cold not to be affected by it. The rain fell lightly, but it only melted the snow and made the sludge worse. The fact that the wind blew constantly, creating horizontal drifts of icy needles made the day even more miserable.

  The problem with all this was that I was happy. It was Basil’s funeral today and I was happy. The wind blew and the rain fell, but I was happy. Phoenix made me happy. The truth made me happy. Crazy as it was.

  Waking up alone made me wonder if any of it had actually happened, but there was a note on the table…

  Psyche,

  I have to prepare for Basil’s funeral. Sorry, I couldn’t wait. Please come over to Tahinah’s when you’re ready. You don’t have to come to the funeral if you don’t want to, everyone will understand, but we would love to have you there.

  Blessed Be, Love Libby

  PS Sweetie, I’m so glad Phoenix finally told you everything.

  This one line tagged to the end of a note was all I needed. The truth had been revealed, an answer to one of the many mysteries that haunted my life. I wasn’t crazy and it wasn’t a dream.

  The tribe had gathered on the veranda at Ruben and Tahinah’s. Originally, I thought the veranda was nothing more than a pretentious extension, but now it appeared to be a practical living area.

  I couldn’t see Libby or Phoenix and a moment of panic welled up in my chest. This was my usual reaction to an unfamiliar situation and I took a deep brea
th to control myself. These people were friends, so there was no reason to panic. Although tea was the brew that sustained us on a daily basis, today was one of the few days I wanted coffee. I hadn’t recovered from the lack of sleep and if I were going to make it through the day, I needed coffee.

  “Psyche Darnell!” I heard a familiar voice yell across the veranda, “Nice that you could join us.” I searched the sea of faces. The voice belonged to Lachlan Taylor. “Did that boyfriend of yours keep you up all night?” he laughed.

  A voice loomed above the crowd “Lachlan, keep it to yourself today, please.” It was Tahinah. She stood beside me and rested her hand on my shoulder. “How are you, sweetie?” Phoenix walked up and handed me a steaming mug of brewed milky coffee. The smell was heavenly.

  “I’m good, thanks, Tahinah, a bit tired though.”

  “Phoenix told me what happened. About time, I reckon. He’s been moping around here for a long time, long before you arrived. I’m glad it’s turned out for the best.” Tahinah was smiling in a way only a mother does when her children are happy. She really had accepted Phoenix as one of her own. It was a good result for them both.

  “When is the funeral?”

  “Soon, Libby and Abigail are just about finished. Basil was a religious man and they want to do the best they can for him, under the circumstances. We can’t bury him in a cemetery so we’re doing everything we can.”

  Phoenix explained that they were selecting verses from the Bible that would bless the ground before they buried Basil. He had some wishes that needed to be taken care of and when that was finished, they would come and get us. I had only ever been to one funeral, so I didn’t know what to expect.

  Since Libby respected Basil, I expected she would be preparing a Christian burial or as close to one as their knowledge and resources allowed. Mum had had a more Pagan burial rite performed, with a blessing given to the earth that had sustained her. Her eulogy was about the circle of life and death and our continuation into the spirit world. It was what she wanted.

  Phoenix arrived with more coffee, “Do I look that tired?” I asked and he smiled and nodded.