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ABBA ABBA

Page 14

by Anthony Burgess


  His friends kicked up a noise, but one apostle -

  St Thomas – sang as loud as any throstle:

  "It's an imposture. Obvious. Elementary.

  Anyway, how could he pass the fucking sentry?"

  Jesus meanwhile, unseen in the Easter jostle,

  Was making for their place at a colossal

  Speed, and he used the keyhole for his entry.

  He cried: "Poke in your finger, near this rib,

  And you'll soon see whether I still exist

  Or the whole tale is just a fucking fib."

  St Thomas came and shoved his great ham fist

  Into the hole. He then became as glib

  A Christian as he'd been a rationalist.

  Whitsun

  You've seen the cook shove larding needles in

  Pork, lamb, beef or some other meaty treat,

  While seated on your trattoria seat,

  Hungry as hell and anxious to begin.

  Fat spits and bubbles underneath the skin,

  The very sizzle's good enough to eat,

  And while the flame and fat and fibre meet,

  Saliva dribbles almost to your chin.

  This is one way to cook a fine fat pigeon,

  But not the dove of pentecostal peace.

  Dressed as a grilled lamb-tongue, this fluttered down

  And, to feed hungry bellies with religion,

  It cooked the eleven apostles good and brown

  Until they spat with holy grace or grease.

  Spread the Word

  When Jesus died, firm in the Christian creed,

  St Peter's party picked up the Lord's load

  And, staff in fist, they took the Cassia road

  And went about the world to sow their seed.

  Some sought – lazy, or fired to feed a need -

  Baccano and La Storta; others strode

  To Nepi, Monterosi, where they showed

  The Christian way of death in word and deed.

  Nay, more – to teach the good and ban and banish

  The bad, they went to lands where pagans chatter

  In Russian, German, English, French and Spanish.

  Their message was so simple, strong, unkillable,

  The fact they spoke Italian didn't matter.

  No one misunderstood a single syllable.

  The Last Days

  When the long annals of the earth are done

  And Christ's creation's melted into shit,

  The Antichrist will crawl out of his pit

  And preach the dirty word to everyone,

  Cursed with a wall-eye that the blest will shun,

  A giant body and a face unfit

  Even to have tomatoes hurled at it,

  A prodigy, son of a monk and nun.

  The prophet Enoch will lambast the liar,

  Elijah too – they'll spring out of a hatch

  In St Paul's church, between the nave and choir.

  Satan will slither up from hell to snatch

  His share, snarling it out with the Messiah.

  And earth will be a plucked up cabbage patch.

  The Last Judgment

  At the round earth's imagined corners let

  Angels regale us with a brass quartet,

  Capping that concord with a fourfold shout:

  "Out, everybody, everybody out!"

  Then skeletons will rattle all about

  Forming in file, on all fours, tail to snout,

  Putting on flesh and face until they get,

  Upright, to where the Judgment Seat is set.

  There the All High, maternal, systematic,

  Will separate the black souls from the white:

  That lot there for the cellar, this the attic.

  The wing'd musicians now will chime or blare a

  Brief final tune, then they'll put out the light:

  Er-phwhoo.

  And so to bed.

  Owwwwwww.

  Bona sera.

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  Document creation date: 17.01.2008

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