by Zoe Chant
When she was still a teenager, the discovery that other shifters existed had filled her with hope. Over the years, that hope had drained away to nothing.
Or almost nothing.
This was the worst part. Hope. The idea that it might be different this time.
That other shifter—it was Joel. The man who’d caught her attention at the diner...and who had saved her from those jerks on the street.
That must have been why he was so weirdly compelling. He was a snow leopard. Like her.
She’d never met another snow leopard shifter before.
And maybe that was why she hadn’t felt afraid when he was chasing her. It was strange: it had almost been like a race, or a game. When she’d run away, she’d felt more of a sense of exhilaration than anything else. She’d almost wanted him to catch her.
She’d stopped and looked back at him without fear. And that, as much as anything, had been what made her run again. It had felt like her survival instincts had stopped working.
And now, part of her was screaming, Maybe this is it. Maybe this is a place I can stay. Maybe these people will welcome me in, and I won’t be alone anymore.
Sure. After chasing her through the night like that. That seemed likely. Even if Nina had felt like it was a game, he probably just wanted to tell her to get out of his territory. Whatever sympathy he’d felt when he thought she was just a random human woman must have disappeared when he realized she was an interloper, a feral shifter on his land.
She was going to have to leave town. Again.
Nina left for work still blinking back furious tears. She couldn’t skip town yet—or she could, but she wanted to at least pick up her first paycheck, which she’d get this afternoon. Once she had that, she could leave. The money would help get her started in a new town.
The thought of picking up again and leaving...of shifting and running all day, curling up somewhere hidden every night, hunting for her food and hoping no one discovered her...it made her want to sit down on the floor of the diner and sob.
But moving from town to town was much, much easier as a snow leopard. Nina didn’t own a car. Even a bus ticket would cut into her available money by too much, as usual. If she shifted and lived outside for several days, running alongside a highway until she came to a promising place to find a job, she didn’t have to pay for transportation or a place to sleep. Or even food.
Nina felt exhausted just thinking about it. The cold and the damp, wasting hours hunting rabbits or birds, only to fetch up in some other hostile little town where she’d desperately search for a crappy job, only to start the cycle all over again when it didn’t work out.
She didn’t want to. But what else was she going to do? This was her life.
With a sudden rush of tension, she remembered the letter she’d sent to her mom last night. It was all a lie now, wasn’t it?
She wondered if the mailman had picked up the mail from that box yet. Maybe she could somehow fish the letter out? But as she passed it on her way to the diner, she read the posted note: pickup was at 9 AM. It was almost noon now, just about time for her shift to start. Her last shift.
She didn’t want to leave. She didn’t want to never see stylish Alethia again, never have a sarcastic exchange with Ethel again, never run around the very edges of beautiful Glacier National Park again.
But she couldn’t just wait to get chased away. If there was anything worse than purposefully leaving town, it was being run out by a pack of angry shifters. That was something to make her chest ache and her eyes burn as she plodded off to the next town.
Glacier was supposed to be her last stop. The point where she gave up looking for other shifters, stopped trying to find a family, and just accepted that she was alone. She’d wanted to be alone somewhere beautiful, and she’d thought she’d achieved that. She didn’t want to give it up.
Nina let out her breath in a sigh as she went to clock in and put on her apron. She was just going to have to be strong, steel herself, and leave. She’d done it so many times before, she could do it again.
She picked up her tray and started out...and stopped short. Joel was waiting for her in a booth.
He was sitting down, but he still had that sense of kinetic energy about him, like at any moment he might spring into motion. Nina felt caught up in the sight of him, his wild dark hair, the hint of stubble at his jaw, his broad, muscular shoulders...
She snapped herself out of it and stepped out into the dining area. She still had a job to do, and no matter what he wanted, she was going to do it.
When he saw her, he stood up immediately and came over. “You,” he said in that deep voice. “It was you last night.”
“I—don’t know what you’re talking about.” Nina’s voice wavered, though, giving her away. She’d never been a good liar. And something about Joel’s voice, those bright silver eyes, something—it just disarmed her.
“I know it was,” he insisted. “I saw your eyes. It was you.”
Nina scrubbed her hands through her short hair. “Fine. It was me. But you don’t have to worry about me, okay? No need to—to protect me after my shift’s over anymore, or follow me into the woods. I’m leaving town today.”
Now he looked taken aback. Why? That had to have been what he’d wanted to tell her last night. Get out of my territory. That’s what all shifters wanted when they saw a stranger.
But he didn’t say that. Or anything like it. Instead, he took a step closer—Nina could swear she felt his body heat—and said, “You don’t have to leave.”
Nina didn’t know what to say to that. That wasn’t how this was supposed to go.
“Do you have a pack?” she asked, suddenly thinking of a reason he might not object to her hanging around. “Or is it just you?”
Maybe Joel was another lone shifter like her. Maybe it could just be the two of them, living up here at Glacier, and they could get to know each other, and just...leave each other alone, if that was how it ended up working out.
Or...not. If that was how it ended up working out.
But Joel was nodding yes. Nina felt disproportionately crestfallen, as though her wild second of hope had been a detailed plan, a real expectation.
“Yes,” he said. “There’s a pack here.”
“And what?” she snapped, annoyed at herself for being so unrealistic. She took a step back, hoping to clear her head. “It’s one big open happy family? You’re all ready to take in any strays who show up? How does someone join this pack?”
Joel frowned. “My brother and I joined when we got our jobs as rangers at the Park, but—”
“Well, I’m never going to be a park ranger,” Nina told him. “I was lucky to get this job as a damn waitress, okay.”
It made sense. Park rangers. Shifters probably made great park rangers. A whole happy pack of gainfully-employed park rangers and their families. Great.
“You don’t have to be a park ranger to join the pack,” Joel said. “My brother’s mate isn’t. Or, well, she’s training to be one, but the rest of the mates aren’t. Alethia and Leah.”
Alethia was a snow leopard’s mate. What if Nina could stay, and make friends with her—
No, Nina told herself. She knew better than to hope. She knew better than to think things might work out.
Still, she heard herself ask, “So who’s in charge, then?”
Joel brightened. “Cal, the head ranger. He’s—well, he’s not nice, he’s kind of crusty and old-fashioned, but I’m sure he’d take you in. I think he would.”
Nina glared at him. “You think.”
Joel met her eyes. “I do.”
No. No. No, she was not falling for this. She was not letting her heart soften again, only to be hurt even worse when she was kicked in the chest. She didn’t need this pack. And she definitely wasn’t going to be so stupid as to let some not-nice, old-fashioned old man eye her up, decide if she was pretty enough to keep around. Nina shook her head. “I—”
“Look,” Joel
interrupted quickly, “at least stick around for another few days. Talk to me some more. You can meet Cal, meet my brother, and you’ll see. They’re good people. Meet the other women—they’ll tell you that this is a good place to be.”
His voice almost vibrated with sincerity. His eyes were pinning her in place. Nina felt the beginnings of panic creeping over her. Stay or go? Stay or go?
She wanted to run.
But if she ran, she’d be alone. Again. And she’d never see Joel again. Or maybe-her-friend-someday Alethia. Or maybe any other snow leopards, at all, ever.
Maybe it would be different, with other snow leopards. Different from all those times with packs of wolves and bears and mountain lions. Nina hated herself for hoping, but...maybe. Maybe.
Joel, at least, seemed like a decent guy. He’d put himself in the way of those assholes last night, and no one had asked him to, or rewarded him for it.
Joel was waiting for her to make a decision, watching her with those silvery-gray eyes. He looked anxious. Worried that she would say no.
Like her decision mattered to him.
“Okay,” she said finally. “Okay. I’ll talk to you. After I get off-shift tonight. No promises about anything else.”
He relaxed all at once. Nina watched the fall of his shoulders, the loosening of his fists, in bemusement. He really had cared what her answer was.
“Good,” he said. “Great. I’ll come here. What time do you get off?”
“Eight.”
“Great. I’ll see you then.”
“Don’t tell anyone else about me,” she warned him. “Or I’m gone.” She was still afraid of this alpha he’d mentioned, this old, traditional man. What would he think about some young pack member inviting random girls to stay? That seemed like asking for trouble.
“I won’t,” Joel promised her. He paused for a long minute, like he was going to say something else, or do something else, and then he shook himself and headed for the door at speed—but still with that rangy grace Nina remembered from the night before.
She stared after him. What was happening? Who was he, that he wanted her around, wanted it badly enough to argue with her about it, when no one else ever had?
Nina could still feel the edge of panic in her body, the desire to run before she got hurt again. But even though she was about sixty percent sure the hurt was coming...she wanted to stay and see if she was wrong.
Forty percent hope was more than she’d had in a long, long time, anyway.
***
Joel felt almost weak with relief. And glad that he’d taken his lunch break to come out to the diner, because it was clear that Nina had been planning to get out of town as soon as possible—maybe she’d only come in to get her paycheck and leave.
He almost hadn’t convinced her. For a minute, he’d been certain that Nina was going to tell him to go screw himself and take off. She’d had a hard, suspicious glint in her eyes, like she’d been hurt before and she had good reason not to trust anyone telling her she was welcome.
He wondered what her story was. He badly wanted to know where she’d come from, how she’d ended up here at Glacier.
And especially why she was all alone, and hiding.
Joel had been lucky that when his parents died, he still had Zach to take care of him. Five years older, Zach had worked like a dog to make sure they had enough money while Joel went to high school, and then he’d come along with Joel to study to be a ranger.
If Joel hadn’t had Zach, his life would have looked very, very different. He’d have ended up in foster care at age thirteen. He wouldn’t have had any family at all. He might never have gotten together the money and the courage to go for his dream, to be a ranger.
He might’ve ended up all alone, with no friends or family, no idea where to find other shifters, and suspicious of the world. Like Nina seemed to be.
Joel looked over his shoulder at the diner one more time. What if she’d been lying, and she skipped out anyway? The thought made his leopard growl, his insides clench with the need to stop it from happening.
But he didn’t think she’d been lying. Something about her suggested truth—her voice, her eyes, her body language, something. She’d meant what she said.
Joel headed back to work, wishing the day was over already.
Of course, it stretched out forever. Joel thought about going to Cal and casually bringing up the idea of someone else joining the pack...but Cal would see through that. And Nina had been insistent about only talking to him, not to anybody else. He couldn’t betray the little bit of trust she was giving him.
So he kept quiet. He was out with Grey surveying campsites again, so there wasn’t much opportunity for chatter in any case.
When he got off work, he went home instead of to the cabin, just for the distraction. Zach and Teri were making dinner.
“He shows his face,” Zach said in mock-surprise when Joel came in.
“Yeah, yeah,” Joel grumbled, poking at a pot on the stove. Spaghetti sauce, it looked like.
Zach set down his spoon and caught Joel’s eye, turning serious. “What was that last night, Joel? You disappeared on us. Grey had to eat your burger.”
What to say? Why had he left? He’d been spooked by how strongly he’d reacted to Nina, but that was a pretty dumb reason for running out on Zach and the rest.
Now that he knew who she was, he could guess that he’d subconsciously recognized her as the strange leopard he’d been scenting, and it had unsettled his inner leopard to see her there in a restaurant serving drinks.
But he couldn’t say that to Zach.
He’d promised Nina, and if he explained, Zach would want to talk to Nina himself, and Teri would definitely want to come too, and they’d both want to tell Cal.
There was a smaller, stranger part of Joel that didn’t want to tell Zach because he wanted to be the one to talk to Nina. To convince her to stay. He didn’t want her to fall into the crowd of Zach-and-Teri, Grey-and-Alethia, and Jeff-and-Leah, while Joel stayed on the outside, surly and alone.
That was probably stupid. It sounded petty even in his own head. But it was true.
“I was about to get into it with one of those drunk assholes,” Joel said instead. “They were harassing the waitress. I got them to stop, but they were being aggressive and disrespectful and I decided to get out of there before I got into a fight.”
Zach frowned. “Joel, you know getting into fights is—”
“Yes, Zach, I know,” Joel interrupted the beginning of the lecture. He made his voice exaggeratedly patient. “That’s why I left. Because fights are bad and I didn’t want one. Okay?” He neglected to mention that he’d ended up fighting the drunks off anyway. What Zach didn’t know wouldn’t hurt him. And it was better to keep Nina out of the conversation entirely.
Teri slipped by on her way to get the cheese grater out of a drawer, and poked Zach hard in the side as she passed. Zach held up his hands immediately. “Okay. Sorry. I just wish you’d said something to us before you left—or texted, or anything.”
Joel felt a stab of guilt at that. Zach didn’t deserve to be blanked just because Joel was caught up in something he wanted to keep secret. “I should’ve texted at least. Next time I will.”
“How about next time you hang out and eat your burger with us,” Zach countered. “You staying for dinner tonight?”
Joel looked at the clock. Six-thirty. Still a long time until Nina got off work at eight. “Sure.”
Dinner was...fine. The food was good, but it just reminded him of what he’d been avoiding by spending so much time out at the cabin. Zach and Teri were so in love it was impossible to ignore; it was like Joel could almost reach out and touch the feelings in the air between them. It made him uncomfortable.
It was worse because he did genuinely like Teri. She was smart, down-to-earth, and loved the Park as much as anybody did. And she wanted to get to know Joel, she wanted to spend time with him and talk to him. She wanted them to be a family.
She couldn’t help it that Joel flinched away from the whole idea of mates. She couldn’t help it that when he was around her and Zach, watching them be the most couple-y couple that ever coupled, he started to get claustrophobic.
So he ate as quickly as he politely could, participated in the conversation a little—Zach again brought up the idea of them coming to help work on the cabin, and Teri chimed in, clearly eager. Joel couldn’t just shut her down, because she was trying, he could see her reaching out, wanting to connect on something. So he made noncommittal agreement noises and hoped he could put it all off until the cabin was done.
“I know you like the great outdoors more than anything in the world,” Zach said, making it a joke, “but you could bring some of us with you into the great outdoors sometime. I haven’t even seen your cabin, you know.”
“Sure,” Joel said. “We’ll do it.” Sometime in the far future, after he’d convinced Nina to stick around. He glanced at the clock. Seven-fifteen. Still too early, but he couldn’t wait any longer. “Thanks for dinner. I’ve got to head out, though.”
“Now? Where? Just out to the cabin again?” Zach asked, frowning.
“No, I’ve got some stuff to take care of, but I’ll probably head up there after. See you later.” He escaped from the table before there were any more questions. He’d learned as a teenager that if he wanted to get out without Zach making him stay, speed was key.
This was another reason he needed to get out of the house and live in his own place. Whenever he was irritated about something, whether it was Zach’s fault or not, he could feel them start to transform, becoming the sullen fifteen-year-old kid and the out-of-his-depth twenty-year-old guardian. They were both men now, and they needed to start living like it.
Joel shook off thoughts of Zach as he headed out into the night. He’d shift and run for a bit to kill some time, and then he’d head over to the diner.
***
Nina’s shift had dragged on forever. She’d changed her mind about whether she was going to stay long enough to meet Joel four or five times throughout the day, and she still wasn’t sure she’d settled on the right decision.