Divided Dreams

by Walters, Janet Lane;

  She leaned forward. “You’ve been writing for years and shared your stories with kids who didn’t know about the small details. Having an editor should be a plus.”

  “You’re right but it’s humbling.” He finished the burger and some coleslaw. He pushed the container toward her. “Do you want the rest?”

  She shook her head. “I’m stuffed.” She gathered her wrappings and his.

  Tammy fussed. Rob headed to the fridge. “Better warm a bottle."

  Andi picked up the baby. The crying stopped. “Take care of the dishes. I’ll change her.”

  “Thanks.”

  She carried her niece toward the hall. “When you’re finished join us for a bathing lesson.”

  “Aren’t you going to feed her?”

  “Bath first.”

  He turned from the dishwasher. “Be there in two minutes.”

  In the nursery Andi grabbed a diaper, a sleeper, and some wipes in case they were needed. She’d left the soap and cloths in the bathroom this morning. At the door she paused and sighed with envy.

  Not only was there a whirlpool bathtub, the room held a large shower. The floor was some kind of stone and the wall tiles were pale gray and pink with touches of darker shades. The door on the opposite side of the one Tammy used led to a second bedroom half again as big as Andi’s at the apartment.

  She stood at the sink and undressed her niece. Rob arrived. The room shrank. Had she made a mistake? Being this close to him raised feelings she didn’t want. She held Tammy in one arm, turned on the water and adjusted the temperature. “Feel.”

  He brushed her hand sending an electric jolt up her arm. She tried not to react.

  “Tepid, more hot than cold.” He held his hand under the water.

  Andi stepped to the side. “You’ve got that.” She pulled the lever. Once the basin filled she lowered Tammy into the water using one hand to support the child’s head. The little girl gasped and then kicked her feet sending the water over the edge of the basin.

  “Whoa, kid,” Rob said. “Not so frisky.”

  “You’re lucky. Some babies scream the entire time.” She shook her head.” I’m amazed the clerk didn’t slip a bathtub into your order. You bought everything she could use and more.”

  “A friend helped with the purchases.”

  Andi’s stomach clenched. Why did his answer bother her? She suppressed a groan. She cared. She fooled herself by denying the attraction. Besides, handsome eligible men were never alone.

  “Here’s what you do next.” She dipped a cloth in the water and squeezed on some baby soap. She began the bath. Rob watched intently.

  “Now for her hair.” She leaned Tammy back and placed a cloth on the baby’s forehead. “To keep soap from her eyes.” After washing and rinsing the soap away she lifted her niece onto a towel and wrapped her. “Think you can manage.”

  Rob nodded. “Boy, was I dumb. Why didn’t I think of this?”

  “You’ve never had a baby to care for before.”

  “Have you?”

  What triggered that question? Did he wonder if they had made a child during one of their heated encounters years ago? “I’m a nurse, and now a practitioner in Peds. I’ve cared for infants, older children, and adults.” She carried her niece into the nursery and dressed her in a pale pink light sleeper.

  Rob appeared in the doorway. “Should I warm her bottle?”

  “Not yet. She’s happy now.” She carried Tammy to the main room. “Spread the quilt on the rug.” She pointed to the bright cloth over the back of the couch. Once he did she sat at the edge and put Timmy down.

  Rob sank on the couch. “I hope she sleeps longer than two hours at a stretch tonight. I’m beat.”

  Andi cocked her head. “How often do you feed her?”

  “Every time she cries. Am I doing something wrong?”

  Andi rose and sat on the other end of the couch. “Does she take the entire bottle every time?”

  He shook his head. “Maybe an ounce or two, but she stops crying.”

  “Pavlov’s dogs.” Andi couldn’t stop a roll of laughter.

  “What?”

  “You’re conditioning her. If you feed her every time she cries she’ll never sleep all night. There might be other reasons for her tears.”

  He straightened. “Like what? Sometimes she’s not wet.”

  “She might need a cuddle. She could have gas.” Andi studied her hands. A bit of sympathy for a man who had been thrust into fatherhood arose.

  “So what should I do?”

  “Talk to her. Pick her up and pat her back. She’ll be starting on solid food in a month or so and she’ll go longer between feedings. Set a schedule. Crying a bit won’t hurt her. Might even be good for her lungs.”

  Rob rose. “I’ll try your methods. First thing tomorrow I’m making calls and praying one of the women on my list wants to become her nanny.” He leaned forward. “If I can’t find a nanny for the weekend, could you watch her?”

  Andi drew a deep breath. She could but did she want to? “I’m on call Sundays. Might be awkward for you to have to leave your writing and tend to Tammy but I will think about it.” Why had she half-promised? Had dreams of the impossible infiltrated?

  He crossed to stand before her. “I was a fool years ago. I let myself be bullied. I know you can’t forget, but can you forgive me?”

  Andi gulped a breath of him. His voice and his expression seemed contrite. Could she ever forget how devastated and cheap his words had made her feel? Memories of the love they’d shared that spring and summer lingered. She’d tried to forget and had failed. He touched her hand. She studied the joining. “We had so much.”

  “I threw it away.”

  “Yes you did. I wish I could forget.”

  “Makes two of us.” He released her hand. “There’s been no lasting relationship for me. There was always you.”

  She understood, but she wished his answer had been different. Memories of the ending raised barriers she couldn’t scale.

  She rose. “About the weekend and forgiveness I can’t give you an answer. Perhaps what we had is beyond our reach to retrieve. We’ve changed. You’d an author. I’m a nurse practitioner. Whatever we decide we need to go slow.”

  “Slow is better than nothing.”

  Hope bubbled in her thoughts. She rose and slid past him. The temptation to step into his arms was hard to resist. She had to remain aloof until she found peace with her conflicting emotions.

  “Stay and talk.”

  That wasn’t a good idea. Any more time in his company tonight and she would beg for a replay of their sultry summer nights.

  “I can’t. I need to plan for tomorrow. I’ve morning rounds at the hospital before office hours. I’ll call you Friday to hear about the nanny situation.”

  He walked to the door. As she stepped past him he brushed a kiss on her palm. “I really loved you.”

  “I loved you, too, but that wasn’t enough.” She hurried to her car. He remained in the doorway. She peered into the rear view mirror until she rounded a bend. The desire to return brought a rush of tears.

  Not yet. Maybe never.

  * * *

  Rob stared at the driveway long after Andi’s gas saver vanished. He gripped the frame of the door. He wanted to run and persuade her to return. Wouldn’t work. She had changed and so had he. They were no longer teenagers with raging hormones.

  He chuckled. Every time he saw her he experienced a hormonal rush.

  Tammy whimpered. He scooped her from the quilt. She settled against his chest. The sweet scent of baby made him smile. Did she miss Andi? He sure did. He carried his niece to his study and looked around the room. If he moved a chair, there would be room for the portable crib in here.

  “What do you say, kid? Can you be still while I read my mail? Tomorrow, you’ll have your own space in here.”

  He returned for the quilt. “Answer mail and then bed.”

  He placed her on the blanket and sat at t
he desk. Though tempted to start working he only went through his email. If he started on the edits he wouldn’t stop. He read and responded to a dozen new messages and deleted twice as many.

  At nine thirty he fed Tammy and put her in the crib. He staggered to his bed. How do mothers do this?

  * * *

  Rob growled and tapped the third, and last, number Dana had given him. The first two calls had yielded zilch. Number one only watched children in her home. The second had three days scheduled and was only available on Monday and Wednesday.

  He drew a deep breath. When a woman answered he exhaled. “Is this Janine Rhodes?”

  “Yes. Who’s calling?”

  “My name is Rob Grantlan. Your name was given to me as someone looking for a full-time nanny position.” If he crossed his eyes he would.

  “I am looking for work. At least, until September.”

  Though he wanted someone until Tammy was old enough for pre-school hiring this woman would give him time to look. “I need someone Monday through Friday.”

  “Tell me something about your child.”

  Rob tapped his fingers on the table. “My sister died in a car accident. I have custody of her two month daughter.”

  “What would the hours be?”

  “From nine to five. There might be an occasional evening.”

  “Those hours seem fine.”

  Rob felt relieved. “Now comes my problem. I’ll need someone for this Saturday and Sunday. I have work that must be done.”

  “I’m booked this weekend but I can come tomorrow and meet your niece and see your setup. You’ll need to see my references. I’ve been in Fern Lake for just a month. We also need to discuss salary and benefits.”

  He held in a groan. As for salary he would pay her max. He grinned. She was booked this weekend. Now he had a reason to ask Andi to spend the two days here.

  “Mr. Grantlan, are you there?”

  “Sorry. I was considering options for the weekend. Come tomorrow around ten. Here are the directions.”

  After disconnecting he lifted Tammy. “Well, kid, hopefully this woman will love you.” He carried her to his study and put her in the portable crib. He answered email including one from his agent urging him to rush on doing the edits.

  “Working on it,” he sent.

  * * *

  Though Andi said she would call on Friday, Rob wanted to pin her down now. He tapped her number. She answered on the third ring. “Is Tammy all right?”

  “Yes. Are you busy?”

  “I’m on lunch break. Any luck with a nanny?”

  Rob leaned back in the recliner. “Janine Rhodes is coming tomorrow to meet Tammy and give me her credentials.”

  “Sounds good. Wish I could be there to meet her.”

  “So do I.” he hesitated. “She can’t start until Monday.”

  “Sorry to hear that.”

  “I’m with you. My agent keeps emailing me to finish the edits.”

  “Why the rush?”

  “I don’t know. I’m afraid to start. I have a habit of not stopping until what ever project I’m working on is complete.”

  “You must have been a dynamo making rounds.” She laughed.

  “They hated to see me coming.” He drew a deep breath. Couldn’t let her derail him. “I’m that way with everything I do. Once I start I work until I finish. Have been known to work thirty six hours straight.”

  “Not a good thing when there’s a baby.”

  Though she couldn’t see him, he nodded. “Starting on Monday my routine will change. I’ll work when the nanny’s here. Three alarm clocks should stop me at five.”

  “Wait, and start your edits then.”

  Rob rolled his eyes. “My agent and the editor want them sent by Monday morning. There must be a reason they’re not telling me. I don’t want to blow this.”

  “Good luck.”

  She couldn’t hang up yet. He needed her in more ways than one. “Come tomorrow evening and spend the weekend. You won’t see me after dinner.”

  Her hesitation had him scrambling for an alternate plan. He could ask Dana and Simon. They knew about the book, but they had their own child and probably plans.

  “I could come on Saturday and stay until ten or eleven.”

  “You can come for dinner Friday after work. We’ll eat and I’ll vanish into my study and emerge Sunday morning.” He wished he could spend the weekend with her building new dreams. He couldn’t. The edits were his priority.

  “You would really work that many hours without a break?”

  “I’ll have strong coffee and stronger determination. Once I start I won’t stop until all three hundred and eighty six colored boxes are dealt with.”

  “You counted.”

  Her laughter made him smile. “Not exactly. I paged through and saw marks on almost every page. I nearly decided to give up.”

  “Don’t do that. You used to talk about becoming a published author.” She paused. “You win. I’ll arrive around six on Friday.”

  He held in a whoop. “Sounds good.” His body vibrated with anticipation. He could--can’t do that. The reason she agreed was to give him the time he needed to complete the edits.

  * * *

  At ten the next morning the doorbell rang. Rob carried Tammy in one arm and opened the door. A young woman in her mid-twenties stood outside. Brown hair, blue eyes, and a pleasant smile greeted him. He hadn’t expected anyone so young.

  “Are you Janine Rhodes?”

  She nodded and studied his niece. “Looks like I’ve found the right place.”

  He stepped aside so she could enter. Curiosity buzzed. Why had she come to Fern Lake? She was attractive, but he wasn’t interested.

  “Would you like tea of coffee?”

  “Iced tea would be nice.” She held a packet of papers in her hand.

  He placed Tammy in the cradle and poured two glasses of iced tea. She sat and pushed the packet toward him. “Is the red carh yours?”

  Rob nodded. “Are you from Boston?”

  “How did you guess?”

  “A friend’s wife has the same accent.” Tammy fussed and he picked her up. When he tried to open the envelope with one hand he managed to spill the contents over the table.

  “Let me hold her. You can call any on the numbers on the list.” She smiled at Tammy. “Babies are my specialty.”

  Rob read the letters and saw she had a bachelor’s degree in psychology. He called two of the numbers and heard glowing reports.

  “Why did you come to Fern Lake?”

  “I’m looking for someone I used to know.”

  Did she mean a particular person? He could ask, but the sadness in her eyes stopped the question. One day he would discover her secret.

  She looked up. “I’m curious. I heard you’re a doctor and you’re giving up the practice of medicine? Why?”

  “I’ve always wanted to be an author. I found an agent and received a contract. The time to quit medicine was right.” He paused. “Your letters of recommendation and the calls I made have convinced me you’re perfect for the job. Shall we talk about money and benefits?”

  She nodded and handed him a paper. “This is my usual fee.”

  He studied the number. “Sounds fair. I’ll add money for your health insurance and pay your Social Security.”

  “That’s more than I expected, but yes, I agree.” She found a contract form and filled in the blanks. “Should we have this witnessed?”

  He shook his head. I’ll keep my word.”

  They both signed. She gave him a copy and kept the other. “Thank you. What is her name?”

  “Tamara, but I call her Tammy, or kid.” His niece seemed comfortable in the arms of a stranger.

  “Show me her room. I like the cradle and the swing since they allow her to be part of the family.”

  “A small family since there’s mainly me. My mother lives in Florida. Her aunt works full time." He led the way back to the hall. Before entering the nurser
y he opened his study door. “I work here and brought her portable sleeper in so she could see me.”

  “Good idea.” She stepped into Tammy’s bedroom. “How nice. You have good taste.”

  “Wasn’t me. A friend helped me choose and I probably bought too much.”

  Once the tour ended Rob walked to the door with Janine. “See you Monday.”

  Chapter 6

  On Friday after she finished her notes on the last person she’d seen Andi entered the break room. She walked to the credenza and half-filled a glass with ice and coffee. She added chocolate syrup and some cream.

  Grace waved from the round table. “Iced mocha. I’ll try that next week.”

  Just as Andi took the first sip Josh strode in, poured the last of the coffee into a mug and joined them. He raised his mug. “Here’s to a great first week with our new partner."

  Grace touched her mug to his. “To many more. Josh, you’re up.”

  He began his report and mentioned one problem parent. “She wants antibiotics for every cough and cut. I’ve repeatedly told her they weren’t needed.”

  Grace pursed her lips. “Let the receptionist know I’ll see the child the next time. Anything else?”

  “Nothing. What about you?”

  “No interventions needed.” Grace turned to Andi. “Any pending problems?”

  Andy swallowed a mouthful of her drink. “No problems, but a solution. I’ve discovered why Timmy’s blood sugar is spiking every day.”

  “And that is?” Josh asked.

  “His friends are sneaking food in,” Grace said.

  Andi shook her head. “His grandmother is a volunteer. She’s been bringing him “healthy” snack bars she makes. Gluten free flour, a sugar substitute, adds raisins blueberries, cranberries, dried apples and nuts. She uses half water and half pomegranate juice. As she assured me all are healthy choices.”