Heavenly Hijinks

by Ashley Ladd

24 Heavenly Hijinks

  and winced at the burning sensation. “Serves me right for not using shaving gel.” As a dancer she always used gel to shave her best assets. She winced at the thought that razor rash would mar them.

  She wondered if the dreamy man downstairs could hear the water running and if it turned him on to picture her naked, soaped up and pleasuring herself, imagining his hands in place of hers?

  Her nipples beaded and her pussy quivered. “You are some kind of wacky. The guy’s probably an escapee from an insane asylum.”

  But her traitorous body only cared about his glorious blond hair, dreamy bedroom eyes and leonine grace. Her lips only cared that his were soft and pliant, yet chiseled. That they quirked into ready, if slightly superior, smiles. Her pussy only cared that his cock matched the rest of his yummy muscles, big and strong and most of all, powerful. No, most of all, she cared how well he wielded his big, rock-hard cock.

  Moaning, she rubbed her nipples between her fingers. She slipped one finger, and then two, inside her aching pussy. She massaged her clit with her thumb, taking special care to pleasure it. Closing her eyes, she pretended Leo was making love to her, enjoying her sleek dancer’s body and sliding his soapy frame down her length.

  The real deal waited downstairs—she hoped he’d not given up on her while she daydreamed about impossible things up here.

  When she climbed out of the shower, she scolded herself. She knew nothing about the stranger except that he was very handsome and extremely sexy. She wrapped her hair in a big fluffy towel she had found in the linen closet, and prowled into the bedroom looking for an outfit.

  Wanting to appear nonchalant, she went straight to the blue jeans in her suitcase. She put on a pair of deceptively simple wonders by Calvin. They fit perfectly, accentuating her curves and drawing appreciative gazes to her behind. She topped it off with a hot pink tank top rimmed with sequins.

  She slid her feet into matching hot pink Manolo Blahnik sandals. Then she clasped a silver tennis bracelet around her ankle, painted cotton candy pink lip gloss across her lips and combed her wet hair.

  Trying to loosen up, she took a deep breath, rolled her shoulders and shook her legs out. Not having been given time for a proper cooldown, she hoped she wouldn’t get a charley horse.

  Feeling like a modern-day Grace Kelly, she started to float down the stairs. She imagined Leo waiting at the foot of the ornate staircase, gazing up at her raptly with adoration etched on his handsome face.

  She trailed a regal hand along the railing and thrust her chest out and her shoulders back.

  “We thought you’d drowned,” Elizabeth said dryly as she sat too close to Leo, sipping coffee.

  25 Ashley Ladd

  Clestie forced a light laugh. “I merely sluiced off the remnants of my workout.”

  Leo rose and bowed and then he captured her hand in his and kissed it. “Ah, my lady, but your beauty rivals that of the fair Helen herself. Aphrodite would be jealous. Don’t worry on my account, your handmaiden saw to my every whim.”

  Elizabeth’s eyes darkened with rage. She scooted back and glared at the Adonis. “Handmaiden? I’m her cousin and co-owner of the shop, not a servant.”

  Clestie girded herself for nuclear fallout. A highly liberated, professional woman, her cousin didn’t take lightly to what she considered belittlement. She still flew Gloria Steinem’s flag higher than anyone else Clestie knew.

  Not that Clestie didn’t believe in equality, but she wasn’t so militant. In the dance world, she had to put up with a certain amount of leering and catcalls. If she decked every sexist haggler that stepped out of line, her career would’ve stalled before it began.

  Leo kept hold of her hand longer than necessary and gazed down into her eyes. “Tell me how I can be of assistance. Why you’re so happy I returned.”

  If she could get past the awful outfit, he’d make a great bed ornament.

  She bit her tongue. She had not just thought such a blatantly sexist thought. Oh God, but she had! Mentally, she slapped her hand and promised to behave. She was never this way, but this man had a very naughty effect on her.

  She licked her suddenly dry lips. “We want to offer you a job.” She crossed the room to where she’d stashed the pad of employment applications she’d bought the previous evening, along with a cache of other office supplies, since the shop had been woefully ill-stocked. She ripped off the top sheet and slid it across the table with an uncapped ballpoint pen. “Please fill this out.”

  He gave it a blank stare and then lifted his gaze back to her. “What is it?”

  She flicked her wrist. “Oh, just a necessary formality. It’s an employment application. Just follow the instructions.”

  Leo sat down and squinted at it. Then he turned it over and perused the back side without a glimmer of comprehension in his eyes.

  Elizabeth leaned forward and said kindly, “Did you forget your glasses?”

  Leo nodded. “I didn’t know I’d be in need of them.”

  Elizabeth underlined the blanks with her finger. “Name here.” She paused while he scribbled.

  Then she proceeded to read each line, waiting until his pen stopped moving before she continued. When he finished, Elizabeth brought it to her with a frown. “It’s Greek,” she whispered with a note of awe.

  “So he has sloppy writing. So do I.”

  Her cousin stuck the paper under Clestie’s nose and shook it. “No!” she hissed. “It’s honest-to-god Greek.”

  26 Heavenly Hijinks

  Clestie just gaped. “Maybe he’s an illegal alien. We can’t hire him if he doesn’t have papers.”

  Elizabeth rose and whispered in her ear. “He shouldn’t even be in here if he is.”

  Clestie chewed on her lower lip. She dug her nails into her palms and curled her toes into her sandals.

  Elizabeth’s hands gesticulated wildly in the air. “We’d be aiding and abetting a criminal. We could go to jail.”

  They both turned and stared at the gorgeous man. To Clestie’s acute consternation, chemistry ignited when her gaze slid over the man’s blond perfection. Without volition, her hand patted her damp hair.

  “Put your tongue back in your mouth,” Elizabeth drawled, making a winding motion with her finger.

  Clestie twisted her lips at her cousin. “So what do we do?”

  “Before we go borrowing trouble, see if he has papers. A driver’s license. Social security card.”

  Clestie had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. With her run of bad luck, of course he wouldn’t have legal documents.

  * * * * *

  Leo’s ears perked up. Strange happenings were being reported by the little people trapped in the small black box sitting on the shop’s counter. Warily, he touched his fingertip to the hard, shiny casing. Its warmth startled him. Tiny lights shot out the back through several slits, almost like the light that emanated from Zeus’ fingers just before lightning shot out. And the sound seemed much too large in proportion to the tiny people who were caught inside.

  Had Petunia ensnared the unfortunate people with black magic? If so, he was in awe of her powerful wizardry. He’d been led to the right place for help. Or had one of the gods shrunk the poor souls in a fit of pique and imprisoned them in the box?

  Intrigued and yet conversely dread-filled by these contemporary mortal gadgets, he stepped closer. He’d not seen one up close until this Earthly visit. He’d not paid much attention to the silly mortal gadgets but now that he had a better look, he wasn’t sure he liked them. Could this be another Trojan Horse? Were warriors about to pop out of its belly?

  “Clestie.” He marched over to her and curled his fingers around her upper arm. Tugging on her, doing his best to ignore the sizzle of acute sexual awareness that zinged up his arm, he dragged her over to the alarming black box with the shrunken people running across its front. “Look at this. You must prepare for eminent attack.”

  Clestie tore away from him and rushed to the beast. �
��Attack? I don’t see an emergency broadcast warning on the television. Who’s attacking?” Her gaze wild, she turned up the sound and stared at the demonic container.

  27 Ashley Ladd

  He pointed at the evil-looking television. “Don’t you see the warriors hiding in there? Preparing to pop out?”

  Clestie’s brows knitted together. “Why? Is the governor calling out the National Guard?”

  She watched for a few moments more and shook her head. “They’re not talking about war or attack. Just some lunatics going around licking themselves in public and exhibiting outrageous behavior. Bizarre but nothing to worry about.” A snort escaped her mesmerizing lips.

  He felt stupid, just like the Trojans, trusting in something that had looked so benign from afar. Frustrated that she didn’t believe that eminent danger lurked, Leo felt like the cursed Cassandra. Fear roiling through his veins, he grabbed the box off the counter. “We have to destroy this before they murder us all.” The bloody massacre at Troy still haunted him, fresh as if it had happened yesterday. He smashed the enemy vessel to the floor and immense relief flooded him. If only he’d been able to avert the tragedy at Troy so easily, he’d be more of a hero than that steal-all-the-glory half-brother of his, Hercules.

  Shock and disbelief flashed across Clestie’s face. “Why’d you break the TV?” She wound her fingers through her hair.

  When she knelt down close to the fire-breathing, hissing beast, he dragged her back behind him.

  By Cronus! These poor people he saw inside the box Clestie called “television” were caught in the midst of the fire and he wouldn’t let it get her, too. If there were any remains, he’d build a funeral pyre and send their precious spirits to the Elysian Fields.

  “Stay back, fair maiden. I shall slay the monster and save my beloved Leos.”

  Clestie shook off his hand and put her hands on her hips. “What monster? What Leos?”

  Her cheeks paler than a ghost’s, Elizabeth waved her cell phone in the air. “Should I call for help?”

  Clestie held her palm out flat and then looked back at him. “What in the devil are you talking about?”

  Leo looked about for a weapon. He spied a broom and jogged across the room, grabbed it, and returned on swift foot. “Fear not, fair lady. The fire seems to have consumed the enemy.”

  Clestie rubbed her forehead and tilted her head. “What enemy? What Leos?”

  Leo jabbed at the beast’s mangled body and batted it across the floor away from the women. “We shall not fall for your vile tricks again.”

  “Tricks? Again? Are you insane?” Clestie glared at him as if he was the vile enemy.

  Amazement overcame him and he blinked at her. “Surely you know the sad story of the Trojan Horse? I can assure you, ‘tis real.” Many of his close friends and relatives had fought there. Alas, several had perished.

  28 Heavenly Hijinks

  Clestie’s head bobbed. “Oh, yes.” She held up a finger and winked. “Will you give us a moment alone?”

  He bowed regally. “Of course. I will ensure no breath remains in the beast’s body.”

  A wide grin spread across the woman’s comeliness but the glitter didn’t reach her eyes. “You do that, Leo.”

  He swept the beast’s entrails onto the far side of the room, including a long black tail that hissed and sparked when pulled from the wall. He paused every few seconds to poke and prod to ensure no further trickery.

  Clestie and Elizabeth returned. Clestie took the lead. “Here’s the deal. Aside from the fact you murdered our poor, innocent TV, think you’re the Leo, write Greek and dress funny, we like you. We’d like to ask for a sample astrological reading before we hire you, however. Are you willing to show us what you can do?”

  Leo stood and nodded sagely. He couldn’t wait to show her all he could do for her. “But of course. I would do the same in your circumstance, as you profess not to know of me and my talents.”

  Relief flooded Clestie now that they had found someone qualified to do the readings. “Good. Let’s get started. What do you need to begin?”

  Leo regarded her with great interest and finally said, “A subject. Let me read your chart.” He motioned to the table and held out a chair for her. “Please sit here with me and I will collect the necessary information.”

  When Leo’s fingers accidentally brushed against her back, delicious shivers ran up her spine and she straightened jerkily to avoid another touch. She tilted her head. “Do you need a laptop?”

  Leo stared down at his lap and frowned. “No, thank you. I already have a lap.”

  Clestie tried to swallow her bubbling laughter. “I meant a portable computer.”

  “Computer?”

  Oh yeah…he’d probably think it was another evil TV. She wasn’t allowing him near her precious laptop.

  She folded her hands before her and dug her fingernails into her palms to remind herself not to unleash her sarcastic tongue. “Paper and pen? You will have to write down my responses and your answers, won’t you?”

  Leo nodded. “Yes, please.”

  She gestured to her cousin to fetch the necessary items and asked, “Would you like something to drink? Coffee, tea…” Me?

  She kicked herself and plodded on. “Soda?”

  “Water would be most welcome.”

  She excused herself and brought back two Evian waters. Pen and paper were positioned at his side by the time she returned. After she set his bottle next to him, she

  29 Ashley Ladd

  twisted the cap off hers and took a dainty, refreshing sip, extremely aware of his intense gaze on her lips.

  She folded herself into her chair and faced the enigmatic man. “Shoot. What do you need to know?”

  He smiled reassuringly at her. “Birth date. Birth place. Time of birth.”

  “Is that all?” This didn’t sound too painful or intrusive. “I was born November 21, 1975, in Cincinnati, Ohio at 9:30 a.m.”

  “Ah, a Scorpio born on the cusp of Sagittarius. That explains much.”

  Was that good or bad? “Can you truly read much about me with such a tiny amount of information?”

  His smile widened as he scribbled on his paper. “Yes. This will reveal much.”

  She rested her chin on her hands and gazed deeply into his tawny eyes. “So, tell me all about myself.”

  He rocked back in his chair and laughed. “I need time to consult the stars before I can tell you more.”

  “How much time?” If he was really a god, couldn’t he tell her with a snap of his fingers? Wouldn’t he have already known all this without her having to reveal anything about herself? Gods were omniscient, right?

  “A few hours up to a couple days.”

  She blinked. Days?

  “This is very precise, intensive work. You will want an accurate, in-depth analysis, no?”

  “Of course.” She pursed her lips. She was not a patient person, and didn’t want to wait days. She wanted the analysis yesterday.

  “So, you’ll return with your findings when you’ve finished?” She poured water down her clogged throat, hoping to wash away the frustration.

  “Most definitely.”

  Clestie rose and held out her hand in dismissal. When he rose beside her, she shook his hand as professionally as possible, trying to ignore the troublesome frisson of awareness tingling in her veins, and failing dismally. “I look forward to your analysis.”

  “It will be my pleasure, dear lady.” Clutching the paper in his hands, he made his way to the door. “I shall return as soon as I have completed your reading.”

  Clestie hoped that would be soon as she already missed his sunny presence. Conversely, she hoped he’d disappear and never return so that she would regain her equilibrium. She was having enough trouble figuring out her feelings about Richard. If nothing else, this time away from Richard and Miami was giving her time to mull over their relationship.

  She started to unlock the door and then paused. Whether she hired L
eo or not, she would owe him for the reading. “How much do you charge for a reading?”

  30 Heavenly Hijinks

  He frowned. “I do not know the going rate, but I would not think of charging you.” Then his features shifted and he seemed to regroup. “Rather, I would ask for your favor in return, for your help in returning me to my rightful place as soon as you find your powers.”

  Not that again. How could she promise something she didn’t possess? “If I’m able. But as I told you, I have no magical, mystical powers…”

  He winked and captured her hand. Dragging it to his lips, he kissed her hand with feathery, provocative softness. “Ah, but you do and I will do my utmost to help you locate them.”

  So far, all he’d helped her to find was a surprisingly heightened sexual awareness that was totally off-limits, and shame at such forbidden lust. Not trusting herself to say anything else lest she thoroughly embarrass herself, she opened the door and waved goodbye. She watched him strut down the road until he disappeared from view around a far corner.

  “Whew!” How was she ever going to keep her mind on business with such a hottie in close proximity daily?

  She’d forgotten Elizabeth’s presence until her cousin asked, “I wonder if he screws as pretty as he walks?”

  31 Ashley Ladd

  Chapter Five

  Leo returned to Karly’s place and poured over the star charts, struggling to convert the calendar from his comfortable Athenian calendar to the Julian calendar with which modern-day mortals would be familiar. He checked, double-checked and simplified Clestie’s analysis so that she would understand.

  He was very pleased to find some Leo in her chart, even if it was in her moon and not in her sun. It explained much about her blatant sexuality, her extreme beauty and pride.

  With great interest he read that the parting of ways with partners and friends seemed most likely during this time. Unusual people or opportunities would enter her life. Ambitions, success, change in circumstances, travels, stimulating experiences, emotional awareness and clairvoyant experiences were all to be part of this time. An important man would enter her life, or a romantic encounter could develop. Requests for help from someone in distress would occur and she would find the compassion to help.