The Climb

by Damien Benoit-Ledoux

  “Then they decided I should be prayed over so God would fix me and make me straight. ‘To be a healthy heterosexual male,’ Pastor Bob said, ‘was God’s plan for my life.’ I knew I didn’t want that, but I didn’t seem to have a choice. I had no privacy with the pastors because they repeated whatever we talked about back to Rebecca, who of course, absolutely agreed with anything the pastors said. They scheduled a prayer meeting and assembled a special team of prayer people who would pray over me. Levi started praying in English, and I understood him. The other people started praying in tongues.”

  CK wrinkled his face and said, “Eew, creepy.”

  Skyler smiled. “Not really, I was used to it from Sunday services. I knew they did it to pray to God, but I didn’t know they could do it with people, or on people—whatever they call it. So, they do all this praying and nothing happens. They started asking for freedom and deliverance, and other things I didn’t understand. This went on for like an hour, I think. It felt longer though. When they decided not enough progress had been made, they persuaded Rebecca to bring me back for another session.”

  “Oh my goodness,” exclaimed Liara. “You had to go back?”

  “Yup,” Skyler answered. Dale shook his head incredulously. “I had to go back and this time, they didn’t hold back. They intensified their prayer work and tried to expel all sorts of homosexual demons from my body, mind, heart, and soul. You would have thought I was having dinner with the devil on a nightly basis or something. They even made me say out loud that I wanted, in the name of Jesus, the demons of homosexuality to leave my anus.”

  “What?” CK exclaimed. He tried to stifle his laughter and avoid a comment from his mother, but she looked just as shocked.

  Skyler didn’t hold back his laughter. “It was crazy. They wanted me to do that and more. Then, I had finally had enough when Levi tried to get me to prayerfully reflect on the testicles of Jesus as he hung on the cross because that is what enabled him to bring salvation to us—the testosterone in his testicles that made him a true man. And then he went on and on about how testosterone makes us a man and God expects men to be all that and more for the Kingdom and if I use my testicles for sinful things, then I have no place in the Kingdom and that is why I need to always remind myself of Christ’s testicles that gave him the fortitude to be a man and obey his, and our, Heavenly Father.”

  Dale and Liara looked at each other with shocked and confused looks. CK looked at him incredulously.

  Skyler saw CK’s disbelief and said, “Do you really think I could make this stuff up? They wanted me to think about Jesus’ balls when they were trying to get me not to think about a guy’s genitals in general. It made no sense to me whatsoever.”

  “What did you do?” Liara asked. A concerned look spread across her face.

  “Well,” Skyler said. “I was finished with them all. I didn’t care if they wanted to keep going. I was done. And that’s what I told them. When Levi finished asking me to think of Jesus’ balls, I told him no way. And that’s probably when I crossed another line. I basically called him out and asked why he didn’t have to go through the same prayer ministry. At that point, the prayer team stopped their mumbo jumbo and the room filled with an amazingly awkward tension. Levi’s face froze in shock. He managed to blurt out ‘But I’m not gay,’ so I said to him, ‘Then neither am I. I’m finished here.’ And I got up and left the room. I might have flipped them off as I walked to the front of the church and sat on the steps. I guess Pastor Bob and Rebecca talked for a few minutes because she didn’t come outside right away.”

  “On the way home, she informed me that she had decided I needed a different home and that she would call the agency when we got home. I didn’t know what to say. I already suspected they would move me, and she had just confirmed it. There was no point in fighting it. They didn’t want a gay teenager screwing it up for their perfect family. It didn’t take long for Katie to find a new family for me. That’s you guys.”

  “Do not ever doubt that you are welcome here, Skyler. I want you to be who you are,” Dale said, reinforcing their commitment to Skyler.

  Liara nodded and reached across the table and took his hand in hers. “That goes for me, too, Skyler. We’ve loved having you here, this week, and we hope you stay with us forever.” She smiled at him and let go of his hand, then leaned back in her chair.

  “Yup,” CK said. He cleared his throat and stared at his unfinished breakfast.

  “Thanks,” Skyler said, noting CK’s changed mood. “I’m already feeling a lot better and I can’t thank you enough for everything you’ve already done for me, and, well, it’s only been a week.”

  “Excuse me,” CK said. Then he stood up and left the table.

  “Everything okay, son?” Dale asked.

  “Yup,” CK answered.

  What happened to him? I haven’t seen this side of him, yet.

  CK slid the slider shut behind him and disappeared into the house.

  “What’s wrong with him?” Skyler asked. “Was it something I said?”

  Dale spoke up first. “I think your story really touched CK. I don’t think he’s heard anything like that before.”

  Skyler frowned and nodded. “Have you?” he asked. Will you tell me what you really know about me?

  “We knew some of it, but not to the level of detail you shared from living it,” Liara answered.

  Dale chipped in, “You should know, which it seems you don’t, that per Katie, the social agency was very disturbed by the Tinsdale’s unexpected request to move you. They couldn’t understand why. The original request only stated disagreeable circumstances. When the social workers probed deeper, it was then that they discovered the bigoted side of Rebecca. Her only reason for moving you was because you are gay. They wanted her to be reasonable, but she wouldn’t have it. She was legitimately frightened for irrational reasons. Stephen wasn’t thrilled, but I’m not sure there was anything he could say to calm her down or change her mind. Whatever their type of Christianity, it doesn’t like homosexuals, and I’m sure, other people who don’t fit some kind of Christian cookie cutter. Once the agency understood who the Tinsdales really were, they worked all the more to get you relocated.”

  “Oh,” Skyler said. “I didn’t know that.”

  Liara piped up, “But, as for you, and why you’re here with us, well, we were looking for someone to join our family. I know that sounds weird, but I was very lucky to have CK because I have infertility issues.” Liara took Dale’s hand before continuing.

  “We tried for several years to conceive a child but didn’t have success. We consulted doctors and specialists and anyone else we could think of, but I could not become pregnant. So, we gave up trying to get pregnant. We decided we would consider adoption after we took some time to grieve the inability to conceive a new life. We agreed to step back from our relationship and reboot it.”

  Skyler tilted his head to the side and asked, “Reboot it?”

  Dale answered him, leaning to the side to put his arm around Liara. “Yup, we decided to fall in love again. See, we didn’t know when we got married that we wouldn’t be able to conceive children. That’s the pretense we were married under; that we loved each other and would raise a family together. Suddenly, we were faced with a very different and difficult set of cards that life had dealt to us, and we couldn’t go on with the same understanding. We loved each other immensely, but we couldn’t have a biological family. That was hurting us personally and hurting our relationship.”

  “We decided to take a few weeks apart. Liara stayed with her sister, and the two of them did whatever sisters do to have fun and chill. I stayed here and held down the fort. But our secret weapon, it turns out, was our second honeymoon.” Dale’s face broke into a grin.

  Okay, so…

  “Think about it this way, Skyler,” Dale said. “The more we tried to have a child, our intimacy became more about work, doctors, timing, calculating, and scientific precision. We fell out of love an
d our intimacy became nothing more than medical or factory attempts at baby making. I hope that’s not too graphic for you.”

  Skyler shrugged nervously. You guys really are comfortable talking about sex, like CK said. “Well,” he said, “I don’t think so. But the Tinsdales would never have said that!”

  They all shared a laugh before Dale continued sharing their story. “There is probably—and I’m guessing here—nothing more hurtful to a woman with strong maternal desires and feelings than to be told she cannot be a biological mother, especially when she has tried her best and then, through no fault of her own, seemingly failed at it.”

  Liara nodded as Dale spoke.

  Wow, that must have been awful. Skyler nodded, sympathizing with the deeply powerful feelings Dale described.

  “Liara went to her sister’s place and took some time to rejuvenate herself, and I took some time to rejuvenate myself as well. I also booked a second honeymoon to the Caribbean. We each had to understand in our hearts and accept the reality that we loved each other and would never have our own children. Both of us agreed to see the same counselor separately, but then later started seeing her together. There’s a saying that absence makes the heart grow fonder. Well, it’s true. I missed her so much during our reboot.”

  “And I missed him,” Liara chimed in, smiling at Dale. “Although I love my sister and we laughed and cried together, Dale is my soulmate and I missed him. The night before we left for the Caribbean we met here at the house to pack and get ready and well…” Liara stopped herself. She was blushing.

  Dale piped up and said, “It was bliss. It was the first time in two years our intimacy was so special.”

  Liara looked at Dale and then at Skyler, who smiled back awkwardly. This is getting intense, guys.

  Dale winked at her and said, “We went on our honeymoon and came back renewed and refreshed. We even stopped seeing our therapist for a while.” Mischievous smiles spread across Dale and Liara’s faces.

  Skyler started to smile with them but his brain clicked in. “Wait,” he said, “Why did you stop seeing your therapist? Did you run out of stuff to talk about or something?”

  “Kind of.” Liara said. Then she giggled.

  “Let’s just say,” Dale continued, “the moment we gave up and stopped trying so damn hard, the universe rewarded us.”

  “It did?” Skyler asked. What does the universe have to do with this?

  Liara laughed heartily and smiled the most beautiful smile Skyler had seen in the past several weeks. She answered him, “It did. Colton was conceived on our second honeymoon. We stopped seeing our therapist because I was pregnant!”

  “No way!” Skyler exclaimed, connecting the dots of their story. He could feel their positive energy and happiness.

  “Yes, way,” Liara responded. “A few weeks after we had come home from the trip, I started feeling sick in the mornings. I didn’t understand why. One of my female co-workers started asking me questions about my symptoms. When I answered yes to most of her questions, she started laughing. When I asked her why she was laughing, she walked over to me, took my two hands in hers, and told me she was convinced I was pregnant. I was not amused at her tactlessness but my mind started racing with questions. I bought a pregnancy test later in the day and sure enough, I was pregnant.”

  “And I was shocked and crazy happy when I found out,” said Dale.

  “Wow,” Skyler said. “That sounds like it was incredible for you guys. You must have been so happy. But…why adopt me, why now?”

  Dale nodded and pointed his finger at Skyler. “Yes, let’s get back on track with how you are involved in our family story. We weren’t able to conceive another child after CK was born. We stayed open to adoption, and we talked about it with CK when he was old enough to understand it. I guess the time was right, and we let the agency know we were looking for a brother for CK around his age.”

  “That was over a year ago, Skyler,” continued Liara. “Only last month did the agency notify us they had a teenager in crisis—you—who needed a balanced home. When Katie called, we had an emergency family meeting to discuss if we were in fact still ready and sure that we wanted to bring someone into the family. CK was all for it. He always wanted a brother, and when we found out you were a boy, CK almost jumped through the ceiling with excitement. When the agency representatives met with us a few days later, they told us the story of your life, including your mom, the McMahons, and Tinsdales. And of course, they did tell us that you are gay and had been forced out of the closet, and the reason you needed to relocate is because the Tinsdales had rejected you because of your sexuality.”

  “That’s crazy,” Dale said, shaking his head. Then he slapped a hand on the table. “But that’s all it took. We realized right away that your interests, hobbies, and sports would work well with CK. The past couple of weeks were all about getting your room ready. We also had lots of family discussions about having a fourth person in the house. So, when I say to you, Skyler, that you are most welcome here, I hope you can truly believe that you are most welcome here.”

  Skyler nodded. His eyes watered a little and he wiped them. “I’m not sure why I’m tearing up, but I’m incredibly grateful and happy.”

  Liara got up from her chair and walked around the table to Skyler. He stood as she gave him a hug. “So are we, and while no family is perfect, we only want the best for you. We hope and trust you will be a part of our family as much as you can be.”

  Skyler smiled and hugged back. Dale surprised them by putting his arms around them both and joyfully said, “Group hug!” They all laughed.

  “Now, let’s take a break from this,” Liara said. “Why don’t you go find CK? I’m sure he has a few questions for you. Then you guys can get cleaned up and we’ll take care of the breakfast dishes today.”

  “Sounds good, and thanks.” Skyler smiled and headed inside to find CK.

  * * *

  It was quiet in the house. When he couldn’t find CK downstairs, he headed upstairs and walked over to CK’s doorway. He peeked into the bedroom and saw CK lying back on his bed, still shirtless and only wearing his gym shorts. Skyler decided not to bother him and turned around to leave.

  “I’m not asleep, Sky,” CK announced.

  Skyler turned back. “Oh. What’s up, are you okay?”

  CK propped himself up on his elbows and looked at Skyler. “Dude, that’s one hell of a story. Talk about totally f’ed up.”

  Skyler nodded and said, “Yup.” He entered CK’s room and sat down in the papasan chair.

  CK pushed himself up and sat up so he could face Skyler. He asked him, “Sky, how did you survive after Cam disappeared, knowing you were gonna get booted for being gay?”

  Skyler took a deep breath. “It wasn’t easy. But two things helped me a lot. The first was YouTube and all those It Gets Better videos they used to make.”

  “Oh yeah,” CK said. “I know about those. I think I’ve seen one or two.”

  “I’ve seen most of them, several times. And people make more each week. I knew there were people in similar or worse situations. I knew I wasn’t alone—I had living video proof I could watch anytime. I knew people had survived my situation and eventually beat their adversaries or came into their own. It would just be a matter of time for me. And I could always hope that my next place would be a better one.” Skyler smiled. “And it totally is.”

  This made CK smile. “What’s the second thing?”

  “There is a special movie I like. I have the DVD in my room. It’s called Prayers for Bobby and for whatever reason it aired constantly on Lifetime a few years ago. One night after everything had exploded, Rebecca was out at her Bible study. She had stormed out after a pretty big fight. In fact, it was the day she decided I had to go. Once she was gone, I asked Stephen if we could watch a movie together. Surprisingly, he agreed. Grace put Vicky to bed and then Noah, Grace, me, and Stephen watched the movie. They had no idea what it was about.”

  “I don’t
know what the movie is about,” CK said. “I think I saw it when I put your DVD’s away. Maybe we can watch it together soon?”

  “Sure,” Skyler answered. “Basically, a teen boy from a super-Christian family like the Tinsdales comes out to his family and it doesn’t go well. He commits suicide and his family has to deal with it. His mother Mary—who is kinda like Rebecca—can’t accept that he is or was gay. When she finally does at the end of the movie, it’s incredibly moving. I cry every time I watch it. Anyway, Stephen was a little skeptical in the beginning, but I begged him to watch it with me, and he did. Grace and Noah helped persuade him, too. When the movie ended, I looked at him. He had his face in his hands, and he was looking at the TV through his fingers. I don’t know if he was trying to hide them or not, but I saw his tears. He had been crying along with me. We were all crying, actually.”

  CK smiled with great interest. “And then?”

  Skyler sat back and said, “And then nothing. He didn’t say much at all. In fact, he didn’t move from his chair for several minutes. I think the movie spoke to him, especially the scene where the mom thinks she sees her dead son but it’s another gay kid who reminds her of him. It’s awesome. I still get emotional thinking about that scene.” Skyler wiped tears from his eyes. “Like now. On Friday night, Stephen came into my room while I was packing my stuff and sat down at the edge of the bed with two DVDs of the movie in his hands. I was dumbstruck. When he finished speaking and extended his arms to give me a hug, I hugged him back. It felt really good, actually.”