“Ow, fuck,” Daren yelled, unable to maintain his composure over the surging pain in his hand. He shook his hand out and jerked his arm out of Cody’s grasp.
“That tickled, Tarquin. Want to try it again?” Cody’s angry voice begged him to do it once more. “I suggest you leave my friends alone, dude.” Cody growled.
Daren swallowed and stepped back. “Whatever.” He glared at Skyler and Tommy and then walked back to his locker.
“Ya’ll right?” Cody asked.
“Yeah, thanks,” Skyler said. “Good thing you showed up.”
“Nah, right place, right time.” Cody and CK fist bumped.
Cody peeled off his chest armor. Soft pink marks identified where the armor once rested against his shirtless, muscular torso.
“Are you okay, Tommy?” Skyler asked.
He shrugged, eyes glued to Cody’s shirtless body. “Sometimes it's easier to let the Wookie win."
Cody chuckled.
Skyler smiled. “So, he doesn’t rip your arms out of their sockets?” he asked, completing the famous Star Wars quote.
“Yeah.” Tommy half-spoke, distracted by Cody’s muscles. Then he composed himself and shifted his eyes up to Cody’s face and added, “Thank you.”
Cody chuckled. “No problem, Tommy. Now go shower up with the guys.”
Skyler noticed Tommy’s ogling and chuckled. You’re barking up the wrong tree, buddy. That’s a world of disappointment waiting for you. “Come on, Tommy,” he said, grabbing Tommy’s arm. “Let’s go clean up.”
Tommy blushed and met Skyler’s eyes. “Heh, that obvious, huh?”
Skyler smiled back. “A little.” They followed CK into the showers and hung their towels on the hooks near the door on the way in. The shower area was a large, square space with shower heads and knobs on three walls. It afforded a nice view of the other showering athletes, but Skyler knew that was a dangerous game. The last thing Skyler needed to do was pop wood in the locker room.
As everyone moved on from Daren’s aggression, Skyler noticed none of the guys cared that Tommy was in the showers with them. Some faced in, some faced out, and even though Skyler tried not to look, it was impossible not to. He suspected the same went for Tommy, yet no one seemed to care. Some of the guys who watched them come in gave Tommy a thumb’s up and told him not to let Daren get to him. If you’re all supportive now, where were you when Daren was about to punch my lights out?
“Surprised?” CK asked, facing Skyler, nude. CK and his brazen confidence! Oh, wait, we’re all buck naked here. He squirted body wash into his hands and handed it over to Skyler.
“Uh, yeah, completely. Not exactly what I was expecting in here.”
“Well, this is pretty normal. So, now you know.”
“He’s right,” Tommy piped up on the other side of him. “Except for that asshole, no one really cares.”
I’m not sure we’re talking about the same thing.
“I think CK means the shower room, Tommy.”
“Oh, well, I thought he meant about me being gay,” Tommy said, blushing again.
“Ah.” Skyler could sense Tommy needed a little more. “Both things are cool with me, ya know?” He winked at Tommy, who smiled and stuck his face under the water.
“Good.”
Skyler looked back at CK, who mouthed “Tell him.”
Skyler shook his head. Not yet, I’m not ready to tell anyone. Besides, I think he already knows…
* * *
Skyler relaxed in one of the lounge chairs on the deck behind the house. He lazily plucked the strings of his guitar and tried to play something, but he didn’t feel like playing the church songs that had burned themselves in his memory. He looked up at the orange-purple sunset and watched bats gracefully dive-bomb unseen bugs.
Kill all the mosquitos!
The evening air was still hot and humid, so he lounged in his boxer shorts. It felt good to be alone and process through the many happy and sad thoughts that revolved in his mind.
Happy at where I’ve finally arrived, but sad that I can’t find the courage to be myself yet…
Happy that I like Kalin, but sad that I still miss Cam. I feel giddy, awkward, incredibly nervous, and I know that I’m head-over-heels crushing on Kalin, but I’m also…
Completely frustrated that Daren is so merciless…
Completely frustrated I can’t bring myself to trust anyone, that I’m so afraid to come out. But happy at where I’ve finally arrived at…
And it keeps going around and around…
Dale slid the glass slider open and stepped out on to the deck. He smiled when he saw Skyler.
“Hi, Skyler. Mind some company?”
“Um, no, not at all.”
Dale paused. “Are you sure? You seem deep in thought to me.”
I guess my voice wasn’t convincing enough.
“It’s your house, so come on out. I don’t mind your company.”
“It’s your home, too, Sky. You live here now.”
Skyler smiled up at him. “Come on out, I could use someone to talk to, actually.”
Dale smiled back and slid the slider shut. He walked over to Skyler and passed him one of the two bottles he had in his hand. It was a hard apple cider.
“Really?” Skyler said, surprised. He carefully set the guitar on the empty lounge chair on the other side of him and accepted the cider. It was cold in his hand, and the humidity caused the bottle to sweat.
Dale rarely drank alcohol outside of Sunday morning breakfasts, but when he did, he occasionally let the boys have one of whatever he had chosen so they could learn about it. One of his closest high school friends had died in a tragic car accident because he had consumed too many beers and then got behind the wheel of his car. He had made a promise to himself that his children would be educated about the power of alcohol and the responsibility its consumption demanded.
“Yeah, why not. It’s hot and humid tonight. I felt like having one. And you seemed off at dinner, so I figured you might enjoy a chat and a cider with me.” He paused, then added, “Not that the two should ever be connected…problems being solved with alcohol, that is.”
“Got it,” Skyler said. So you knew I was out here and I probably wanted to chat…cool.
He took a sip and enjoyed the bittersweet taste of liquid apple. Dale settled into a chair and propped his feet up on another. He took a sip of his cider and breathed out. Liara and CK were out running errands and they had the place to themselves.
“I heard your pool day with Kalin a few days ago went really well.”
Skyler smiled and blushed.
“Yeah, totally.”
“You like him?” Dale asked.
“Yeah, I really do. But I miss Cam, too.”
“Ah. Kal’s a fine young man. He’s been here before, hanging out with CK and the gang at the pool.” He lazily gestured to the pool when he mentioned it. Then he shook his head. “I’m so glad the thing with Annika is done.”
Skyler chuckled.
“Maybe I shouldn’t have said that, sorry.”
“No, it’s okay, CK would totally agree with you.”
“I hope so,” Dale said, taking a swig of his cider.
“Would you tell me what happened in the locker room after practice? I heard from CK things didn’t go so well. I’d love to hear your perspective.”
Wow, you want to hear what I think about it?
“Sure, I guess so,” Skyler said, shaking his head. “I don’t understand how Daren could be so mean to Tommy, and now me. All I did is follow CK into the shower area and Tommy was right behind me, saying how nice it was to have me on the team when Daren decided to shove him into me. Tommy didn’t stand a chance.”
“Was it hard for you to observe?”
“Observe? I didn’t see it until it was too late. He had already slammed into my back.”
Dale winced.
Skyler continued, “Just your normal case of the big bully picking on the smaller guy.”
/>
“You don’t think it’s because Tommy is gay?”
“Oh, you know that?”
“Well, I did see everyone at your party. And let’s face it, he follows Cody around like a puppy dog. It’s definitely more than looking up to someone.” They laughed together.
“Yeah, he has a major crush on Cody,” Skyler said. “I guess Daren might pick on Tommy because he’s gay. I mean, Tracy and Cody both warned me about him, but wow, when he pushed Tommy into me in the showers, one of us could have been seriously hurt.”
“And no one did anything?”
“No, except for CK. He caught me when Tommy slammed into my back and I stumbled forward. If he wasn’t there I’d have been on the ground with Tommy.”
“I see.”
“Actually, Cody appeared at the right time, too. He intervened before Daren could hit me.”
“He tried to hit you?” Dale asked, leaning forward.
“Yeah, but he didn’t get a chance to.” Skyler shrugged, noting a hint of worry on Dale’s face as he took a swig of his cider. “I don’t understand why he’s such a dick to everyone. They all warned me about him, but, how does someone get along with someone like that?”
“Sky, have you ever heard of the children’s folktale, The Lion’s Paw?” Dale asked.
“I don’t think so,” Skyler said.
“The plot is pretty simple. One day, the big bad lion finds itself in a predicament: he has a thorn in his paw and he needs help to get it out. Long story short, none of the other animals will help the lion because he’s so mean, scary, and hell, he probably would eat them for breakfast given the chance. But that’s not part of the children’s tale. In the end, only the tiny mouse is brave enough to help the ferocious lion pull the troublesome thorn out of his paw.”
“Okay,” Skyler said, nodding. “So, Daren is the lion?”
“Exactly,” Dale said. “Whatever his thorn is, it hurts him a lot, so much that instead of dealing with the thorn, he lashes out at everyone else and tears them down. The difference between Daren and the lion is that the lion had the wisdom to ask for help.”
“And Daren isn’t asking anyone for help. Wait, so you think Daren being gay is the thorn in his paw?”
Dale wrinkled his brows. “I don’t know if he’s gay. It’s you guys who suspect that. But if it is him being gay, then you of all people know what it’s like to have that thorn present in your life, right? And, please hear me correctly, I don’t mean to associate your sexuality with a thorn. I mean to suggest the thorn, if Daren is gay, is the struggle of coming out and everything associated with that uphill climb.”
Skyler nodded. “I understand what you mean. The constant fear of rejection, the demonizing…man, everything I went through with the Tinsdales.”
Dale nodded. “Remember, we don’t know if that’s it. But the point remains, there is some thorn in his paw. There is a reason as to why he’s such a jerk to everyone, and why he insists on picking on the smaller guys. Could be insecurity, pressure to perform from his parents, or something we can’t think of.”
“I see your point.”
“What Daren needs is a friend, someone he can turn to and talk about things with, like you do with CK and Tracy. Like we’re doing now.”
“Do you think he can talk with his parents, like CK…like we…can do?”
Dale smiled. “Thank you for your confidence in us, Skyler, that means a lot. But Liara and I don’t know his parents. Though I’ve heard rumors in the wind they aren’t the nicest people, but I’m not sure his mother is in the picture.”
“Oh.” Sounds familiar.
“Maybe he needs someone to help him get over his thorn—someone like you, who understands how difficult life can be. And if he’s struggling with coming out, then maybe he needs a climbing partner.”
Skyler’s eyes opened wide and he stared at Dale. “You aren’t suggesting I try to befriend that asshole?”
Dale chuckled. “Not today, but one day in the future, perhaps. I don’t know what role you might play in his life, but I do know that when an angry force collides with another angry force, violence will most certainly occur.”
Skyler sighed. “Yeah, I know. The only way Patty kept Sean from exploding and beating her was to stay calm. If she got upset, she got slapped. It was awful.”
“I can’t imagine how terrible that was and I’m sorry you had to see it.” Dale sipped his cider.
Skyler nodded.
“If I might back up a moment…”
“Okay?” Skyler said, sipping his cider.
“You also said you missed Cam.”
Shit. “Yeah.”
“I don’t mean to sound cold or unfeeling, but I hope that if something blossomed between you and Kalin, you wouldn’t let Cam get in the way of it.”
Is that what I’m doing?
“Cam is, for lack of better words, no longer in the picture, Sky. He’s gone.”
“Yeah, my mind knows that, but my heart doesn’t want to catch up.”
“And that’s completely understandable. I’ll be honest with you, it could take a very long time for your heart to catch up. That is, I believe, one of the greatest gifts of love. I still remember my first love—Emily—I mean, sure, I was only 15, a year younger than you, but it felt so real to me. But once Emily discovered the much sexier football jock of the school, I was left sitting alone in the bleachers.”
Skyler chuckled at Dale’s eloquence.
“I still think of her sometimes, and a few others I dated, wondering what my life would be like, but you know what? I don’t care. They were all present in my life for one reason or another. And then one day the universe brought Liara into my life, the woman I know I want to be with for the rest of my time here on earth. But for you, it’s okay to move on, to start over again.”
“I wish it didn’t hurt. I mean, it doesn’t as much these days, but sometimes it feels like…I dunno…like I’m cheating on him. But I know I’m not. Am I really ready to put my heart back out there?”
“You mean put your heart out on the chopping block to see if Kalin cradles it lovingly or smashes it to smithereens?”
“Yes, exactly. That’s it! I don’t know if I can trust him.”
“You won’t know until you try.”
Skyler moaned. “Why does it have to be so hard?”
“Because it could be so right. There’s a piece of you, I’m willing to bet, that’s terrified he accepts you for who you are.”
Skyler looked at Dale with surprise. How did he know that?
Dale smiled again. “I wasn’t born yesterday, Skyler. It’s obvious you have been struggling, but you’re doing better. Can you blame yourself? Look at how much you’ve been through, and how much you’ve already grown in your short time here. You’ve struggled to trust me, Liara, maybe even CK, and we don’t fault you at all because this is all part of your journey. We know you’ll come around because there is a fire burning in your soul for what is good and right. And if you think I’m making it up, think of Tommy. It bothers you that he’s the underdog. So maybe, when the Phoenix within you finally rises, you’ll be Tommy’s advocate, Kalin’s boyfriend, and Daren’s friend, too.”
Skyler choked as he sipped more cider. Yikes, you’ve got it all figured out.
Dale laughed out loud. “Too much? Okay, we’ll stick with one day at time then.”
“Yeah, please! I don’t think I could handle all three this week!”
They laughed together and settled back in their chairs. The late evening sky glowed with hues of orange, pink, purple, the telltale sign that tomorrow would be another scorcher…another day by the pool.
So, we never forget our first loves, huh? Maybe I can move on. Maybe he’s right.
15 | I'd Rather Be Safe than Sorry
SKYLER’S HEART POUNDED IN HIS chest as he unclipped from his pedals and jumped off his mountain bike. He stumbled over to the rock ledges that overlooked the town. The last quarter mile of the ride up to the ledge�
��s summit was technical, steep, and offered a great leg workout.
At the summit, the pine trees grew tall and swayed in the breeze. They filled the air with scents of evergreen and balsam. Thick oak and maple trees provided shade as white birch trees completed the picturesque woodland scene. Wildflowers and ferns covered the ground and offered their various fragrances to the summer day. High up on the ledge, the air was so fresh, clean, and different from the small town below.
He had discovered the ledges a few weeks ago while exploring some trails beyond the park that ran under the power lines. Each time he ascended to the summit, he never met another human soul. Only birds, a chipmunk he nicknamed Chippy, and a few grasshoppers communed with him in the sacred spot that had become his sanctuary, a place where he could be alone with his thoughts.
He sat down and took a swig from his water bottle, stopping only when his lungs pounded inside his chest and demanded oxygen. He set the bottle aside and pulled off his sweat-soaked biking shirt, fighting with it as it clung to his sweaty skin. He finally won and set it behind him on the ground. He laid back and propped himself up on his elbows so he could observe the town below him. He did a few leg raises to work his abs and then laid back to relax.
He clasped his hands behind his head and closed his eyes. Slowly his chest heaved less and less as his breathing relaxed and his heart rate slowed. He listened to the quiet yet busy sounds of nature around him. His thoughts drifted lazily about nothing in particular for a few minutes until the Kelleys popped into this head.
The Kelleys had been so kind and generous to him. They had treated him like royalty thus far. Dale was calm and peaceful, full of incredible wisdom, and Liara emanated unconditional love. CK was weird, but refreshingly honest. He had instantly accepted and challenged Skyler in a good way. But Skyler was still skeptical and afraid, something he shared with Katie when she checked in with him yesterday afternoon. Although several weeks had passed since he had moved in, he could only remember positive things because there hadn’t been any bad moments. Skyler thought back to the dreaded sex talk with Dale. Even that had been a positive—albeit slightly awkward—experience.
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