The Climb

by Damien Benoit-Ledoux

  “Thank you for bringing me up here,” Kalin said softly.

  “You’re welcome,” Skyler whispered. He watched a pair of monarch butterflies flit about as they stood together in silence. Kalin extended his arm and held out the index finger of his right hand. One of the butterflies circled around it as the other followed him…or her.

  “It’d be so cool if one of them landed on my finger. Or both of them,” Kalin whispered.

  “It’d be like the perfect moment,” Skyler replied.

  Kalin turned his head to Skyler. “Being here with you is a perfect moment in my book.”

  “Aww,” Skyler said, then he tilted his head forward and kissed Kalin.

  Without breaking their kiss, Kalin turned in Skyler’s arms and wrapped his arms around Skyler’s waist, gently stroking the small of Skyler’s back. Skyler’s senses ignited as Kalin’s body pressed against his. He curled his fingers into the muscles of Kalin’s back and gently squeezed.

  “Easy, tiger,” Kalin said, pulling away from their tender kiss. He rested his nose against Skyler’s.

  Skyler swallowed. He could feel his heart racing. But I don’t want to. I could have you right here.

  He kissed Kalin on the lips and then nuzzled into his neck again. “You feel so good in my arms, like you belong there.”

  “Well, my biased opinion says that’s exactly where I belong. So I guess you’re right then, huh?”

  Skyler nodded his assent. “Wanna sit? We can use our sweatshirts as cushions.”

  The boys kissed one more time and then removed their sweatshirts. They set them on the ground and Skyler sat first. He leaned back and propped himself up on his elbows so he could enjoy the view.

  Kalin sat perpendicular to Skyler and laid back, resting his head on Skyler’s stomach. He clasped his hands together and rested them across his chest.

  “This is comfortable,” Kalin said. Skyler smiled. Together, they looked up into the overcast sky. Around them, the wind blew through the trees and rustled the leaves, sending droplets of water plummeting to the ground.

  “It’s so peaceful here. It’s exactly what I needed when I moved in with the Kelley’s,” Skyler said softly.

  “Thanks for sharing this with me, Skyler.”

  “You’ve found a special place in my heart. I wanted to share something I treasure with you. This is the place where I realized I was too afraid to accept who I was because I didn’t know who I was anymore, because every part of who I was had been summarily rejected and thrown out, literally. And,”—Skyler paused, swallowing his nervousness—“This is the place I decided I couldn’t let you in right away.”

  Skyler felt Kalin’s neck tense against his side.

  “It’s the place I decided I couldn’t be safe or free, and that I had to keep my guard up because the only person looking out for me was me. But every time we hung out, you disarmed me way too easily. I looked at you and my defenses melted, and it scared the shit out of me.”

  Kalin turned his head and met Skyler’s eyes.

  “Twice, the foster care system had failed me. I had no reason to think this time would be any different. I knew I needed to survive. Everything was too good to be true, you know? I remember screaming at the trees and telling everyone and everything to leave me alone. I was so angry because it was so damn difficult to be the rejected gay foster kid.”

  Kalin nodded.

  Skyler looked at him and smiled. He shrugged his shoulders a bit. “And then you called and asked me to trust you and go on this epic afternoon adventure.”

  “I remember,” Kalin said softly.

  “And then everything stopped hurting. My heart stopped pounding with pain and surged with a powerful new feeling. I started giggling and laughed my way down the hill before jumping back on my bike and pedaling home as fast and as hard as I could. I was so excited that you called, that you wanted to hang out with me again. My heart knew, but my brain struggled to catch up. I remember getting home and quickly telling CK about it and then rushing upstairs to shower. And then, when you guys surprised me by showing up in my room together with me only wearing a towel…”

  “A sight I enjoyed seeing,” Kalin said. “And one I quite vividly remember.”

  Skyler laughed. “I bet you do. I remember so much going on in my head those days, and then you were there, and everything went away. My head was quiet, focused, and at peace. But I kept fighting, and you kept flirting. And I couldn’t help myself from liking you more and more even though when you left, all the negativity from my previous life kept trying to drown me. No matter how hard I kicked for the surface and tried to get a decent breath in, the hurt and hate was always there, always one step ahead, always winning. And I couldn’t stand it, but I didn’t know how to fight it.”

  “But there you were on the day I met you, my Superman in a blue shirt and red shorts. My lifeguard, trying to pull me to the surface.”

  “I had help.”

  “Oh, definitely. I wouldn’t be where I am today without the Kelley’s help, especially CK, and of course, Tracy. Cody, and Tommy, too. I’m grateful to be where I am today because I finally have the chance to be me. I don’t have to hide or lie. I’m free to be me.”

  “And that is who I want to date. I want to date the real Skyler.”

  “You’ll get him, I promise. I’m never going back to the old me.”

  “You won’t have to. So, why are you telling me all of this?” Kalin asked.

  “Because I want you to know where I’m coming from and how special you are to me. And, the crazy thing is—not to ruin this moment with you—I’m convincing myself I understand where Daren is coming from and we’re going to be friends this year, despite the shit he put me through. And strangely, when I look at him this way, through my own journey’s ups and downs, I get it. I get him, and I’m at peace with him in my heart. My brain has to catch up.”

  “You’re not ruining this moment,” Kalin whispered.

  “I would have never thought this was possible before, especially my old school. Hell, I was trying to figure out how to survive there. But here, I think the GSA is a place I can make a difference. I remember thinking, after Lawrence spoke, that next year, I want to be one of the seniors who speaks to the incoming freshmen and other new students. I want to let people know it’s totally okay to be gay, or lesbian, or bisexual, or transgender, or queer, or whatever the other letters are. Like I said last night. God doesn’t make garbage. I know not everyone is religious. Hell, I don’t even know if I’m religious anymore. Even though I hated some parts of the religion that hated me, there’s still truth in there, and I want to figure out what it is. We are made the way we are made, and that is both special and wonderful.”

  Ha—wonderful. Like the song.

  “You’re preaching to the choir,” Kalin said. He reached over took Skyler’s hand in his.

  “Yeah, sorry. But do you get it? Do you get how much I’ve changed? How much I’ve embraced who I am and…”

  Skyler paused as Kalin rolled on to his side and brought his face close to Skyler’s.

  “Yeah, I do. I totally do. It’s why we’re boyfriends, Skyler. I’ve always been attracted to the man you are, even when you couldn’t see him. I always could. And I always want to.”

  Skyler smiled at him. Is it that simple? You don’t care about my baggage? You know what, who cares? Skyler, shut up and kiss your boyfriend.

  He closed his eyes and leaned forward, meeting Kalin’s lips with his own.

  28 | No Second Guessing

  LATER THAT DAY, SKYLER AND CK spent several hours in the gigantic Crossgates mall and finished up their back-to-school shopping. Skyler put together a cute outfit for the first day of school and CK had allowed him to choose his first day of school attire for him.

  Now that they had finished, they climbed into the car and prepared to head home. Skyler closed the car door and settled into the passenger seat. CK started the car and fiddled with the radio.

  “All things b
eing equal, did you have fun at the GSA?” CK asked. “We really haven’t had a chance to talk about your experience there.”

  Skyler nodded. “I had a great time. More than I realized I’d ever have at the GSA.” He pulled the seat belt across him and clicked it into place as he considered his initial thoughts about the GSA barbecue. “I mean, I always felt like I belonged when I was at school events before. No, wait, I take that back. I thought I felt like I belonged. I didn’t though. I was an outsider because I was different. I knew that if they knew the truth about me, that if I came out, there would be hell to pay.”

  Ha, that’s funny.

  CK stopped playing with the radio and sat back. He looked at Skyler and listened.

  “But, at the barbecue, it was surreal. No one made me feel awkward, weird, or like I wasn’t supposed to be here. There was no plastic politeness to put up with. I didn’t have to pretend or put on an elaborate charade. The best part? I didn’t have to lie. I could just be me. No one cared I was gay. It was like…the normal thing. I realized after the barbecue that the LGBTQ kids outnumbered the straight kids in attendance for a change. I’ve never experienced something like that before.”

  “Pretty awesome, huh?” CK asked.

  Skyler looked over at CK and smiled. “You have no idea.”

  CK shook his head. “You’re right, but seeing you so happy that night, seeing you stand up for yourself and your friends, that made me really proud to call you my brother.”

  “Thanks,” Skyler said.

  “Come here,” CK said. He opened his arms and pulled Skyler into a hug. Skyler leaned into CK’s hug and swung his right arm around CK as best he could and squeezed. CK didn’t let go.

  “Skyler, I’m so proud of you. You were right the other day…we are brothers with a really strong bond. I love you.” Then he kissed Skyler on the cheek and let go, inhaling and exhaling a deep breath and clearing his throat. “Shit, I don’t need to cry right now.”

  Skyler chuckled and wiped a tear from his eye. He sat upright in his seat and nodded. “I love you, too, CK” he whispered. He also took a deep breath.

  Suddenly CK’s phone beeped and Skyler’s vibrated.

  CK checked his phone as Skyler fished his out of his pocket. “It’s dad.” He swiped and unlocked his phone. “Weird, he wants us to come home so we can chat.” Then he started typing out a response.

  Skyler heard a questioning tone in CK’s voice. He immediately thought back to the fight with Daren.

  “Shit.” Not again.

  “What?” CK asked, surprised. He finished texting and set his cell phone into the cup holder. Then he put the car in reverse and looked around before backing up.

  “They’re pissed because I punched Daren.”

  “What? You mean at the barbecue? No way. Didn’t you hear my mom’s speech to the principal? Besides, we’ve already hung out with Daren and everything was fine.” CK said as he pulled out of the mall parking lot and drove to the I-90 highway ramp.

  “You don’t get it,” Skyler said. All the happiness and joy drained out of Skyler’s soul as fear and rejection took hold of his heart. “That’s what they said in front of the principal. That’s not what they’ll say to me. They’re pissed, I know it. It’s the right time. It’s been, what a week or two? Just enough time to call the agency.” Skyler banged his head on the headrest behind him. “Shit!”

  “What? No. You’re overreacting,” CK said. “Besides, my parents love you. You’re family.”

  I’m not family. I’m a foster kid. “Have you ever gotten in a fist-fight before?”

  “Uh, I’m sure I have? It’s been a while if I did.”

  “Did you get grounded?”

  “I think so.”

  “Was it a public fight like mine? Where half the whole damn school knows about it?”

  “Well, no.”

  “All you’ll ever get is grounded,” Skyler said, folding his arms across his chest “I’ll get shipped out.”

  “Skyler, trust me. Way less than half the school was at the barbecue. Besides, a good thing happened. Look at what you and Cody did for Daren?”

  Skyler shook his head. This is how it happens. Something bad goes down and then…foster kids get moved around. And I’ve only been here for the summer.

  “What are you thinking?” CK asked.

  “I’m a foster kid, CK, as much as we want to play this up like we’re family. I have no reason to think your parents aren’t mad at me.”

  “What?” CK asked incredulously. “You seriously think my parents are going to, to what, call Katie or something?”

  “Yes.”

  “No way. You’re being paranoid.”

  “No, I’m not. You don’t understand. I left the McMahon’s because of a big fight, although I wasn’t in it, so to speak. I left the Tinsdale’s home because of a big fight over my sexuality. And now I’ve been in a fight…”

  “No, Skyler, stop,” CK said, interrupting him. “You’re not being relocated because you got in a fight. Everyone there saw Daren punch you first. Calm down. You’re fine.”

  “Then why is your dad calling a family meeting?” Oops. I said your dad. Maybe he didn’t notice…

  “First of all, our dad said he wanted to chat. I’m sure they want to talk school or something, but for Christ’s sake, you’re not being relocated. No way.”

  Skyler reflected on CK’s words as they silently drove down I-90, and Routes 9 and 9H into Kinderhook. Finally, they drove past the school and the remaining blocks to the house. Maybe he’s right. Maybe I am overreacting. Still…it was a fist-fight. I almost got suspended at my new school before the first day of school and Liara had to step up and defend me. That probably hasn’t gone over as well as they’ve let on.

  He absentmindedly watched the houses fly by until they drove past the plant lady’s house. CK slowed and pulled the car into the driveway past Katie’s parked SUV.

  What?

  “Wait, if I’m not paranoid, then why is Katie’s SUV here?”

  CK braked in the driveway and craned his neck to look back at the SUV. “You’re sure that’s Katie’s SUV?”

  Skyler pointed toward the front of Katie’s SUV. “It has a Rhode Island license plate. I’ve been in it a few times. I’m very sure.”

  “I have no idea.”

  Skyler whipped his head around. “Are you lying to me?”

  CK shook his head and put both hand up in surrender. “No, of course not. I have no idea why she’s here. Maybe she was just in the neighborhood?”

  Skyler squinted at him. “Really?”

  CK took a deep breath. “Okay, right, so that sounds weird.” He pulled the car forward and parked it. CK picked up his phone and started texting someone.

  Dammit. Skyler didn’t know if he wanted to cry, scream, run, or just surrender. His eyes teared up as his emotions got the best of him.

  “Come on, Sky, don’t panic yet. You don’t know anything.”

  Skyler wiped his eyes as his fight-or-flight reaction abated into numbness. “Whatever.”

  “Seriously, come on,” CK encouraged him. His phone beeped and CK checked the message. “Hmmm.”

  “What?” Skyler eagerly asked.

  “I texted my dad and told him you were freaking out. All he wrote back was ‘Okay’ with a question mark.”

  “Great.”

  Skyler sensed CK now felt nervous, too. They stepped out of the car and Skyler followed CK into the house through the front door. The living room was empty, which was odd. If there’s gonna be a family meeting, shouldn’t it be here?

  “We’re on the deck,” Liara cheerfully called out. “You boys should come out here.”

  “Coming, mom,” CK hollered back. He turned to Skyler, “Did you hear her voice? She doesn’t sound pissed at all.”

  True…

  Skyler followed CK through the kitchen. CK pulled open the screen slider and grunted. Skyler stepped on to the deck and looked right into the smiling face of Liara. Wait
, she’s smiling?

  “Surprise!” Dale, Liara, and Katie happily called out.

  “Dad, he’s freaking out. I’m freaking out.”

  Skyler’s eyes narrowed and zeroed in on Katie. “Why are you here?” he barked as a surge of emotions caught in his throat.

  An awkward silence rose between them as Dale and Liara looked at each other with confused expressions.

  “Wow, okay. My younger sister got married this weekend and your parents thought this would be a good night to get together with you. And by the way, hi there, it’s nice to see you.” Katie folded her arms across her chest.

  Skyler felt his hands shaking at his sides. He noticed the stack of paperwork on the patio table. His emotions rose and he forced back tears.

  Katie regarded him with concerned eyes. “Whoa, slow down,” she continued. “I think Dale and Liara should be the ones to tell you what’s going on.”

  “But I don’t want to leave,” Skyler choked out, his voice shaking.

  “Leave?” Dale and Liara said simultaneously as shocked expressions appeared on their faces.

  “Mom, Dad, what the hell is going on?” CK impatiently asked. “Skyler thinks that because he got in a fist-fight at the GSA barbecue, you guys are kicking him out.”

  Liara’s jaw dropped, Katie’s eyes popped, and Dale’s face expressed disbelief. He pointed to something at Skyler’s left.

  “Oh,” CK said. Then he stepped out of the way and turned Skyler’s shoulders to the left and pointed up. “Well, look at that.”

  Skyler looked up and squinted through his tears. His eyes focused on a series of taped poster boards and construction paper letters that spelled out the message, “Welcome Home, Skyler Phoenix Kelley, We Love You.”

  “What?” Skyler said, spitting as he spoke.

  Liara’s hand came to her mouth. “Did you think we were…oh no, you did, didn’t you?” She rushed over to him and wrapped her arms around him. “Oh honey, you’re stuck with us now.”

  “You’re not mad at me?” Skyler asked as his shoulders started to shake with tears and emotions.

  “Of course not, Skyler. We’re proud of you. What you did at the GSA was incredibly brave.”