Her Shock Pregnancy Secret

by Penny Jordan

  ‘Amazing how different you look from the way I’d imagined. You don’t look like a woman who’d throw a man’s love in his face and walk off and leave him.’

  Kate sat down abruptly, not knowing quite what to make of such an attack.

  ‘Look…’ she began weakly.

  But Susie interrupted her fiercely, saying, ‘No…you look. Or rather, you listen. Eleven years ago, you left my brother flat, breaking off your engagement to him, for heaven knows what reason. You virtually destroyed him then, and now you’re doing it again. OK, so then you were only eighteen. I agree that at eighteen everyone is entitled to do something stupid, but I should have thought by now…’ She broke off. ‘Oh, God, can’t you see how much he loves you, how you’re tearing him apart?

  ‘How could you be so callous as to reject Silas because he can’t father any children? You already have one child. If you’re as keen to have this large family as Silas seems to think, aren’t you leaving it a bit late to have the others? Don’t you care what you’re doing to Silas?’ she demanded explosively.

  Kate simply stared at her, but her face had gone paper-white and her eyes looked haunted. When she tried to stand up, the room swirled violently around her, and she almost fell back into her chair.

  ‘What do you mean, Silas can’t father any children?’ she whispered huskily.

  ‘You know damn well what I mean. When he was ill in Ethiopia…’ She broke off, looking appalled as she realised the truth. ‘Oh, God, you didn’t know, did you?’

  Kate shook her head, tears stinging her eyes and asked inconsequentially, ‘What makes you think he loves me?’

  Susie looked at her and gave her a brief smile.

  ‘I don’t think it. I know it. He told me yesterday,’ she added quietly, seeing the disbelief warring with hope in Kate’s eyes. ‘He’s never stopped loving you, Kate. When you broke your engagement, he said he had to accept your decision, that he couldn’t risk seeing you in case he tried to force you to go back to him…He finished his PhD, and joined one of the relief organisations and went out to Ethiopia. I think he’d been there about eighteen months when they got in touch with me to tell me he was seriously ill. He’d been wounded by a tribesman’s knife. For a while we thought he might die. And then on top of that he contracted a stupid, childish complaint, but there were complications, and he was ill for almost a year. Afterwards…well, it meant the end of that kind of fieldwork because of the risk to his health, and his doctors told him that although physically he could make love, he would never be able to father a child.

  ‘At the time, he didn’t seem to mind. When I talked to him about it, he said it didn’t matter, since he was unlikely to marry. He still loved you, you see,’ she told Kate, giving her a direct look.

  ‘I hated you for that,’ she told her frankly, and then gave a wry smile. ‘When I rang Silas and you answered the phone, you can imagine how I felt. I could hardly believe it! Luckily, we were due up here, anyway. I thought that somehow or other you must have got together and made a fresh start.

  ‘When I asked Silas yesterday how you felt about living so close to your family, and he told me that you wouldn’t be moving into the farm with him, I couldn’t believe it. When I asked him why, he said it wouldn’t be fair to you, that you loved someone else, and that moreover, you wanted more children…’

  ‘He told me he was going back to Ethiopia. He told me he didn’t want a wife or family,’ Kate whispered, stunned.

  The two women looked at one another in mute comprehension, and then Kate burst out, ‘Of course I’d love children, but surely he could never imagine they’d be more important to me than him. Surely he must realise that I love him? What if our positions were reversed?’ she demanded fiercely. ‘What if I was the one who couldn’t conceive? Oh, God, how could he think…’

  ‘He told me that you were absolutely devoted to your daughter,’ Susie supplied quietly. And then, crossing the distance that separated them, she took hold of Kate’s hands. ‘I’m so sorry. I had no idea you didn’t know. Poor Silas. I suppose he was too proud to tell you. Do you realise that he doesn’t even know you love him?’

  Because she had told him she loved Cherry’s father, Kate realised, her mental wheels turning, as she reviewed everything they had said to one another. So many misunderstandings…and the first and most destructive had been her own.

  ‘Did Silas tell you why I broke off our engagement in the first place?’ she asked Susie.

  The older girl frowned. ‘No.’

  ‘I saw him with you and your sons. You were kissing him, and I leapt to the wrong conclusion,’ Kate told her wryly.

  ‘And so you left him, without demanding an explanation. But…’

  ‘I was eighteen, and insecure, and besides…’ Kate sighed as she looked out of the window into the stable-yard.

  But for Susie’s intervention she would have left the Dales without knowing the truth, without knowing why Silas had pretended to her that he was returning to Ethiopia. Without knowing that he loved her.

  Her glance strayed to where Cherry was playing with Susie’s two sons, gravely instructing them in the correct way to train a potential sheep-dog, and happiness bubbled up inside her like champagne bubbles.

  Watching her, Susie saw her expression change and said quietly, ‘I should never have interfered.’

  Kate turned to her and smiled. ‘I’m glad you did. I need to see Silas. Do you know where he is?’

  ‘Up at the farm. He’s taking some overdue leave to start making preliminary lists of what’s going to need to be done. He thinks we’re shopping in the village,’ she added wryly. ‘Don’t go to him out of pity, Kate,’ she said seriously. ‘He’s a man, after all. And I suspect it was your pity he feared when he lied to you. And then there’s Cherry,’ she added quietly, standing behind Kate to look out at the trio bending over the pup. ‘She’ll always be a reminder to him that you had a relationship with someone else who was able to give you something he never will.’

  All her love and concern for her brother were reflected in her voice and eyes as she spoke, and she was obviously affronted when Kate turned round to face her, a wide smile curling her mouth.

  ‘You will stay here and keep an eye on Cherry for me, won’t you?’ she said firmly, and there was laughter dancing at the back of her eyes as she added thoughtfully, ‘She has several personality traits which I believe are more probably inherited from her father than from me. I should be gone long enough for you to recognise most of them.’

  Following her gaze, Susie looked out of the window again. Cherry was firmly telling the pup to ‘sit’ and, heart-stoppingly, as she looked at her, Susie realised exactly what Kate was saying.

  ‘Dear God,’ she breathed tearfully. ‘She’s Silas’s.’

  But Kate wasn’t listening. She was already half-way across the room, car-keys in one hand, her jacket in the other.

  * * *

  Silas had obviously heard her coming. He was standing out in the yard as she drew up, shirt-sleeves rolled up to reveal tanned forearms. There was a smear of dirt across his face and his hair was untidy. He ought to have looked healthily tired, but instead he looked drawn and tense, and her heart ached for him as she got out of the car.

  She thought of all the things she had to say to him, and all those she ought to say, and recognised the minefield that such a conversation was likely to be.

  Surely what lay between them didn’t need finesse—or careful editing?

  ‘I need to talk to you,’ she told him quietly. ‘Can we go inside?’

  Mutely, he led the way. The kitchen was bright with afternoon sunshine. Those units would definitely have to go, she reflected as she followed him past them.

  The kitchen opened into a narrow passage which in turn led into an old-fashioned, flagged hallway. The walls and doors were painted shiny cream and looked grimy. That too would have to go, Kate decided energetically as Silas opened the door into the sitting-room, and she caught her breath sligh
tly in pleasure at both the size and the aspect of the room.

  It faced south, and still had its original mullioned windows. Beyond them lay what must have once been an entrancing walled garden similar to that at Seton, but slightly smaller. The room’s roughly plastered walls glowed pink in the afternoon sun, and even if the parquet floor was uncared for and dull, it didn’t take much imagination to see how this room could look with a little thought and a lot of love.

  ‘What was it you wanted to see me about, Kate?’ Silas asked her roughly.

  There was happiness in her eyes and a spring to her step that made his heart ache with longing.

  ‘Susie’s just been to see me,’ she told him bluntly. ‘I know all about what happened in Ethiopia, Silas. Did you honestly think it would matter a single damn to me?’ she demanded fiercely, made brave by her love. ‘I love you, Silas.’

  She saw him go white and then red, a dark tide of it burning up under his skin, his eyes burning with savage hunger as he looked at her.

  He turned his head away and said savagely, ‘I don’t want your pity, Kate.’

  ‘That’s just as well,’ she told him drily. ‘You aren’t being offered it. I need it too much for myself. Have you any idea what I’ve been through these last weeks, knowing that not only had I lost you once, but that I was going to lose you a second time? Over the years I’ve tried to tell myself that, at eighteen, I wasn’t mature enough to know how I felt about you, that time had distorted my views, making my feelings seem more than they had been, but I was wrong.’

  She held out her arms to him. For a moment she thought he meant to ignore her, and her heart almost stopped beating. Then he moved and her arms locked round him, her tears flowing freely as she leaned her head on his shoulder.

  ‘Silas…Silas…How could you think I wouldn’t love you?’

  She looked up at him and saw the pain in his eyes, and her heart started to thump.

  ‘You know that I can’t give you a child,’ he said sombrely.

  Her mouth went dry, her throat felt as though it was packed with cotton wool. Her heart in her mouth, she said huskily, ‘You already have…’

  He stared at her uncomprehendingly, and then said starkly, ‘But, Kate, it’s impossible. The doctors…’

  ‘Cherry is your child,’ she told him huskily. ‘I was coming to tell you I was pregnant that day when I saw you with Susie. I suppose that because I was already feeling terrified and insecure I immediately leapt to the wrong conclusion…and convinced myself that the very last thing you would want to hear from me was that I was carrying your child.’

  Silas barely heard her whispered explanation. His fingers gripped her arms as he stared down at her. ‘Cherry is mine…’

  ‘I’m surprised you didn’t realise it. She’s like you.’

  ‘And so when you said you still loved her father, you meant me…’ He said it slowly, with pain and anguish in his voice.

  ‘Yes,’ Kate told him simply.

  ‘Oh, dear God,’ he groaned. ‘Oh, Kate! Kate, what have I done to you?’

  ‘Apart from making me a mother, do you mean?’ she asked him teasingly.

  He drew a breath that lifted his chest and expelled it unsteadily.

  ‘Does Cherry know?’

  Kate shook her head. ‘No,’ she told him quietly. ‘I didn’t think it was fair to tell her when I was convinced that you would soon be gone again. You see, she’s already starting to become attached to you, and I didn’t want her to suffer the hurt of being rejected.’

  For a moment they stood together in silence, and then, from the shelter of his arm, Kate looked out into the garden and said dreamily, ‘I think it would be nice to rebuild the wall, don’t you? There’s something so secret and special about a walled garden, and Cherry will love it. Or am I presuming too much?’ she asked directly.

  ‘Never,’ Silas told her softly. ‘The house and everything in it are yours to do with as you wish.’

  ‘Including you?’

  ‘Including me,’ Silas confirmed.

  * * *

  Four days later Silas, Kate and a very excited Cherry went to collect Meg.

  ‘She’s going to be my dog and she’s going to live at the farm with us,’ Kate overheard her telling the receptionist as Silas completed the formalities and Meg was released to them.

  Collecting Meg wasn’t their only purpose in town. Earlier that day Kate and Silas had been married quietly in the small parish church. Kate’s parents, Silas’s sister and her family had been the only witnesses, and, although Cherry had accepted the information that Silas was her father with commendable aplomb, Kate worried a little about her lack of reaction.

  Now all three of them—four, if one included Meg—were going to live at Silas’s house at the institute, until he completed his contract in less than three months’ time.

  That time would also give them an opportunity to make the farm habitable. Kate’s father had been delighted to learn that they would be living so close to them, and had even said gruffly that Silas was ‘all right for someone not born in the Dales’. High praise, indeed.

  Three days later, when they were all at the farm working, a battered Land Rover drove into the yard, and an angry-looking man got out.

  Kate’s heart dropped as she saw him, and Meg, who had been in the yard, yelped and skittered away nervously.

  Kate recognised the farmer, and so, obviously, did Cherry, who was now holding very firmly on to Meg’s collar.

  ‘That’s my dog you’ve got there,’ he said without preamble. ‘Heard from the postman about how you’d got her. You’d better hand her over or there’ll be trouble.’

  ‘The only trouble there’s going to be is yours,’ Silas said quietly, suddenly appearing round the side of the barn. Kate felt relief flood through her. ‘I found that dog wandering on my land some time ago. I had no idea who she belonged to and so I took her to the RSPCA. They got in touch with me last week to say no one had claimed her, and since my daughter has been on at me to get her a dog, I said we’d take it. The dog stays here, Mr Benson,’ he added calmly. ‘Although the RSPCA did say that they would be very interested in discovering who had owned her, because she’d been rather badly treated.’

  Kate saw the man’s face change, anger giving way to apprehension.

  ‘Well, mebbe she’s not mine at all. Come to think of it, she isn’t…She’ll never make a working dog,’ he told them sourly as he climbed into his Land Rover. ‘Too timid by half.’

  They were all silent as they watched him drive away. Once he had gone, Meg jumped up at Cherry and began licking her hand, and after she had firmly made her sit down Cherry turned to Silas and flung her arms round him, crying, ‘Oh, Daddy, you were wonderful! I really thought he was going to take Meg and I was so frightened…and so was Mum. Just wait until I tell Gramps!’

  Over her head, Kate smiled into Silas’s eyes. He bent and ruffled Cherry’s hair.

  ‘Happy?’ Kate mouthed.

  As Cherry detached herself from him and ran across the yard with Meg in tow, he smiled at her.

  ‘More than I can ever say. You’ve given me a very precious gift, Kate.’

  He saw her look at Cherry and smiled.

  ‘Not Cherry, although she is undoubtedly precious. No, the gift I meant was the gift of your love. You’ve made me whole again. Are you sure you don’t mind giving up your job to live here?’ he added quietly.

  ’I like teaching,’ she admitted. ‘But I’m looking forward to working here with you, Silas…building up this farm, doing something that in its way is as worth while as teaching.’

  ‘And you really don’t mind the fact that Cherry will always be an only one?’

  ‘Not as long as you don’t,’ Kate assured him cheerfully. ‘At eighteen I was still very much a child, Silas. I looked on the potential children we might have as extensions of ourselves, but children grow up to be people in their own right. I’ve been lucky with Cherry; I like her as well as love her. I’ve kno
wn children and parents who aren’t so lucky. I can honestly say I have no maternal cravings for more children. You are the vital essence of my life, Silas. I discovered that a long time ago, and each day that passes only reaffirms it.’

  Cherry had disappeared into the barn with Meg. Silas drew Kate into the shadow of the porch.

  She melted into his arms, returning his kiss with all the love she felt for him.

  ‘Mum, Dad! Come and watch Meg. I’ve taught her to beg!’

  ‘Mm…I can see what you mean about one being enough,’ Silas murmured wryly as Cherry’s excited voice warned them that they were about to be interrupted. ‘If we had four or more running about I’d never get the chance to kiss you.’

  ‘And that I would object to,’ Kate told him.

  Arm in arm, they walked across the yard to meet Cherry.

  * * * * *

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