Leah watched him go, knowing that the squaring of his shoulders like that said he was hanging on to his hope for all he was worth. “Just like me, Lord. We need you to intervene here.” She closed her eyes, willing herself to trust that God would do the best thing for them all. After one more deep breath to keep her from hyperventilating, she pushed the speed dial for Keira. When she answered, Leah blurted, “Please pray for us, for Marcus; he is meeting with Jim at the church.”
“Jim as in the chairman of the elders?”
“Yes.” Leah put a hand on her chest to keep her heart from leaping out and running off. “I’m going to go running. Thanks.” She clicked shut and within minutes had her running shoes and shorts on and was stretching on the porch steps. Lord, please pounded out with her shoes slapping the concrete. When she hit the end of the street and the beginning of the dirt road, she increased her speed, sprinting until her side yelped. She settled into a more consistent pace, reached her turnaround point, and headed back toward home. Sure was easy to tell she’d been a few days without running, more like a week. But her mind had cleared, the panic was driven back once again, and as she slowed, she could hear a praise song drifting through her mind. A children’s song, one she hadn’t sung for years. “Praise Him, praise Him, all ye little children, God is love, God is love.” And children were singing it. She slowed to a jog and then walked the last block to cool down. What a way to celebrate an almost summer, but officially still spring, day.
She’d just entered the backyard when her cell bleeped, the ring for Marcus. Open it. Don’t open it. God, help me. “Hi.”
“They refused to accept my resignation.”
She collapsed on the metal mesh chair she’d occupied earlier. Heaving a “thank you, Lord” sigh and still catching her breath from the run, she waited for him to clear his voice. She knew he was fighting to keep control, so she kept the words bubbling to the surface from exploding from her mouth. All the while her “thank you, Lord” litany danced in her mind.
Marcus cleared his throat again. “I am to take a six-month sabbatical without pay, since that will go to pay someone to fill in. And this will take effect after the funeral. I won’t be preaching Sunday. The goal of the sabbatical is so we can get our lives back in order so I can give a hundred percent like I always have before. Jim said they knew something was terribly wrong and were trying to think how to approach me.” He stopped and blew his nose. “I think what I will do is go south with the truck, if that is all right with you. That seems to be where God is leading me.”
“Will there be an announcement of the circumstances behind this sabbatical?”
“No. Not unless we choose to make our situation public.”
“But scuttlebutt will get out.”
“I don’t know and at this point, I don’t care. They are being gracious, God is being gracious, beyond measure.” He paused to answer a question from someone in his office and slid from grieving and rejoicing man back into pastor mode. “I’m preparing the funeral and meeting with the family in half an hour. Please put out the word that they don’t want flowers but want memorials to be sent to a fund at church to be used for something for children. They’re not sure what yet.”
“I will. This is such good news. Thank you, Lord.” She said out loud what her mind had been singing. Marcus was not being forced to give up the calling of his life, God planned to use him in this capacity for years ahead. She stuffed the whisper that he was leaving her with all the turmoil ahead and reminded herself that God had a plan and this all seemed to be part of it.
When she entered the kitchen, Leah came back to the real world with a thump. Kirsten was sitting at the table, looking green and bleary-eyed.
“Uh-oh. Morning sickness?”
“I ate some crackers like you said, but like an idiot, I didn’t buy the Sea-Bands. I will today if they could help. I thought maybe this was over with. I’ve been feeling so much better since yesterday.”
“They say until about month four, and still something can set it off later.” Leah filled a glass with water, and after chugging half of it, sipped the rest. “I’m going to get a shower and then finish up a couple of things and take the book to the printer. You want to go along?”
“Not really.”
“Okay.”
“Where’s Dad?”
“Oh my word.” Leah thumped her forehead with the heel of her hand. “His news. He called to say the elders would not accept his resignation but they stipulated that he must go on a six-month sabbatical without pay since his salary will be used to pay someone to fill in for him.”
Kirsten stared at her mother. “Really?”
“Really. He will do the funeral for Kirby tomorrow and then he said he might go south with the truck. I have a feeling that if a construction crew goes down there, he will be one of them.”
“He likes fixing things. He could go on the missions trip in my place since we already paid our money.”
“You know, that’s not a bad idea.” Leah thought a moment. “I’m sure God is going to find plenty for him to do. What are your plans for the day?”
“Put out more flyers. On the windshields of cars in parking lots. Lindsey is going to help. Then we’ll go door to door, I guess. I thought I’d get some response by now.” Kirsten paused, staring down at her hands on the table. “Then I thought that if José gets off work early, I think he is done at five today, I thought maybe you and Mrs., er, Betty would be our referees so we can really discuss what we are going to do.”
“Let me know what you want. I suggest you make a list of the things you want to talk about.”
“I haven’t mentioned this to José yet. He might get all mad and say no. But he has always liked talking with you and…” Kirsten sighed. “Maybe this isn’t such a good idea. At least not yet.”
“All right.”
“But he has to understand why I don’t want to get married right away. And why I can’t do his plan.” She looked up at her mother. “I wish I knew what was best for all of us.”
Leah crossed back to the table and hugged her daughter. “Sweetie, that is our prayer all the time. Lord, give us wisdom and guidance, all that we need and then some.”
A few minutes later, Leah realized she hadn’t hummed in the shower for a long time. She just hoped she wasn’t getting ahead of herself.
“Please, José, let’s give this a try. It can’t hurt.” Kirsten clutched her cell to her ear. Taking a deep breath, she fought to calm her stomach. Was it morning sickness or stress causing her to feel so rocky? She rested her elbows on her bent knees, sitting on the second-to-the-bottom step of the stairs.
“You want my grandmother and your mother to sit and listen to us fight.”
“No, I want to talk and discuss without a fight. We never used to have more than a two-minute argument. I thought I could tell you everything, and if we disagreed, we could always find a compromise. That’s one of the things I love about you—and us.”
After a pause broken by a heaved sigh, he said, “Let me think about it.”
“My mother agreed, do you want me to ask your grandma?”
“You want to go to a movie tonight?”
“No, I want to have a talk tonight.” Easy, she told herself. Don’t let him get to you. At least he wanted to see her. She waited out the silence.
“I need to get back on the chair. I’ll call you at lunch.”
“Okay.” She thought a moment. “José, remember in speech class, how we had to have an outline? I’m thinking that might help for both of us. A list maybe.”
“I said I’ll think about it.” He clicked off.
She trudged up the stairs, feeling better with each step. Up in her room, she stared at the bed. It would be so easy to crawl back in and take a nap. Instead she sat down at the desk when the bed would have been more comfortable and, flipping open her journal, started her list, topping it with school. When she’d written all she could think of, she set it aside and showered, dressed, and he
aded back downstairs. Now she felt ravenous.
“You here?” Lindsey called from the front porch.
“In the kitchen.”
“Little bit late for breakfast, isn’t it?”
“Not when you wake up with your head in the throne.”
“Oh, sorry.”
“I’m fine now. How hot is it out there?”
“Just nice. You sure you wouldn’t rather go to the pool?”
“Sure I’d rather do that, but I need a job. Money is handy.”
Sometime later, they had covered two parking lots with flyers when her cell bleeped José’s ring. She leaned against the car she’d just left a flyer on. “Hi.”
“I will do it, but not tonight. How about tomorrow night? I’m done at five then too.”
She sucked in a deep breath. “Okay. You’ll talk with your grandma then?”
“Yes. And I’ll make a list.”
“Seven?”
They set the time and she clicked shut. What if this didn’t work? She shook her head. What did a referee do? Call time out if the argument got brutal?
That night, sitting cross-legged on her bed with her journal in her lap, Kirsten let her mind drift and ponder. Life should have been so simple this summer. Working, hanging out at the pool, getting ready to leave for school in mid-August when freshmen were required to attend orientation. Regular classes didn’t start until September.
She, however, would be attending the community college in McGrath. She’d gone to the school library to read the book on procedures and requirements. She’d also discovered she could use two of her scholarships there. If all went right, depending on what they decided, perhaps she could transfer to Northwestern for the winter quarter. Or maybe she would go to the U of M.
José was not going to give up a free ride to Northwestern. Not if there was anything she could do about it.
She read again some of what she had written. Dreams, all of it. The most important thing she needed to concentrate on was taking care of this baby—and deciding what she, or rather they, would do. Keep the baby and figure out a way to raise it and go to school. Or… She swallowed the tears that suddenly burned behind her eyes, making her nose run too. Or give the baby to someone else to adopt and raise. One minute that sounded like the best idea, the next she was horrified at the thought. So many decisions to make. And she was so not ready to make them. How could she and José ever come to an agreement when she couldn’t get herself to make decisions?
She started at a rap on her door. “Come in.”
Her mom stuck her head in. “Night, I’m heading for bed.”
“Are Curt and Thomas still coming to the reunion?”
“Of course. They both called back after you had gone to bed and we talked for quite a while. They’re worried about you. But they were terribly disappointed, as you know.”
“They’re not the only ones. I know Paul and Eric are going to grill me too, once the guys talk. The first thing Curt will say when he sees me is ‘How could you do such a thing?’ ”
“You have to remember you are their baby sister and little cousin who can—could—do no wrong.”
“Yeah, right. I sure took care of that.” Kirsten glanced at the clock by her bed. “I’m surprised they haven’t called again to talk with me. But what can I say? I don’t know what we’re going to do yet.” She rubbed her forehead. “I really don’t want to talk with them, at least not yet. What’s Dad doing?”
“Sleeping, I hope. He came up before you did. Night.”
“Night. Wait.” When her mother’s head reappeared, she asked, “I don’t have to go to the funeral tomorrow, do I?”
“Not if you don’t want to.”
“And you remember our discussion tomorrow night?”
“Yes.”
“Thanks. Night.” The head disappeared. Kirsten raised her voice. “Mom.”
Leah reappeared, shaking her head. “Now what? Maybe I should just come in and sit down.”
“No, I don’t want to keep you. But tomorrow night—I will not compromise on José leaving for college in August and on not getting married. Just thought you should know.”
“That kind of blasts his entire plan, doesn’t it?”
“Yes, but I will not give on those two points. Someday he will thank me.”
“You realize he wants to make sure this baby has what he never had, a father and mother that care enough to raise their child?”
“I-I guess I hadn’t thought that through. Why didn’t he say that?”
“He’s a man of few words?”
“Not always.” At least not when he’s yelling at me about this.
“But it is possible to put the baby up for adoption and still be able to take part in his life. Or hers. So many choices.” She stroked the cat’s back and received a hearty purr. “Can I go now?”
Kirsten threw her pillow at the quickly closing door. She got undressed and, standing nude before her full-length mirror, studied her body. While it didn’t look any different, the waistband on her shorts was too tight and her breasts were tender, making her bras tight. She heaved a sigh and pulled her nightshirt over her head. According to what she’d been reading in the books her mother gave her, her belly would start to push out pretty soon.
Chapter Twenty-Five
The next afternoon, Leah slumped into the lounger in the shade on the patio. “If I never go to something like that again, it will be too soon. Children should not die, that is all there is to it.”
Keira took the adjoining one. “I agree. I was glad I was working in the kitchen.” She rolled her lips together. “Just thinking about him and them and I start to cry again.”
“I felt so sorry for Marcus, he had such a hard time.”
“My brother might try to convince the world that he can handle things but inside he’s mushier than a marshmallow.” Keira pulled out a tissue and dabbed at her eyes. “With my mascara running, I look like a raccoon. And this is supposed to be waterproof.” She held out her tissue to show the black smudges.
“You want some iced tea?”
“Sounds good. You have any peanut butter cookies left? One sure would hit the spot right now.” She started to get up but Leah told her to stay put.
She returned in a couple of minutes with two tall glasses of iced tea and a plate of cookies on a tray. “This is Earl Grey with a bag of mint. I really like it.” She set a little ceramic container with packets of sweetener on the low, round table between their loungers.
“Somebody asked me what Marcus was going to do, so some kind of word is out. I said I was sure he would announce it when he could.”
“Yes, Jim said they are telling those who ask that Marcus is taking a six-month sabbatical or leave of absence. The first reaction is shock and ‘is he ill?’ ”
“Does he know what he is going to do?”
“He’s going to the tornado zone with the truck this evening, that’s all we know for sure. But I wouldn’t be surprised if he takes a construction team down there to help repair that church we’ve been sending supplies to. Kirsten said he should take her place on the missions trip. I’m glad I didn’t have to fight to keep her from going. The water and everything in Mexico? All she needs is some virus or bacteria at this stage.”
“One day at a time. Wonder who started that joke that if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans?”
“I don’t know, but things sure aren’t going the way I planned.”
“But you got the book to the printer. When are they saying they’ll have it done?”
“Next Thursday, the day before the reunion starts.”
“If all goes according to plan. Schedule is just a fancy word for plan.”
Leah turned at the sound of the gate squeaking. “We’re out here!”
“You two sure look comfortable.” Marcus was shedding his suit coat and tie as he walked toward them.
“Sit here and I’ll bring you some tea.”
“No thanks. I need to get my
things together. Henry says he hopes to leave by four.”
“I fixed the cooler with sandwiches and fruit, some potato salad. Oh and drinks are in it too. Can you think of anything else?”
“Henry says he has a big thermos for coffee. He refills it at truck stops.”
When he headed for the back door, Keira smiled at Leah. “I think he’s excited to go along.”
“True, but he’s really happy because he knows what is going to happen to his ministry. The scimitar is no longer hanging over his head. Writing that letter to the board of elders nearly killed him.”
“I imagine Kirsten’s bombshell about broke him. ’Bout did me. That bleeding episode on her birthday…” Keira shook her head. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me right away.”
“Me either, but that was Kirsten’s job to tell people. Just like I am keeping the secret about Dagmar from Marcus. This is killing me.”
“Sorry. I was going to tell him and then all the rest of this happened. I could tell how close he was to the end of his rope. I mean, what if that had been an error on the birth certificate? So I had to wait for the copy. It came a few days ago, same as the one we found. And then I read Helga’s letters. Like you said, she is the one with the answers.”
“Did you try calling her?”
“Of course, but their answering machine is full and you know how they are about taking phone calls when they’re traveling. I couldn’t really say this was a life or death necessity.” Keira blew out a breath. “I still can’t believe I didn’t realize this situation with Kirsten was happening when I first saw she was feeling so bad. The shock must have about knocked you out too.”
“It did. Dumbfounded is the only way I can describe it. Then I alternated between total fury and hurting for and with my suffering children.” Leah sipped her tea and watched a hummingbird at the feeder. “Remember when we vowed to never say, ‘Our kids will never…’?”
“Sure, and we haven’t.”
“Well, I was pretty cocky about this, so sure these two would not make those mistakes. All of our antiabortion participation, discussions, classes, their vows of chastity. Never ever think ‘my child will never.’ You’re setting yourself up for heartbreak.”
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