Shadows of Reality (The Catharsis Awakening Book 1)

by Christian Martin Jr.

  “Who are you?” I sounded like a pathetic little girl.

  “Go rest my love. Come back when you have more strength,” she urged once again. Her lips moved this time and it reminded me of fine silk. Maybe I’d been awake for too long and my head was playing tricks on me. “Go in peace, Aletha Starling.”

  I nodded and quietly left the room without protest. My mind raced—and how does she know my name? I stopped halfway to the nurses’ station and looked back toward the room; Jesus Alie, you didn’t even say goodbye to Matt.

  I turned back. Yeor had not moved. The nurse was motionless, her eyes closed as though she was deep in thought. I quietly walked to Matt’s bed and leaned over the railing and gave him a soft kiss on the forehead.

  “I’ll be back soon.”

  “…yes, and if all goes well—progressing as he has been—we’ll remove the paralytics and the Propofol drip this evening. And…as soon as we believe he’s able to breathe on his own, we’ll take him off the ventilator.”

  Shit! Great timing Alie. I had to rush out of the house, didn’t I? Curse of not getting enough sleep and thinking that I needed to be back here now.

  I had taken three steps into Matt’s room before I realized I was on the edge of a trio: Trish, a doctor, and what looked like a very young intern. The doctor and intern smiled at me when I trudged into their little pow-wow, but Trish just looked at me without any expression on her face. Not sure what all that meant by what the doctor was explaining to her, but I felt like a kid caught with my hand where it shouldn’t be.

  “Hi,” I’m sure my face was flushed, I could feel the heat in it. “I’m Alie, I work at the S.O. with Matt…dispatch.”

  “A pleasure. I’m Doctor Gounda, and this is our new resident physician, Dr. Wayne,” said the doctor as he extended a hand.

  I smiled, nodded at the two gentlemen and shook both their hands.

  “Ma’am,” the intern said and bowed slightly when he shook my hand.

  I couldn’t believe it. Trish just kept looking at the doctor as if she was searching for a clue as what to do next. Hello?! I just introduced myself. I was also perplexed that she didn’t look one bit concerned about Matt—just a blank look; maybe she was in shock, but still…

  “And…” I had to actually lean over a bit to intercept her stare at the doctor, “I’m Alie.” I extended a hand to her.

  “Hi, I’m Trish.” Her eyes finally met mine.

  “We were just going over a possible scenario with Mrs. Jameison,” Doctor Gounda stated with a friendly smile.

  “Oh, should I step out?” I quickly glanced at all three. I knew the deal, medical privacy laws; at least he was polite.

  “That’s alright,” Trish answered and looked at the doctor, “I’m okay if she stays.”

  Wow, that was a surprise, and a relief at the same time.

  “Okay…” Doctor Gounda spoke slowly and in a measured tone. After a quick glance to his intern, he continued, “We were just discussing that it appears the swelling on Matt’s brain has subsided considerably. If all goes well, we could begin to bring him out of the coma this evening.”

  I almost started to cry at the news. I had to shove my hair out of my eyes again because I moved my head too quickly with excitement—although I didn’t try to let on that I was. Maybe it’s a good thing my hair flops around like it does. I know my eyes were wide with emotion and I looked at all three, ending with Trish.

  “How long will it take before he wakes up?” asked a stoic Trish.

  “Eight to 12 hours, but please keep in mind, Mrs. Jameison,” the doctor continued his measured cadence and pushed his glasses further up the bridge of his nose, “…it really varies from patient to patient.

  “Once we take him off the paralytics, and we determine that he can breathe on his own, we’ll remove the ventilator…”

  I glanced about the room without trying to make it obvious: no nurse, and no Yeor. I wondered where they had gone. Matt looked like he was peaceful in spite of the two black eyes and swollen cheek.

  The doctor continued to explain medical procedures and other such things that I couldn’t pronounce the names to. While his voice trailed on in the background, I kept sneaking peeks around the room, searching for any clue as to where the nurse and Yeor had disappeared to. Laying on the floor, under a cushioned metal chair, I spotted Yeor’s staff. I tilted my head a bit as the wonder hit me. Maybe it was all real, and not some hallucination because I was in some sort of strange shock, sleep deprived state or something.

  The doctor stopped and looked behind his shoulder, as did the intern, and even Trish craned her neck around to see what I tilted my head and was staring at—damn. I hope nobody takes his staff. I dropped my gaze and looked over at Matt. The doctor returned to pick up where he left off. The intern shrugged his shoulders at me with a grin, and Trish simply leveled her eyes again with the doctor. I wonder if anyone saw Yeor’s staff?

  “…any questions?”

  “How long will he be in the hospital?” Trish asked him. She appeared to be unmoved.

  “It really depends, Mrs. Jameison. It could be a few days or longer,” answered the doctor. All the while, the intern just slowly nodded his head with his hands on his hips. “Anything else I can help with?”

  “I have a question,” I started then had to pause to get my damn hair out of my face. “Is it too early to tell if there’s any brain damage?”

  “Good question, Alie,” the doctor was now using his hands to gesture as he began to explain. “There’s no way of knowing until he wakes up and then we’ll run him through a battery of tests.” He turned to Trish, “Mrs. Jameison, we just won’t know about any long-term effects from the TBI for the next few weeks.”

  Trish only nodded her head. I almost crawled out of my own skin! Won’t know? A few weeks? What the hell?

  “If you ladies have any further questions, my number is on the white board behind you on the wall. Please call me.”

  We both nodded and smiled back at the doctor. The doctor, and his intern, gracefully excused themselves and left the room—leaving me with some alone time with Trish! She stood near the hospital bed where Matt’s legs lay. I don’t know if she was regretting anything but she sure didn’t look like she was interested in much.

  I grabbed his hand that rested in a fold of the sheet near his side and said, “Hey there, Matt, it’s good to see you.”

  The warmth of his hand in mine was such a wonderful feeling. Tears welled up in my eyes once more, but unlike last night, I was able to control any outbursts.

  “Have you been here long this morning?” I finally broke the ice with Trish. The silence between us was awful.

  “I’m okay. How are you?”

  What? Did I ask her how she was doing?

  “I’m okay too,” I think. No meltdowns as of yet, so I think I’m okay.

  I just didn’t know what to say to her. She seemed to be traveling a different path at the moment. Thinking of their marriage? Their arguments? I had no idea what else to say.

  “I’m gonna get going,” she said while looking out in the direction of the nurses’ station through the large windows.

  “Are you okay?” the question felt a little weird in my mind. I wasn’t sure what to expect from her. I mean, here’s Trish, hardly showing any emotion about what happened to Matt, and I know that she moved out…giving up on this man: the man I want in my life—I felt a guilt, but on the other hand, I didn’t. Why would anyone not want a man like this?

  Trish looked at me and paused, “…I’m doing good, thanks.” She looked into my eyes for a moment.

  Why is everyone trying to look into my soul lately? Or am I just paranoid from that nurse last night? The difference was this, Trish didn’t have the gaze that the nurse, or Yeor, or even Matt has. All three of them seem to pierce a veil in me, that is a little uncomfortable at times.

  I let go of Matt’s hand and shook Trish’s. She patted Matt’s leg and walked out of the room without looki
ng back. Strange. At least to me it was strange. I immediately grabbed hold of his hand again the moment she left the room.

  I leaned over the rail and gave him a soft kiss on his forehead, and told him, “Good morning.”

  When I stood straight again, I about peed myself—that nurse from last night was standing where she had been when I left. I didn’t hear her come in, or see her walk in, nothing! She was just there when I stood up.

  Her smile was more somber this morning, but her eyes burned with a fire that went far beyond what I could describe. I felt such a desire to bow, but didn’t know how, why, or what to do. I couldn’t move my eyes away. How did she hold my gaze? I felt so naked and exposed. Confused about how I was feeling, and out of sheer exhaustion, I bowed my head and closed my eyes.

  “Good morning,” I said, barely audible to myself.

  “Peace to you, Aletha,” her voice soothed the boiling over in my heart. “You are not fully rested, my dear.”

  My head shot up quickly. How did she know? “Oh, I’m fine ma’am,” I lied. “What is your name?”

  Her gaze was still on me when I looked back up at her. I felt caught, trapped in my own lie. Was it due to how I felt about Matt? Or…

  “You are not fully rested, my dear,” she repeated without moving her lips.

  My head dropped, my chin on my chest, and my hair flopped around my face, “I’m sorry I lied.”

  “Did you sleep, my child?”

  By now, I didn’t care if she spoke through her lips or in my head, it was all the same, “No.”

  “You worry yourself of things you cannot control. You worry that Mike divorced you, abandoned you, and that Matthew will do the same because of a flaw you feel exists within yourself. You worry in your journal that you will repeat the same patterns. It keeps you from rest. It keeps you from destiny, my love.”

  I was already crying the minute she mentioned the divorce. The bedrail had become a sparkling blur with a flicker of light from my tears that streamed down and bounced off the rail every which way. Who is this? But the thought quickly left as the shame and feelings of not being worthy of a relationship raced in to seize my heart.

  “Please let go, Lady Aletha. The shame, the guilt, has created fear in your mind. A fear that whispers of an inaccurate past and robs you of rest, and steals your future. A fear that has stolen your energy and has seized your heart and mind. Fear is a hard taskmaster, My Lady—truth, love, has set you free.”

  My tears came rushing like a flood. No matter how much I tried to hold back, everything heaved up from deep inside. I can’t explain it. Before I knew it, I was gasping for air as I sobbed and I barely held myself upright with a trembling grip on the handrail.

  I noticed several tissues came into the blur of my canopy of hair. My voice quaking with a thank you as I accepted them. I hadn’t cried this much since I found out that Mike left me for some other woman. And, ever since Jake’s cry for help over the radio, until now, seems like I’ve cried non-stop. How does she know so much about me? I blew my nose again, wiped up the best I could—my head still hung.

  “Dear,” I looked up, and she actually spoke through her lips this time, “he needs your love. His strength wanes. Although he does not see it, does not recognize it—such is the case for most men in this realm—he has greatness. Yet, he lacks the very thing that can infuse him and generate the desire to overcome his doubts…”

  “What is that?” my voice still shaking.

  “Love. When he loves, he is a man of great strength. Your love, Lady Aletha…he needs your love.”

  My heart dropped. What of Trish? How can I ever vest myself again? What if I’m the cause of relationships that fail? Something in me that creates discontent in a man? What if I—

  “Child, worry is not worthy. In the realm of the Waking, men and women are prone to give into the dance of love without ever setting themselves with a root to the depths that love has to offer. Thus, those who are not aware—living unconscious through a routine built to numb the senses of the conscious love they once knew—move on, seeking without, rather, what is needed within.

  “My Lady, you are conscious of many things—and that of Oneiron—accept this gift and walk in that truth,” her voice trailed off, yet her smile remained.

  The painful emptiness I had felt since Mike left me, simply vanished. The constant gnawing in my stomach was just no longer there. Amazed, I gawked, with tears, but of joy and relief this time.

  “Now, you must rest. There are no certainties with this next moment. Lady Aletha, care for this moment, and rest.”

  I had so many more questions for this nurse, but she was right…I felt it…deep down. I told her thank you, and asked her to call me if there was any change in Matt’s condition. The nurse assured me that she would.

  I kissed Matt on the cheek, squeezed his hand, went home…and rested.

  27

  OF ALIE: JAKE

  She was right—I was so exhausted. The mere fact that I actually got some sleep helped a lot. With everything. I don’t remember a time that I felt so good on waking up. I even felt a glimmer of hope. I’m not depressed, but every morning I have to look in the mirror, tell myself that I’m okay, and that Mike is missing out: his loss. But…sometimes that self-affirmation crap is just a mask for the pain that lingers inside me. Always wondering why, and how come, and what if.

  That nurse helped me yesterday, somehow. It felt like a ton of weight rolled off in the middle of the night. I didn’t fake the affirmation I normally repeat into the mirror, ha, I didn’t even feel like saying it this morning. I just told myself, You look so much better after a good night’s sleep. I even got a late start, and since I didn’t hear from the nurse, I assumed all was okay with Matt. Glad I had another day off this week.

  I didn’t make the same mistake twice. Well, sometimes I do, but certainly not if I can help it. I was far more careful entering Matt’s room this morning. I actually slowed up some and peaked into the room from down the hall before charging in. Jake! Oh Jake. He’s holding Matt’s hand and talking to him. Oh my God! Maybe Matt’s awake.

  The surge of excitement that shot through me was overwhelming. The look on Jake’s face said it all when I came barreling into the room, hoping to see Matt’s eyes meet mine.

  “Whoa, Betsy,” Jake said smiling.

  “Hey,” I replied, but the deflate was horrible: Matt was still unconscious, although the breathing machine wasn’t hissing and churning anymore. “I saw you talking to Matt and thought—”

  “Yeah, I know, looks funny,” he turned back to Matt, “I kinda believe that he can probably hear us, so I’m just telling jokes and talking about stuff we’ve laughed at over the years.” Jake had tears in his eyes. I reached up and hugged him and then my own tears came on like a flood.

  “Hi, dear,” came a familiar voice from the other side of this big man, I didn’t see her at first, Jake dwarfed his wife.

  “Oh…” I couldn’t really say much, my throat seemed to be knotted up with emotion.

  “You guys have had quite the time over the past few days,” Anna said as she stepped around her husband and wrapped me up in her arms.

  All three of us shared a few minutes of tears before either of us could speak.

  “I am so sorry, Jake.” I hung my head; I only wanted the refuge of the canopy of my hair, as a surge of self-guilt sprung anew inside me. “I really didn’t—“

  “Hush!” Jake’s gravely voice gave away his own pain. “You did nothing wrong. It’s all good, Alie. It’s all good.”

  Anna wouldn’t let me go and it was Jake this time handing me tissues. Anna is so precious, I’m so thankful for her being here. I wiped up, tucked my hair away, and didn’t beat around the bush.

  “What happened out there? And…” I blew my nose and then had to ask the most important thing that bothered me, “Jake, why the hell haven’t you called me?”

  Anna squeezed me and kept holding me, a comfort that kept bringing a small trickle
of tears.

  “I’m sorry, Alie. I really am,” he said while peering out of the room, searching for something in the hallway. “They swore me to secrecy during the interview afterwards.”

  “The hell with secrecy, Jake!” I tried not to yell too loud but I was pissed he hadn’t called. “I’m so sick of every time when there’s an internal affairs, or investigate this or that in our own office, no one bothers to explain what’s going on. I’m about done with us dispatchers being left out in the cold and usually the last ones to know what the hell is going on around that place!”

  Anna kept holding me, it was a good thing, her touch was firm; yet soft and gentle.

  Jake looked up and to the right. I sure let him have it. But, my timing sucks sometimes.

  “I truly am sorry,” he looked down at me, made eye contact, and I could see he’d been suffering in his own way over the past few days. “Alie, I’ll try to do better with calls. I know, we in patrol just forget sometimes to brief you gals. But when an investigation is on-going in the office, everyone is sequestered. I hope you understand, it helps to keep the integrity of any investigation intact.”

  “Or…keeps things hush-hush because it’s so dirty under the covers that someone would lose their career if the public found out about what goes on behind closed doors!” I wasn’t backing down. I saw some so-called inquiries on high ranking officials that seemingly got swept under the rug.

  Jake dropped his head. “Again, I’m sorry, I just couldn’t call you. Please understand.”

  Anna kept holding me, and yet was able to grab hold of her husband’s large hand to hold him too. She was like a silent mediator of sorts.

  “I’m sorry, Jake.” He was absolutely right. I was just being my typical emotional stupid self.

  “Naw, you have every right,” Jake glanced at Anna, then back to me, “Please don’t tell anyone this, okay?”