Love Don't Have to Hurt

by Lucinda John

  “No, Your Honor.”

  “Good. Now we can begin.”

  “Your Honor, I motion to have Mr. Stinger’s bail denied,” Roger’s dumbass said.

  “I’m listening,” Free’s extra dumbass replied.

  “Mr. Stinger here is a flight risk. He owns a multimillion-dollar company, he has access to a private jet, and he owns a private island. More motive for Mr. Stinger to skip out of town.”

  “I object!” my lawyer said. “My client is a businessman. In fact, he needs to be out of jail so that he continues his sessions with his psychiatrist,” my lawyer defended me.

  “Psychiatrist?” Judge Free asked, raising a brow.

  “A psychiatrist that he was ordered to see after the assault on my client’s best friend, Shanice. This proves that Mr. Stinger is a threat to the community and needs to stay behind bars throughout the duration of trial.”

  “Your Honor, Mr. Stinger understood that he made a mistake by touching Shanice, and he owned up to his mistakes by taking the necessary steps in dealing with his bipolar disorder and anger. Mr. Stinger needs his physiatrist’s assistance so that he can continue with the medicine that he needs to get better. If you deny his bail, then you deny his chance to get well.”

  “Cute,” Judge Free chuckled. “Bailed denied. Mr. Stinger will remain in custody for the duration of his trial,” the judge said, banging down her gavel.

  I could see the look of relief flash across Aimee’s face. I didn’t want her to think that she could relax for a minute. As long as she was still my wife and carrying my child, she belonged to me.

  As the bailiff, escorted me back to my cell, I made sure to catch Aimee’s attention. The look of joy was immediately replaced with fear, causing me to smirk. By the way her body tensed up, I could tell that I had the ability to jump in her head and get her to break.

  “This is not over. Until death do us part,” I mouthed out to Aimee, making sure she read every word that dripped from my lips.

  The bailiff roughly shoved me into my cage and locked the door behind me. Walking over to the cot that was supposed to be my bed, I grabbed a pencil and note pad. Since I couldn’t get into Aimee’s head in person, I planned on doing it with the four-page letter I was writing her.

  Dear Aimee (the only person my heart beats for) …

  Chapter 19

  Debra

  Dear Aimee (the only person my heart beats for),

  I am writing this letter to express how sorry I am for the abuse. Words can’t explain how disgusted I am to call myself a man. It’s not my fault baby, I blame my father. For as long as I can remember, this is how my father taught me to be. The only way to get your woman to listen to you is by beating her. If I’m screwed up, it’s because I grew up in a household where my father constantly beat my mother. I don’t want that for our child. I want us to raise our baby in a happy home. I want to prove to my father that you can have a loving and submissive wife without having to put your hands on her. I need you baby. I need you now more than ever. As I sit in this cell and fight my demons, I realize that you’re the only one that can make things better. Please baby, let’s go back to the way it used to be. With the help I’m getting, I’m positive that we can get through this, together. I love you and my baby always.

  Your very sorry husband,

  Lucas.

  As I read the letter that Lucas wrote my daughter, my heart couldn’t help but melt. My daughter leaving Lucas was a very bad and dangerous idea. With Lucas’ father being so powerful, it was only a matter of time before he was released from jail, angrier than ever. He would have enough power in his punch that could possibly end my daughter’s life for good. I needed to talk my daughter out of leaving; it was the only way she would have the chance of living happily.

  Growing up, I watched my father beat my mother until she was black and blue. The difference between me and her was I had enough decency to hide it from my children. One day, I remember her showing me how to clean and cook greens. She was telling me the importance of having a husband. She always told me there was no room in this world for single mothers. A woman with children must have her husband in their household. She explained to me the importance of submitting to your husband and the consequences if you didn’t. As a young girl, I thought my mother was teaching me a valuable lesson.

  When I met Aimee’s father, he was a very successful man. My only job was to take care of him, the kids and the household. When I would slip, I got punished, but I never allowed it to show. I decided not to scar my children, so I hid the abuse. Up until now, my husband died in peace because no one knew how angry he got when his grits weren’t cooked right.

  “Listen honey, I need to talk to you,” I said to Aimee.

  I cut my eyes at Shanice, who was happily helping her pack her things. I knew from the moment I met her I couldn’t stand her. She wanted Aimee to leave Lucas so bad out of jealousy. She was definitely jealous of my daughter’s lavish lifestyle, and wanted it all for herself. That’s the only reason she spread her legs and got pregnant by Jordan.

  “Yes, mama,” Aimee replied, placing a small box by the door.

  “Alone,” I walked out of the house.

  “Yes, mama,” she said, rubbing her belly.

  “Baby, do you think this is a good idea?” I asked.

  “Mama, don’t do this. Lucas is bad for me,” she sighed.

  “What will you tell your baby when he or she has to grow up in a one parent home?”

  “There are a lot of single mothers that make it happen.”

  “Is that what you want?” I asked. “Do you want to just limit yourself to a single mother, or do you want to have a family? Lucas has been wonderful to you, despite the bad. He took you off that pole and brought you to luxury. You must like swinging around that pole because that is where you’ll be heading if you walk out of this marriage,” I huffed. I didn’t understand why my daughter didn’t get it.

  “Mama, Lucas will kill me if I stay,” she cried.

  “Do you still love him?”

  “Yes.”

  “Then go see him. Talk to the man, you owe him that much. Here what he has to say before you allow Shanice and Carol to run you out of your home. While you sit alone, both of them will return home to their men, remember that,” I said, handing her the letter.

  “All you have to do is play your role. Make sure dinner is cooked on time, the house is clean, and his every needs are met. Trust me, if you are the perfect wife, you won’t even feel a punch or a kick. All of that comes with the territory. In order to have a good husband, you have to deal with some stuff. The faster you catch on, the smoother things will be. Send Shanice home and I will help you unpack your things,” I said before leaving her to her thoughts.

  Chapter 20

  Aimee

  As I sat here, nervously waiting for Lucas to enter the visiting room, I thought about running away as far as I possible could and never turning back. However, a part of me wanted to stay right here in this hard plastic chair. I was always told that there were two sides to a story, and I wanted to hear Lucas’ side. I wanted to hear more about what made him the monster he is now. I must have re-read the letter he sent me a million times before I decided to come. Disregarding my mother’s wishes, my things still stayed packed. After seeing Lucas, I had every intention of moving on.

  My heart skipped a beat as I watched him walk towards me. The love I had for my husband began to surface as my eyes fell captive to his. Jail did nothing to his looks because he was still that handsome man I met at club Rol-Lexx and fell deeply in love with. I couldn’t deny my feelings; I was still very much in love with my husband. I wish our situation could have been different, that we could have been preparing for our baby like a normal married couple, instead of going through separation due to his abusive ways.

  “I’m glad you came,” Lucas smiled while taking a seat.

  “I won’t be here long,” I replied, shifting my eyes down to the table.

  �
��What did I tell you about looking down, you’re too beautiful for that,” he softly said, using his fingers to pull my chin up.

  The feeling of his soft hands against my skin, sent chills up my body. The familiar tingling sensation radiated through my body as I felt my panties moisten. God, this man has me wrapped around his finger and he knows it, I thought, looking into his dreamy eyes.

  “Aimee, I’m sorry for ever putting my hands on you. I’m still battling with my childhood demons, but I’m getting help now. We can both go see my therapist together. I’m willing to do whatever it takes to get my family back,” he said, with fresh tears flowing down his face. “I screwed up baby. I just need one more chance to make things right.”

  “I don’t know,” I replied, swiping away some of my tears.

  “If I can go back in time and take away every pain you felt when I laid hands on you, I would, but I can’t. The only thing I can do is beg for a do over. We can start over,” he pleaded.

  The more tears that fell from his eyes and made puddles on the wooden table, the more my heart began breaking. I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. It was either I walk out on my husband for good, or take him back and pray that he learned his lesson. I was now as lost as the kid in the movie Home Alone. I had no clue what I wanted to do.

  “Please, baby,” he begged, grabbing my hand and planting kisses on it.

  Lord help me, I thought as I looked at my husband’s handsome face. How could someone so beautiful, do things so ugly? I thought back to the first time I saw him while I was dancing on stage. Never in a million years did I think he was the devil disguised in an Armani suit. Behind that beautiful smile, was so much pain and hurt. Now I truly understood what folks meant when they said to never judge a book by its cover.

  “I’ll think about it,” I said, right before the guard came in and announced that visiting hours were over.

  Looking Lucas over one more time, I pulled my emotions together before walking out. I came to this jail with the thought of getting closure heavy on my mind, and ended up with a hard decision to make. Lucas was in fact my husband, and I stood before God and honestly said that I was in this until death do us apart. However, I didn’t want to die by the hands of my husband.

  Instead of heading to the home Lucas and I shared, I ended up in a hotel room. I didn’t want to be bothered by Roger, Carol, my mother or Shanice, causing me to power my phone off. I had so much to think about and I needed peace to do it. Rubbing my small eight-week belly bump, I ate my roast beef sandwich and smiled at the thought of being a mother. With everything going on in my life, the fact that I would be giving birth in seven months brought joy to my heart. I the few images and the heartbeat of my bundle of joy was enough to have me in awe.

  My mind then traveled back to my childhood. Growing up in a two parent home was a blessing. While most of my friends in grade school came from broken families, I was fortunate enough to have my mother and father. The more I thought about it, the more my heart began to ache for my child. I didn’t want my baby to be one of those kids in school that couldn’t share experiences that he or she shared with both parents. I didn’t want my child to grow up not knowing how it feels to sit at the dinner table as a family during dinner time. With my mind battling my heart, I ended up falling asleep with a split decision on whether I wanted to stay with Lucas or leave.

  “You ought to be the stupidest girl in the world,” Shanice smacked her lips, rolling her eyes so hard that I prepared myself to catch them if they decided to fall off.

  I came over to explain to her that I was going to drop the charges. I didn’t want to see my husband behind bars, away from his baby. I had always envisioned myself married to the love of my life whenever I decided to bring a child into this world. With Lucas going to his sessions and getting his anger under control, I felt as if this could really work.

  “Shanice, don’t do that,” I stressed.

  “Do what? Tell you how stupid you are for staying with a man who beats you like a slave. You must like that shit! Don’t you?” she spat, causing my eyes to water.

  “You don’t understand,” my voice trembled as I tried my hardest to hold back my tears.

  “You’re right, I don’t. Please explain to me how it is a good idea to go back to your husband that is beating you.”

  “I look at your family and that’s something I want. I see the way Jordan is with you and Jr. and I yearn for that. I don’t want my child to have to grow up without a father. I don’t want to do it alone,” I explained.

  “There is a lot of single mothers doing it alone. Me, you, and the baby can be our own little special family if you want, just please don’t go back,” she cried.

  I hated to see my best friend crying. I didn’t mean to make her emotional. The look on her face pained me as I decided to follow through with my decision. I just prayed that once she saw the change in Lucas, she would come around.

  “Trust me Shanice, when you see how much Lucas has changed, you are going to reconsider,” I said.

  “Nothing is going to ever make me accept that. If you want to be with him so much, get the fuck out of my house!” she snapped, causing a sleeping Jr. to jump out of his sleep.

  I hated that things had to end this way, but I had to do what was best for me and the baby. I bent down and placed a kiss on Jr.’s soft plumped cheek, then turned and looked Shanice in the eyes. I could read the worry and panic, so I gave her a hug to assure her that everything was going to be ok. Feeling her arms pull me in close as she hugged me tight, caused me to break down in tears. For a few minutes, we just stood in each other’s embrace, crying our eyes out. It was as if this would be the last time I would ever see her.

  “I love you,” she whispered. “I’m here if you need me.”

  “I love you too, and thank you,” I replied.

  After drying my tears, I grabbed my Louie bag and made a dash to the door. The air in the house was too thick, and I needed to get out asap. Getting in my car, I drove to my house where I sent an email to my lawyer, saying that I wanted to drop the charges. A few seconds after I hit the send button, my phone started ringing. I looked over at the caller ID and saw Carol’s name flashing across. I already knew what her call was in regards to, so I sent her to voicemail, turning my phone off in the process.

  “Things between Lucas and I are going to be fine,” I tried my best to convince myself.

  ****

  “Are you sure you want to do this?” Roger whispered in my ears.

  “Yes,” I firmly replied. Roger, Lucas’ lawyer, the judge and I were all sitting in a small conference room, going over my plea to have all the charges against Lucas dropped. I was ready to get this over with, but Lucas was making this process a lot harder than it should have been

  I was growing very irritated with him. Since I contacted him in regards to dropping all charges, he started prolonging the process, trying to talk me out of it. He even had Carol come to give me a sister to sister intervention. I understood that they were doing this out of the kindness of their heart, but Lucas had a strong hold on me that I couldn’t escape. Me carrying his baby only made that hold tighter. He was just what Destiny’s Child was talking about in that song “Bad Habit”. He was my bad habit and I couldn’t shake him, even if I tried. He was like a crack pipe to me. Even though I knew he was harmful and I needed to steer away from him, the fact that I was addicted to him made it hard.

  “My client’s wife wants all charges dropped, Your Honor. Her lawyer here is stalling, trying to convince her to change her mind,” Lucas’ lawyer snapped.

  “I’m only making sure that this is what she wants to do, Your Honor. She is pregnant and very emotional. At this stage of pregnancy, studies show that women are not in their right frame of mind most of the time,” Roger said, cutting his eyes at me. I could tell he was disappointed in me, and that made me feel bad. I just wish everyone would understand that my decision didn’t have anything to do with them. I appreciated all of the hel
p, but this was something I wanted to do.

  “Aimee Lee Stinger, are you sure this is what you want to do?” the judge sternly asked me.

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  “Speak up!” the judge demanded.

  “Yes, I want to drop the charges.”

  “In that case, all charges against Lucas Stinger will be dropped,” the judge said, ending the mediation.

  I could tell she was disgusted by me by the way she looked at me. Although all my bruises were healed and I looked my best, I still felt ugly. Unable to take the pressure of everyone staring back at me, I quickly signed the papers, agreeing to drop the charges, and ran out of the room and into the ladies room.

  In one of the marbled decorated bathroom stalls, I sat on the crystal toilet seat and cried. Although I was sure that this was something I wanted to do, I couldn’t help but to think about all the people I let down. I had a strong force behind me, and I pushed them all away to return to my abusive husband. As crazy as everything sounded, I was still madly in love with him.

  “Aimee?” Carol’s soft voice called my name.

  Instead of replying, I continued to sob.

  “Aimee, honey, I understand why you’re doing this. I would be a hypocrite to call you stupid, because I was that stupid girl once. When you are sick and tired, only you will know. No one can force you out of your situation but yourself. I had to learn that too. When you’re ready, my number is still the same. My husband is a little upset, but he will remain your lawyer,” she said before walking out of the bathroom.

  I slouched over and cried until I ran out of tears. When I walked out of the stall, I looked at myself in the mirror. My eyes were red and puffy, due to all the crying I did. Running my fingers across my face, I thought of every black eye, busted lip and fractured nose injuries I went through. My mind started to kick in, but then my heart overpowered my thoughts. I was in a losing battle between what I knew was wrong and what my heart felt it needed. Twisting the sink knob, I placed my hands under the cool running water and splashed it over my face. Grabbing a hand towel, I patted my face dry, while convincing myself that this decision was for the better. I tricked my mind into remembering the good times, overpowering the bad, just so I could feel content in taking Lucas back. The more I thought of his kisses, his warm touch, handsome face, assuring smile, and the stability I had with him, every doubt Carol, Roger, and Shanice tried to place in my head vanished.