It Was Always You

by Georgie Capron

Eventually they made their way home, grabbing a pizza margarita to share back at Luca’s flat. Libby was grateful to discover that Nicola was out, so they had the flat to themselves. They decided to keep the pregnancy a secret. There was no point in opening that particular can of worms, in fuelling the local gossip, until they knew that the pregnancy would last.

  Libby carried on working, Luca carried on running the bar. He was incredibly sweet with her, checking on her frequently, giving her secret smiles and compassionate winks if she looked as if she was struggling. Her morning sickness kicked in during her last week in the form of tiredness. Thankfully there was no sign of nausea or vomiting as yet, so she was able to put on a brave face and hide her symptoms well from Floriana, Tonio and the rest of the team at La Casetta.

  On her last night, Tonio cooked a huge meal for her, taking over the terrace with an open invitation to all the friends she had made in her three months in Positano to come and share the feast. Luca and his family were there, Luca firmly by her side. He barely let her out of his sight, unable to bear the thought of her leaving the next day. It was horrible knowing that they were about to be parted. Leaving Positano would have been hard enough, without having to leave her new boyfriend too. She never could have imagined that she would have met someone as wonderful as Luca. God, what a lot had happened in the past few months.

  That night as they lay in bed, making love and wiping away each other’s tears, they promised that they would make the long-distance relationship work, that they would speak every day and that they would visit each other for the weekend whenever possible. ‘I love you, Libby.’ Luca kissed her for the hundredth time. ‘I am so glad you came into my life. I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like being here without you. Everywhere I go I will be reminded of you.’

  ‘I love you too,’ Libby said. She held him close and dared to hope that everything would somehow work out for them. She had never really considered continuing their relationship once she returned to London, but now the thought of leaving and breaking up with him was impossible. She tried to imagine him fitting in with her life back in the UK. It was so hard to even picture him there. He would be so out of context; he seemed so inextricably linked with the sun and sea, with Positano. The thought of him leaving this life was impossible to imagine, but she knew she couldn’t leave everything she had worked so hard to achieve back home. A suspicion of doubt pulsed through her – how could this work? They were bound to each other for a lifetime but, without the baby, would that ever have been the case? Libby tried to force these negative thoughts from her mind.

  ‘We are lucky that we have FaceTime, cheap flights and WhatsApp, you know,’ Luca told her. ‘In the olden days we would just have had to write each other letters.’

  ‘Exactly, long distance is much easier now. We just have to make it work.’

  ‘So what’s the next step for you in terms of the baby?’ Luca asked.

  ‘My GP is booked for the day after I get back, then I’ll have to go and see a midwife fairly shortly after that. I’ll let you know when they schedule me in for my twelve-week scan. It would be great if you can be there for that. Work will have to let me off; I’ll probably say I’ve just got a medical appointment and leave it at that. Oh my god, I dread to think how I will tell them.’

  ‘Don’t worry about that yet. So, the twelve-week scan: that will be in about six weeks’ time, you think?’

  ‘Yes, I think so.’

  ‘OK well, I will do my best to be there.’

  ‘Thank you.’

  ‘I’ll be longing to see you by then anyway.’

  ‘Me too.’

  They fell asleep in each other’s arms. The next morning Luca drove Libby to the airport after tearful goodbyes to Floriana and Tonio, Maria and Andrea. She had said her farewells to everyone else the night before. Tearing herself away from Luca, whose eyes were shining with tears, she took herself through security, turning to wave one last time. He was so handsome in his white shirt and chinos, her heart dropped somewhere near her boots as she left him behind her and walked away. It felt so strange to be leaving. As she sat on the flight back to London, she let the memories of her time in Italy wash over her, one by one.

  Chapter Nine

  The clipped tones of the British Airways pilot welcomed her. It felt remarkably good to be back in the familiar surroundings of Heathrow Airport, with its Marks & Spencer, Boots and Pret. She had missed all the usual home comforts while she had been away, and was looking forward to seeing her flat, having all her clothes back and settling back into normal life. Though just how normal her life could possibly be now that she was pregnant was a question she was finding it difficult to answer. She felt a thrill of excitement, while a sickening sense of dread rose through her simultaneously.

  ‘Libby!’ A familiar voice called out unexpectedly across the busy Arrivals lounge.

  ‘Angus! What the hell are you doing here?’ Libby’s heart soared at the sight of her dearest friend. With his tousled auburn hair and deep laughter lines crinkling at the corner of his dazzling blue eyes, he was a welcome sight.

  ‘I’ve come to pick you up! The pros of being freelance, I’m available for chauffeuring any time.’ He kissed her on both cheeks and gave her a big bear-hug.

  ‘How are you feeling?’ he asked. Libby panicked momentarily that Jules had broken her promise and told Angus about the baby. ’Does it feel weird to be back?’

  She breathed a sigh of relief as she realised he was none the wiser. She knew she had to tell him soon and she was dreading it.

  ‘It always feels a bit strange but it’s a good feeling too, and all the better for seeing you! You are an absolute legend, Angus. Thank you so much for coming to get me.’ She suddenly felt rather emotional.

  ‘You couldn’t have stopped me even if you’d tried.’ He reached down and grabbed her backpack, slinging it over his shoulder as though it weighed as much as a feather. He was so tall and broad he made the enormous backpack look tiny. He tried to carry her handbag too but she refused. Angus had the most impeccable manners; he was old-fashioned and chivalrous. Not for the first time, Libby thought how lucky Jules was; she just hoped she appreciated him as much as she should.

  ‘So how’s the painting going?’ she asked as they drove along the M4 back into London.

  ‘The latest series is almost complete – do you want to come and look?’ he asked.

  ‘I’d love to. Can I come over tomorrow? Give myself a night to sort myself out?’

  ‘Absolutely, I’ll cook if you like.’

  ‘Awesome. When’s the exhibition going to be again?’ Libby asked.

  ‘It’s on the twenty-fifth of November; enough time for them to dry out thoroughly and be ready to hang.’

  ‘You’re doing so well; I’m so proud of you!’

  ‘Ah, thanks Libs. I must say it feels good finally to be making decent money from my work. I feel like I’ve been dependent on Jules for far too long.’

  ‘These things take time. You can’t become an established artist without putting in the legwork.’

  ‘True.’ He glanced at her curiously. ‘How are you feeling about next week?’

  ‘Terrified. I need to get ready this week so that I can remember what the hell I’m talking about. Law has been the last thing on my mind these past few months.’

  ‘I bet. Will you bring your laptop tomorrow so we can have a slideshow?’

  ‘Sure. I’ve got a million photos, I’m sure it will bore you senseless.’

  ‘I am desperate to see what you’ve been up to. And to see pictures of Luca, the Italian who has finally stolen your heart!’

  ‘There are plenty of him, don’t you worry,’ Libby laughed.

  Angus dropped her back home and helped her open all the windows to let in the air and freshen the place up. The short-term tenants had moved out a few days before and she was relieved to see they had left it in pretty good condition. The fridge and freezer were empty and clean and they’d clearly given t
he whole flat a thorough scrubbing before moving out.

  ‘Right, I’d better be off then,’ said Angus. ‘I’ll see you tomorrow for dinner?’

  ‘Great. What time?’

  ‘Come for seven?’

  ‘OK, perfect, see you then,’ Libby said.

  She spent a couple of hours unpacking and loading the machine with her dirty washing. Luca was already WhatsApping her like crazy, wanting to know if she had arrived safely and asking for photos of her flat so he could picture exactly where she was. She went outside and scanned the road for her car, an old green Polo, and was pleased to see that it was still where she had left it all those months before. She drove to her local Sainsbury’s and did a big shop, restocking her fridge and cupboards with the basics, dropping some prenatal vitamins into her trolley – she knew it was high time she started taking them.

  The next evening she swung by Jules and Angus’s house at around seven. Jules answered the door and squealed.

  ‘You’re home early!’ Libby said. The hours of an accountant weren’t great, and Jules was rarely home before eight thirty.

  ‘I was so excited about seeing you that I left early in your honour!’ Jules gave her a massive hug, immediately lifting up her top to scrutinise her stomach. ‘How are you feeling?’

  ‘Tired. I had to have a nap this afternoon to make sure I didn’t fall asleep in the middle of dinner.’

  ‘Poor you.’ She took the bottle of wine Libby had brought and led her down the corridor. They walked through into the kitchen where Angus was stirring a huge casserole on the hob. He was an incredible cook, and what was more he really enjoyed it. He was always experimenting with new recipes, and loved nothing more than being in the kitchen rustling up meals to share with friends.

  ‘Hi Angus, that smells amazing. What is it?’ Libby hugged him and peered into the stew. Antonio’s cooking lessons had really boosted her confidence in the kitchen and she was determined to keep it up now she was home.

  ‘Chicken, chilli, chickpea, peanut butter and tomato casserole.’

  ‘Yum!’ Libby’s stomach rumbled. ‘You’ll have to give me the recipe, that sounds delicious.’ They chatted for a while as Angus added the last few ingredients. ‘Do we have time to have a look at your artwork before we eat?’ asked Libby.

  ‘Definitely,’ said Angus. They went up to the top floor of the house. The loft had been converted into a huge, spacious studio. The north-facing windows had been enlarged to allow streams of light to flood the room. Paintings from his latest series depicting the Lake District rested on shelves all around the walls, and a huge canvas stood proudly on the easel in the centre of the room.

  ‘Oh my god, they’re incredible!’ Libby couldn’t believe her eyes. The colours were vivid and bright, yet muted by the softening effect of light that seemed to permeate each piece, as though lit by the sun itself. The effect was breathtaking. ‘You are unbelievably talented.’ Angus glowed at the compliment.

  ‘They’re not bad, not bad at all,’ agreed Jules.

  ‘Thanks Libs. I am very pleased with them, it has to be said. They’ve turned out better than I had hoped. Let’s hope they sell well.’

  Jules took her phone out of her pocket and said, ‘Damn, I’ve got to make a call before we eat. Sorry… there’s no rush is there?’ she asked Angus.

  ‘No it’s fine bubbling away,’ said Angus. ‘Don’t worry.’

  Jules gave Libby an extremely knowing look. She had phoned her earlier in the day and told her in no uncertain terms that she was not keeping her secret any longer, and that Libby had no choice but to tell Angus about her pregnancy that evening. This was clearly Jules’s tactic to give her a chance to do so in private.

  Libby took a deep breath as Jules went down the stairs. She paused at a particularly striking painting of a lake illuminated by the soft light of twilight, trying to work out how to start the conversation.

  ‘Angus, I have something to tell you,’ she said, finally working up the courage.

  ‘Oh yes?’ he replied. He seemed lost in contemplation as he studied one of his larger canvases.

  She turned to face him. ‘I told Jules a couple of weeks ago. Don’t be mad at her for keeping it from you, I made her swear. I needed to tell you face to face…’

  This had caught Angus’s attention. He was scrutinising her face with a quizzical expression, clearly trying to work out what she could be talking about.

  ‘Right,’ he said. ‘What’s happened?’

  ‘I’m… I’m pregnant,’ she mumbled, suddenly unable to make eye contact, her eyes staring blindly at the floor.

  She was greeted by silence. Looking up she could see that Angus’s eyebrows were hovering somewhere near his hairline; his forehead was creased with surprise and shock. He clearly hadn’t been expecting that.

  ‘You’re pregnant?’ he repeated, aghast.

  ‘Yes.’ She felt as though she was standing in her headmaster’s office at school, that sickly feeling she remembered so well churned at the pit of her stomach.

  ‘What the hell, Libby?’ he shook his head. His eyes flashed with disappointment, even anger.

  ‘I know… I know…’ she trailed off. Her eyes welled with tears. ‘It was an accident.’

  ‘Well I’m not surprised to hear that…’ Angus said.

  ‘We used protection, always. I don’t know how it happened.’ She could see that Angus didn’t believe her. He thought she had taken her reckless approach to life to a new level. She felt annoyed with him on his immediate judgement. ‘There’s no point looking at me like that,’ she said. ‘It could happen to anyone.’

  ‘But it doesn’t, does it Libby? It happened to you. For god’s sake, a baby? Are you even nearly ready for that? You barely even know this guy – how long has it been? A couple of months? What about your training contract, everything you have worked so hard for. Are you just going to throw all that away?’ He rubbed his temples. ‘How could you have been so careless?’

  ‘Angus, I’ve told you, we used protection. It wasn’t carelessness, it just happened. There’s no point talking like that. That’s hardly what I need to hear right now. It’s not just going to go away, I need to face up to the reality of the situation, whether I like it or not.’

  ‘I’m sorry. I’m just so disappointed for you. The timing couldn’t be worse… Do you think Luca will stay with you? What did he say?’

  ‘He was very shocked but supportive.’

  ‘Is he coming to be with you? You can hardly bring up a child together in different countries.’

  ‘I don’t know what is going to happen, Angus. He is coming for the twelve-week scan, hopefully.’

  ‘Hopefully?’ asked Angus. This was clearly not a satisfactory response.

  ‘I’m pretty sure.’

  Angus sighed heavily, then shook his head again. ‘Bloody hell, Libby. This is unbelievable, even for you.’

  She longed for him to react differently, to show her support rather than judgement. She had known he would be disappointed in her, but she hadn’t predicted that he would react quite like this. She felt sick and ashamed that she had got herself into this situation. All she wanted was for him to give her a hug and tell her that it would all be OK.

  They went back downstairs and found Jules waiting at the kitchen table. She looked nervously from Libby to Angus.

  ‘Don’t worry, he knows,’ Libby said.

  ‘Mmmm, I can see that,’ said Jules.

  ‘Right, let’s eat shall we?’ said Angus.

  They sat down and ate their dinner. It was so awkward and uncomfortable. Jules tried to alleviate the tension, talking to Libby about how she was feeling and what her next steps would be now that she had seen her GP. She knew it must be particularly hard for Angus when he so desperately wanted a baby of his own, to know that she hadn’t even asked for it and was pregnant. She tried to put herself in his shoes and see it from his perspective but, try as she might, she just felt hurt by his response.

  As req
uested, Libby had brought her laptop. Jules insisted on a slideshow of her holiday photographs. Libby bit her bottom lip to stop it from trembling as she clicked through the images, trying her best to put a brave face on and talk normally as she described some of the places she had seen. She noticed a nerve pulsing in Angus’s jaw-line whenever Luca appeared on the screen. Jules, on the other hand, was incredibly enthusiastic in her praise of Luca’s good looks.

  ‘I just wish he was here too; I think you guys would get along so well with him.’ Libby crossed her fingers that Angus would warm to him when they finally met. It would be so important to her that he liked him.

  ‘When is he coming over?’ Jules asked.

  ‘In time for the twelve-week scan, hopefully.’

  ‘Well, we should have dinner together then,’ said Jules. ‘We have to meet him.’ Angus nodded his head in agreement.

  ‘OK, let’s do that, great idea.’ Libby said. ‘I’ll let you know dates as soon as I have them.’ After dinner she said her goodbyes and walked home, trying to keep her eyes open as the tiredness set in. They smarted with tears as she replayed Angus’s reaction over and over in her mind. She felt flat and miserable, and she wasn’t entirely sure why.

  Chapter Ten

  Libby spent the rest of the week preparing to start her training contract the following Monday. She would be working at Digby and Edwards, a fiercely competitive law firm in the city of London. She would begin an eighteen-month training contract with three six-month rotations in different seats around the firm. She would be fighting with twelve other trainees to win a position with the firm.

  She scoured her contract to find out about her maternity leave rights. Thankfully it was an extremely secure one which, once signed, meant they couldn’t get rid of her during the eighteen-month period her contract set out. Obviously they would be unhappy about the situation, but being a legal firm they would have to honour the terms of their own contract. She would be entitled to take maternity leave and then to resume her training when the period of leave ended. Angus was right, though: she would certainly have her work cut out to secure a place in the firm after that.