Only With You

by Gray, Cecilia

  "That is a nice quality, isn't it?"

  Anne smiled. "Yeah, it is. He got the Great Dane over there to stand up and put his paws on his shoulders so they could waltz. That poodle in there? They tangoed."

  Emma laughed, picturing it. Josh really could be a fun guy. Which made him perfect for Anne, who could use a little more fun in her life. "You like him, right? He's a nice guy."

  "He can be nice. But he isn't always." Anne looked pointedly at Emma.

  Knight's words drifted back to her. This is about you. But it wasn't…was it? She wasn't doing this for herself. She was doing it for her friend. "You know I'm over Josh, right?"

  "Oh…uh…I didn't realize you were under him." Anne brushed the stray animal hairs off her skirt. "I thought you knew about how he treated Kat like a slave when she interned for him over winter break."

  "Oh, that. Yeah." Really? Was Josh working Kat like an intern really worse than when he'd stood Emma up and dumped her for some starlet?

  Emma remembered then—she and Anne hadn't been friends when she was dating Josh. Or at least when she'd thought she was dating Josh, but really he'd just been having fun with her. Fun it had been. They'd taken motorcycle rides to the beach. Fed each other fish tacos. Run barefoot through the woods screaming at the top of their lungs. It had been everything she'd dreamed about in a relationship. Every perfect montage she saw in love stories in the movies. Everything except the part where he cared about her.

  But he was different now. He'd changed.

  "I wasn't…under…him," Emma said. "We went on a few dates, and it didn't work out."

  "Now you have to be around him all weekend. That must be tough."

  The last thing Emma wanted was for Anne to feel sorry for her. "Getting over a boy is the least of my life challenges."

  Anne pulled another cat out of its cage. It nuzzled against her as she picked up a paddle brush and ran it over its back. "To be honest, I can't imagine anything being challenging for you." Anne's eyes widened. "Not that I think you don't try hard. That's not what I mean. You're just so smart and so popular. You seem to get everything you want."

  And she did have everything she wanted, didn't she? She had no right to that feeling just beneath her breastbone, that ebbing emptiness that seemed to be blooming lately. "I have been very lucky."

  "But it can't just be luck, can it?" Anne said. "That's what people used to say about me. That I had everything I wanted. That everything came easy." She stroked the kitten under its ears. "Maybe some stuff was easy, but not the stuff that mattered to me. I had to fight for those things, and most of the time I didn't get them. So it can't just be luck."

  Emma leaned back against the cage, crossed her legs at the ankles, and gave Anne further study. It wasn't that she was ever dismissive of Anne, but she'd never really ascribed her with any exceptional qualities. Lizzie was a born leader. Ellie was a sweetheart with a razor-sharp mind. Kat was insanely talented. Fanny was fast on her feet…. Anne had always just been there as Lizzie's roommate or the forgotten heir to the Jane Austen Academy.

  Now she realized Anne was much, much more. In the most private recesses of Emma's thoughts, as much as she liked Anne, there had been a part of her that wondered if Anne measured up to the remarkable qualities of her other friends. She now felt duly chastised and ashamed. Anne was a fighter, through and through. It was she, Emma, who had reason to doubt that her own qualities measured up.

  "I work very hard at making everything look easy," Emma said. "But I am very lucky. My mom often works in some of the poorest communities or places that have been struck by tragedy. She's always reminded me how lucky I am, and I've never forgotten."

  "You're the crazy lucky one, you know that?" Anne spoke to her furry prisoner. She held up the cat with her hands beneath his shoulders and brought the tip of its nose to her own. "You, my little fuzzy munchkin, are going to live and get a home because of Emma Greene. You lucky little kitty. I just wish it was my home."

  "Where do you live in the summer?" Emma asked. "I just assumed you stayed at the Academy year-round. But now that your family doesn't own the Academy anymore—"

  "I'm not sure where we'll be this summer. My mom's thrown a few ideas out there. Malta. Barcelona."

  "But your things? You must have furniture and books and clothes. Stuff that can't fit into the dorm. What happened to them?"

  Anne opened the cage, and the kitty reluctantly disentangled from her hand and settled back inside. It mewed against the cage, brushing its whiskers on the rattling metal. "In storage for now. We're just waiting for a new home."

  Chapter Four

  After leaving Knight and Rick to finish loading the van for the event, Emma shuttled Anne into the car. She'd practically had to rip a little Chihuahua puppy out of Anne's arms but assured her friend she'd see all the animals again tomorrow before they were matched with new homes.

  Some alone time with Josh was just what Anne needed. Emma was positive she could get Anne to play nurse to Josh's wheezing asthmatic. What was important was that Josh fall for Anne's doe-eyed charm when she was wiping his brow and shoving anti-inflammatories down his throat like a modern-day Florence Nightingale.

  Which is why Emma was annoyed to discover her beach house empty. Anne—none the wiser to Emma storming her way through every room in the place and the pool house, too—meandered into the kitchen, grabbed a red apple from the countertop, bit into it, and went upstairs to shower off the day's doggy hair.

  Emma sent Josh a quick text demanding to know where he was. It was only a moment before he replied.

  Got a bonfire invite. You guys should join. Beach entrance is just half a mile down.

  Was he kidding? Emma growled at her phone and pocketed it. She left Anne a note that she'd be back soon and careened her sports car down the hill toward the public beach. After a haphazard parking job, she stormed the beach.

  Emma loved the Academy and Southern California, but she was an East Coast girl at heart and tapped her foot impatiently as she waited for tanned, swimsuit-clad couples and wet-suited surfers to pass in front of her. She pulled off her flip-flops so she wouldn't sink into the warm sand.

  The sun hadn't set yet, but several groups had begun building their bonfires or were splitting up wood and trying to figure out how to use their fire starter. It was easy to spot the group that Josh had joined. It was the largest, with thirty or so girls and boys clustered around flames that licked at their edges. Josh weaved between the clusters of girls, stopping to join selfies and group photos. Emma made her way toward them, hands fisted at her sides.

  Josh noticed her pretty quickly and walked over to meet her.

  "How did the rest of the day go?" he asked.

  Emma set her fists on her hips. He was going for friendly after abandoning them? "Amazing, no thanks to you."

  "I'm sorry, Emma, I told you—"

  "No, no, you didn't tell me you were asthmatic."

  Josh pressed his palm over her mouth and whipped his head around to see if anyone had heard. His blue eyes bored into hers. "Do you mind?"

  She pulled his hand away. "Sorry, I didn't realize it was a secret."

  "It's not. I just… Whatever. I don't like being talked about like that. I'm sorry, okay? I stayed as long as I could."

  "Next time, come say good-bye."

  Josh's lips flipped up in that flirty way that was always plastered on magazines and websites. "But this isn't good-bye."

  "No flirting!"

  He held up his hands by his head. "You're right, sorry. Sorry."

  "I don't get you, Josh. You said you were here to help."

  Josh sighed and pulled her arm and walked her farther away from the group, which was fast taking an interest in their conversation. A few had begun taking photos or video of them from what she could tell.

  "I'm said I'm sorry, and I am. You were right. I should have told you why I couldn't volunteer. But I'm not the only one keeping secrets. You've lied to me, too, Emma."

  "W
haaaat?" Emma nearly ripped her blond locks out. "From the beginning, you've been the one lying to me. You told me we were dating. You told me you liked me."

  "Emma, what are you talking about?"

  Her jaw dropped open. He really didn't know? Was it really so long ago?

  "Oh," he said, finally remembering. "You're talking about before. For the last time, those weren't lies." Josh pulled her even farther away from the bonfire, toward the water, and the cold waves began to lap at their ankles. "I meant what I said at the time. I did like you, but I didn't like you more than my career. I'm sorry if that hurts your feelings."

  "Whatever. I'm not here to talk about the past."

  "You're the one who brought it up."

  She grit her teeth. "Then let. It. Go. All I meant was, you're the liar. Not me."

  "Don't flatter yourself into thinking you're so different. You're lying to me right now. About this weekend. About what you're up to. I finally figured it out."

  Emma's heart palpitated in her chest. "I don't know what you're talking about."

  "You're not that great an actress, Emma. Trust me, I know a good actress. You're not exactly subtle, either. You're trying to set up me and Anne."

  Silence hung in the air as Emma considered her options. How had he known? Knight was one thing—Knight was constantly suspicious of her—but to have been found out by Josh? Where had she gone wrong?

  Every pore was screaming at her to deny what he was saying. Lie to him. So what? He couldn't prove anything. But that also wouldn't serve Anne. "So what if I am?" Emma threw her hands up in the air. "What's so wrong with that? What's wrong with Anne? She's gorgeous and smart and funny and so so sweet—you won't do better for sweet—and if this is about your image, the media will love her."

  "Nothing's wrong with Anne. Nothing was wrong with you, either."

  Emma flinched and opened her mouth, ready to let fly with a harsh retort, but she bit her lip to stop herself once she recognized the expression on Josh's face. One she'd seen many times in the mirror and on her friends' faces but never on him. He was hurt and breathing hard, and he rubbed his hand over his chest like he was in pain.

  She'd been so focused on Anne and what she needed that she'd never given a second thought to what Josh was going through and had been through. "You still have feelings for Fanny."

  Josh winced and looked away. He took a step deeper into the ocean and kicked at the waves, sending up splashes of water. With his hands tucked in his board shorts, he backed up enough to sit smack down in the warm sand in front of the setting sun.

  Emma gingerly sat down next to him but stayed a foot away, aware of the curious looks from the groups around them, many of the cameras still trained on Josh's back. What kind of a life was this? Struggling to get hold of his feelings so no one would catch him off guard? Keeping everything hidden inside?

  "Fanny's happy with Tran," she said.

  "Thanks, Emma. I didn't feel like my life sucked enough." His buried his face in his hands. When he sat up a moment later, he'd managed to hide his emotions under a steely expression. "I still like her. Fanny dating Tran never changed that. If I date some random girl Fanny won't care, either, but if I date one of you? If I date Anne? That girl-code thing will always be in the way. What hope is there for me and Fanny if she breaks up with Tran?"

  "You're hoping she'll break up with Tran?" Emma didn't hold back this time. She punched him in the ribs.

  He rubbed at his sides but grinned. "What's so wrong about that? It's not like I'm hoping they have some Romeo and Juliet tragedy. Maybe they grow apart. Maybe I'm around when it happens."

  "You can't wish for bad things to happen to your friends," Emma said sternly.

  "Has it ever occurred to you that by wishing for Fanny and Tran to stay together, you're wishing something bad for me?" At her silence, he snorted. "Yep, figures. You might say we're friends but I'm always going to be second to you and your girlfriends. Which is fine. But I need to look out for myself. If the rumors are true, then the Academy will be shut down next year. Do you think Fanny and Tran's relationship will really survive long distance?"

  "You'll be long distance, too," she said.

  "Not if Fanny decides to enter Olympic trials a year early," he said. "The track training center is within an hour of my house."

  "You're practically an evil villain," Emma said, appreciating him with new eyes. "Everybody thinks I'm the schemer, but you're the one out-conning us all."

  Josh shrugged, pulled up his knees, and rested his arms over them. "It's not a con or a game. It's how I feel. I wish you'd see that."

  "I see how you look at Anne," Emma countered. "The way you checked her out when she arrived and how you've looked at her at dinner. You were totally eye-caressing her. I'm not blind."

  "Neither am I. Anne's hot. I appreciate hot things. But am I going to date her? No. Never. Move on, Emma. That's what I'm going to do until Fanny's available again." Josh pushed to his feet and jogged back to the bonfire. He threw his arms around a girl's shoulders and whispered something in her ear that made her laugh and slap at his shoulders.

  Emma looked back at the ocean, shaking her head. How could she have been so wrong about Josh?

  Again!

  He'd been nice to Anne. He'd been checking her out. She'd just been completely wrong about why. It had been the shallowest reason of all. Because Anne was hot. Nothing more. No secret agenda. No pining away.

  He was in love already. Still in love. With Fanny of all people. She loved Fanny…but really? Josh was hung up over her?

  Emma felt herself stewing, knew her neck and ears were red and unflattering, but now what was she supposed to do? What would she tell Anne?

  One thing was for sure, she couldn't just deliver her bad news. If she was going to let Anne down then she would immediately have to buoy her spirits. With new determination, Emma got to her feet and brushed off the spare grains of sand clinging to her legs and dress. She turned around to walk back toward the parking lot.

  And her ankles buckled.

  Knight and Rick were walking right toward her.

  The wind blew through Knight's dark hair. She wasn't the only one who'd noticed him, either. Plenty of other girls in the parking lot turned their heads Knight's way and tried to get his attention by weaving in front of him or laughing a little too loudly. What was Knight doing at the beach? Had he seen her note at the house?

  She waved in his direction, but he didn't turn her way. He scanned the beach, spotted what he wanted, and headed for it with laser focus. He and Rick walked toward Josh and the bonfire. When Josh saw them, he patted them on the backs and introduced them around to the crowd.

  Despite the warm breeze and the last few rays of sun, Emma felt a chill run down her back. Goose bumps popped up on the backs of her arms. Had Knight even bothered to go to her house? Did he even know where she was? She checked her phone to see if he'd texted her that he was going to the bonfire, but she had no incoming messages.

  Knight had gone out without her? Without telling her?

  Her breath felt shallow, her dress tight across her ribs. The wind began to bite at her bare ankles. She couldn't take her eyes off Knight as he hugged strange girls in greeting. Those girls took the opportunity to slide their hands up his back, over his shoulders.

  Josh said something to Knight, who pulled up straight. He scanned the beach.

  Emma knew Josh had just told him that she was here. Knight was looking for her. She had half a mind to march right up to him.

  But no. He hadn't wanted her here. Not really. Why should she grace him with her presence? Why would she allow him the comfort of her company?

  Another thought occurred on a shallow breath: what if he didn't even care that she was here? What if he didn't want her company?

  The sharp thoughts lanced through her body. What if she walked over to him and saw indifference, or worse, annoyance? She ducked behind another bonfire to avoid being seen. She declined a drink from a loud guy who of
fered her one.

  After a few moments, Knight pulled his phone out of his pocket. A few moments later, her phone buzzed.

  Where are you?

  Her thumb paused over her phone screen. She and Knight always answered each other's texts and messages. They were always there for each other. They knew each other's every thought and action.

  And yet he'd come to the beach, without her. Without even telling her.

  Emma turned her phone off and walked back to the parking lot.

  * * *

  Emma wasn't the analytical type. The same could not be said for her friends. Lizzie was constantly analyzing people's motives. Ellie was the ever-analytical math type. Even Kat analyzed people, saying it was part of an actor's job to know how people think. Emma, on the other hand, always felt like she just knew, without having to analyze, what people wanted and why they wanted it.

  She always felt it in her gut, in her heart.

  But now, she didn't know what to feel.

  Why had Knight joined Josh's bonfire without telling her? Had he known she was going to be there? She didn't think so or else he would have texted her that he was on his way. Had he ever intended to look for her? Or was it just Josh mentioning that she was there that made him think of her?

  Had Knight wanted to spend the night away from her?

  By the time she reached her house, the worst question of all pressed into her brain.

  Why did she care?

  She slammed her car door, her brain whizzing with reasons. She cared because Knight had said he would be supportive this weekend, that he was there to help her. What if she needed him? What if she needed him right this instant for some emergency? How would she know where to reach him? What if he couldn't leave the bonfire because Josh and Rick had wandered off but depended on him for a ride back?

  He was being irresponsible, and that was that.

  Or was it? Knight was always there when she needed him, wasn't he? She need only snap her fingers. Text him. She could text him back right now. He would come. She knew that with certainty.