Alessandra

by Ann M Pratley

  Suddenly feeling weighed down by the undesired quietness between them, Alessandra stopped walking and forced him to turn and look at her.

  "Alessandra," Edward said with a slight sound of alarm in his voice. "Are you alright?"

  She moved up to him, her large belly settling between them, and put her hands up to either side of his face before leaning in and kissing him. And although he tried to hold back, this time she did not let him, and held him there, kissing him as passionately as she could, with all the love she had for him, just wanting him to let go of whatever was inside of him that was keeping him from being with her fully.

  Edward felt overwhelmed. His wife knew how to capture him and make him forget things, making him breathless and dismissive of responsibility. But as she kissed him right now - the first truly passionate exchange they had had in weeks, he fought in his resolve to do the right thing by her, as she persisted in forcing him to acknowledge that they should be intimate - it was how they were meant to be, the two of them, together. Regardless of them agreeing to not join again until after the baby was born, this void between them had overflowed into their intimacy when it hadn't needed to.

  Alessandra heard Edward moan as his passion deepened in the kiss, and she felt his resolve start to fall away as he put his arms around her and held her firmly, kissing her back with overdue fervour.

  They stood like that for a long time, not touching in any other way and yet heavily fuelled in their passion. In his head, Edward argued with himself that he should be keeping away from this passion with her, but at the same time conceding that he needed it - he needed her. He wanted to be away from her, to let her be relaxed until after the child was born, but she had initiated this kiss, and he knew she wanted him - as she had always wanted him. Still to this day he did not understand why that was when he was who he was, and he looked like he did, but he could not argue in any way with himself that she always wanted him, and neither this pregnancy, nor the news of Tom's death, had changed that. The only person being changed was him, and as he continued to enjoy the feeling of her lips eagerly devouring his, he cursed himself for having acted so rashly in trying to control everything between them, instead of letting things happen as they were meant to happen.

  Alessandra indulged in the blissful feelings rushing through her entire body. She knew that Edward had been right to hold back from the two of them joining in recent weeks - even without any consideration of the baby itself, she acknowledged inwardly to herself that she had become large enough to now find it less comfortable to be with him in that way. And yet the feelings that happened between them, even from kissing like this, seemed so exciting and so natural, and a part of her did not want to stop.

  They continued still, until eventually they both eased off and away from each other enough to be able to look into each other's eyes.

  "I miss you," Alessandra said quietly but with great passion in her voice, determined to make him understand that this decision he had made to not talk to her as he always had done before - openly, about everything - was affecting their relationship.

  Edward looked closely at her, with great conflict happening in his mind. Everything seemed right and yet everything seemed wrong. He was so close to her and took time to look deeply into her eyes, and down to her lips, and he realised that despite them having spent normal time together every single day, he had been missing her too.

  He said nothing, but instead took her hand and led her as he started to walk. She sighed to herself, thinking he was not reachable yet, but as she became mindful of where they were walking, she realised he was leading her to their bed chamber.

  Inside the room, he began to kiss her passionately again, as he had done minutes before. He knew that she needed the closeness as much as he did, and he felt her melting against him as their lips and tongues entwined. He kissed her neck and heard her moan - a sound it seemed too long since he had last heard it.

  He took his time, alternating between kissing her lips and undressing her slowly, until she stood naked before him. With the time that had passed since they had last lain together, he saw how much her belly had grown, and it fuelled increased love for her in him. He led her to the bed and guided her to lie down before removing all of his clothing and joining her under the blankets.

  Kneeling near her, he kissed her from head to toe, and Alessandra lay back and let him take things at his own pace, knowing that he was forcing himself to start a healing process over whatever had been haunting him. She watched him as he looked at ever piece of her, lowering his hands and his lips at different spots, while returning his gaze to her eyes intermittently. She did not try and touch him, knowing that if he wanted her to this time, he would encourage her to.

  She watched as he kissed all over her belly, and the depth of her love for him surged through her. And she knew in that moment that she really did not care about anything to do with Tom's death. Yes, it had saddened her to hear that he was dead, but whatever Tom had done, or whatever aspect of his death had Edward consumed, Alessandra knew she would not care about it. It was nothing compared to the emotion that she felt with and for Edward. If only she could get him to understand that, and just let go of whatever worried him.

  He kissed and caressed her over and over before lying down beside her, pulling her to him as they faced each other, and continuing to kiss her, this time gently and with love more than passion. She indulged in the loving kisses and waited for him to get to the place she knew he would, where he would open up and talk to her once again.

  Edward felt himself relax. He didn't need sexual release at all, he realised. This was what he needed most of all - to just be this close to her, without holding back. He continued to kiss her lips, enjoying concentrating just on the taste of her, and the sound of her deep breaths. It was like meditation for him, and he felt his body relax, and his mind quieten, finally, after weeks of internal stress.

  Finally Alessandra felt him pull away from her and when she opened her eyes, she saw him looking at her.

  "I have missed you too," he whispered as he held her close but could still look into her eyes.

  Alessandra waited patiently, just looking at him without any pressure being placed on him, and finally he spoke.

  "I love you so much, Alessandra, and I worry that anything I say…"

  "Edward, you need not worry as much as you do. I am fine, and our child is fine. What is inside of you that is causing you so much concern?" she asked and waited but he continued, for the moment, to look conflicted. She forced him to look at her as she continued to speak. "Whatever is worrying you, is flowing through to affect us, and that is far more heartbreaking to me than what you are thinking about, I am certain. Please Edward, let it out so that we can be as we were before this happened."

  Edward looked at her, suddenly feeling a surge of desire for her, but wanting - needing - to push that away, and instead focused on his words.

  "The letters that you were missing from your mother … that were not reaching us…" he started and she nodded, encouraging him to continue. "They were being intercepted by Tom so they would not reach you."

  Alessandra felt and looked confused. "That makes no sense. Why would he do something like that? And how did he do that?"

  "He returned to your home and he befriended your mother and father for the purpose of being able to offer to send the letters on their behalf, but instead of posting them, he held onto them and did not."

  Edward watched his wife's face as she tried to make sense of what she was being told.

  "Alessandra, do you remember how worried you were about your mother when you had not heard from her?" he asked and saw her nod. "That was his plan - he wanted you to worry so that you would go home to see your mother, but he had not considered you being with child and that it might be me who rode to check on your parents, rather than you."

  Alessandra let this latest revelation flow over her, as Edward watched her face as her mind analysed.

  "Did you see Tom whe
n you went there?" she asked and he nodded.

  "Yes."

  "What happened?"

  "I was with your parents when he walked in and appeared to be shocked to see me there. He then went on to tell me that he was going to do whatever it would take to get you back because in his mind the two of you were supposed to be together."

  Alessandra pictured the scene in her head, and Edward saw some slight horror occur on your face.

  "Were my parents there?" she asked, and he nodded. "They saw this interaction between you and Tom?"

  "They did. I think they only then realised they had been fooled by him - used by him for the purpose of causing grief in our life together."

  Edward saw Alessandra's face growing in concern, which in turn made him question whether he had done the right thing, starting this conversation, and yet still she asked more questions, leaving him no choice but to keep moving forward.

  "But that is not what has been bothering you, is it? Yes I am sure it must have been horrible for you and my parents to discover Tom's intent and his true nature, but what are you still not telling me, Edward?"

  "Tom's body was found on the estate," he said and paused before finding the strength to continue. "He was found not far from the waterfall, and the estimation of how long he had been there…"

  Alessandra finally understood the conflict in the man before her - the man she loved so deeply.

  "You think that Tom was watching us, that last day that we were there," she said, and saw him nod slightly, as a slight tear came to his eye, surprising her. "You think that he saw us make love."

  Edward looked up at her, the horrific thought crossing his mind again and resulting in his eyes clouding over with tears. He knew it was not something to cry over, and yet something about the violation of their privacy did deeply affect him.

  Alessandra kissed him softly, summoning her strength to put him at ease.

  "Edward, even if he was there that day, and even if he did see us, it does not matter. Why does this upset you so?"

  "He would have seen you…"

  "Oh my love … my body is yours alone and I do not wish for anyone else to see it - ever - but if he watched us, then that is done and if he was found nearby he did not have any opportunity to share anything he saw, even if he had intended to, which I doubt he did. I love you for wanting to protect me so much, but Tom is dead. He will not be able to hurt us … and I am not hurt by thinking that he might have seen me with you like that. If he saw us together then all he would have seen was how much I love you and how much we share together as husband and wife."

  "To me it feels like he violated you…" Edward started to say and Alessandra pulled him closer and soothed him.

  "Yes, I can see how much it affects you, but, Edward, I have not been violated. Even with this news, I do not feel it … because Tom does not matter to me. All I care about is you, and our child, and my parents, and your parents … whatever Tom was intending, and whatever he did, he is gone and he will never hurt us. He could never have hurt us, because I love you so much. There was never any way he could have changed that, Edward."

  Edward looked into her eyes and felt himself start to relax. She had such inner strength that sometimes he found himself in awe of her. Suddenly he thought back to when she had arrived at the manor, and how incredibly timid she had been, and he smiled at the memory.

  "What?" Alessandra asked him, sensing that finally he was starting to be at peace.

  He gave her a most incredible smile, that made her blush softly.

  "I was remembering how you were when you first came here - those first few days. I never would have guessed at that time, how strong a person you really are," Edward said and relaxed into himself for a further moment, formulating words in his head. "I am blessed to have you, Alessandra, and I do love you so much."

  Alessandra saw tears once again return to her husband's eyes, and she kissed him softly before speaking.

  "I love you too, Edward, but please, if there is anything else bothering or worrying you, speak now and let me put your mind at ease. It has not been the same with you so concerned about Tom, and you are far more important to me than anything you can be worrying about."

  Edward kissed her in reply and pulled her closer to him.

  "All is well, my lovely wife. It really has been just this horrible business about Tom that has been consuming my mind. Are you sure you are alright with what I have told you today?"

  Alessandra kissed him once more, pulling him into a passionate embrace and reassuring him through her actions that she was not giving Tom Missinger another thought.

  Chapter Fifty

  Edward looked up at the sound of his wife crying out in pain and gripping his arm tightly as she sat beside him in the drawing room, and immediately he found himself in panic.

  "Alessandra! What is it?" he asked and she moaned again.

  "Oh Edward, I think this might be it - it is starting," she breathed out before taking another deep breath in an attempt to sway the feelings beginning inside of her.

  Edward looked around him, perplexed as to what to do, before one of the service staff came in, having heard the cry.

  "Get the mistress at once!" he commanded and watched the staff member start to leave the room quickly. "And my wife's mother!"

  He watched his wife's face as she let herself fall into the reality that she was going into labour. She had been patient in these past months, and with the support of Edward, his parents and her own parents, who were now both installed in the manor house in preparation for the birth, she had done all she felt she could do to remain calm and do whatever she could to bring her child into the world safely.

  "Alessandra, come. Stand up. You know the midwife said that would help when the pains started," he said to her as he finally found peace in his mind and could focus on what they had both been told in preparation for this day.

  He stood and held out his hands to her and she took them to stand up with him, almost immediately doubling over again. It was the most difficult thing for Edward to watch, feeling helpless and a mixture of feelings inside of him. Fear that something would not go right either for the child or his wife; happiness that soon his child might come into this world; and the deepest love for this woman who had come into his world and changed it so much.

  The drawing room door opened suddenly and Alessandra's mother rushed in, followed by the remaining three parents, all with worried looks on their faces.

  "Oh my daughter, how are you feeling?" Alessandra heard her mother's voice ask, but suddenly became aware of another spike of pain passing through her like nothing she had ever felt before.

  "Oh my, I think it is time we ready the birth room," Edward heard his mother say and then saw her leave the room hurriedly, calling out for staff to help. Soon she was back. "Edward, help Alessandra up the stairs so we can get her settled into the birthing bed."

  * * * * *

  After much fuss by everyone around her, finally Alessandra was made comfortable in a large bed, in a room she had not even seen before. Despite it now being summer, the fire was lit so the room would not get cold, but as it was a room that received the late afternoon sun, Alessandra found herself relaxed in bathing in the warmth of it streaming in the window.

  Over the course of the next 14 hours, from the first pains, she continued to feel them over and over, and although both mothers insisted it was not right for him to be there, Edward stayed with her and held her hand, only letting go when he had to eat, or would help her to eat. Watching her go through the contractions made him almost cry, and inside he was terrified that he was going to lose her in childbirth.

  But finally, after some manipulation and final encouragement by the midwife, a baby girl was delivered.

  Alessandra immediately fell into a deep sleep, not even aware of all the happenings now going on around her - being cleaned and changed into another night gown, which Edward insisted he be the only person allowed to do - alone - much to the horror of the
older generation.

  And only after he had attended to his wife - ensured she was clean and comfortable, and sleeping soundly - did he leave the room to find the other family members and accept the small being that was being placed into his arms. As soon as he found the confidence to hold her and look at her, he knew he was in love all over again, and found tears coming to his eyes.

  Alessandra's mother looked at Edward's and smiled a knowing mother smile.

  "We will need to find a wet nurse for her immediately, Edward," he heard his mother say and he stood firm in his resolve as he answered her.

  "Alessandra will decide what is best for her and our daughter, Mother. I will talk to her about it when she is rested," he said and saw his mother start to protest. "Mother, I love you and I respect you but Alessandra and I will make decisions about our children, together and on our own."

  Edward's father saw his wife start to speak and immediately held her hand and squeezed it to silence her before she could upset what was the happiest day the estate had seen in so long.

  Edward continued to look fondly at the small bundle in his arms and was reluctant to let her go to anyone else even though he was the only person present who had never held a baby before.

  "Take her to your wife, Sir," the midwife said cheerfully to him. "The little one will need to feed and if you do not have a wet nurse here, the mother will have to do it."

  Edward nodded and walked carefully back to the chamber where his wife lay. He opened the door softly and crept in, but when he got to the chair by the side of the bed, he saw that Alessandra was already awake again.

  "Edward," she said quietly, as if still waking from a deep sleep. She looked at him, desperate to focus, and saw he had something in his arms, making her jolt awake and sit up. "Is that…?"

  Edward laughed at her in her sleepy but still curious state.