Skins

by Laura Rossi

  Instead, I closed my eyes and tangled my legs around his. I wanted our skins to never be apart again.

  Chapter 11

  Spies

  Sebastian

  When you have nothing, you make the most of the few things you have.

  I walked the streets with nothing more than one set of clothes, a shitty attitude and instincts.

  And I made sure to use them well.

  It was like a gut feeling, a constant hum in my ears I couldn’t ignore.

  Everything seemed fine, nothing seemed different from any other morning. Only It felt different.

  I couldn’t explain it, couldn’t prove something was wrong, not until we reached Eddy’s school the next morning.

  The guards were still walking behind us, just a few feet away, when we crossed the street and my eyes caught the glimpse of a movement on our left hand-side.

  Fuck. I choked on the word, only my lips moved no sound came out of them.

  Eddy was still with us, we were still crossing the school yard, I couldn’t curse. But there they were, two men walking on the other side of the street, pretending not to stare but I wasn’t a fool. They stood out, just as I stood out in that place.

  “Look at me,” I said to Andrea, making sure my back was to the men following while I spoke “Smile.”

  Her eyes went wide then, but surprisingly enough Andrea didn’t question my words.

  She simply smiled, even if it didn’t reach her eyes but it was what I needed.

  The men following us had to think they hadn’t been spotted.

  They had stopped at a café across the street from the school, their eyes darting our way every now and then.

  I couldn’t risk telling the guards behind us. They weren’t close enough and it would have led us nowhere. The men were too far away to be chased.

  “Let’s get Eddy inside. We need to speak to the headmistress,” I told her, holding the door open for them.

  Eddy skipped his way in, talking to one of his friends.

  “Why? What’s wrong, Sebastian?” her lips trembled, her hand tightened around Eddy’s.

  “Now, Andrea,” I insisted and we walked fast towards the administration offices.

  It took only five minutes, the headmistress understood the situation perfectly well.

  “I noticed two strange men outside looking at the kids, trying to speak to them…I called the police, we suspect paedophiles,” I told her and for a moment I felt sorry for the old lady.

  She turned white, like the tall stack of papers on her desk. “I called the police already, they are on their way but it’s best if you don’t let the kids out in the yard for recess, just to be sure.”

  Lying was so easy for me, I sometimes thought my lies were truer than the horrible things I had seen. I wished seeing my mother die had been a lie. I wished my lies about having a normal family were true.

  What sort of life was mine? What sort of life could Andrea hope for Eddy? A life of lies.

  “You stay inside today, okay?” I told him, before he went in his classroom.

  Eddy nodded solemnly. I had made him promise.

  “I won’t go outside. I’ll make you a drawing during recess,” he grinned and kissed his mother on the cheek, before running to his teacher.

  “What do we do?” Andrea asked, before I opened the door to let her outside the building.

  “Nothing. Absolutely nothing,” I told her. “Eddy is safe here. They won’t try anything. They are just spying on us, seeing what our habits are. He is safer here than with us now. I’ll ask Alejandro for more men, ask him if there is a safer place to move. I’ll speak to the guards. Now walk normally, don’t look around. Understood?”

  I only let her out once Andrea had nodded. It was important to pretend we hadn’t figured it out. It was better to let them think we didn’t have a clue what was going on.

  I needed time to work something out.

  “We need to go to a bakery before heading home,” I informed the guards and they simply nodded, this time following us a little closer.

  Bakery was our code word for trouble. We had discussed this the first day I started following Andrea and Eddy everywhere they went.

  The word needed to be something random and something that could be commonly used. Bakery.

  “I feel like we are walking with a gun aimed at our heads,” Andrea mumbled, when we entered a real bakery, just two traffic lights from home.

  The guards stayed outside, their back to us and I furtively pulled Andrea towards me, holding on to her tight.

  “Don’t show them you are scared, Andrea. We don’t know who they are. They might be the police looking for Alejandro, keeping an eye on you hoping to find him,” I said to her and watched her breathe out tense.

  “Okay,” she nodded and I felt her stare crush something inside of me.

  It ripped something in my guts.

  Her sad eyes were hard to face. They were a plea, a constant plea for help even if Andrea was never going to admit it. Her sad eyes were what caught my attention years ago and it tortured me they were still there.

  Without anyone staring, I reached for her hand and squeezed it tight, keeping my face serious, unemotional and on the baker. I kept my face straight even when I felt Andrea’s fingers curl around mine, but inside I felt my world turn upside down.

  Nobody will hurt you- I gazed at her briefly, my jaw twitching, feeling her shake under my touch.

  It was when we were paying for bread that I noticed the two men got into a car opposite the bakery. There were more men with them. Four.

  Shit, I thought holding my breath until I watched the car drive away.

  Grey, broken right light. Plate number DG 228 FK. I made a mental note.

  The soldiers outside confirmed everything I had seen and told me they probably weren’t police officers. They were part of some clan, they were absolutely sure of that.

  “What do we do?” Andrea asked again, once we arrived home.

  Before saying anything back, I let three of the seven guards enter the house and told them what was happening.

  “Keep your eyes open,” I ordered after describing the car “We need a vehicle, a safe one. It has to be checked for any bugs and explosive”

  At the corner of my eye, I saw Andrea jump, her face a wrecking mess.

  “We do nothing,” I told her, when we were alone again. “We go pick up Eddy with the car. We stay home. You are not working today.”

  I need to get a hold of Alejandro, I thought but I knew it was useless to try and call him.

  His phone would probably be off. He was in hiding and would only switch it on to check any messages every now and then.

  So I sent him a message, informing him of the situation and asking for his guidance. Maybe there was a safer place I could take Andrea and Eddy.

  Everything seemed back to normal when we went to pick up Eddy in the afternoon.

  I parked the car in front of the main gate and walked Andrea fast to the door.

  We were quick, we got Eddy to pretend it was a game.

  “Who gets to the car first wins a candy” I told him.

  He giggled and ran as fast as he could, the little backpack on his shoulders bouncing up and down as he did.

  The guard opened the car door for him and Andrea and I spotted the same grey car on the other side of the street. Broken light, same plate number.

  No text from Alejandro.

  Fuck.

  Chapter 11

  The Breach

  Andrea

  Eddy was talking to me and I wasn’t listening, not really anyway, but I made sure I was doing all the right things: I was nodding, making the right noises, encouraging him to go on, but I was hardly paying attention. And I hated myself for pretending that I was.

  I just couldn’t focus. I was too nervous to stand still, too worried about what could happen to pretend I was okay. I wasn’t. Nothing was.

  And I couldn’t help but blame myself, for everything t
hat had happened and everything that was happening. I was responsible and Eddy was in the crossfire.

  I gulped down some water and nodded again.

  Pretending was part of my life, of this apparent trouble-free world I had created for my son, and I had become so good at it. It was for Eddy, I kept telling myself.

  White lies for his own good- the words replayed in my head, every single time I lied about where his father was or what he was doing.

  One day though I would have to explain.

  One day I will have to and the pretending will stop.

  “We made muppets today, with cardboard and strings,” Eddy said, sitting on his chair in the kitchen, patiently waiting for me to hand him a snack.

  His voice was the only sound in the entire house.

  I felt like I had lost mine. I couldn’t speak. I was afraid to, I was scared of blowing off my cover, not being able to pretend everything was okay.

  I kept giving Sebastian side glances, but he wasn’t talking either. His face was unreadable and it did very little to calm me down. He couldn’t do or say anything, Eddy was there with us.

  Sebastian walked behind me, just as I was making Eddy a sandwich and I noticed his eyes stayed on my hands a second longer. They were shaking, the grip on the knife tight.

  I was a nervous wreck.

  “I am going to have a look around,” he said, patting Eddy’s head before walking out of the room.

  “Are you going outside?” I raised my voice a little, to make sure he had heard me speak.

  Sebastian walked back to the door for a moment.

  “No. I am staying close by. I want to check upstairs,” and he stared at me for an instant, as if trying to tell me more without saying another word.

  “Everything is okay,” he added.

  I nodded, my lips sealed in a tense line, and Sebastian disappeared down the corridor. The house went quiet again but I could hear his muffled footsteps upstairs.

  When Eddy looked up at me, I gave him my best smile. His face was covered in breadcrumbs, I started walking towards him. I wanted to clean him up a little. Only I never made it to the chair.

  A loud sound startled me. It was so strong, I felt it like it was tearing my chest apart.

  I jumped and immediately pulled Eddy off his chair and into my arms.

  It was coming from outside, maybe from the front of the house.

  “Mommy,” he whimpered and my heart must have crushed into a million pieces, I felt like I didn’t have one anymore. My chest was aching.

  “Hush, Eddy,” I whispered in his ear, as I tried to stretch my hearing, all of my senses, to try and understand what was happening.

  It was all so strangely quiet again.

  Until the front door slammed open, then slammed close again and I screamed.

  I covered my mouth immediately, regretting my stupid outbreak, cursing my name under my breath for having made a sound.

  Eddy’s arms were around my neck in a second.

  I stared in horror at the soldier that had rushed inside the house, as he pushed furniture in front of the door, panting and still holding his gun.

  “Breach,” he had the energy to shout.

  He was breathing fast and holding onto his shoulder. His hand was bloody. He had been shot.

  And he never made it to the kitchen to tell me more. Before he could say anything else, he sank to the floor and the gun slipped out of his hand.

  Ruby, red fluid started dripping from his shoulder, forming a small puddle all around his lifeless body.

  Blood – I stared at in horror and held Eddy tighter against my shoulder.

  I kissed his hair and cried in silence, asking for forgiveness, knowing I could never be forgiven. Knowing I would never forgive myself for having brought him into this world and making him live that way.

  “Eddy,” I said, holding his face into my hands, making sure he was looking straight at me and nothing else. “Go to the wall and count, like they taught you in school. Okay? Don’t turn around. Count. I want to hear you count.”

  Eddy nodded. He didn’t dare question my words.

  His face was so serious, solemn.

  As instructed, he ran to the kitchen wall, near the sink, and started to count, covering his eyes like he was playing hide and seek.

  I reached for the kitchen drawer and slowly took out a knife, the biggest knife I had and jumped, to the sound of another door slamming shut.

  Shit – I whimpered under my breath and moved to stand in front of Eddy.

  My eyes went to the small kitchen window, then to the back door, then back to the corridor until I felt two hands around my waist and my mouth opened wide to scream, but a big hand covered it immediately.

  “Shhh,” Sebastian whispered against my ear and I relaxed a little, feeling his warm breath on my skin.

  I must have nearly fainted then, but I did my best to keep my legs strong for Eddy.

  He was still counting, struggling a little to get to twenty but he hadn’t turned around at all like I had asked him, like the good boy that he was.

  I bent down, as Sebastian gently released me, and took him in my arms again, shoving the knife in my jeans’ pocket.

  Eddy hid his face in my neck and I turned quickly towards Sebastian.

  He was hurt, there was blood dripping from his forehead.

  My eyes went wide and I reached out to touch him but he took my hand and then placed a finger over his lips.

  “Don’t make a sound,” he murmured. “They are in,” and pointed upstairs.

  I felt the blood drain all the way down to my feet then, but I steadied myself, holding on to the kitchen counter.

  Without making a sound, Sebastian took Eddy from me and placed an arm around my shoulders.

  “We need to move, now,” he whispered and pushed us to the back of the house, quickly, in silence, as we heard another noise upstairs.

  Breach! I recalled the soldier’s words before he had slumped to the floor lifeless.

  Someone had made it past security, past all the guards Alejandro had sent for us and they were inside. Someone was inside my house. I felt powerless and vulnerable, I felt shocked and terrified. People were dying because of me.

  More blood because of me.

  “Move, move,” Sebastian whispered, as we headed outside the back door.

  His car was there, parked right under the bathroom window. Two soldiers stood beside it, waiting for instructions.

  Sebastian had ordered them to keep it there and under their surveillance at all times. It was our only escape route.

  “Make sure nobody follows us. No matter what,” he hissed and the two men nodded, signalling us to be quick.

  I was in the car in a second, Eddy back in my arms, as Sebastian climbed in the front and gave gas without waiting another minute.

  “Seatbelts!” he shouted and I secured Eddy first. “Heads down until I say so.”

  I just nodded and curled behind with Eddy, hearing the police sirens in the distance.

  He sobbed in my hair, on my shirt, until he passed out. He cried himself to sleep, not knowing what was happening, not having seen what I had seen- the blood, the weapons.

  He cried for fear of what he didn’t know was happening.

  Sometimes, you don’t need to see it to fear it.

  Sometimes, you can feel the horror of what goes on around you and nothing in the world, not even the fakest of smiles can save you from that.

  I had failed, hearing him cry like that had been my wake-up call. I had failed at everything in life and I had failed Eddy.

  Sebastian

  They can’t take away from you, what they don’t know is yours.

  My eyes darted to the phone on the passenger seat. No sign from Alejandro.

  I cursed under my breath and reached for a tissue stacked to the side of my car door.

  My temple was pulsing like madness, I could hardly think straight. I knew I was losing a lot of blood and I needed to stop it from coming
out.

  My fingers pressed harder on my forehead and I winced.

  “What happened?” Andrea had the courage to ask then.

  We had been driving for half an hour, avoiding main streets, avoiding possible police check points.

  I kept glancing at the rear-view mirror, making sure nobody was following us but there were hardly any cars on those roads.

  I caught sight of Eddy’s dark hair on Andrea’s shoulder. They were still both low on the seat, so they couldn’t be shot from behind. He was leaning on his mommy. He had passed out.

  “I am not sure. The two men in the grey car drove by and shot two of our men outside the house. Then hell broke out,” I said, my eyes locking with Andrea’s for an instant.

  Mine were back on the road soon after, but I couldn’t help looking back.

  I wanted to be sure nobody was really following us. I wanted to be sure Andrea was okay, even though I knew she wasn’t. She was still shaking, her arms tight around Eddy. Her eyes were red, swollen. Terrified.

  “You are hurt,” she almost whispered it, her voice too strained to come out properly. It was as though she had sobbed the words out of her.

  “It’s nothing,” I was quick to reply, but as I gazed back at her, I knew my answer hadn’t been enough.

  “There was someone upstairs,” Andrea said and I nodded.

  “We are taking the next exit,” I announced, changing the subject.

  I didn’t want to tell her more. I didn’t want her to know what had happened upstairs, in her own bedroom.

  “Where are we going?”

  “The Market,” I told her. “Some place they cannot find us”

  While we wait for instructions- I thought, my eyes drifting to the phone again.

  “Sebastian,” Andrea began to say but didn’t finish her sentence.

  She just stared at me, her face pale, her lips trembling.

  Out of the corner of my eye, I saw her arm stretch forward and her hand rested beside mine.

  Immediately, I left the stick and took it in my hand, holding it tight and we didn’t speak again until we had reached our destination.

  She knew I wasn’t letting her go. Andrea knew I wasn’t going to let anyone come close to her and Eddy.