Google Your Husband Back

by Julie Butterfield

  Kate shook her head, pacing the kitchen as thought she could escape her thoughts. Why did she feel so restless, so disappointed? She should be feeling euphoric. Alex was coming home. He had said all the right things, he was making all the right moves. Kate was sure it was only a matter of time now. But first Fiona and now her mother, both casting doubts, both questioning whether Kate really should have Alex back in her life. Were they both blind, thought Kate? Had they not seen Alex and Kate over the last few years as they lived out their perfect marriage?

  And Alex was as bad. She’d become everything he said he wanted, everything he said he loved and now he was complaining that their marriage was over, empty and barren and that she was no longer the person he’d fallen in love with. Well obviously she wasn’t because that girl hadn’t been able to produce cheese on toast without setting fire to the kitchen, she’d been hopeless with any household tasks and had not been able to find anything in the chaos that was her flat. Alex hadn’t wanted to live like that! He may have loved Kate but he hadn’t loved the way Kate lived. She’d become a woman he could both love and spend the rest of his life with. And now he was accusing her of neglecting him, of spending too much time on the daughter he adored and looking after the house he loved.

  Kate threw her cup into the sink and sat back at the table to stare out into the garden. She remembered when she and Alex had moved here. The tiny flat had been left behind and the grown up Alex and Kate had moved into their lovely house. Kate had already become an excellent cook and her untidiness a thing of the past. The new house was a success story for both of them, a space that was light, bright and beautifully presented, tidy, clutter free and welcoming. A few weeks after they’d moved in Alex had suggested a dinner party and for some reason Kate had thought back to the very first time she and Alex had entertained as a couple in Kate’s tiny flat. The food had been awful, the kitchen a disaster area, the flat itself untidy and chaotic. But they’d had an amazing night with their friends. They’d laughed until they cried, they’d drunk far more wine than they should have and they’d all sat up until the early hours of the morning chatting and putting the world to rights.

  Kate had been thrilled at the thought of repeating the evening but in much more salubrious surroundings and with food they would actually be able to eat.

  But Alex had pulled the tiniest of faces. He’d suggested that a slightly more grown up affair was called for and that some of Kate’s friends were still a little immature and some of them a little loud and most of them just wouldn’t appreciate what Kate and Alex had achieved.

  And although Kate had wanted to defend her old friends, she wanted to make Alex happy even more so she agreed that instead Alex would invite a friend from work and an old school chum he still played squash with once a week and she tried to ignore the uneasy feeling that she had just accepted thirty pieces of silver.

  Kate’s cooking had been sublime and the house looked superb with its softly lit rooms and Kate’s attention to detail. The evening had gone without a hitch and everyone was suitably admiring and behaved impeccably. Alex was delighted, Kate could tell from the look in his eye that he was so very happy and so Kate was too. Except that there was no raucous laughter, no telling of tales until the early hours of the morning or feelings of comradery. There was no aching of jaws from giggling and no good humoured ribbing of Kate’s cooking. And whilst Alex looked relaxed and comfortable, Kate had felt ever so slightly let down and had a momentary sense of loss for times gone by when the food may be diabolical but the company was superb.

  Their guests had gone and Alex had swept Kate into his arms and kissed her thoroughly.

  ‘Wasn’t that wonderful?’ he had demanded. ‘I bet none of them can cook as well as you can Kate. And did you see their reaction to how you’d decorated the living room? They’ll all be trying to do the same, I guarantee!’

  Kate had laughed, happy that Alex was happy and pushing away her sense of guilt at the absence of her old friends, she’d allowed Alex to carry her up the stairs and they had made love, Alex telling her over and over again how wonderful she was and how much he loved her.

  It was getting dark and Kate couldn’t see much in the garden any more. She sighed. Of course she had changed, but only for the better. Alex had been delighted with her new cooking skills and he had loved coming home every night to a house that was clean and comfortable. He used to wrap his arms round her and say how much he loved her. He would sink into the settee with its perfectly placed cushions and look around admiringly and Kate’s heart would give a little skip of happiness. She’d changed because they’d all wanted her to change, it was meant to make Alex happy. So why had he left and why was everyone now telling her that she was no longer the Kate she was meant to be?

  It was 10 o’ clock the next morning when Alex phoned her.

  Kate had gone to bed feeling quite depressed and rather than sink into a good night’s sleep, happy that the trauma of the last few weeks was soon to be behind her, she had tossed and turned. Marcia’s words were echoing in her head and dreams of unknown people laughing at her cooking haunted her through the night.

  She had woken up and laid staring at the ceiling for a while. Alex is coming home, she whispered to herself. She ignored the little voice that said Alex hadn’t actually said that he was coming home. As far as Kate was concerned it was simply a matter of time now. Soon she would wake up and he would be there, next to her where he belonged. She would rescue Millie from her cot and bring her into the bedroom where Alex could admire his small daughter’s blonde hair and rosebud mouth and Millie could sit there basking in the attention from both her parents.

  Kate smiled. She just needed to get through the next few days. She didn’t care what her mother said, or Fiona. Kate and Alex were meant to be together. She would forgive Alex his aberration and they would resume their happy life.

  Feeling a little more cheerful Kate had slipped out of bed to pick up a now chuntering Millie and was filling the washing machine when her phone rang.

  ‘Good morning,’ said Alex softly, ‘how are you?’

  Kate’s heart melted. Alex often used to phone her up during the day, usually to complain about something at the office and it invariably left Kate juggling Millie and feeding or washing or doing something single handedly as she held the phone in the other, but she had missed the sound of his voice.

  She smiled. ‘I’m good.’

  ‘I was wondering if you would like to meet up again?’ There was the tiniest of pauses. ‘I really enjoyed the other night. I hadn’t realised just how much I’d missed you.’

  Kate grinned to herself in the kitchen. Oh Google, you clever being.

  ‘Me too, I enjoyed it as well,’ she admitted.

  She could tell he was smiling and for a moment all doubts and uncertainties were left way behind. She wished he was there with her, she wished she could run her hands through his wayward hair and look into the eyes she loved.

  ‘So you’ll go out with me?’

  Kate giggled. ‘Are you asking me on a date?’

  ‘Well – if I was, would you come?’

  Kate hugged herself in delight. ‘Yes’

  ‘Well in that case, would you go out with me Kate. On a date?’

  Kate couldn’t help another giggle from falling out. ‘Yes, I will.’

  Was it her imagination or was the sun suddenly shining much more brightly than it had earlier that morning.

  ‘Good. I’m looking forward to seeing you again.’

  His voice was low, flirtatious and Kate felt a little shiver of lust run down her spine.

  ‘So how about tonight?’

  She stiffened. She looked out into the garden where a cloud seemed to have come from nowhere.

  ‘Can’t do tonight,’ she said lightly. ‘Tomorrow?’

  There was a silence, Kate could hear the clock ticking.

  ‘Are you doing something else tonight?’

  ‘Yes.’

  It definitely seemed a
little cooler and Kate gave another shiver but this one was entirely absent of lust.

  ‘Oh, nothing you could put off?’

  He knew she was going to Salsa. He may be pretending to have forgotten but Kate knew.

  ‘Is tomorrow not convenient?’ she asked with an edge to her voice.

  ‘Well yes, I just wondered why not tonight?’

  The clock carried on ticking.

  ‘Oh – it’s salsa isn’t it?’

  Kate didn’t reply. Her lips were thin as she watched the rain start to fall in the garden.

  ‘Right. So, you’d like to see me but not enough to miss salsa?’ Alex laughed, though it was lacking in amusement. ‘Well I suppose that puts me in my place. Is salsa more important to you than us getting back together?’

  ‘Not really Alex. It’s just part of my new life, the one I had to find for myself after you left. Tell me, is Sandra Maddison more important to you than us getting back together?’

  Kate could feel his shock down the phone. She had broken one of the rules; no confrontation, no outbursts, no emotions other than pleasant ones. But she didn’t really care. She had suddenly become very tired of being so accommodating, so forgiving, so perfect. Why was everybody allowed to constantly criticise Kate? Why shouldn’t Kate respond with a few home truths of her own?

  ‘What? No! Kate, no! I didn’t mean that I just meant I thought you might want to give salsa a miss and spend some time with me. Discussing me coming back, us getting back together again,’ he said in the tone of someone dangling a carrot. ‘That’s all.’

  ‘But you don’t want to commit yourself and move out of Sandra’s flat,’ said Kate, a statement not a question.

  ‘What? Move out? Well of course I do. But isn’t it a little sudden, we both agreed we need time to get to know each other again, we don’t want to make the same mistakes again do we? Where would I go? I mean I don’t have anywhere to stay if I move out right now.’

  ‘Well I do have somewhere to go Alex, I’m going to salsa tonight,’ and Kate slammed the phone down.

  It was only a second before she looked down in horror at the now disconnected line, tears welling in her eyes.

  Oh God what have I done, she whispered to herself, what have I done.

  She picked up the phone and frantically pressed buttons trying to reconnect her call but all she heard was beeps and buzzes. Taking a deep breath she tried again this time dialling Alex’s number but the tears flooding her eyes and her shaking hands led to more beeps and buzzes as she misdialled.

  Slamming the phone down Kate pressed a hand to her mouth. What was she thinking, how could she have been so stupid? Alex wanted to ask if he could come back, she’d been able to hear it in his voice, she knew it was on the tip of his tongue. She had started going to salsa to catch her husband’s attention, to make his eyes turn back in her direction. It had worked, so why was Kate now being so stubborn about the whole business.

  Google had been quite explicit, once your husband came knocking on the front door, don’t start dithering - let him in! And she had refused because she didn’t want to miss an hour of salsa.

  She slumped onto one of the kitchen chairs shaking her head. She would phone him, apologise, say of course salsa didn’t matter, she wanted to see Alex. She would follow the plan, she would smile and sympathise and accept she wasn’t perfect and when he asked if he could come home she would take his hand and say of course he could and they would live happily ever after.

  She stared at the phone nibbling on her lip. Her mother’s words had been turning in Kate’s mind. She had tried to ignore them but they simply wouldn’t go away. The last few weeks Kate had been delving into her memories of Alex and their life together and the more she thought the more she’d come to realise just how much she’d given up to keep him happy. She was developed a sneaking suspicion that once the glow of Alex’s company had been removed and she had been left looking at their relationship with clear eyes, it hadn’t been quite the vision of perfection she had always believed. It had left an itch inside her that was becoming harder to ignore as each day passed and with Marcia and Fiona both questioning whether she was right to want Alex to come home, Kate had been left restless and haunted by doubt. But the undeniable truth was that she still loved Alex and the thought of not spending the rest of her life with him by her side was a very scary one. Maybe there was more that needed adjusting in their life than the amount of time Kate spent cleaning and plumping cushions. But that could come later, once Alex was home Kate was convinced she could make things work. They had for the last eight years.

  She picked up the phone, staring at the numbers and then, carefully, started to dial.

  ‘Hello?’

  ‘Oh Fiona, I’ve just done something really stupid!’

  In between the sobs she told Fiona about the conversation but instead of sympathy Fiona crowed with delight, stopping as Kate burst into tears again.

  ‘Oh Kate, don’t cry honey. It’s going to be fine, just what he needed to hear.’

  ‘Noo,’ wailed Kate, ‘it’s not. He was flirting with me Fee, flirting. He wanted to meet up to talk about coming back and I said I was going to salsa.’

  ‘Well, let’s face it, how many times do you need to discuss him coming home. He could have just asked you on the phone. Not that hard really is it, ‘hey Kate, I’ve been an absolute tosser, I’m sorry, can I come home?’ Simple really.’

  ‘But he has to feel right about it, he has to know that it will work if we try again,’ insisted Kate, ‘and I think I’ve just ruined it all.’

  ‘Rubbish. Actually I think it was exactly the right thing to say. Sounds to me like he’s suffering from a good old dose of jealousy! He’s the one that left and yet you’re the one out dancing and having lunch with other men. He probably can’t quite get his head around what’s gone wrong. Suddenly he’s the one that’s worried about what you’re up to and not the other way round. Believe me you haven’t spoiled anything, Alex will be home even sooner if you ask me!’

  ‘Should I phone him back?’

  ‘No! Absolutely not Kate. We stick with the plan, no contact from you. It’s working honey, don’t cave in now.’

  ‘You really think so?’

  ‘I do. Being nice and understanding can only get you so far Kate and I know Google said to share the blame and accept his actions but personally I still thing a good old battering round the head wouldn’t have hurt. He needs a wakeup call honey, and I think you may have just given him one!’

  Chapter 24

  Kate allowed Fiona to convince her all was not lost. She stared at the phone a great deal, she even rested her hand on it for a while imagining dialing the numbers and hearing Alex’s voice. She could apologise for the ‘misunderstanding’ and say of course she would miss salsa, she wanted to see him as much as he wanted to see her. But she resisted, mainly because Fiona said she would never speak to Kate again if she did. As the day went on the panic eased a little and Kate even started to feel encouraged by Alex’s call. It may not have ended well but there had been a few moments, a few precious moments when she and Alex were talking to each other as though nothing had ever gone wrong between them. He had spoken to her in that low sexy tone that made her stomach flip with longing and she had been utterly convinced that he was coming back to her.

  So Kate had dried her eyes and allowed herself to feel hopeful again. She had even ventured a little smile at the shock in Alex’s voice when she had confronted him about Sandra and by the time she was getting ready for salsa she had become almost cheerful again, although she checked her phone at least every half an hour in the vain hope that Alex had left her a message of some sort.

  When Kate walked into the wine bar that evening, she told herself she was looking around for her friends even though her heart knew she was looking to see if Josh was there.

  He was standing by the bar talking to Sophie and Alan and as Kate caught his eye she couldn’t help the blush he always seemed to bring to her c
heeks.

  ‘Hi,’ he said as she walked towards him, his smile reaching his eyes.

  ‘Hi,’ responded Kate breathlessly before turning to Sophie to give her a hug.

  ‘Everything okay?’

  Kate nodded. He had called her on the Monday to make sure she was alright after her unexpected meeting with Alex and to ask if she was going to salsa on Friday.

  ‘I was hoping you wouldn’t change your mind about coming tonight,’ Josh said with a grimace. ‘I know one day my footwork is going to drive you away!’

  They all laughed and Kate looked into his eyes briefly, wondering what they would all say if she told them she had potentially just ruined any chance of getting back with her husband for the sake of an hour of salsa.

  ‘I can take a few broken toes,’ she said lightly. ‘Although I’m thinking about getting some steel capped shoes!’

  They all laughed again then as the music began and people began to separate into their groups, Josh took hold of Kate’s hand and led her gently to the spot they preferred, by a large stone pillar and out of view of much of the room.

  ‘Alex been in touch again?’ asked Josh casually.

  Kate nodded.

  ‘In a good way?’

  Kate nodded again.

  Josh smiled, ‘That’s good news Kate, really good news,’ and then the salsa began.

  Afterwards, with flushed cheeks and slightly out of breath, Kate stood at the bar with her new friends as they had a drink.

  Olivia was there and she edged a little closer to Kate as the rest of them chatted.

  ‘He’s very good looking isn’t he?’ she asked with a sideways glance at Josh.

  ‘Well yes but …’

  ‘And I think he likes you,’ giggled Olivia.

  ‘Well maybe but …’

  ‘It will do you good!’

  ‘Well – what will?’

  ‘A little distraction like Josh.’

  Kate looked shocked. ‘Oh no, we’re just friends, there’s nothing like that going on Olivia. Just friends,’ she repeated firmly.