The Lover: Book 3 in The Bride Series

by S Doyle

  “I’m Kevin.”

  “I’m Ellie.”

  He smiled. “I know who you are.”

  Okay. “How?”

  “I asked. I wanted to know the name of the girl who shot me down.”

  That sounded smug. Like no other girl had ever dared. “See, and I thought it was strange you would ask a girl out without knowing her name first.”

  “Touché.”

  Also smug, I thought.

  “I know your name now,” he said pointing out the obvious. “What do you say we grab some food?”

  It was happening again. He was asking me out again.

  I thought of Jake driving all the way to school to yell at me about the money, and what his real motivations were. I thought about the kiss. I thought about who I wanted to be spending my time with… and it wasn’t Kevin.

  “Sorry. I’m… involved with someone right now.”

  “That’s cool. Maybe you’ll let me know when you’re not.”

  Doubtful. “Maybe,” I lied.

  Kevin got up and left, seemingly unscathed from being shot down again. I knew this because I saw him walk up to another girl in the library who was also studying alone.

  I went back to reading, not really reading, about statistics.

  And missing Jake. I guess I had my own patterns too.

  That next Sunday night

  “You kissed me.”

  This was the result of pressure from Denny and Maryanne. I told them about Kevin asking me out, and told them I had said no. And why. They were convinced the time had come, and I needed to confront Jake directly about his intentions. I suppose I knew it, too.

  Jake huffed. “Hello to you too. That was a few weeks ago. Why are you bringing it up now?”

  “I need to know what it means, Jake. That guy I told you about, the one from the bookstore, his name is Kevin and he asked me out again. I said no.”

  There was silence on the other end of the line.

  “Let me be clear. I said no because of you. Should I be saying no because of you?”

  More silence.

  “Jake? This is important. This might be the most important thing we ever say to each other.”

  Jake

  “Jake? This is important. This might be the most important thing we ever say to each other.”

  She was right. She’d been gone for two and half months, and the pain of not having her here wasn’t going away. I waited like a man dying of thirst every week to answer the phone on Sunday night. Frankly, I hated it. Feeling like this.

  I drove myself crazy thinking about kissing her, fucking her. Crazier still thinking about her with other guys.

  Suddenly it all made sense.

  “Yes.” It felt good to say it.

  “What?”

  “Yes. You should be saying no. I don’t know what this means, Ellie. I’m… not sure where this is going. But damn it… I don’t want you dating anyone while we figure it out.”

  “Okay.”

  “This is selfish as hell. Probably the most selfish thing I’ve ever done.”

  “Yep.”

  “You going to school was supposed to be about having choices, and I’m taking that away.”

  “You’re a horrible person, Jake Talley.”

  I scowled at the phone because she wasn’t taking any of this seriously. In fact, she sounded like she was beaming.

  “I’m serious, Ellie. I don’t know if this is the right answer.”

  “I don’t think there is a right answer, Jake. Have you thought about someone else? About seeing someone else?”

  “No.”

  No. I only thought of Ellie. Or at least I tried real hard not to think of her. Which had to mean something. I was willing to admit that to myself at least.

  “Then let’s call this limbo. We’re not dating each other. We’re not dating other people. We’re taking our time with things. We were married for two years, seems right we should have some time to consider all that.”

  I nodded. That seemed reasonable. We didn’t have to commit to anything right now. Because when I thought about it, that’s all Ellie and I had ever done. Commit to the marriage, commit to the divorce. Hard choices at every turn, when all I wanted was a little easy.

  “Yes. Right. Limbo. Until we can sort out what this is.”

  “Okay. Then we’re good. I’ll call you next week?”

  “Yes.”

  “Night, Jake.”

  “Night, Ellie.”

  I disconnected the call and thought limbo might just the best idea we had ever had.

  Four

  Ellie

  The next day

  “We’re in limbo.”

  Denny scrunched up his face and Maryanne rolled her eyes. We were having lunch together in the cafeteria as I filled them in on my confrontation with Jake.

  “Limbo?” Denny said. “What is that?”

  “We’re not ready to date each other, but we’ve agreed not to see other people.” I thought it was the best idea ever.

  “So you’re trapped,” Maryanne said.

  “No. Trapped is what Jake was in our marriage. Trapped is what circumstance and a really bad storm did to us. This is a choice.”

  I could tell they weren’t buying it.

  “Guys, this is real progress. Jake is finally admitting he has enough feelings for me that he doesn’t want me going out with other guys. This is huge!”

  They looked at each other and I could tell they didn’t share my excitement.

  “What am I missing?”

  “Don’t you deserve more than that?” Maryanne asked.

  Huh. I never really considered that. It had always been so clear for me about what I wanted, which was Jake, that I never thought about what I deserved.

  “You’re making it out like he hasn’t given me enough. When he’s given me… everything.”

  “What he gave you was a divorce,” Denny said flatly. “Only to turn around two months later and tell you not to date anyone while he works out his own shit. That’s not everything. That’s selfish as hell.”

  Jake knew that. He’d said as much.

  I was so excited by the idea he cared enough to stop me from moving on, I didn’t really think about everything he didn’t say.

  That he missed me. That he wanted us to have an actual relationship. That he wanted me to come home.

  I threw my hands up in the air. “I was feeling great. Thanks for ruining everything, guys!”

  Denny and Maryanne smiled sadly at me and Denny reached over to pat me on the hand. “That’s what friends are for.”

  Jake

  Sunday night

  Ellie and I had been chatting for a while when it occurred to me that April was around the corner.

  “Hey, what do you want for your birthday?” I asked.

  “You,” she answered.

  I closed my eyes and tried not to imagine what that would be like. Because if I did I would end up hard and frustrated, like I did most times when I thought about Ellie.

  “I get it,” she quickly added while I was busy trying not to imagine her naked and in my bed. “You’ve got the ranch and everything. It’s spring and things are busy. My birthday falls in the middle of the week, so that would make it even harder. Anyway, you always think of something great. You’ll have to surprise me.”

  I did like to do that. To surprise her on her birthday.

  “It’s late,” she said. “I should probably go.” There was something there in her voice. A hint of sadness. Or maybe it was longing.

  I could appreciate it, because I felt it too.

  “Yeah. Night, Ellie.”

  I ended the call and thought about how she sounded different. Not her normal cheery self. Since we had agreed to this ridiculous limbo, she hadn’t brought up the question of us again. We talked about school, which I felt like there was something she wasn’t telling me about. We talked about the ranch. She told me crazy stories about Denny and funny ones about Maryanne.

&
nbsp; I asked her if she was okay handling the ranch bookkeeping along with the schoolwork.

  Pedantic, dry-as-hell stuff.

  Stuff that two people who were in a relationship would share with each other. Except we weren’t in a relationship. We weren’t out of one, either.

  Either way, I wasn’t getting laid.

  I closed my eyes and tried again not to think about it. Tried not to remember what it had felt like kiss her, to hold her. To have her.

  It was after seven and I needed to get out of my head. Pete’s wouldn’t be packed on a Sunday night, but there would be someone who could distract me from the running image of Ellie on her knees in my shower, sucking my dick.

  Because that one got a lot of air time.

  I got to Pete’s and found a stool near the bar. Pete gave me a chin nod, and a few minutes later walked over with the draft beer I always ordered.

  “What’s happening, Jake? Haven’t seen you around.”

  “Busy. The usual.”

  “How’s Ellie? She liking college?”

  I didn’t know. She liked her friends, but she never seemed overly thrilled with her classes. “She’s doing fine. Grades are up.”

  “Miss having her around here. She was always a ray of sunshine. Not going to lie, I thought it was a shame when I heard you two decided to split.”

  I set my beer down carefully. “Our marriage was a temporary arrangement. Thought everyone knew that.”

  “Yeah, but look at what she grew into.”

  That had me seeing red, and I did the thing I swore I would never do. Asked the question I swore I would never ask. Not a to single soul in Riverbend.

  “Pete, do you think I was messing around with her the whole time we were together?”

  His reaction was to bark out a laugh. “Jake Talley, you would have cut off your dick before taking advantage of Ellie after Sam died. I know that. All I’m saying is after graduation, when you two were in here that night… she was a woman then. Not a girl any longer. Thought you might see that too, but given how you two grew up together maybe not. I know this. Any man in this town would be lucky to call Ellie Samson his wife, and I know a lot of people think you’re a damn fool for having that privilege only to give her up. I’ll leave you to your beer and company.”

  Only I didn’t want my company. I wanted Ellie’s company.

  I thought I had been so damn strong by letting her go. So damn self-sacrificing. Giving her a chance to grow and experience new things. To really have a choice about her future.

  But I hadn’t let her go at all. Not really.

  Only I wasn’t sure enough of myself, or her, to do a damn thing to change that.

  “Limbo,” I told the bar as I took deep gulp of my beer, “blows.”

  It was morning and sun was streaking through the barn. I stared hard at Petunia, not for one second believing I was going to do this. I started with an apple slice, which she eagerly accepted, nearly taking my fingers with it.

  “Ellie says I need to talk to you.”

  Petunia huffed and lifted her head. Which, sure, could have seemed like a response, but was probably more of an effort to get another apple slice.

  I gave her another one.

  “It’s not as if I’ve never talked to Wyatt… Usually it’s just commands, though. It’s not like he needs chit chat, you know what I’m saying?”

  Another huff.

  I stroked her nose, and as strange as it was it made me feel closer to Ellie. As if by touching something I knew she loved, it connected us in some way.

  “I’m guessing you miss her too. Who wouldn’t? All that life. All that energy. All of her spirit. I think that’s what’s been missing in her voice the last few times we talked on the phone. It’s like being away from here, she’s lost part of herself. But it was her choice to go away, her decision—all of it. It’s not like I can tell her to come home. She’s got to make that call on her own. Right?”

  “Jake, I hate to interrupt your… conversation, but I need to take Petunia out and clean her stall.”

  I heard Rich behind me, but my face was too red to actually turn around and face him. “Yep. I was just… Ellie wanted me to…”

  “No explanation necessary. No better listener than a horse, in my opinion.”

  I fed Petunia my last apple slice and then started to make my way out of the barn.

  “Not my place,” Rich said, almost more to himself than directed at me. “But if I was missing someone, seems to me the easy thing would be to just go see her.”

  Just go see her. It wasn’t the worst idea.

  Five

  Ellie

  April 22

  It was Tuesday. Maryanne and Denny had taken me out for my birthday. I was trying to be happy about it, but all I could think about how this was the first birthday in a long time I had spent apart from Jake.

  It felt weird.

  Officially, Jake and I were still in limbo. The reality was, there wasn’t a lot of opportunity to change that. He was three hours away and responsible for running my ranch. It’s not like we could casually go out on dates. So we did our thing. We talked each Sunday about school, about the ranch, and we didn’t talk about us. Or what us not dating meant.

  Denny and Maryanne continued to give me advice as to why limbo was the stupidest thing ever. I continued to ignore that advice in favor of my stubborn belief that I was doing the right thing.

  Only one more month to go before the semester was over, and then I was going back to Riverbend. Permanently. I could say that I officially stuck it out for one semester, which wasn’t quitting. Jake would fight me on it, but I was done living this half-life. Not when I was clear on what I wanted my future to look like.

  Yes, that’s when, as Denny would say, shit was going to have to get real. For now I was happy enough to be out with my friends, drinking margaritas and eating more guacamole than was probably healthy.

  “Did Jake at least call you?” Denny asked.

  “Yep. This morning. He said he had a present for me and that it should be delivered today. I’m hoping it will be waiting for me when I get back to the dorm.”

  Maryanne smiled. “I know I give you a lot of grief over him… but I do think he’s a nice guy.”

  I smiled. That actually meant a lot to me. Jake was a nice guy, and while maybe he was being selfish with the whole limbo thing, I knew he deserved some slack. None of what we had been through had been easy. On either of us. Which meant nothing could be as simple as black and white going forward. We were a work in progress. I knew that even if they didn’t.

  “And I think he’s hot enough to warrant sticking around for,” Denny said as he slurped back the last of his margarita.

  I made a mental note to let Jake know Denny thought he was hot. He would get all freaked out, and then I could school him on his closeted homophobic fears.

  “We do have one surprise for you,” Maryanne said with a big smile.

  “Is this the part where they come out singing with a cake? Because really guys, that’s so embarrassing.”

  “No, this is the part where I get to give you my present.”

  I whipped around in my chair. There, standing behind me, holding flowers (ACTUAL FLOWERS) was Jake Talley.

  I felt tears spring to my eyes. “You’re my present,” I said, realizing what he meant on the phone this morning.

  “Happy birthday, Ellie.”

  I jumped up and was in his arms in a second.

  “How did you make this happen?”

  “Rich, Javier, and Gomez have control of things at the ranch. I could make the time. I called Maryanne this morning and she told me where they were taking you for dinner.”

  “Surprise!” Maryanne said.

  I took the bouquet of wildflowers and pressed my face in them. It was without a doubt the most romantic gesture he’d ever made, and I couldn’t stop myself from being thrilled.

  Then he held up a small box. “What’s this?” I asked.

  “You
r other present. Open it.”

  I opened the box and inside was a square plastic card. It looked like a smooth credit card without the numbers.

  “What is it?”

  “It’s my hotel room key. I thought… we could spend a few days together. If you wanted.”

  I looked up at him. I could see his cheeks were flushed and his jaw was tight. That muscle flexing away. His eyes… He was looking at me like he had that one time when I got in the shower with him. Like he didn’t have to hide what he wanted from me any longer.

  “Really?” I whispered.

  “If you want.”

  I nodded.

  “You can finish dinner with your friends first…”

  “No.” I turned and looked at Maryanne and Denny, who were watching us like we were a movie being played out for their entertainment. “Guys, you don’t care if I go…”

  “NO!” Denny shouted. “For the love of God, put us all out of our misery and boink the hell out of him.”

  I blushed and I could tell Jake wasn’t pleased as he glared at Denny, but that was just Denny being Denny.

  Jake turned and I followed him out of the restaurant. I didn’t say a word in the truck. I didn’t really know what to say. This was a massive departure from anything he had ever done before.

  Like kissing me first. Like telling me he didn’t want me to see anyone else. Like bringing me flowers.

  When before it had always been me putting myself out there to him.

  I was giddy with the pleasure of this.

  We got to the hotel and I jumped out of the truck. I was wearing a jean skirt and wedges and a light sweater. I thought about what I might need for a few days, and then decided since I planned to spend those few days naked it didn’t really matter.

  It was just a Courtyard Marriott, which I knew wasn’t super fancy, but it was my first time staying in a hotel and I was in awe of the cool furniture in the lobby.

  A hotel. In Missoula.

  “Hey, this isn’t the same place you came when you took your trip that summer?”