The Secrets That We Keep

by Lucero, Isabel

  I’ve spoken with Lucas several times a week and I’m definitely happy to have him in my life again. We laugh and joke and can talk about pretty much anything. We’re back to being good friends and I couldn’t be happier about that. We still don’t know where each other are and for now, I’m good with that.

  Jade and I talk via text pretty much every day. She’s planning on visiting me soon and I’m definitely looking forward to seeing her again. I’ve told her to promise to not tell anybody else where I am and I know I can trust her to keep that to herself. She and Julian don’t speak to each other anyway, so I’m not worried about him finding out through her. She’s the only one who knows where I am. She and Jackson are still going strong and I’m so happy for her.

  Michelle is alive and well. Well, as well as one can be after going through what she did. She doesn’t know that Julian was the one who found her. She doesn’t talk much about what happened that night and I think it’s mostly because she’s embarrassed. She went willingly with Cyrus thinking he was a normal guy. What happened to her should never happen to anybody and I can honestly say, I’m glad he’s dead now. He was a sick bastard and had raped and tried to strangle Michelle to death. He punched her repeatedly in the face and caused some serious damage. Julian got there before he was able to kill her and I will always be grateful that he prevented my friend from dying.

  Michelle and her husband are struggling to stay together. She confessed to him that she had cheated on him before and he assumed she was going to do it again with Cyrus except that he turned out to be a sicko. Derek feels bad about what happened to Michelle though and wants to be there for her while she tries to not only heal physically but emotionally. I think he’ll stick around for a little while but I don’t think they’re going to last very long. It might be better for both of them though. It’s clear they aren’t happy and maybe they’ll be able to find happiness without each other.

  Then, of course, there is Julian. Once I got here and was still staying in a hotel looking for a permanent place to live, I texted him to let him know that I was safe. He instantly called me and I hesitated for a moment before answering. I knew he wouldn’t give up though, so I took his call. He asked me where I was, but I refused to tell him and surprisingly he took it well. He did try to say it was because he wanted to send me a late anniversary gift, but I was fine without any reminders of what should have been a happy day. He said he was glad that I was safe and asked about Lucas, wanting to know if I was with him. I informed him that I didn’t tell Lucas where I was either and of course he seemed happy with that answer. I did however tell him that I did plan on being friends with Lucas. I know he wasn’t happy about my wanting to have a friendship with Lucas again, but he didn’t get as upset as I thought he would.

  Since then he’s sent me text messages asking how I am and telling me he misses me. I respond to most of his messages, but only the ones that don’t have anything to do with his feelings towards me. It’s not that I don’t love him anymore. I’m definitely still in love with Julian, but I’m not ready to talk about our relationship status anytime soon. He’s told me that he’ll do anything to prove to me that he’s worthy of my love again, but I just don’t know how to respond to that.

  When I think about Julian killing people, a shudder runs through my body and I can’t shake the terrifying feeling of what he’s capable of. Although on the other hand I think about Michelle. He saved her from that rapist and abusive asshole, and then I can understand what he meant when he said he’s only killed people who don’t deserve to walk the streets. I definitely don’t think Cyrus deserved to continue to live and most likely continue to do the same things to other women. Lord only knows how many others he hurt before Michelle.

  I don’t even know how many people Julian has killed, I never asked. I never asked what exactly those people did that he felt they didn’t deserve to live anymore, either. I guess I should have a conversation with him about all of that at some point.

  Right now I decide to get dressed and get to work. Currently I’m an event photographer for a local magazine, and I also do some fashion shoots with aspiring models when I can. They usually just want portfolio photos and I’m happy to supply them. They may be published in the future, who knows, I’m just doing what I love and that’s good enough for me.

  I’m enjoying my new home, my new city and my new job. I’ve also made a friend here in the apartment complex. I met her out in the pool one afternoon and we hit it off right away. Her name is Meghan and she’s a 23 year old, blonde bombshell. Her naturally blonde hair runs to the middle of her back and she has sparkling green eyes and a killer body. In fact, I’ve taken photos of her and encouraged her to pursue some sort of modeling career. She’s gorgeous and could definitely do any kind of modeling.

  She and I spend many nights in each other’s apartments having movie nights with drinks and junk food. I’m happy to have met a friend right away. It makes it easier to be here.

  ***

  It’s now been four months since I’ve been in California and surprisingly enough, I’m not missing Chicago as much as I thought I would. Life has been good here. I’ve met a few more friends and that is always nice. A few of my photos have been published in magazines and newspapers and even though I hoped that would happen, I was completely surprised when it did. The only bad thing with that is Julian, being Mr. Investigator, somehow saw the photos and found out which town I’ve been living in. It’s not too bad though, considering Julian has been quite nice lately. He isn’t pushing me to be with him, he hasn’t pushed me to go back to Chicago, and he even stopped asking me where I was. I have no doubt though that he’s happy he finally figured it out, although it doesn’t really matter since I could be anywhere in this town. Plus I don’t think he’s really about to just show up and try to take me back with him. Like I said, he’s been pretty understanding about me wanting space for a little while.

  It’s almost Christmas now, and Julian has begged and begged for my address so he can send me a Christmas present. I end up giving it to him and tell him he better not show up on my doorstep anytime soon.

  A few days before Christmas, a package from Julian arrives for me and I’m too nervous to open it right away. I pick up the box and notice that it’s pretty light. It’s about the size of a men’s shoebox and I have no clue what it could be. I wonder if I’m supposed to wait until Christmas to open it. I’m about to text Julian and ask him when my phone rings. I look down at the name and see that it’s Lucas.

  “Hey, Lucas, what’s up?”

  “Hey, not too much, just wanted to call you and see how you’re doing. So, how you doing?” he asks with a chuckle.

  “I’m pretty good. Just living life and all that. How are you?”

  “Pretty much the same. Living the good life.”

  “How good?” I ask with a laugh.

  “Well, my brother and his family are moving out here with me soon. They’ll be staying with me until they get a place of their own. Nick and I are going to be opening up our own bar, so I’m pretty excited about that.”

  I remember Lucas telling me about his brother going to school and getting a business degree and taking a minor in accounting. Lucas has also been taking some classes at a local college and apparently when he worked for Dante, he had collected a good amount of money.

  “That’s great Lucas! I’m so happy for you. I can’t wait to check out your place when it’s all up and running,” I say excitedly.

  “Oh really? Does that mean you’re going to let me tell you where I live?” He asks with a laugh. “If not, you’re going to have one hell of a time trying to find it.”

  “Oh shush. I told you where I’m at, you should be happy about that.”

  “Yeah, you only said California. California is a big state, you could be anywhere.”

  “Okay, okay. I’m near Sacramento, are you happy?”

  “Sacramento huh?”

  “Yep,” I say with a loud pop sound at the end.

/>   “That’s cool.”

  I’m actually surprised he doesn’t say anything more than that but I guess it doesn’t matter.

  “So, have you heard from Julian lately?” he asks, hesitantly.

  He knows I’ve talked to Julian a few times. At first he wasn’t happy about it at all, but he seems to have gotten over it for the most part.

  “Yeah, I talked to him a few days ago actually.”

  “How’s everything going…with that.” He sounds a bit uncomfortable asking, but I know he’s trying to be a good friend.

  “Okay, I guess. Same ole, same ole, pretty much.”

  “Do you forgive him?”

  This question takes me off guard for one, because Lucas doesn’t usually ask too many questions about Julian and two, because I really hadn’t thought about it. Do I forgive him? And for what exactly?

  “Forgive him for what? For lying or for killing people?” I ask.

  “Uh, both I guess.”

  “I don’t know, Lucas. I really don’t. I’ve tried to understand him and I’m not someone who can hold grudges against people for lying. I did it for years and I know everybody lies at some point in their life. But his lie was pretty outrageous, and who am I to forgive him for killing people? That’s not my job.”

  “I guess you’re right. I was just wondering, but hey, I gotta go so I’ll talk to you soon. Take care.”

  “Okay, you too. Bye.”

  After hanging up with Lucas I start to think about what he asked. Do I forgive Julian? Will I ever be able to forgive and forget? I don’t know. I mean, it isn’t my job to forgive him for what he’s done to other people. I could only forgive him for lying to me and keeping things from me. At the same time, I guess he’d have to forgive me for the same things. Ugh. I don’t want to think about it right now.

  I pick up my phone and send Julian a text.

  Me: Hey, I got a package here.

  Julian’s response is almost immediate.

  Julian: Oh good. Did you open it yet?

  Me: No, I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to wait.

  Julian: I want you to open it now. Once you have, give me a call…if you want.

  Me: Okay, will do. Thanks in advance!

  Julian: Don’t thank me yet.

  Julian’s response doesn’t make me any more eager to open it. In fact, I’m more nervous. I grab the box and walk over to the couch. I sit down on the light brown material and place the package on the coffee table in front of me. I drag the table closer to the couch and start to open it. Once I’ve got through the tape, I open the box and peek in. Even though I didn’t know what to expect, the items in the box take me by surprise. It’s just a bunch of paper. I start to go through them and the first one I see is a report on a man named Joseph Greene. Apparently Joseph had been accused of sexually molesting a six year old girl. The girl had told her mother about it and the mother reported it. Eventually the girl said she had lied and that he never touched her and because she was only six, and there was no other evidence, Joseph wasn’t punished. The six year old was his step daughter. A year later another girl told her mom that Joseph had touched her inappropriately and forced her to touch his genitalia. This girl was eight and she was his niece. Once this story came out, Joseph disappeared.

  I move on to another paper and this one is about a man named Tyler Williams. Tyler allegedly broke into an elderly couple’s home and killed them. He left no DNA evidence at the house.

  I come across a newspaper clipping. It’s an obituary for Dante Rossi. I gasp and my hand shakily goes to my mouth. The obituary doesn’t say how he died; just that he did…three and a half months ago.

  The last paper I see is a letter from Julian.

  My Dearest Bella,

  I hope you understand why I had to send these to you. I needed to explain a few things. First, Joseph Greene was a sick piece of shit. He molested his young family members and decided to run off in hopes of not getting caught. I followed him and watched him and was able to track him down. I saw him hanging out at playground, watching all the little kids. It was disgusting. I saw him walk up to a little girl who was playing by herself and after speaking with her a few moments, he took her by the hand and walked her to his vehicle. I was following him on foot and lost him momentarily when a crowd of people got in between us. By the time I found him, he had the little girl in his truck and she was crying. I walked up to the window and saw his hand going up her leg and his pants were already undone. I couldn’t allow him to continue doing these things. Even if he were convicted and taken to jail, he would get out and keep doing it. I stopped him that day and made sure the little girl made it to her mom safely. I knew then that I had to get rid of him.

  Tyler Williams was a street thug who was too cocky for his own good. He ran his mouth incessantly and it ultimately got him in trouble. I was undercover on another job and overheard him telling his friends about how he killed these old people and how the old man tried to fight him but he snapped his neck with ease. He said the old woman wouldn’t stop screaming so he suffocated her with a pillow. Apparently he was there to rob them and got caught and killed them. His friends found it hilarious and he was talking about the stupid cops and how he’d never be caught and thought he’d try to do it again just to see if he could get away with it.

  I was a rookie at the time, no other coworkers heard his confession. I wasn’t even supposed to be in that area, it was a mistake on my part but I happened to hear him. If I had told, it would have been the rookie who wasn’t even where he was supposed to be that night, versus Tyler who would obviously lie and say he never said anything. His friends wouldn’t rat him out and with his brazen confession of wanting to do it again, I knew I had to stop him.

  I already told you about Cyrus and why I did what I did. I don’t think I have to give you any more information on that. The last thing is about Dante. As you’ve seen, he is dead and before you can even question it, yes, it was because of me. But I did not just go in and murder him. I had “anonymous information” on his dealings and once my bosses had that information they went in to question him. It ended up in a shootout and it wasn’t only him that was killed. I hope that with this information, you will feel safe again. That’s all I’ve ever wanted, you to be safe.

  This is me being completely honest with you, no more lies, no more secrets. I hope that one day you will be able to forgive me. I can’t apologize enough and I will forever try to make it up to you. I know that you want to be friends with Lucas still and I’m okay with that. I can deal with you two being friends, don’t think that I’ll try to keep you two apart. I love you more than you will ever know Annabella.

  I put the papers in my lap and take a breath. My thoughts are all over the place and I’m not even sure how to feel. I’m definitely happy to hear that I don’t have to worry about Dante coming after me anymore. After learning about the men who Julian had killed I felt disgusted by the criminal’s actions and of course felt they should have been punished. Although, I’m sure they had family and friends who still cared about them even though they were sick and heartless. I just can’t find myself to feel too bad for them considering the things they had done. People who hurt young, innocent children just don’t deserve a second chance in my eyes, and the poor elderly couple didn’t deserve to die, either.

  Besides them, Julian only killed Cyrus and I can’t say that I feel too terrible for him either. He was a brutal bastard and wanted to kill both me and Michelle. I shudder just thinking about him.

  He’s killed three people.

  Two of those people he killed before he was with me. He said he was a rookie back then and I wasn’t with him when he was a rookie. So he’s killed one person while we’ve been together and that was to protect a friend of mine. He’s still considered a killer; he still could go to jail if anybody else ever found out.

  It suddenly hits me that he has obviously put his fate in my hands. I have his confession here, in my hand. I have the power to put him behind ba
rs. He trusts me with his life. This causes another wave of emotions to hit. Could I put him in jail? He killed people, yes, but he killed detestable and vile hoodlums. People who would have gone on to hurt, and rape, and kill others, so perhaps he saved a lot of people as well.

  I go to put the papers back in the box and realize I left one in there. It’s something else written from Julian.

  In my world full of chaos, frustration, anger and darkness, you are my moonlight. In my darkest moments it is your light that guides me to see. Without you I am blind and all alone; left to wander through life aimlessly with no hope of ever finding salvation or happiness. Without you, darkness is all I see. It would be all I have left. With you, I know that I am never fully submerged in the dark. With you, I can see.

  You are the stars in my night sky. There is no beauty in this world that can match what I see in you every day. Outside, you are stunning. Every man wishes he had what it is that I have, a wife whose physical beauty is so mesmerizing that she commands attention in every room that she walks in. That doesn’t even hold a candle to the beauty that you possess on the inside. No one has ever loved me the way that you love me. When things become too hard, I turn to you. When things become too dark for us, I look up to you, my star and it is your beauty that guides me home.

  Nothing that I do in this life would ever have any meaning if it wasn’t for you. You keep me centered. You are my sun. Without you, everything in my life would freeze. Everything would stop and I would become lost and immobile, struggling to find my way on my own, in the dark. You are the light that has guided my lie to be successful and full of happiness. You are the reason that we are an example to relationships around us. You tamed me when no one else could. You keep me warm when I am cold and feed the good that is within me and encourage it to grow. You are everything beautiful in my life. My moonlight, stars and sun. I love you.