Double usage

by Christine Bols

  Foster sighed. ‘You’re probably right and I’m getting a bit carried away. We have indeed got to be careful.’

  Cameron’s headache had become much worse during the afternoon and was gripping her head now like a metal band. She hung her jacket on the hallstand and leaned against the wall to stay on top of the pain and the upcoming nausea. Eyes fixed on the Picasso on the wall opposite her she tried to stay upright, but the painting seemed to move around, leaving a veil of flickering lights on her retina. Uncontrollable thoughts swirled around in her head: she would have to cancel dinner with Sean, the plants needed watering, the water in the fishbowl needed refreshing. She stumbled to the sofa, kicked off her shoes and fell like a sack of flour on the soft leather. She managed to open her eyes one more time before darkness surrounded her.

  Sean was in a very good mood when he parked his old Crown in front of the house, next to Cam’s Toyota. Finally she had accepted his invitation for a dinner, but only after he had convinced her that he only wanted her friendship and company, nothing else. Well, it was a start and maybe she would change her mind and start regarding him as a bit more than that. He would wait patiently until she had put Tim out of her mind. Patience, a good quality he had practiced between the four walls of his cell. He shut down the engine and tried to open the door. With a loud creaking sound it finally gave in. A new car wouldn’t be a luxury but for the time being he couldn’t afford it. To his surprise he saw the front door ajar.

  ‘Cam, are you there?’ he shouted from the threshold. No answer. She would probably be in the bathroom and had just forgotten to close the door. He stepped into the living room and heard a soft moaning. Slightly worried by now he went on and almost stumbled over her shoes. Pale, sweat on her forehead, she lay curled up on her side on the sofa, her left arm hanging over the side. He patted her gently on the cheek. Moaning was the only reaction he got but then she slowly opened her eyes.

  ‘Cam’, he said. ‘Don’t you feel well?’

  ‘Head’, she whispered almost inaudibly. She stayed in the same position and didn’t move. He hurried to her bedroom, took the duvet from her bed and put it over her. Her forehead felt cold and damp and by now he really started to worry. She was lethargic, didn’t react to anything.

  ‘Cam, I’m calling the ambulance right now.’

  ‘Tim’, she mumbled.

  Did she mean he had to call Tim instead of the ambulance? Or did she take him for his brother? He had neither idea nor time to think about it and pushed 911 on his mobile. He explained to the operator what was happening and gave him the address, adding that they had to hurry. Fifteen minutes later he saw the blue flashing lights. Two men hurried from the car to the house with a stretcher, the third one obviously was a doctor. From that moment on everything happened very quickly. The doctor examined her vital functions, gave her a drip and hooked her to the heart monitor that produced a beeping sound right away. Within two minutes she was put on the gurney and taken to Grand Sam in a hurry. Sean followed the ambulance in his ramshackle Crown but after five minutes he lost sight of it. He heard the sirens getting away from him but still saw the glow of the blue flashing lights in the dusk.

  Fifteen minutes later, which had seemed like an eternity and where he had cursed his Crown at least a hundred times, he parked in a small open space right in front of the emergency entrance. He saw the plate ‘medical staff only’, but ignored it. He hurried to the desk where a nurse was filling in paperwork. Doctors with floating white coats hurried through the corridors from left to right.

  ‘Excuse me’, he said to the nurse when she looked up. ‘Miss Cameron Saunders has just been brought in. Where can I find her?’

  The woman looked at him questioningly. ‘Are you a relative?

  ‘A good friend’, he said nervously. ‘Sean Sackley. I am the one who found her.’

  She pushed a few keys on her computer. ‘At the moment she is in radiology for a scan. Maybe you better take a seat in the waiting room, it may take a while. I’ll let you know when you can see her.’

  Reluctantly Sean sat down on one of the green plastic chairs. He made sure he kept in sight of the nurse so she wouldn’t forget about him. The big clock on the wall indicated eight o’clock. He jumped up when he heard the squeaking wheels of a gurney. A head with grey, messed up hair was visible above the sheets. Disappointed he sat down again. According to the clock only ten minutes had passed but it felt like an hour. He picked up one of the magazines that were scattered around on a little table. He couldn’t concentrate and started to pace up and down the hall. The nurse looked at him sympathetically while she was talking to a young woman with a screaming child in her arms. In the meantime a man who was shouting and ranting was rolled in, tethered to the stretcher with a leather belt, followed by an older man on foot with a bleeding gash on his forehead. Probably tipplers. Sean reflected on his own debauched life and on the nights he had spent in several bars in town. Often he hadn’t even remembered how he got home. But the evening he almost killed Debby was engraved in his memory. The small body motionless on the driveway, the blonde hairs coloring red, and Tim’s eyes staring at him in anger and disbelief. How could he ever expect his brother to forgive him for this? Hell, he couldn’t even forgive himself. Just as he went to sit down again, a man with a green coat and cap came in his direction. Sean jumped up. The back of the plastic chair bumped against the wall with a rattling sound.

  ‘Are you a relative of Miss Saunders’? the man asked, shaking Sean’s hand.

  ‘No, but I am a very good friend, Sean Sackley. I found her. How is she now doctor?’

  ‘Well, we still have to do some tests before we can say anything.’

  ‘But you have a preliminary diagnosis then?’

  ‘Mister Sackley, these are family matters really, only to be discussed with close relatives.’

  ‘As far as I know she only has a sister, but she lives in Canada. They’re not very close.’

  The man looked at him in doubt. ‘She is asking for a Tim.’

  ‘That’s my brother’.

  ‘Then you better give him a call and ask him to come to the hospital. When you have done that, you can pay a short visit to Miss Saunders. She is in 2B but please don’t tire her out, only five minutes.’

  The man turned around and went back into the corridor. Sean felt like a lead coat was put on his shoulders. Cameron wanted to see Tim. He would have to call him, no way round it, but he wanted to see Cam first. He went into the long corridor, lit by cold fluorescent light. 2B was in the back on the left. The door squeaked when he opened it.

  ‘Hi Cam’, he whispered when she opened her eyes. She smiled faintly. He took her cold hand in his, making sure he didn’t touch the needle from the drip.

  ‘I mustn’t tire you out, you have to rest.’

  ‘Tim won’t know where I am, he will be worried sick. Did you call him?’ The words came out haltingly.

  Sean wondered if her confusion was caused by the medication or if there was something much worse going on. She obviously thought she and Tim were still a couple.

  ‘I will call him right away Cam. He will be here in no time. You rest and I’ll stay around.’ She nodded and closed her eyes. When he came back into the hall he took out his mobile. His hands were shaking.

  Tim stepped out of the shower when he heard the phone ringing.

  ‘I’ll take it’, Jude shouted from the kitchen where she was preparing dinner. The ringing stopped. He heard her talking but didn’t understand what she was saying. When he entered the kitchen he saw her clutching the receiver to her chest. She looked worried.

  ‘Something wrong?’ he asked. ‘Who is it?’

  She hesitated. ‘Your brother.’

  He didn’t try to take the phone. His eyes flashed and it felt as if he was nailed to the floor. ‘Tell him I’m not home’, he shouted.

  ‘I think it would be best to talk to him’, Jude said softly. ‘It’s important.’

  He stood still for a while befor
e approaching her and took the receiver with trembling hands. When after a few minutes he put down the phone, he looked at Jude. ‘Cameron is in hospital. She is asking for me.’

  Jude nodded. ‘Go ahead.’

  He didn’t know what to expect, but if Sean had called him it would have to be something serious. He parked his car on the visitor’s parking lot and went through central administration to the emergency. He hated hospitals, the smell, the memories of Gwen and Debby, the overwhelming atmosphere of illness and death. He heard the hissing and pumping of a respirator, the beeping of a heart monitor. He looked at the room numbers. The door of 2B was ajar. He knocked softly and went in. Cam was lying in a bed, pale, her eyes closed. As he pulled a chair next to the bed she opened her eyes. Tim was startled by the dull look. When she realized he was sitting beside her, her eyes flickered, her hand looked for his and she sighed happily when she found it.

  ‘You must have been worried’, she murmured.

  He didn’t know exactly what she meant, but nodded. ‘What happened?’

  She frowned and tried to smile. ‘You’re here honey, that’s the most important. Oh, my head’, she moaned.

  Obviously she was very confused and he didn’t know what to think about it. Softly he caressed her hand, making soothing sounds.

  ‘You rest and I’ll go and find a doctor in the meantime.’

  She didn’t react when his lips touched her cold forehead. Just as he came out of the door into the corridor, he bumped into a man with a green coat.

  ‘Tim Sackley?’ the man asked.

  ‘Indeed’.

  ‘I am doctor Hyang, neurologist. I just examined your partner and I’m afraid her condition is not good.’

  Tim felt a shiver down his spine. ‘What is wrong with her?’ he asked nervously.

  Hyang hesitated for a few seconds. ‘A brain tumor. Didn’t you notice any strange behavior lately?’

  Tim thought about it. The fact that she invited Sean was odd. He remembered now that she had been complaining about headaches a lot and that one evening she presented him a steak with a dollop of ketchup which was certainly not her normal style. ‘Yes, now you mention it. She was more preoccupied and not her normal self.’

  ‘And you didn’t find that odd?’

  ‘No, not really. But we have separated a few weeks ago.’

  Hyang frowned. ‘I thought you were her boyfriend. I’m afraid we have a small problem then.’

  ‘How so?’

  ‘The tumor has to be removed right away, rather today than tomorrow. And since she is not capable of giving her permission I had hoped you would. It is major surgery Mister Sackley. There is a big chance she will have permanent brain damage, it’s even possible she might not wake up from the anesthetic.’

  Tim ruffled his hair and looked at Hyang worriedly. ‘Her only sister lives in Canada but as far as I know they’re not in contact anymore. Her father died five years ago, her mother last year.’

  Hyang thought it through for a few moments. ‘All right, I will have to ask the opinion of a colleague then. I want her on the operating table first thing tomorrow morning.’

  Tim’s brain worked overtime. All kinds of questions tumbled through his head. Where would she stay when she came out of hospital? Who would take care of her? Would her memory come back and would she realize that they weren’t together anymore? Automaton like he shook Hyang’s hand. The doctor turned and disappeared through the sliding doors.

  He was startled when someone patted his shoulder. Turning around he looked right into the pale face of Sean. After a painful silence Sean was the first one to speak. ‘You still love her, don’t you?’

  ‘None of your business’, he answered furiously.

  ‘Yes, it is Tim. I’m the one who picked up the pieces after she left you. Tim’, I’m really sorry I just turned up that evening. I should have known better. I caused your breaking up.’

  Tim looked stunned. Cam obviously hadn’t told him about the ankle chain she had found in their bed. Let him stew in his own fat, let him think he caused it. If he hadn’t been drunk the evening he hit Debby, none of this would have happened.

  Because Tim didn’t react, Sean went on. ‘I will look after her when she comes out of hospital. During the day I’ll make sure there’s a nurse present and I’ll stay with her during the night.’

  Suddenly Tim realized he didn’t even know where Cam lived. His own voice sounded strange in his ears when he said: ‘If someone takes care of her, it will be me. She is coming back to my house, and don’t you dare come and visit her.’

  Sean shrugged his shoulders and turned around. Tim wondered how Jude would react to all of this. Was he doing the right thing taking Cam in? Would Cam herself want this?

  ‘Thanks for the offer anyway’, Tim said reluctantly.

  Sean turned around again a soft smile on his face. ‘My offer stands.’

  Jude reacted coolly when he told her of his decision. He felt she tried to make sense of it, but she didn’t succeed very well. He understood. He would also understand if she went back to her hotel and finally back to Springfield. What a dammed mess. But he could not leave Cam to cope for herself.

  ‘Jude, this is only a practical arrangement. You know it’s you I love, not Cam. But I feel responsible for what happened, and it’s only temporary until she gets better.’

  ‘You don’t know that Tim. You don’t even know if she will ever get better or get her memory back. Three is too much, I wouldn’t be able to cope and neither would you I think. Let’s just be colleagues until David comes back.’ Tears streamed down her face and she didn’t try to hide them. A few moments later a faint smile appeared on her face. She took his hand and caressed his face. ‘We had a good time, but I always knew it would end one day, only I never expected it to be for this reason and not that quick.’

  ‘This doesn’t have to mean the end for us Jude’. He felt his voice tremble. ‘When Cam is better again, we…’

  ‘No Tim, you still love her although you may not realize it yourself. A woman has a sixth sense for these things. It really is better for both of us that I leave. I’ll get my things together now.’

  He wondered if he should have taken Sean up on his offer, it would have made things so much easier. Jude wouldn’t have to leave. He couldn’t live without her. He heard the opening and closing of drawers upstairs and rummaging in the bathroom. For a few moments he hesitated, not sure what to do, but then he stormed up the stairs, three steps at the time. She was standing in the bathroom, leaning over the sink, her shoulders shaking. Slowly he approached her and put his arms around her waist. As he didn’t feel any resistance he kissed her on the neck.

  ‘You do realize you don’t have to go’, he said in a suffocating voice. ‘It’s not because I want to take care of Cam that I don’t love you anymore.’

  ‘I know, but it’s better this way, believe me. I’ll be all right.’

  ‘I will call Sean and tell him I changed my mind.’

  She looked at him, tears in her eyes. ‘No Tim, you won’t. I know you don’t want me to go, but what I do know too is that you still feel something for her, one way or another. I would feel like the third wheel on a carriage and I can’t live with that. And have you considered how Cam would feel about that? If she really thinks the two of you are still together, how would she be able to understand what I’m doing here?’

  Tim knew she was right but he had a hard time coping. Maybe her memory would come back and she might not even want to move in with him again. Maybe she wouldn’t even survive surgery. He hated himself for even thinking that but he loved Jude. He sat down on the bed, head between his hands. He felt a tear running over his cheek and wiped it away with the palm of his hand. Jude sat next to him on the bed and took his hands in hers.

  ‘Thanks for the great time’, she said. ‘You made the right decision.’ It was quiet for a while, then she went on. ‘Now that Williams is in jail I don’t have to stay here anymore. I plan on going back to Spri
ngfield tonight. I’ll call Foster tomorrow.’

  Tim looked at her sadly but nodded.

  CHAPTER 24

  July 5, the day after Independence Day, Cam was released from hospital. He had collected her and brought her to his house. She lay in a hospital bed next to the window on the garden side and enjoyed a steaming cup of soup.

  ‘Thank you honey’, she said cheerfully. ‘You have been worrying about me haven’t you?’

  He nodded. ‘But you’re home now, and that’s the most important thing.’ He hadn’t seen Jude since she left that evening and it ate away at him. Several times he had been on the point of calling her, but changed his mind every time. He had paid a visit to Amy Donovan in hospital. She was doing fine, had an artificial eye now and in the days to come she would undergo a breast reconstruction. She was still weak but was very pleased to hear that Williams had been arrested. Tim suspected her life would never be the same again, would be filled with nightmares and anxieties, but she still had a life, the others didn’t. He watched Cam enjoying her soup. It was pity he felt, not love.

  ‘I’m really glad to be back. They took real good care of me in hospital, but home sweet home is still better.’

  ‘Yeah, I can understand that. By the way, David is back home too. His leg is still in plaster but for the rest he’s fine.’

  Cam looked at him blankly. ‘What happened to David?’

  ‘Just a little accident. Not that bad.’

  He started when he heard the door bell. His heart hoped it would be Jude, his mind said otherwise. As he opened the door he saw Jameson in front of him. He had completely forgotten he had invited him tonight. After that dreadful evening he had revised his opinion about the man. He had done a damn good job.

  ‘Very nice neighborhood’, Jameson said as he stepped in. He looked at Cam in the hospital bed and shook her hand.

  ‘Well, I never liked the hustle and bustle of the city’, Tim laughed.