A MATTER OF CHOICE for EPUB

by Landon, Laura

  He ushered her up the stairs almost at a run. The minute they crossed their bedroom threshold, he kicked the door closed and slid the lock. Without giving her time to even glance at her gowns, he took her in his arms and made slow, languorous love to her. He would do whatever it took so she never doubted him.

  She was far too important to him. Far more precious than he’d ever intended his wife to become.

  Chapter 15

  “You’re tired.” Joshua tucked her close to him as their carriage clattered over London’s cobbled streets.

  “Just a little.”

  It wasn’t a lie. She had good reason to be tired. They’d attended at least one event every night for the last two weeks. Most times two or three. From the afternoon of the scene with his father, Joshua insisted they be seen together every day. It was as if he needed to show Society they were the perfect couple. As if proving his father wrong was of the utmost importance. Tonight they were attending her sister Phoebe’s ball.

  “We won’t stay long,” he whispered, as their carriage slowed, then stopped. A footman raced to open their door.

  Joshua exited first and reached for her hand to help her from their carriage. From the number of vehicles that lined the street there was already a huge crush of people inside. This was normal for any function Phoebe hosted. Unlike Allison, her three sisters were in their element when surrounded by hordes of people.

  She stepped onto the damp cement and breathed a heavy sigh. She would be glad when they could spend a quiet evening at home. Happier yet when they could go back to Graystone.

  She didn’t know what was wrong with her, but she’d felt uneasy since Ashbury had thrown out his wild accusations. He’d voiced her deepest fears as if they were guaranteed to become a reality.

  If only she could keep his words buried deep inside her where she could forget them.

  She silently chastised herself. There was no reason to feel this way. Joshua had given her no cause for concern, no cause to doubt him. If anything, he’d been the model husband. She was the envy of every married woman wherever they went. And yet…

  “Is everything all right?” he asked handing over their cloaks to a footman.

  “Yes, fine.”

  He walked with her to the top of the stairs leading to the ballroom and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “We will just make an appearance, then leave.”

  The minute they were announced, the crowd turned to stare at them. He flashed her a heart-stopping smile and all her doubts faded.

  “Allie,” Phoebe said, then reached out to give her a very warm hug. “Lord Montfort.”

  “Lady Fortiner. Fortiner,” Joshua answered.

  Allison noticed the speculative look on her sister’s face. If they’d been alone, she had no doubt her sister would have been forward enough to inquire about the more intimate aspects of her marriage. Thank heaven there was a crowd behind them.

  “You both look as happy as everyone says.” Phoebe gave Joshua a huge smile.

  “That is because marriage agrees so entirely.” He placed his arm around Allison’s waist. “I have married a remarkable woman.”

  The look he gave her was one of pure adoration. The murmur behind them crescendoed and Allison knew her husband had been raised another notch in every woman’s esteem.

  How could she ever have doubted him? She only had to remember his attentiveness and consideration to realize the man she’d married had given his vows seriously. She was the foolish one for letting her own fears overshadow her happiness. Any doubts she harbored were of her own making.

  She gave his hand a gentle squeeze and vowed from this moment on to quiet the nagging voice that repeated the bitter warnings the Duke of Ashbury had spewed in anger.

  “Are Mary and Tess here?”

  “They’re standing together near the second set of patio doors talking to the dowager Countess of Etonbury and Lady Questry.”

  Her gaze moved to the back of the long, narrow room. Double-paned French doors took up the length of one wall of the ballroom. They were open to let in a cool breeze.

  Phoebe leaned closer. “You missed our small scandal.” She spoke loud enough for just Allison to hear. Joshua was carrying on a conversation with the earl. “Lady Questry and Lady Bingham were on their way to one of the retiring rooms and came upon Lord Questry in a semi-compromising situation.”

  Allison felt the first prickle of unease. “What, pray tell, is a semi-compromising situation?”

  “Well, it seems the Ladies Questry and Bingham saw Lord Questry and Lady Paxton sharing a most intimate embrace. It didn’t take Lady Bingham long to alert the entire room as to what she’d witnessed.”

  Allison was shocked. “Lord Questry! But he’s barely been married a year!”

  “What does that have to do with anything?” Phoebe asked. “Lady Paxton’s loose conduct is well known. One can hardly blame Questry for taking what is freely offered.”

  Allison was shocked. “Surely you don’t mean that?”

  “If only human nature weren’t so predictable. But it is. It’s a rare husband who can be trusted.”

  Allison let her gaze focus on Lady Questry. The young wife stood alongside Mary and Tess amidst a small group of ladies all near the same age. She wore a bright smile on her face and joined in on the conversation as if nothing untoward had happened.

  How could she do it? How could she face everyone after witnessing her husband embracing another woman? Allison knew she couldn’t. She wouldn’t.

  “Allison, is something wrong?”

  Joshua’s deep, rich voice brought her back to the present and she took a huge gulp of air, then lifted her gaze to his face. “No.” She placed her hand on his arm. She needed the contact.

  He smiled at her. “Would you like something to drink?”

  She shook her head. “The orchestra is playing a waltz, Lord Montfort.” She wanted him to hold her. Needed to feel his arms around her.

  Her husband’s gaze turned seductive. “How remiss of me not to have noticed.” He gave their host and hostess a graceful nod. “If you will excuse us.”

  She stepped into his arms the minute they reached the dance floor. He held her closer than was proper while they danced, but she didn’t separate herself from him. She didn’t care if they caused talk.

  When the music ended, she stayed in his arms even as the other couples left the dance floor. She needed to feel his arms around her. Needed to cast every doubt and shred of mistrust from her mind.

  And forget the hateful words his father had said.

  +++

  Joshua stepped out onto the flagstone patio and inhaled a deep breath of cool nighttime air. The crush at the Fortiner ball was suffocating. At times like this, he longed for the quiet solitude of Graystone. The magical nights when he had Allison all to his own.

  He made his way to a secluded corner and leaned against the stone balustrade, taking a swallow of the brandy in his hand and looking at the stars.

  “Much more peaceful here than inside,” the Marquess of Chardwell said, his voice a welcome interruption.

  “I didn’t know you’d arrived.” Joshua turned to his friend.

  “How could you? It’s too crowded in there to see your own hand in front of your face, let alone someone else’s. Why is it, do you suppose, we attend such gatherings?”

  “Because it’s expected of us.” Joshua propped one hip on the stone railing and crossed his arms over his chest. “I’ve barely seen you in the past two weeks.”

  “I had business to attend to at one of my estates. How are things with you?”

  “Are you inquiring after my wife?” He couldn’t help but smile.

  “Of course.”

  He laughed. “Only a fool could find something to complain about where she is concerned.”

  “You sound hopeless, Montfort.”

  “I fear I am. But I do not regret it. Marriage isn’t what I thought it would be. Things couldn’t be better.”

  “With your
father as well?”

  He took a swallow of the drink in his hand then breathed a sigh. “I’m afraid things haven’t improved where he’s concerned. I talked to his solicitor this morning and he still refuses any help from me. He’s alarmingly destitute but is hiding away at Ashland Park.”

  Chardwell held his silence for a long moment, then uttered a thought Joshua had refused to contemplate. “Perhaps your father needs help, my friend. Perhaps he needs to go someplace where—“

  “No!” Joshua spun away. “I won’t lock him away. He’s a duke, for God’s sake. He’s my father. He’s—”

  “He’s sick. And you’re not safe as long as he’s filled with such bitterness and hatred.”

  He slashed his hand through the air. “Can you imagine what the ton would say if I put my father away? That all the rumors surrounding my brother’s death were true. That I killed him to inherit his title, just as my father has insisted all these years. That I’m so greedy for the dukedom that even murder isn’t beneath me.”

  “No one believes that, Montfort. It’s only your struggle with guilt that won’t let your conscience rest easy. There are some things over which we have no control. Your brother’s death was one of them. You couldn’t have prevented it from happening, and no matter how much you wish it, you can’t trade places with Philip. Ignoring your father’s sickness will not make it go away.”

  “I know.” He leaned his hands flat against the railing and stared into the darkness. “I keep hoping that Philip’s death will be easier for him to handle if I give him more time.”

  “I pray you’re right,” Chardwell said.

  But Joshua didn’t hear much hope in his friend’s voice.

  They stood together in the darkness, the veranda lit only by a scattering of lanterns that cast them both in shadows. All that could be said already had. He knew Chardwell was right. His father was sick. And no amount of time would heal him.

  But no matter how much he agreed, he couldn’t force himself to take action. Not against his father.

  “I think I’ll make a final tour of the ballroom,” Chardwell said, clasping his hand on Joshua’s shoulder in a comforting gesture. “Then go to my club. I’ve battled all the marriage-minded mamas I can for one evening. Are you ready to return?”

  He shook his head. “In a moment. You go ahead.”

  He heard Chardwell’s footsteps fade and knew when he was alone in the darkness. He wished Allison was here with him. Things would not seem so hopeless if only she were in his arms.

  “Good evening, my lord,” a soft, feminine voice crooned from behind him.

  He turned, wishing the voice belonged to his wife. Disappointed because it didn’t. “Good evening, Lady Paxton.”

  She laughed, her laughter a husky, seductive sound. “My, my. How formal, Lord Montfort. I seem to recall it was not that long ago you whispered my name in passion.”

  He stiffened. “That was a long time ago. Before I married. Now, my wife’s name is the only name I whisper in passion.”

  “How sad.”

  Lady Paxton closed the short distance between them and stood near enough that he could feel the heat radiate from her.

  “It’s not uncommon,” she said, pressing her palm against his chest, “for men and women who are not married to each other to remain friends. Close friends.”

  He looked down and wondered what he’d ever seen in her. How could he have thought her enticing, appealing?

  “I’m afraid such an arrangement would be impossible.” He lifted her hand from beneath the lapels of his jacket.

  “Are you afraid your wife would object?”

  “I am certain she would, but not nearly as much as I would.”

  She arched her fiery brows and pursed her full, lush lips. “What a shame.” With a swish of her full skirts she stepped from one side of him to the other. “I can’t believe you intend to disappoint me so.”

  He laughed. “You’d best believe it. But don’t despair. You’ve never had difficulty finding a legion of suitors to shower you with attention.”

  “Oh, it’s not attention I would lack, Montfort. It would be your attention I would sorely miss.”

  “I’m flattered, Lady Paxton, but there’s nothing I intend to do about it. Now, if you will excuse me.”

  He tried to step around her but she moved close, stopping his escape.

  “Surely you don’t intend to leave me so soon.”

  “I do. I’ve left my wife far too long and miss her desperately.”

  “I don’t believe it.” She wore an incredulous look.

  “Alas, it’s true. Marriage has changed me.”

  “Perhaps you just need to be reminded of how it used to be between us?” She moved closer and placed one foot on either side of his feet, then leaned against him, her body so close he could feel her thighs hard against his and her breasts pressed against his chest.

  “I’ve missed you terribly, Montfort,” she whispered seductively, then brushed her fingertips down his cheek, to his neck and down his chest.

  He clamped his hand over hers none too gently and pushed it away. “I doubt you’ve had time to miss me, my lady. Gentlemen trade places in your bed with such frequency it’s impossible for you to miss one lover before the next one takes his place.”

  Anger flashed from her eyes but quickly faded. With lightning speed, she looped her arms around his neck and leaned into him. She wore a seductive smile on her face and stood on her tiptoes, lifting her lips to meet his. “Oh, yes. I have missed you.”

  A sickening repulsion surged through him. He immediately wanted to be far away from her. Was desperate to forget the kind of person he used to be. “Step away from me.” He glared at her with more repulsion than he thought it possible to feel. “Now.”

  As if tempting him to forcibly remove her, she kept her arms wrapped around his neck. He was filled with a deep abhorrence. He couldn’t abide the feel of her against him. Couldn’t stand to have her anywhere near him.

  With uncharacteristic roughness, he clasped his hands high on her arms and pushed her away.

  A movement from the doorway caught his attention. He turned. Nothing. The doorway was empty.

  He breathed a sigh of relief, tamping down the self-loathing he felt for letting Lady Paxton lure him like she had. He couldn’t imagine what Allison would have thought had she come upon them, couldn’t imagine the hurt he would have caused her.

  Without a look in Serena’s direction, he stepped away from her. He was barely able to stop himself from wiping his hands on his jacket to get the feel of her off him. He would never let anything like that happen ever again. Never!

  +++

  Allison stood in the small circle that included her three sisters, Lady Etonbury, Lady Questry, and Lady Bingham, all friends and acquaintances. They each shared the latest gossip and talk about the newest fashions, subjects that required little thought. It was all she could do to keep a smile on her face and look as if she were interested in their trivialities. Her gaze repeatedly moved to the patio door, waiting for her husband to walk through it. Trying to forget what she’d just seen.

  The buzz in her head grew louder until she could hardly think. Her stomach lurched and she wrapped her arms around her middle, praying she wouldn’t have to run from the room.

  She’d seen him. Seen Joshua with Lady Paxton. Seen her arms wrapped around his neck and her mouth lifting to meet his.

  A fresh wave of devastation turned her skin cold and clammy. Her legs trembled beneath her, her face burned as if it were on fire. How she wished she’d never sought him out. Wished she hadn’t seen them together. And yet, did she really want to be so ignorant of what went on around her?

  “Yes!” a chorus of voices deep within her screamed.

  Her head swam in a muddy confusion she couldn’t find her way out of.

  “Isn’t that right, Allison?” her sister, Mary asked, touching her arm to gain her attention.

  She jumped in surprise.

/>   “Is everything all right?” her sister asked, studying her more intently than she wanted.

  “Yes. I was just wool gathering. What was it you wanted?”

  “Never mind. It would take too long to explain again. Besides, here comes your husband to monopolize your attention. We’ve lost you again.”

  Allison’s heart pounded in her breast, her palms suddenly damp with perspiration.

  “We wondered how soon he would be here to claim you,” Lady Bingham teased. “We’ve had you to ourselves for all of fifteen minutes.” She gave the rest of the group a knowing look. “That must be a record so far. We all had bets he couldn’t be separated from you even this long.”

  The ladies in the small circle laughed, voicing comments that expressed their envy.

  “He doesn’t show signs of losing interest in his new bride, does he?” Lady Enderline noted, casting Joshua a glance as he wended his way through the crush of people crowding the ballroom. “I remember my Lord Enderline acting the same way just after we married. His attentiveness lasted all of about…two weeks.”

  The ladies in the group giggled again.

  Allison’s sister Tess tapped her cheek thoughtfully. “From the rather hungry look in his eyes, I’ll wager he hasn’t begun to tire of his new bride. I’ll give him at least another month before his attentions begin to wane.”

  “Oh, no,” Phoebe chimed in. “With that look, I’m sure it will be another six months.”

  Allison felt the air leave her body. The room spun around her.

  “I wager he lasts longer than that,” Mary said with a decidedly wicked grin on her face. “Just look at the way his eyes haven’t left Allison since he walked in from the patio. It’s been years since I’ve seen that look on my husband’s face. I’ll bet all next quarter’s pin money when he reaches us he says it’s time to leave.”

  The crowd of women all twittered behind their open fans then parted when Joshua came up beside her. She thought her legs would collapse beneath her. How could she keep up this pretense when…when she knew?