“What?”
“What if something goes wrong? What if one bad thing happens to her? Will that be the thing that sends her down the same road my sister went down? Then when I got the report of a break in and I realized it was your apartment… I knew as soon as you opened the door that I couldn’t leave you there, Mia. I couldn’t do it.”
“I’m glad. I’m glad that you didn’t leave me there. I love you so much, Logan.”
He leans over and places a kiss on my lips. “I love you too.” He pushes me back down onto the bed, hovering just above me, looking down at me and seeking my approval. I wrap my arms around his neck and pull him down further. It’s all the acknowledgement he needs from me.
He quickly removes my underwear, tossing them on the floor and reaching over to the nightstand for a condom. He rips the wrapper with his teeth and rolls it on lighting fast.
There’s no foreplay tonight. He slides into me, pushing until he’s all the way in. Logan is good at making sex about me, making it about my experience and my satisfaction, but tonight it’s about him. He needs it to be and I want to give it to him.
I slide my hands down his back and hold on as he moves in and out of me slowly. He kisses my neck and I tug on his ear lightly with my teeth. I move my hips, slowly matching his rhythm, enhancing the delicious friction that comes with each move he makes. It doesn’t take long before I feel the familiar buildup of sensation rising.
“Logan!” I call.
“Let go for me baby,” he whispers.
I wrap my legs around his waist and my hands clutch his shoulders as my climax sweeps over me. Logan follows soon after with his own release, calling out my name as he comes. I hold onto him tightly, rubbing his back as he collapses on top of me—careful not to give me all of his weight.
He kisses me again, a final show of affection before he pulls away. He lies back down and pulls me into his side before closing his eyes and drifting off to sleep.
Tim thankfully recovered from his gunshot wound and was released from the hospital a few days ago. Logan and I even visited him in the hospital a few times.
I think he needed to see for himself that his partner was going to be okay. Even though Tim is doing better, Logan is still a little bit off. He seems to be more pensive than usual, but I’m hoping that as the weeks go by he’ll return to his normal self.
I’ve been looking for a job for the past week and a half and have yet to find anything. Logan tells me not to stress myself out about it and that he doesn’t mind taking care of us, but I can’t help but want to contribute. I don’t want to become too dependent on him, because if we don’t work out I’ll be back at square one.
We ran into Sarah at the grocery store on Saturday. She took one look at us and turned her shopping cart around in an attempt to avoid us.
Logan however had other plans. He went after her and they had words. I’m pretty sure it was a heated discussion, but I wanted to avoid the whole dramatic scene so I stayed far away. Afterwards, I argued with Logan for confronting her but he told me it had been worth it and he would do it again. We made up pretty quickly because Logan is an expert at kicking up the charm when he needs to in order to get his way.
The rest of our week has been uneventful, I’m trying not to stress out about not working and really it is nice to be able to be at home and spend more time with Lily. She’s so much more alert now. She’s more active and smiles at everyone, but I can tell she prefers me and Logan.
I’ve started running as a way to clear my head because it really helps me to distress. Logan’s been all about watching Lily while I take this time to myself, his only demand being that I don’t run alone at night—a request which I’m only too happy to accept.
I turn out of the driveway and jog for the first few minutes. I turn right, heading towards the park, but right before I can break into a full run, a hand wraps around my arm and forces me to come to an abrupt stop.
I gasp as I’m pulled around to the back of a building, as my body hits the wall. My heart rate picks up, my mind is telling me to yell—to kick, punch, fight, but I’m too shocked to do a thing. I focus on the face of my assailant and my body instantly goes stiff.
I can barely breathe, but I manage to choke out his name. “Nick.”
“Hi baby,” he says, placing a hand on each side of my head, effectively caging me in. “I was beginning to think you fell off the face of the earth.”
My skin is crawling at the feel of his chest touching mine. I’m panting now, barely able to stand up on my own, or make any moves to get away; the intense fear of seeing him is paralyzing me.
How did he know where to find me?
“What are you doing here?” I whisper, hating myself for sounding so weak when I’m around him.
“I came to see you darlin.” He moves one of his hands from the wall and cups me through my yoga pants. I can feel the bile rising and fight to keep it down. “What do you say we get out of here? We can go back to my hotel and get reacquainted. One more time for old times sake huh?”
“Let go of me!” I yell, pushing his hand away from me.
“God baby, you’ve gotten feisty on me since you left. I like this new side of you, Mia. It would be great if you put up a little bit of a fight every once and a while.”
“Fuck you!” I shout, the anger starting to make me bolder now. “How did you find me?”
“How did I find you? Your parents told me where you are. They’re on their way up here to see you.”
“What?” I breathe out. I always knew they’d be able to find me eventually; I’d just hoped that they wouldn’t care anymore, that they would just let me live my life and let me be.
“I’m here to warn you, Mia. You keep that fucking little mouth of yours shut. Don’t you go getting all honest on me now.”
I jut my chin out in defiance. “Why would I lie for you? I have nothing left to lose.”
“Oh you think not? Nothing has changed. The rules are still the same, only now instead of hurting your parents, I’ll focus on that little boyfriend of yours. But first I’ll make sure to tell him all about you and how you opened up those legs for me.”
I can’t stop the tears from falling. Logan can never know what happened to me, what I allowed to happen. “Leave him out of this.”
He wipes a tear away and gently strokes my hair, which only causes me to cry more. “I’ve seen you two together, you and him with your little brat.”
“Don’t you dare speak about her!”
“Shut up!” He yells, grabbing hold of my neck. “Your parents will be here tomorrow. They’re bringing their lawyer with them and they’re going to try and make you sign those adoption papers.”
“They can’t make me do anything. I’m an adult.”
“You will sign those papers and hand that kid over if you know what is good for you. That little brat is a connection between you and I that can not exist. Do. You. Understand. Me? You do what you have to do or I will.” He spits out, throwing me down to the ground.
I cry out as my shoulder hits the concrete, but I do my best to recover quickly. By the time I look up, Nick is gone and he’s left my life in the path of destruction.
I pick myself up from the ground and lean against the cold building, trying to get my emotions under control. I have to think. I have to figure out my next move and there’s no way that I can let Logan see me like this.
My instincts are telling me to get Lily and run, to just go find another place to live—another state, but the thought of leaving Logan behind kills me; it causes an ache that I’m not sure I can live through. I may not have a choice though.
I can’t ask him to help me, not because he wouldn’t, but because I can’t tell him the truth. I can never tell him about my past because he would never be able to look at me the same way. And if I do say something, if I do tell him what happened, Nick could do something to hurt him. I could never live with myself if that happened.
I start to walk back home, my fe
et feeling heavier with each step I take. This is my home, I love it here, and I love this town, the house I’ve come to share with Logan. The little life that we’re building together is more than I could have ever hoped for but I always knew that keeping Lily meant sacrificing my own dreams. Maybe this life with Logan is just another dream that I need to sacrifice, something else I need to let go of, because as much as I love Logan it would absolutely kill me to lose Lily.
My mind is made up by the time I walk through the front door.
“You’re back soon,” Logan says, looking up at me from the couch.
“I got a cramp.”
He starts to get up but I shake my head at him. “Are you alright?”
“Yes, I’m just going to take a hot shower.” I head upstairs and look around my room, our room. My heart hurts, thinking that this will be my final night here.
I’ll give myself one last night with Logan and when he leaves for work in the morning I’ll take my things and go. I just hope it gives me enough time to avoid my parents, but even if it doesn’t I don’t care. They aren’t the ones who I’m worried about; it’s Nick that scares me, it’s always been Nick.
I get in the shower and let the scalding hot water run over me. It should hurt, but it doesn’t. In fact, I feel nothing. My whole body is numb.
I search my mind for solutions, other alternatives that don’t conclude with me walking away from Logan. Would he come with me if I told him I had to go? Would he pick up and leave everything behind for me, to be with me and Lily? I can’t ask him to do that, he has a life here, a family that I’m going to miss. A family that I’ve learned to love and even though I’ve never admitted it, a family I’ve come to think of as my own.
There is no happy ending for us, no happily ever after, no other way out of my situation. The only option is take Lily and run, and I’ll keep running if I have to. I’ll never give up, never stop fighting for the right to have my daughter and Nick will eventually have to leave me alone. Maybe then I’ll finally be able to find peace.
I spend the rest of the day with Logan and Lily, pushing my sadness aside to try to make this night memorable for us. I pull him down on the ground and we lie there playing with Lily, trying to get her to smile and laugh. I know that in all my life I’ll never forget this night. I’ll look back on it and remember a time when we were both loved.
Logan is already in bed and reading a book by the time I get Lily to sleep in her crib.
“She asleep?” he asks, looking up at me.
I nod my answer and shut the door behind me. I stand there for a minute staring at him, taking in the sight of him because right now just for one more night he belongs to me and I belong to him. The knowledge that this is coming to an end makes my chest ache but I push it aside and walk further into the room. I lock my gaze on him as I push my pants and underwear down and step out of them. I can see the switch, the exact moment when his eyes get heated. They fill with lust quickly, and in response I pull the shirt over my head—tossing it into the now growing pile of clothes on the ground while he puts his book down.
It’s funny. I’ve been thinking all along that it would be Logan to break my heart when in reality it will be me doing the breaking, but tonight I need him to know how much I love him. I need him to feel that he’s it for me, that given the chance I’d spend my entire life trying to make him happy. I need him to understand it tonight so that when he realizes that I’ve gone away he’ll have this memory and know that it wasn’t all a lie.
I stand there a few seconds more, letting him take in the sight of me completely naked and aroused by him, for him. Desperately wanting him to understand that he is the only one that I could be this way with.
I walk over to the bed and pull the sheets off of him. His hardness strains against his boxer briefs, causing me to grin. I climb on the bed and hook my fingers into the waist of his boxers and tug them off easily. I grab hold of him in my hand and gently squeeze, his head falls back onto the pillow and immediately I’m loving the surge of power I have over him. The power to make him feel what I want him to feel and right now I want him to feel loved.
I look up at him. “I’ve never done this before.”
“You don’t have to.”
“I want to.”
“Then just do what feels right,” he says.
I lick the tip of his head then let my tongue run down the underside of his shaft and then up again before I close my mouth around him and take him in. Slowly, I move my head up and down, using my mouth to create a gentle suction.
Logan buries his hands in my hair as I find my rhythm. I take as much of him into my mouth as I can and use my hand at the base of him, stroking him up and down along with my mouth.
“Oh fuck, Mia.” He cries, releasing my hair and hauling me up his body. “I don’t want to come like that.”
I smile at him then lean over to the nightstand and grab a condom. He takes it from me and rips the foil wrapper, then he hands the condom back to me.
I’ve watched him enough times to know how to do it. I pinch the tip then quickly roll it on. I stroke him a few more times before finally positioning myself on top of him, straddling him with my legs. I slowly lower myself onto him until there’s nothing left of him to take. I throw my head back at the feel of him stretching me out. God he feels so good.
I look back at him, memorizing his face, burning it into my brain and fighting back the tears that threaten. “I love you so much. You know that right? I love you more than I ever thought was even possible.”
He reaches up and cups my face in the palm of his hands. “I love you too, Mia. More than anything.”
I pull his hands off my face and link my fingers with his, pushing our conjoined hands onto the mattress and slowly begin to move. I rock my hips slowly at first, savoring every single minute of this, knowing that this will be the last time I have him. He lets me have my control for a little longer before flipping us so that I’m on my back and he’s on top of me.
“I like this side of you baby,” he whispers in my ear, sending goose bumps throughout my body as he slowly enters me again.
I wrap my arms around his neck. “You make me this way. You make me brave,” I say softly, kissing the edge of his mouth.
His gentle thrusts start to become more hurried, more frantic. I know that he feels it too, the surge of chemistry in the air between us.
“Mine.” He declares, looking me in the eye.
“Yes, yours.” I whimper, rocking my hips up. “Harder baby.”
He takes my mouth with his, devouring it as the pace becomes more desperate, the orgasm building from deep within me.
I claw at his back, needing to feel him, having him as close as I can, screaming out from the overwhelming swell of sensations that shove me over the edge as my climax hits hard. I vaguely hear him calling my name out as his release hits. He continues to thrust in and out until his orgasm recedes, then collapses next to me in the bed.
“Oh shit baby.” He breathes out. “That was amazing.”
“The best,” I say, kissing him one last time before he gets up to dispose of the condom.
I close my eyes and roll onto my side, trying to block the tears that are pooling in my eyes. He comes back to bed and slides in behind me, wrapping his arm around my waist and pulling me to him so that my back is firmly secured to his back. He kisses my neck and my cheek.
“Goodnight chief.”
“Goodnight baby.” Goodbye I say in my head, trying to breathe through the very real pain that’s taking up permanent residence in my chest. I wait until he falls asleep then carefully disengage from his hold. I walk across the hall to look at a very peacefully sleeping Lily. I sit in her rocking chair, pulling my knees up to my chest and allow myself to silently cry. I let myself cry for the child I used to be, the girl I was forced to leave behind in order to become a mother. I cry for Lily, for having to take her away from this place, from a family who loves her. I cry for what I’m about to do to Logan,
leaving him behind to wonder why I did it.
I pretend to be asleep when Logan leaves for work, there’s no way I could handle a conversation with him this morning. I heard him go into Lily’s room before he left, I turned to look at the video monitor and caught him just as he leaned over the railing and placed a kiss on her forehead, the same way he did to me moments earlier. My heart is breaking into a million pieces right now but this is my only choice. It’s the only way I can make sure I keep Lily and Logan stays safe. I wait for the sound of the car leaving the driveway and get out of bed. I go to the closet, grab my bags and start throwing my belongings into them. In the bathroom, I take my hair products, makeup and toothbrush, everything else can be replaced. Once I’m satisfied that I’ve taken the necessities, I go into Lily’s room and do the same, taking only the necessities.
I bring the bags downstairs, then I quickly feed and change Lily into warm clothes before bringing her downstairs too. I set her down in the playpen and hurry into the kitchen to grab a pen and paper.
I can’t just leave without at least leaving a note to let Logan know that I’m leaving. I’m about to start writing when the doorbell rings. The sound startles me causing me to drop the pen. I don’t even need to look through the peephole to know who’s on the other side of the door. I had hoped to avoid an ugly confrontation with my parents but clearly it wasn’t meant to be. My only hope now is to get them out of here as quickly as possible and somehow make sure that they don’t follow me when I leave.
I open the door and come face to face with my mother and father; the expressions on their faces are positively glacial. My father’s height is intimidating, he’s at least 6’2” to my mother’s much shorter 5’5” frame. My mother looks stunning, perfectly put together in a dark slacks and a white trench coat. While my dad, ever the business man, is suited up. Behind them is their attorney Felicia; evidently they’re wasting no time in trying to get Lily away from me.
“What are you doing here? What do you want?” I ask icily, my tone matching their expressions.
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