Grown Woman

by Jen Luerssen

  “I will miss you, Diva, but I’ll be back before you know it. Just think about Jane and Niall. They lived in different countries and still made it work. I’m just going on a short trip.” He makes sense and is completely reasonable, I know this, but inside I’m a whiny child wanting to throw things because I hate that he’s leaving.

  We are lying on our sides, facing each other and I give him a watery smile, eyes flooded, tears flowing down my cheeks. “I can’t help it, I’m really attached to you.” I emphasize this by attaching my hand to his dick. “Really attached.”

  I slowly start to stroke him and he’s getting harder, if that’s even possible. He’s had a woody for me all day. I know this because he made sure to either put my hand on it or brush up behind me when he could get away with it. His hand slides down my hip and he scoots me closer to him but with room for my hand to continue attaching itself. His fingers wander down my ass to where I want him. I even hitch my leg over his to give him and his magic fingers access.

  We fondle each other for a while, not kissing, just staring at each other. I’m studying his darling face. He has his serious sex face going so I smile at him. I swoon as my smile changes his seriousness to the sexiest smile on planet earth.

  I take my hand from his dick and push his shoulder back, maneuvering myself to straddle him. I rub my clit up and down his shaft a few times until I burn so hard for him I can’t take it. I hover over him and he takes himself in hand lining up his beautiful cock with me. I swiftly sink onto him and he huffs out a surprised breath.

  “Thought I was going to go slow?”

  “Not much thinking going on, Diva. Keep doing what you’re doing.”

  I slowly lift up until just the tip is still in, then circle my hips and sink down again. I repeat this move a few times, slowly, and I start to see impatience on his face. He wants me to go faster. I don’t but instead, I slam down on him, going harder but still at a slow pace.

  “Ah, that’s good, you feel so good,” he says eyes closed, sucking his lower lip into his mouth. I lean down and take over the lip sucking. I love kissing Javier. I love fucking Javier, I fucking love Javier. I guess he’s had enough since he grabs my hips, stilling me and starts to drill me from below. Holy Zeppelin on a cracker, I’m going to explode. My breaths are now pants and he is making the sexiest noises, our bodies slapping together in a dirty rhythm. He continues to fuck me while holding me still with his gorgeous arms. I zero in on the cuff he’s still wearing and that sexy sight sends me over the edge. I’m making some kind of wailing noise as he pounds into me, then he flips me onto my back pulling out, then slowly gliding back in, rooting himself and then grinding deliciously into my clit.

  “Fucking Fleetwood Mac, don’t stop, I’m going to come again,” I say but am barely making sense at this point.

  He grinds into me slowly for a few minutes until I come again, screaming his name. Then, he pulls out all the way and slams back in, picking up the pace again and fucking me with full strokes. My orgasm hasn’t really stopped and I’m just along for the ride now. Javi hitches up both of my legs and puts them on his shoulders. Oh, fuck that’s putting pressure back on my clit and hitting me on the inside just right.

  I can tell he’s close by his uneven breaths and his fuck hot noises. He bends forward, taking my legs with him and is practically fucking me in half. I reach around and grab his ass, pulling his cheeks apart, pulling him closer, as if that’s even possible. Finally, he stills inside me, grinding again, bringing me a little surprise orgasm to the surface at the last minute.

  He collapses on me and I grip him with my legs, not wanting him to leave me. We are a sweaty mess and I’m not moving.

  “I’m not letting you go. You’re going to have to board the plane with me still on your dick.”

  “That will make an awkward security screening.”

  “You think that’s when it’s going to get weird? What about the Uber driver that takes us to the airport? Ticketing agent? They’ll be cool with it but the TSA peeps will just make it awkward?”

  “Well, assuming we can get dressed and only be connected by my dick in you, people may just assume we are overly affectionate. When we go through the screener, they may be able to see us connected in that way. Also, I’m young and relatively strong but I don’t know how long I’d be able to keep it up, so to speak,” he punctuates this last line with a nudge of his still hard cock inside of me.

  “I guess I can settle for you not taking it out until you have to leave.”

  “Deal.”

  A 3 Week Desert

  Three days! It’s been three days and already I’m losing my mind.

  “I don’t know how you ever survived being apart from Niall for months. It’s been three days and I can’t stand myself,” I say to Jane. We are at her mom’s house in Half Moon Bay for a week for Christmas festivities. Her sweet little family got in this morning and have been a welcome distraction.

  Jane rolls her eyes as she adjusts Tyrone on her lap. “Well, first of all, I’m not nearly as clingy as you are and Niall is a master FaceTimer. Also, it was non-stop torture and I barely made it. You do remember me and TJ’s washing machine getting intimate, no?”

  “Ha! You’re such a slut for laundry,” I tease and am so happy to have my friend home. “I’m so happy you are home, Jane the virgin.”

  “Nice one, I heard Paul call you reverse Lolita last night, God he’s brilliant.” Jane and I high five because we are total nerds for nicknames. “So what are some go-tos for Javier?”

  “Funny, other than HFA, I just call him Javi. Paul has called him Juan Valdez, which Javi hated, Shakira, only once and he calls him Ashton because of our age difference even though it’s an outdated reference, we all know who he means. So I’m Lolita and Mrs. Robinson which are so wrong that it’s amusing,” I tell her. For some reason, Javi is kind of un-nicknamable.

  “He calls you Diva though, that’s fucking hot.” Jane is right, it is hot. I pretend it bothers me but nicknames for us have always been a sign of affection, and when you get assigned a good one, you feel cherished. “Way better than Pixie,” she says and makes a face.

  “Aww, my little fairy friend, I missed you so much. Now hand that baby over.” I make grabby hands and she puts my little Tenderoni in my arms. “Hi there, little mush, Auntie Lia is here now so everything will be okay.”

  Jane whacks me with a burp cloth and then drapes it over my shoulder. “Don’t give her a complex about the inadequacies of her parents already. At least Niall is a natural.”

  “Do not sell yourself short. I was just reassuring her that someone is here to relieve her parents of their sexual frustration.” I give her a pointed look. Niall has been staring at her like she’s a pint of Guinness since they walked in like he knows what a house full of babysitters means to his sex life. “Go get that sweet man and take a ‘nap’ since you’re so tired from the long trip. He looks thirsty.”

  Jane gets misty eyed and leans down to hug me. “I missed you so much,” she says then turns around and practically runs to where Niall is chatting with TJ, grabs his arm and shouts. “We are going to take a nap. Do not come anywhere near our room for at least an hour.”

  TJ and I laugh and everyone else gives her a weird look. Her mom, Dottie, smiles and heads over to sit with me and the best baby in the world. I enjoy my time holding her, knowing that Grandma will be snatching her from me soon.

  It only takes about ten minutes and little Tyrone is taken from me. I can’t be angry, I’ll get more time with her later. I head to my room, thankfully on a different floor from Jane and Niall. My phone dings and I kick back on the bed and see a text from Javier.

  Javi: Hey Diva, I miss your beautiful face.

  Lia: Aww, here it is.

  I send him a selfie of me and Tyrone. I’m pretending to eat her cute little head.

  Javi: I thought we had a talk about you eating all the babies.

  Lia: She’s so delicious though. I can’t help myself, I want
to eat her up.

  Javi: You are disturbing on so many levels.

  Lia: Yep, does it make you feel better if I say I want to eat you up too?

  Javi: Maybe, are you coming onto me?

  Lia: I’d rather be coming on you but yes, I sure am. Is it working?

  Javi: You are going to kill me one day, death by unbelievably sexy woman and her dirty mouth.

  Lia: Sounds like a good way to go.

  Javi: Probably, you have a good day?

  Lia: Only way it would have been better is if my sexy boy toy was here.

  Javi: I knew I was just a plaything for you, I feel so used.

  Lia: It was so good to hold that baby, she’s perfect.

  Javi: Send me another picture but I want you smiling this time.

  I send one Niall took of Jane, Roni and me earlier, Jane is sitting on my lap and I’m holding her like a baby and Roni is sleeping in her arms. It’s still pretty ridiculous but Jane and I are obviously ecstatic to be together.

  Javi: That about sums it all up, doesn’t it? You look radiant.

  Lia: Blushing

  Javi: I love you, Diva.

  Lia: I love you back, HFA.

  Javi: I knew you only loved me for my forearms. ;)

  Lia: I love them when they hug me, or when they are holding my legs apart, or when they are next to my head as you move inside me.

  Javi: I love them when they do those things too, especially when they hold your hips as you ride me or thread through your hair when you have me in your mouth.

  Lia: Oh boy, I think we should quit while we are ahead. Maybe send me a picture of those arms I love so much and the face I adore.

  Javi sends me a picture of him leaning on one of those beautiful, strong arms, staring into the camera and my soul.

  Lia: You know me so well, I love you, sweet dreams.

  Javi: I want to know it all, love you too. XOXOX

  Christmas comes and goes and it’s a good time, with great food and fantastic company. I get too drunk Christmas Eve and miss Javier’s FaceTime call. Then, there’s so much activity on Christmas day that I don’t get a chance to call him back. Instead, I text him a picture of me holding Tyrone in her super frilly, ridiculous holiday dress that Grandma Dottie made her wear. She hated it, I could tell and as soon as I could manage it. I made sure to change her into the onesie I got her that says, “I’ve got 99 problems but a Grinch ain’t one.” Pretty sure Jane’s mom was not a fan.

  It’s December 27th and it’s been four days since I’ve heard from Javier. Between the time change and all of the family activities, we just haven’t been able to connect. It’s 6 pm California time so I call him, knowing he’ll be up still.

  “Hello,” a woman with a heavy accent answers the phone. I pull it away to make sure I dialed correctly, I did.

  “Oh, hello, can I speak with Javier?” I feel like a five-year-old right now, what’s wrong with me.

  “He’s no here right now, he is out on a date,” the woman says and I’m pretty sure it’s his mother.

  “On a date?” I ask. “That’s weird since I’m his girlfriend.” I have a feeling she knows who I am and is messing with me, I hope.

  She laughs sweetly, and I get a chill. “Oh, amor, my Javier is too young to settle. He has gone on many dates since he’s been in Colombia.”

  She probably doesn’t know that Javier has told me about her. I knew she would hate me. I just didn’t think she would be so good at it. I trust him, but I’m here, a million miles away and I have insecurities like everyone else.

  “Can you please just tell him that Lia called?” I ask.

  “You are too old and desperate for him,” she whispers nastily into the phone and I’ve had enough.

  “I’m neither of those things. I’m sorry you won’t give me a chance because I love your son and he loves me.”

  She laughs, I shit you not, she fucking laughs and then hangs up on me. I’m beyond livid. Knowing his mom has his phone is making me uncomfortable. Hopefully, she doesn’t know his password and can’t get into it, only answer calls. I send a quick text, hoping she can’t erase it.

  Lia: I miss you HFA, call me when you can. XOX

  Three days later, he still hasn’t called and I’m a wreck. I’ve tried to distract myself, going on hikes with Jane, spending hours with Roni and doing whatever everyone else is doing. I try not to be caught alone with my thoughts because they are bad enough when someone else is around. I’m a confident person and I know I’m an awesome catch. I still let doubt creep in though. Javier is different than anyone I’ve been with and the thought of losing him is terrifying. It creeps in and sets up camp in my gut. I haven’t eaten much and have been drinking too much coffee.

  I’m sitting on the deck in flannel sleep pants and a heavy sweater drinking my third cup of coffee when Dottie joins me.

  “Morning, Lia darling,” she says and I smile warmly at her. She’s an amazing woman and like a second mother to me.

  “Morning, Dottie, getting some good Grandma time in?” I ask, knowing it’s hard for her to have Jane and her family so far away.

  “Very much so. When you’re a mother, you’ll know how difficult it is to let your children go, even though you know it’s the right thing.”

  “Are you in my brain right now?” Her eyes widen and I realize my mistake. “No, I’m not going to be a mother any time soon,” I laugh. “I’m talking about Javier’s mother.”

  I tell her about the phone call and how I haven’t heard from him in almost a week. “I understand that he’s busy and it’s four hours ahead there but I’m just feeling a bit neglected is all.”

  “From what you’ve told me about that young man, he’s a good person. There must be an explanation. If his mother can’t even be civil to you then, I suspect, it has something to do with her.”

  “Probably, but then how do I handle that mess? I’m not getting in between a son and his mother.”

  She sighs. “It’s inevitable though, even the most reasonable and loving parent will always feel a little tossed aside when their child meets their soul mate. You just have to roll with it and be happy that your child is happy. This woman hasn’t met you or seen you together, you said she was already overprotective?”

  I nod.

  “Well, then you are this unknown person that is a good deal older than her young son. She’s not handling it well but I understand where she’s coming from.”

  I get up and hug Dottie, because she is wise, and even though she knows it cuts me to hear it, she is always honest with me. When I stand up to go inside, my phone rings and it’s Javier. “It’s him,” I say and Dottie winks at me and goes inside.

  “Javier,” I say in a huff.

  “Diva!” he shouts and I almost cry because he voice is what I’ve been craving. “My god, where have you been?”

  “Me?” I ask. “Where the fuck have you been, Javier? I haven’t heard from you in almost a week. I’ve texted you every day.”

  He sighs. “I know, I was looking you up on my phone today and for some reason, your number got blocked. I thought you were having fun with your friends and I wanted to give you that time.”

  “Blocked?” I ask, knowing the source of the blocking. Wow, that is almost diabolical.

  I tell Javier about the phone call I had with his mother and my suspicion that she may have been the one who blocked me.

  “Shit, I lost my phone for a day and then she found it for me, I should have known. Jesus, Diva, I’m not going on dates, she’s ridiculous. My cousins and I have been going out to bars and clubs but we go in large groups and I’m the sad guy in the corner nursing my beer pining for my girlfriend.”

  I take a huge breath I feel like I’ve been holding for days. “Okay, I miss you so much, Javier.”

  “Diva, you are the only one I think about, it’s only two more weeks,” he says and my stomach drops.

  “Ugh, that’s like forever,” I say and he laughs a dirty little laugh in my ear and I feel
it all over.

  “I know.”

  Dick Moves

  My week in Half Moon Bay ends and Jane and Niall drive back up to the city with me for New Year’s Eve, leaving Roni with Dottie for the night. They look like they don’t even know what to do with themselves. I guess Niall’s mom lives pretty far away and doesn’t babysit very often and his sisters all have their own kids.

  I’m working which is fun and also kind of annoying but it pays double what I usually make and people are very generous with tips on New Year’s. It would be unwise of me to take this night off and usually, I can get my friends in for free and spend my breaks with them. At least I’m not at a party, missing Javier, pathetic in a corner getting drunk with no one to kiss at midnight. Instead, I’ll have Jane, Niall, and Paul in my corner and I can smooch on P-diddles and Jane, maybe I’ll even mack on Niall to freak out Jane.

  Paul is home from another trip to Japan and is jumping up and down when we walk in the door. “Jaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnneeeeeeey!” he shrieks and then lifts her up and swings her around. I can’t even give him a hard time because I basically greeted her the same way. “Oh, you are so beautiful and Niall, Je-sus, you are fucking hotter than the last time I saw you.” Jane and I laugh and Niall goes bright red. “Where is my baby?” He looks behind them.

  “She’s with Dottie so Niall and I can have a fun New Year’s. Ya know, the fun where we’ll each have one or two drinks, then I’ll have to go to the bathroom to pump and will end up crying in the stall because I miss Ty. Then, we will probably fall asleep by 11 pm.” Jane jokes. They will probably bow out right after midnight, and I’m okay with it. “You can come down with us tomorrow, see her and spend the night.”

  “Yes! I want to do that. I can’t wait to love all over that baby.” I’m happy for my friends and push the sinking feeling away that I’ll be all alone tomorrow. Alone to let my wandering thoughts and haunting doubts set me back.