I ground my teeth together at the thought. I didn’t want to give Kait any bit of satisfaction, but was it possible she had a point? Could I still be hung up on Knight?
I didn’t want to believe it. It was nostalgia and memories and him being the only guy I’d ever been with.
And why is that?
The voice was starting to piss me off. I didn’t have time for other guys. I never had time for dating — and the couple of dates I’d been on were disastrous anyway. It wasn’t worth the effort or the time. I had too many other demands than to spend three or four hours with a guy I’d never see again. Those hours could be spent working or cleaning or bonding with my son.
Priorities.
But Knight… He was in our lives now. There was no doubt about that. Cal wouldn’t have it any other way.
I’d be seeing him a lot more often.
Stop it, I scolded myself. Thinking about things like that with Knight was only going to cause more problems and make this mess more tangled than it already was.
But that knowledge didn’t stop my body from responding to the thought of him. Just the memory of his lips on mine made my nipples stiffen to tight, sensitive peaks. The memory of his touch, his lips, the amazing things he did with his fingers and his tongue and his…
My whole body flushed, my face red hot, my mouth dry, pulse racing.
The man knew how to play my body, that was for sure. And he’d only gotten better with age. I craved a repeat performance of the other night, even though I knew it was about the stupidest thing I could possible want.
But thinking about it had dried my tears and eased the knot in my chest. Fighting my libido had a way of distracting me from my guilt.
I spent some time up there by myself for a while, contemplating life and what the future might hold. I wasn’t sure. Nothing was going according to my plan anymore, and I was starting to think that maybe plans were for chumps. Maybe I just needed to go with the flow.
It terrified me. The thought of just seeing where things went seemed insane, but not any more insane than lying to myself constantly and pretending the things I was feeling weren’t real. Not any more insane than seeing Knight and acting like he didn’t have this effect on me every single time.
I wasn’t sure what I was going to do — if I was going to do anything — about these lingering feelings for him. I was sure that acting on them would be a huge mistake, but I was also sure that if I didn’t do something I was going to lose my tenuous grip on my sanity. I could barely look at the man without flying into a fit of rage — and I knew he didn’t deserve all of it. There was plenty to be mad about when it came to Knight, but even he didn’t deserve the level of vitriol I’d been serving him.
I’d told Cal that we were supposed to forgive the people that had hurt us. I told him that we had to understand that they were hurting too.
I’d told him that, talking about the rest of my family with Knight, but now I was realizing that it worked just as well with me and Cal, with me and Knight, too. I’d hurt them both because I was hurt. But maybe I’d be lucky enough that they could forgive me.
It was something to hope for as I got back in my car and headed back down the mountain.
By the time I got back into town, it was mid-afternoon, creeping towards dinner time. I didn’t have any plans for what to cook, and I thought about asking Knight if he wanted to go out for a pizza with us or something. Maybe we could try to act like a family for a bit and see how it went.
My family would disown me if they knew I was even considering it. But you know what? Fuck them.
For the first time in my life, I was done caring about what they thought. They were all still determined to think of Knight as he was twelve years ago, without considering for a moment that he’d changed. I didn’t really believe it was possible either, but I’d seen him with Cal, and I’d seen the garage with his name on it.
There was no denying the evidence. Even if Knight wasn’t a model citizen or even a productive member of society, he was more responsible than he’d been before. That counted for something. That counted as a change. And if there was one change, it meant there could be others. Others that maybe I hadn’t discovered yet because I’d still be stuck in my prejudice, even while being annoyed at my family for the same.
I sighed. “Tenley Alexander, you are such a hypocrite,” I muttered, shaking my head.
But there was still time to change, to fix it, to make things better.
Maybe.
I was nervous when I pulled into the driveway, already trying to talk myself into chickening out of inviting him to dinner. I opened the door, and the house was remarkably quiet.
“Cal? I’m home!” I called, walking into the living room to find Knight on the couch by himself, arms stretched out over the back, feet on the coffee table, a sly grin stretching his lips.
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Where’s Cal?”
“We met up with Bear and Dallas to play some ball and the boys really hit it off. Didn’t want to stop playing. They asked if he could sleep over at Bear’s, and I didn’t figure you’d mind since they’re all respectable parents and shit now.”
My brows furrowed, and my hands went to my hips. “You let him have a sleepover without talking to me?”
“With his cousin. At my brother and his wife’s place. You know them both. You know he’s in good hands. I wouldn’t have done it with anyone else,” he said, standing up, towering over me. It was harder to maintain my anger when I knew he was right and he was staring at me with those blue eyes that made my mouth go dry.
I’d resolved to do better, and already I was jumping down his throat for nothing. He’d covered his bases, he’d been responsible, and I was still giving him shit about it.
He stepped closer to me, close enough that I could smell him, the scent of the outdoors still on him, fresh and inviting. “I thought maybe we could have a sleepover of our own?” he suggested, eyes glinting in the light.
I couldn’t say what did it, or why it happened, but when he said that, something in me snapped, and I just broke down crying.
19
Knight
Well, that wasn’t the response I was hoping for.
It was never a good sign when you tried to hit on a girl and she started bawling. But when it was Tenley, all thoughts of sex fled my mind and I wanted to know what I’d done wrong. How I could fix it.
“What…” I didn’t even know what to ask. I stood there staring at her as big, fat tears streamed down her face, feeling helpless because there wasn’t anything I knew to do.
She shook her head, hugging herself, muttering unintelligible things that didn’t make any sense.
“Honey, I can’t understand you with the crying,” I said soft, taking another step closer to her, hoping she wouldn’t pull away from me.
Tenley sniffled and hiccuped and swiped at her tears even though they just kept coming.
“I’m sorry I kept you apart,” she cried, chest stuttering with sobs.
I frowned, hating the sight of those beautiful eyes clouded with tears.
“What are you talking about? Who?”
Tenley sobbed, hugged herself tighter, tears still falling freely to the floor between us, falling silently to the thick carpet beneath our feet.
“You and Cal,” she said. “It… It wasn’t fair… to you… to him… to either of you,” she said, hiccuping sobs pushing between the words. “I… I’m sorry you didn’t… I didn’t tell you. I should have before I left… I should have told you in the garage that day… I—” She shook her head and I couldn’t just let her stand there dealing with it all alone. I stepped forward and pulled her into my arms.
Tenley let me hold her, her arms fell from where they were wrapped around herself and they hung at her sides as she let me support her weight, her face buried in my chest, my shirt wet from her tears. I held her like that, stroking her hair — just as soft and impossibly silky as I remembered — trying to soothe her.
“I was a train wreck back then, El. You thought you were doing the right thing…”
She didn’t answer me, but she shuffled her feet a little to stand closer, her arms drifting around me too.
“I’m not gonna stand here and lie to you and tell you I wasn’t upset when I found out. Cause I was. I was pissed. I was mad that you lied to me. I felt like you robbed me of something that was rightfully mine. But the more I think about it, I don’t think you were wrong. I understand why you did it. Why you kept him away from me. I’m not a good influence. But I want to be,” I said, showing her more of my hand than I meant to.
But what was the point in trying to keep that close to the vest? What was the shame in admitting that I wanted to try to be a good dad?
She looked up at me then, eyes still bright with tears, but they weren’t falling anymore, just brimming there.
“You mean that?” she asked.
“Which part?” I chuckled.
Her lips quirked to one side, the first hint of a smile and just that little hint was enough to send my heart into orbit.
“All of it,” she said.
I nodded.
“I get it, Ten. I get why you cut me out. I wish it could have been different, but I don’t know if it would’ve been a wake-up call for me the same way it has been now. And Cal… Shit. How could I not want to be a part of that kid’s life?”
She laughed softly, burying her head in my chest. “He’s something else, isn’t he?”
“He’s amazing,” I said, my voice just as soft, low and husky. “But that’s cause he had someone amazing to raise him.”
Her cheeks went pink at the compliment, eyes looking down. A glint of light caught the track of a wayward tear heading down the side of her face, and I stopped it with my thumb, gently sweeping it away.
“I know I’ve messed up a lot and I probably don’t deserve another chance from anyone, let alone you, but I wouldn’t say no to one.”
Tenley smirked at me and shook her head. “That’s how you ask for my forgiveness?” she teased, her hands on my chest now, one right over my heart. She had to be able to feel how it was racing, thundering trying to beat its way right out of there.
“Well, for my other method, you’ll have to agree to my sleepover,” I said, reaching up to brush her hair away from her neck, letting my fingertip just lightly brush up and down the side where I knew it would make her shiver.
Sure enough, her eyes fluttered closed, her lips parting on a silent sigh.
“Knight…” she whispered, leaning in.
I didn’t need anything else from her. She was giving me everything I needed, all the right signals. She was as ready for this as I was, and it seemed she was finally going to stop resisting it, stop fighting it, stop lying to herself.
Hallelujah.
My hand circled the back of her neck and drew her closer. I brought her up until our lips were only millimeters away from touching, until I could feel the gentle stirring of her exhales on my lips. Until it felt like we were sharing the same breath.
I looked deep into those soulful eyes, locking my gaze with hers, making sure I wasn’t misreading this.
But no. It was there. Everything I needed to see. She was ready, she wanted this, she wanted me to make the move.
So, I did.
I kissed her. I closed that space between us in a heartbeat, her lips so sweet and soft against mine, so pliant, so willing.
Tenley’s hands hooked around my neck, dragging me down to her, fingers tangled in my hair, not letting me go. She was fierce and wild, possessive like I’d never seen her. Like she couldn’t get enough of me. It was her tongue that pushed into my mouth, and then I pushed back, until we were warring, fighting for dominance.
She hooked a leg around my hip and ground against me, wanton and reckless. I felt her warmth through my jeans, felt her hot sex trying to grip my erection even though we were both fully clothed.
But as desperate and eager as she seemed right now, I didn’t want this to be just another quick fuck. Tenley wasn’t like the other girls. She meant something to me. And I wanted her to know that. She needed to know that.
My hands went to her ass, and I cupped it with both, fingers digging into her sweet flesh as I lifted her up and she wrapped her legs around my waist on instinct.
“You sure about this?” I asked, carrying her up the stairs, still kissing her when I didn’t need to see where I was going. I didn’t know what room I was going to, but it didn’t matter a whole lot to me. I just wanted Tenley in a bed. Any bed.
She nodded, gasping for breath.
“You’re not going to run out on me in the morning?”
“We’re at my house, Knight,” she said, exasperated.
“Like that would stop you,” I teased, kicking open the door at the end of the hallway that she directed me to with hand motions.
She rolled her eyes. “Don’t make me change my mind.”
“Wouldn’t dream of it,” I growled, nipping at her neck, making her gasp, then sigh. Her legs were tight around my waist, and my cock was throbbing, desperate and aching for her, but I wasn’t rushing this. Not this time. I was completely sober — couldn’t even tell you the last time I had sex sober — and determined to show this woman once and for all how much she meant to me. I might not have been the best with words, and I wasn’t very good at being dependable or stable. There was a lot that I wasn’t good at, but there was one thing I was very good at, and Tenley was well overdue for a reminder.
I finally had her again, and this time, I was going to make sure she never wanted to go anywhere else again.
20
Tenley
I wanted him so bad.
Every cell in my body wanted Knight, strained to be closer to him. I’d denied it for too long, held back, lied to myself… But I couldn’t do it anymore. At least not right then. He was there, he was even better than what I remembered, and it might have been my only chance. I couldn’t lose it.
But as much as I wanted him, Knight took his time. He laid me on the bed gently, like he was setting down something fragile, and then he leaned over me and kissed me.
He kissed me, his tongue dancing in my mouth, and his fingers gripped my waist before starting to slide up, under my shirt, his callouses rough against my bare skin.
He lifted my shirt higher, until it was right under my breasts, and I moved to cover my belly. This was different from last time. Last time it was dark, he was drunk, I wasn’t thinking. This time, it wasn’t remotely dark, and I was sure he was sober. There wasn’t a hint of booze in his kisses.
Knight grabbed my wrist gently and pried my hand away, his brows knitted together. “Why the hell are you trying to cover this amazing body?” he asked, taking my other wrist, pulling it away too.
I bit my lip and flicked my eyes down my body and then back up to meet his gaze.
“I’m not fifteen anymore… I’ve had a baby… There are stretch marks—”
“You think I give a damn about stretch marks? You’re still a damn eleven, you know that, right?”
I shrugged, knowing my face had to be thirty different shades of red even though I didn’t want him to notice it.
He did. Of course, he did. He let go of my wrists and cupped one of my cheeks, bringing my gaze around to meet his eyes.
“I mean it, Ten. You are perfection, and if you don’t believe me by the time I’m done, I haven’t done my job right,” he said, a fiery promise in his eyes as his fingers skimmed over my exposed stomach again. I shivered but didn’t argue with him. He bent to kiss my stomach, his warm, wet tongue darting out to trace the lines of my stretch marks, kissing each and every one like it was something cherished. It shouldn’t have been sexy, but somehow, when Knight did it, I really did feel beautiful. I felt like there was no other woman in the world he’d rather be with right then, and with a guy like Knight, that was saying a lot.
He kissed his way up from my belly button until he got to where all the fabri
c of my shirt was gathered under my breasts. Sliding those rough hands up my sides from my hips, he gathered the rest of the shirt up and pulled it over my head, tossing it off without another thought. And then he had the perfect view of my sheer white bra, my nipples hard and aching for him, dark beneath the lace.
“You look good enough to eat,” he growled, taking one of my nipples in his mouth.
Fuck, that felt good. He knew just how to play my body. His tongue worked its magic on my nipple while his hands never stopped roving my body, lighting up every nerve ending they met. And every nerve ending that lit up sent signals straight between my legs, need pooling there until I was squirming under Knight as he switched nipples, sucking on the other, making the lace stick to my skin. The cool air met the place where his mouth had just left, and my nipple puckered tighter. I gasped, and one of his free hands covered it, pinching, twisting, sending lightning bolts straight to my clit.
I didn’t remember all of this. I didn’t remember Knight being this careful, this patient. He was like a surgeon, he knew exactly what to do, his movements deliberate and precise. There was a concentration in his expression that I’d never seen before either. He was on a mission and wasn’t going to be deterred.
“Knight,” I whispered, arching under him as he moved down to my shorts and slowly started to pull them down over my hips.
“What is it, baby?” he rumbled, two fingers stroking the damp gusset of my panties. “You trying to tell me how wet you are? Because I can feel that, sweetheart. You’re soaking right through these little panties of yours.”
I moaned, eyes rolling closed as I tossed my head back and just ignored the feeling of his fingers, his hands, his mouth, his words… He’d never talked so dirty to me before. I guess last time, but I thought that was just because he was drunk. But it was different this time. I knew his words should make me feel ashamed. I should not have been that turned on by Knight Calhoun. But I was. And there was no use in denying it.
A Baby for the Daddy: Boys of Rockford Series Page 12