Don't Want To Miss A Thing

by Mansell, Jill

Which helped. A lot.

  ‘Sorry about that. It’s a shock, isn’t it, finding out you aren’t irresistible after all?’ This was getting much easier now; his utter certainty that she’d fall into his arms made Molly realise how right she’d been to resist his oh-so-generous offer.

  ‘But—’

  ‘Dex, give it a rest, please. Don’t expect me to be grateful for a bit of attention. Don’t pester me any more, OK? Maybe in London you’re a superstar City-boy with girls falling at your feet, but down here in Briarwood . . .’ She paused. ‘Honestly? You just come across as a bit of a prat.’

  Chapter 22

  The beep of her mobile woke Molly the next morning. Not that she’d got a lot of sleep. The last few hours hadn’t exactly been restful; giving Dex a piece of her mind had been bothering her ever since. Had she been too brutal in order to deflect attention from the fact that she did – against her better judgement – secretly fancy him? The answer was probably yes.

  It had worked, though. In response he’d sat up and stared at her for several seconds, then said, ‘Well, that tells me, doesn’t it? Thanks for letting me know.’ Before heading out of the bedroom and closing the door behind him without another word.

  Molly flinched at the memory. Oh dear, and it had seemed like such a good idea at the time. Maybe she should apologise later.

  Anyway. The beep had signalled the arrival of a text. Half wondering if it might be from Dex, she rolled over and retrieved her phone from the bedside table.

  The time was ten past eight. And the text wasn’t from Dex, it was from Frankie: ‘Something’s happened. I’m coming over.’

  What? What had happened? What did that mean and how could Frankie send a message like that without giving even a clue? Flinging back the duvet, Molly jumped out of bed and headed for the window. It was a grey and rainy morning, the last daffodils were being buffeted by the wind . . . and there was Frankie, not wearing a coat, starting to make her way across the green.

  At least she didn’t have long to wait to find out.

  OK, better get home . . .

  Molly threw on her clothes, peered around the door of the nursery and saw that Delphi was waking up. Scooping her up into her arms – mmm, so gorgeously warm and cuddly – she carried her along the landing. Then stopped in her tracks and turned to look out of the window again.

  Any sense of remorse for the things she’d said last night to Dex promptly evaporated. What she saw made her want to punch him.

  Without bothering to knock, Molly burst into the darkened bedroom and saw him lying fast asleep on his front. She gave his shoulder a shove and said, ‘I have to go. Here’s Delphi. And by the way, you disgust me. I can’t believe you did that last night. As far as I’m concerned you’re a repulsive human being and I’m this close to calling the police.’

  ‘Ow.’ His eyes still closed and his forehead creasing with the effort of waking up, Dex murmured, ‘What?’

  ‘You should be ashamed of yourself. I’m sure the social services would be interested to hear about it too. I thought you were a decent person.’ Molly plonked her charge down on the bed next to him and said, ‘Right, I’m off. So you’d better wake up and look after Delphi. She wants her bottle.’

  ‘What time is it?’ He sounded like a man with a headache. Good.

  ‘Time you took a good hard look at yourself in the mirror and realised how ridiculous you are.’

  Dex was still frowning and massaging his temples. ‘Look, I’m sorry. Can you just—’

  ‘No,’ Molly cut in from the doorway. ‘You’re selfish. And pathetic. And you really need to sort yourself out.’

  Molly reached her front door at the same time as Frankie.

  ‘What were you doing over at Gin Cottage?’ Frankie looked odd, her eyes wild, her face taut and pale grey.

  ‘Babysitting, that’s all. No funny business. Tell me what’s happened to you.’ Molly unlocked the front door and led the way into the kitchen.

  ‘Quite a lot of funny business. Except it’s not funny. Brace yourself,’ said Frankie. ‘Joe’s been seeing someone else.’

  ‘Oh God. Oh no.’

  ‘He’s left. I told him to get out of the house.’

  Joe, of all people. ‘And it’s definitely true? He admitted it?’

  ‘Under the circumstances he didn’t have much choice.’ Frankie had pulled out a chair, sat down at the kitchen table and was now playing with the contents of the sugar bowl. Eerily calm on the surface, she began spooning up granules then letting them cascade back into the silver bowl. Well, mainly into the bowl. A few grains scattered on to the tiled floor.

  ‘Is it someone we know?’ Molly couldn’t believe this. And Frankie was being so matter-of-fact about it; she must surely be in a state of shock.

  ‘No.’ She was shaking her head.

  ‘How did you find out?’

  ‘I didn’t. It was Amber. Completely by accident, poor darling.’

  ‘But . . . is it just a fling? Or, you know, serious?’

  ‘Oh, I think you can probably call it serious.’ The ghost of a mirthless smile crossed Frankie’s face. ‘Ask me how long it’s been going on.’

  ‘How long?’

  ‘Almost twenty years.’

  ‘Twenty YEARS?’ Molly shook her head and shouted, ‘That’s impossible!’

  ‘Apparently not. You just have to be really good at lying and multi-tasking and covering your tracks.’

  ‘You’re in shock. I need to make you some tea.’

  ‘Please don’t, I’ve been drinking tea all night. It’s practically coming out of my ears.’

  Molly was stunned. She had a million questions and knew she was gaping like a goldfish. ‘I just . . . oh God, I don’t know what to say. Of all the men you could think of, I can’t believe Joe would do that.’

  Because basically, if you couldn’t trust Joe, who could you trust?

  ‘I know. And it gets better.’ Still dry-eyed, Frankie corrected herself. ‘I don’t mean better, I mean worse. It’s not just one of those affairs where you both occasionally sneak off and meet up. It’s a whole double life. Their neighbours think they’re married.’

  Molly covered her mouth. ‘No!’

  ‘Oh yes. And they have a son.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘His name’s Shaun.’ Frankie spilled a bit of sugar and put the spoon back in the bowl. After a pause she went on, ‘But when he came along to your evening class the other week he called himself Sam.’

  ‘Oh my God!’ Shaking her head in disbelief, Molly belatedly realised the part she’d played. ‘That’s why Amber asked me to draw him . . . she was desperate to track him down . . . I should never have done it.’

  ‘Yes you should. If you hadn’t, he’d still exist. Joe would still have another family. It’s not the boy’s fault,’ said Frankie. ‘He’s grown up knowing they’re the secret ones. He was curious, wanted to see what we were like. If you think about it, you can’t blame him for that.’

  Molly pictured herself in that situation. Of course she’d do the same.

  ‘What about Amber? How’s she taking it?’

  ‘Not well. Understandably. She’s pretty distraught, says she never wants to see her dad again.’

  ‘And Joe’s gone.’

  ‘He’s gone.’ Frankie dipped her head in agreement. ‘Yesterday I was married. Today I’m a single parent. Joe’s living twenty miles away in Tetbury with his other family.’

  Joe had another family. It was just the most astonishing situation imaginable. Molly closed her eyes briefly, envisaging Shaun’s facial features. At the time there hadn’t been any recognisable signs but now, looking back with hindsight, there were a couple of faint similarities . . .

  Aloud she said, ‘He doesn’t look like Joe.’

  ‘No. Apparently he takes after his mother. But . . .’ Frankie hesitated and gestured at her own face.

  ‘There’s something about the jawline . . .’ Molly ventured.

  ‘Yes, that’s
it.’ Nodding in agreement, Frankie said, ‘I can see it too, now. And the chin.’

  They sat there in silence for several seconds.

  ‘I’m so sorry. I don’t know what to say.’ Molly tried and failed to imagine how her friend must be feeling. ‘All this time and you had no idea.’

  For a few seconds there was silence in the kitchen, then Frankie said slowly, ‘Well, I wouldn’t go as far as that.’

  Molly stared at her. ‘What? Oh my God, you mean you knew?’

  ‘Not all of it. I didn’t know the whole story.’ Frankie exhaled and sat back, her fingers laced together and resting on the table in front of her. ‘But honestly? It’s not the biggest surprise in the world that there was something going on.’

  ‘Seriously?’ This was almost as startling as the story itself. ‘But you never told me! I thought you and Joe had the perfect marriage.’

  ‘So did everyone. I think that’s what made it so impossible to say anything. You just don’t want to . . . disappoint people,’ Frankie said helplessly. ‘Especially when they come to you with their problems.’

  ‘You always seemed so happy though,’ Molly protested.

  ‘And a lot of the time I was. But there were clues.’ Frankie took a deep breath. ‘Things that got me suspicious.’

  ‘Like what?’

  ‘OK, years ago I found a lipstick under the passenger seat in the car. When I asked Joe about it, he said it must belong to one of the other sales reps he’d given a lift to. Which could have been true, who knows? So I let it go. But a couple of months after that, one of the other mums at Amber’s school mentioned in passing that she’d seen Joe in Gloucester the day before with a blonde. And she was one of those smug mothers, you know?’ Frankie pulled a face. ‘The kind who’d love to think she might be stirring up trouble. So I just said straight away that the two of them worked together and had been there on a selling trip. I pretended I knew all about it. But Joe had told me he was working in Norwich that day.’

  Molly winced in sympathy. ‘Did you ask him about it?’

  ‘I did. But Joe just shrugged and said how could it have been him? Because he’d been hundreds of miles away in Norwich. He didn’t seem as if he was lying,’ Frankie went on. ‘He sounded completely believable.’

  ‘So you just left it.’

  ‘Yes. Was that cowardly?’ With a grimace, Frankie said, ‘Maybe it was. But I didn’t want the other mother to be right. She would have loved that. And Amber was only eight or nine. We were such a happy family. It was easier to let it go.’

  ‘And that was it? Nothing else?’

  ‘Nothing major. Just the occasional tiny thing. A long blond hair on his shirt, one time. And he came home not long ago with a bottle of aftershave he’d bought for himself . . . which was weird because he’d never done that before, I was always the one who bought him aftershave.’ Another sigh. ‘OK, basically I always thought he might have been playing away. He was a travelling salesman, after all. It must be tempting when you’re away from home . . . that’s not making excuses, it’s just being realistic. But what would have happened back then if I’d found out for sure? Amber loved her dad so much. And I loved Amber. I couldn’t bear the thought of her life being ripped apart. And we were still great together . . . it’s not as if it was a hardship to carry on. When you’re doing it for the sake of your child, you’d be surprised. It’s actually quite easy to turn the other cheek.’

  God. ‘Really?’

  ‘Really.’ Frankie saw her expression and said, ‘I know what you’re thinking, but you’d be amazed. So long as Amber was happy, nothing else mattered.’

  Molly’s mobile began to ring. She picked it up, saw Dex’s name flashing up on the screen and switched it off.

  ‘You thought Joe was having affairs.’

  ‘I told myself they were meaningless flings. It didn’t occur to me for one second that it could have been one long meaningful thing. That’s completely different. But now I know the truth, it’s all over. He’s lied to me every day for almost twenty years and that’s too much. He says he loves both of us, just like he loves both his children. God, I still can’t believe I’m saying this. I was so desperate to have another baby after Amber, and Joe was never so bothered about it. Now we know why.’

  ‘I just can’t imagine how you’re feeling,’ said Molly.

  ‘Right now? Thirty per cent shock. Ten per cent stupid. Ten per cent terrified. And truthfully?’ Frankie tipped her head back for a moment, then carried on counting on her fingers. ‘Fifty per cent relieved, because it’s happened at last and I don’t have to pretend any more.’

  ‘Oh God. Come here.’ Molly threw her arms round her. ‘This is the maddest thing I ever heard. But you’ll get through it. As long as you’re OK, that’s the main thing.’

  They hugged tightly, spilled sugar crystals crunching on the floor beneath their feet.

  ‘Amber’s the main thing. She’s the one I’m worried about. You know how much she loves her dad.’ Frankie checked her watch. ‘I’d better get back before she wakes up. And I need to get the café ready for opening . . .’

  ‘You can’t work in the café today,’ Molly protested. ‘Do you want me to do it for you?’

  ‘No, I need to keep busy. It’ll take my mind off everything else. Well,’ Frankie amended with a rueful smile, ‘it won’t, but it’ll give me something to do. Thanks for the offer though.’

  ‘Give my love to Amber.’ When they’d shared one last squeeze, Molly said, ‘You’re being amazing, so brave. But any time you need me for anything at all, I’m here. Just give me a call.’

  Chapter 23

  It was midday and Amber’s brain felt as if it was about to explode like a shot-at watermelon. Too many thoughts were careering around inside her skull, bouncing off the walls like brawling nightclub drunks. Fury and frustration were building up. Her dad had left home, gone to live with his other family. Her friends knew something was up but hadn’t yet discovered what, and were bombarding her phone with nosy messages because there was nothing they adored more than a good old bit of gossip to brighten their day.

  Right now Amber hated everyone. Her ghoulish friends. Her father. Shaun. Shaun’s mother. And her own mother too, for not being as devastated as she should have been. Because an hour ago she’d come into the bedroom and said gently, ‘Are you still asleep?’

  Which had long been a standing joke between them – if Amber merely grunted Uh-huh it meant she wasn’t ready to wake up yet – but today the last thing she was in the mood for was standing jokes. Still, she’d grunted Uh-huh and kept her eyes closed, and her mum had said, ‘OK, sweetie, you stay there, I’m just opening the café.’

  Opening the café? Seriously?

  ‘Uh-huh.’

  ‘Are you all right?’

  What kind of a dumb question was that? ‘I’m fantastic,’ Amber had retorted. ‘Never better.’ Then, when her mum had hesitated in the doorway she’d added irritably, ‘Go ahead and open up. I’m fine.’

  And unbelievably her mum had. Even though she wasn’t remotely fine, because how could she be? And how could her mum just head downstairs, open up the café and gaily serve coffee and sandwiches and stupid cakes to stupid strangers as if nothing had happened?

  More hot tears leaked out of the sides of Amber’s eyes as she lay there in the bed on her back. Her pillow was damp with them, her eyelids were puffy and sore and downstairs she could hear the faint chatter of customers and chink of china. Her mum was down there smiling and being lovely to people, carrying on as if today was just another normal day.

  Not fair.

  So not fair.

  Amber rolled on to her side, reached for the tumbler of water on her bedside table and hurled it at the wall. Water sprayed through the air but annoyingly the tumbler didn’t break.

  ‘Aaaarrrgghhh.’ Snatching up the pillow, she pressed it over her face and attempted to vent her frustration with a muffled shriek. ‘Bastard . . . bastard . . . fuck . . .’

/>   Was anything going to help?

  Molly was putting the finishing touches to a Boogie and Boo strip when the doorbell went.

  Opening the door, she saw Dex carrying Delphi on his hip. His hair was wet from the shower and he wore a grey T-shirt and old jeans. Delphi, in yellow dungarees, beamed at the sight of Molly – ‘Brrahh!’ – and offered her a chewed bit of carrot.

  Having smiled at Delphi, Molly allowed her smile to drop away as she surveyed Dex and said evenly, ‘Yes?’

  ‘Look, about last night. Well,’ he amended, ‘this morning. I guess I need to apologise. So here I am. Sorry.’

  She shrugged fractionally. ‘Right.’

  ‘I made a mistake,’ Dex went on. ‘A massive one. I misjudged the situation . . . thought maybe you felt the same way. I came back because I thought . . . well, anyway, it was one of those spur-of-the-moment things and it didn’t work out. Obviously.’

  ‘Obviously,’ said Molly. What was really obvious was the fact that he’d never experienced rejection before. Which made her all the more glad she’d rejected him last night.

  ‘I’d had a fair bit to drink.’

  Her lip curled. ‘I noticed.’

  ‘Got out of the habit recently. If it’s any consolation, I have a cracking hangover.’

  Was he expecting sympathy? Molly gave him a so-what look and said pointedly, ‘But you’re still alive.’

  Dex frowned. ‘Is that supposed to mean something?’ He gestured with his free hand before she could reply. ‘Anyway, let me just say this. Sorry for getting it wrong and don’t worry, it won’t happen again. We’re friends, we’re neighbours, that’s it. No more . . . whatever. From now on we’ll leave it there.’ He paused. ‘Except . . . you don’t seem to think we’re even that. Look, I’m doing my best to apologise here. I know it’s all a bit hazy, but I just wanted you to know how I felt. Did I really do anything so terrible?’

  He had no idea, no idea at all. Eyeing him in disbelief, Molly said, ‘Do you really think you haven’t?’

  ‘Aaaarrgghhh!’ yelled Amber, this time without a pillow over her face.

  That felt better. Get it out, let off some steam. ‘AAAAAAARRRGGHHHH!’