Before I Let Go

by Darren Coleman

  Nate’s mouth dropped open.

  “It’s simple. And close your mouth before you catch a fly.” Trish didn’t smile. She was all business.

  Gus popped his head around the corner. “We’re about to set up in here. Which bed?”

  Shawn walked around the corner in a black satin-and-lace teddy. She was putting on a terry cloth robe as she spoke. “Let’s do the ivory.”

  “Okay,” Trish said. “Then change wardrobe and do the canopy, too, just in case we need it.”

  Gus was nodding his head. “Sounds good. Be back in a flash.”

  “You ready, Nate?” Shawn asked.

  “So, you guys are ready to shoot now?” Nate asked.

  “Yes. Is that a problem?” Shawn asked, and walked up to Nate.

  Nate was nervous, forgetting everything about being smooth, a player’s player, a Mack daddy, and a pimp. The nigga was nervous, and Shawn could sense it.

  “Excuse us for a moment, Trish,” Shawn said politely. Trish walked off. “You, too, if you don’t mind.” The stagehand bolted around the corner after apologizing.

  “Come here, Nate,” Shawn said, as she walked over to the bed and sat on it. “Come on.”

  Nate walked over and stood in front of her. “No, sit.” Nate sat. Shawn began to say that she hated putting him in an awkward situation. She told him how nervous she had been in front of the camera at first. She went on for five or ten minutes about how confident she was that he would do fine, and that the production team was so good, the actors were almost a nonfactor in the video’s success. “Nate, they are going to make you look like you’ve been doing this for years, okay. I really need you.”

  “Look, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to trip or anything.” Nate struggled to get the words out.

  “No, don’t worry about it. Look, I know you’re not an actor or a model. But, you see, that makes it even better.”

  “How is that?”

  “You’re fresh. Like that kid, Damien. He’s going to blow up, but this is his first video as well. I love to give people a chance to do their thing. This might be your thing. You’ve been here since three-thirty. It’s five-thirty now. You’ve already made six hundred dollars. That’s not to mention what you get after the approval and release of the finished video. Not bad, huh?” Shawn’s eyebrows went up.

  “Well, I’m not tripping off of the money,” Nate said.

  “So what are you tripping off of?” Shawn asked.

  “Maybe you. Maybe I just don’t want to mess up.”

  “You won’t. I assure you.”

  “Well, just don’t get pissed at me if we have to do a couple of takes of this bedroom scene. I’m usually very…no, I’m usually beyond comfortable. As a matter of fact, I am most comfortable in the bedroom.” Nate smiled.

  “Well, I have a surefire method of helping you so that your acting doesn’t cause you or me any trouble,” Shawn said, as she stared at Nate right in his face.

  “And what is that?” Nate asked softly, as his normal stature and poise began coming back to him.

  “Don’t act. Let your mind run away when we get in this bed.” Shawn let the robe slip off. Then she moved an inch away from Nate’s face and whispered, “Practice.” Then she placed her lips on his.

  Nate’s hand found her waist and he leaned her back on the bed. He kissed her like he was kissing a star. Like he had never laid his lips on anything more precious than them. He sucked on her lips as if they tasted like honey. He caressed her sides and his hands glided up and down her teddy. Shawn’s hands were moving up and down Nate’s back and neck. His mouth then moved from her lips to her neck as his hands cupped her breasts and pinched her nipples through the smooth fabric.

  “Ooohh” Shawn moaned out. “Yessss. That’s right.” Shawn’s right hand found Nate’s crotch and slipped inside of his boxers, finding him rock hard. She began to rub him slightly as she then said, “Nate, you are so big and hard.”

  Nate continued kissing her, and soon his fingers had slipped up Shawn’s thighs and into her teddy. Nate had barely touched her moist lips when she pulled his hands away and said, “Save it for the video. I want it just like that. If you do a good job for me now…I will be very grateful. You can ask Sahleen if I show my gratitude to those who do a good job for me.”

  “Oh shit. Sahleen.” Nate put his hand on his head. “I was supposed to meet her at five for dinner. I need a phone.”

  “Don’t worry. I had Trish call her already and push dinner back until later. We have to finish. Trish told her that you were here.”

  “What did she say?” Nate asked.

  “What could she say? She doesn’t own you. You’re working. She understands that. Did you ever wonder why she brought you up here to New York? This could be your big break. You could make her company a lot of money. A pretty black man like yourself with such a sleek body is a hot commodity.”

  Nate was still hard, but he was calming down quickly. He thought about what Shawn had just said, and then dismissed it just as quickly. Sahleen knew he wasn’t trying to become some damned model. It’s not like he was a teenager, nor was he hurting for cash.

  Shawn called for Gus and the rest of the crew to come back in so that they could begin shooting. It didn’t take long for them to shoot both scenes from all the angles they needed. They had actually gotten completely naked for the second scene. Nate assumed that nudity was Shawn’s fetish. She was probably some type of closet exhibitionist. By the time they finished shooting at 8:00 P.M. Shawn’s booty was soaking wet from the scenes that they had filmed under the satin comforter. Nate had taken the opportunity to let his fingers massage Shawn’s womanhood. She had even reached an orgasm from Nate’s constant fingering. Gus had praised the realism, thinking that Shawn was just a great actress. Trish knew better, and was slightly disgusted. Trish knew that Nate and Sahleen were dating. But in the industry, shit happens.

  Once the shoot was over, everyone dressed and headed down to the Bond Street restaurant for dinner. Nate called Sahleen and had her bring his wallet. She and Franco, along with several other model types, met Gus and his Excite World people down at the restaurant.

  While they ate, the rest of the crew set up to record outside, at Times Square. Dinner was quick and not the least bit tense. Nate and Sahleen sat next to each other. When Shawn told Sahleen how well Nate had “performed” Nate swallowed hard and Sahleen beamed with pride. Trish and Gus had both cosigned Shawn’s stamp of approval. Nate, meanwhile, was staring at Shawn, trying to make eye contact.

  It seemed as though every time he looked at Shawn she was staring at Sahleen. He began to get a little uncomfortable, thinking that Shawn was going to flip the script, saying he had made a move on her. He wondered then if he should tell Sahleen everything that had gone down. At least, his version of everything.

  The shoot at Times Square went so smoothly and quickly that the group ended up at the Metronome before midnight. Trish, who seemed more at ease after finishing up her work, really let her hair down in the club. The DJ was pumping a nice mix of music. There was a mixed crowd in the house, and everyone was dancing, having a real nice time.

  Nate was sipping on some champagne on a couch with a couple of his new friends, a Dominican model named Monte and a seventeen-year-old white girl named Kristen. The rest of the party was either dancing or sitting in a booth with Gus and his crew.

  Sahleen was still sitting with Franco and Trish. Shawn was dancing with everyone in the place, and a bodyguard was standing right behind her making sure no one got out of hand.

  It was nearly three in the morning when everyone headed in for the night. Everyone went his or her separate way, some of them doubling up in cabs. Nate and Sahleen went back to the room and fell asleep without so much as a good-night kiss.

  Saturday’s shoot was more intense. It started at three, and Nate wasn’t needed, so he left the set early to do some shopping. He hit the Gucci store, Bloomingdale’s, and everything in-between. Macy’s seemed to go on f
orever. It was one full city block long. The Moschino section was at least five times bigger than anything Nate had ever seen back in D.C. The Versace section wasn’t too shabby either, but since he had already hit the Versace store he wasn’t impressed. He ended up on Broadway in SoHo. Before Nate knew it the package he had brought along was halfway depleted; he had spent nearly five grand in the five hours since leaving the video shoot.

  There had been only a small bunch of people standing around at the St. Loren Museum when he left. They had been preparing to film the dance scenes. The scenes that they were filming after that had Shawn loving her other costar, Andrew Clark. Sean and Nate didn’t have any more love scenes together, though, and Nate didn’t care to spend his last full day watching the models posing. The models were mostly for visual effect. Sahleen was only in one scene. She was playing the part of a chick who had caught the eye of Andrew, the other lover, causing Shawn to get jealous.

  Nate preferred to see some real sisters out in the streets, and he did indeed meet a couple of New York honeys. He managed to get a few numbers while shopping. He didn’t anticipate calling any of them, but he took them for the sport of it. Marie from Brooklyn was really cute in her Jeep; Jennifa, the Spanish chick from the designer warehouse in Manhattan, was sexy; and Faith from Queens was a real hottie. It was what used to be a typical day out for Nate. The thing was, over the previous five months he hadn’t had a real desire to meet a bunch of women. He really didn’t have time to entertain them even when he did meet them. He had been so involved with Sahleen and India, he had been passing on a hell of a lot of women.

  Nate thought long and hard about the change in his behavior as he walked up the avenue with his arms full of bags. No regrets, he thought, A man has to slow down eventually. Look at Cory. He knew he loved Sahleen, and he also recognized that India had a special place in his heart. Because of that he had bought gifts for both of them. He also had a bag full for his grandmother. He crossed the street and hailed a cab to go back to the hotel.

  “Where to?” the cabby yelled back.

  “Marriott Marquis, it’s in Midtown at…”

  “Yeah, I got it,” the cabby said rudely.

  Nate started to curse him out for cutting him off, but he remembered he was in New York. Nate looked at his watch. It was close to nine o’clock. He got out of the cab at the hotel and went straight to the garage with his bags. After he secured his car he jumped on the elevator and rode straight to the sixteenth floor. He was a little beat, and hungry, too. He was going to order some room service and chill until Sahleen got in. He was trying to decide if it would be fish or steak for dinner as he entered the room. When he walked in he heard the radio on in the bedroom and immediately noticed the champagne basket had been opened. It was sitting on the coffee table along with two empty glasses. There was also a half bottle of Courvoisier sitting on top of the bar. Nate headed toward the French doors that led to the bedroom and walked in.

  When he saw what was going on he almost fell straight to the floor. His eyes focused in on the two bodies that he saw. Shawn Simmons was on her knees with Sahleen’s legs pinned up. Shawn’s face was buried between Sahleen’s legs. Sahleen had a pillow over her face, attempting to muffle her screams. It wasn’t working, though, as Nate could hear his woman moaning in pleasure as her bottom writhed from Shawn’s tongue lashing.

  “What the fuck,” Nate finally said. And the pillow flew from Sahleen’s face. And Shawn turned around slowly. When Shawn saw Nate standing there, she smiled, turned back around to Sahleen, and continued. Sahleen’s eyes were watering; they always did when she was about to reach an orgasm. Nate stood frozen. He was far from being in touch with how he was feeling right at that moment. He didn’t know if he was excited, disgusted, or plain hurt. He couldn’t focus on his body at that instant. He felt as though he was standing outside in the cold and a bucket of water had just been poured on him. Then, in the next moment, he felt like he was standing at the equator with a fur coat on. He was motionless. He watched as Sahleen looked around Shawn, who was really into what she was doing. Their eyes were locked until her body began to shake, for the third time in an hour. Then Sahleen’s eyes closed. Shawn had been giving her orgasm after orgasm. Each time she came harder than the last, and this time was no different. Nate just shook his head “no” as he turned and walked back into the living room.

  Nate sat on the couch drinking the cognac straight out of the bottle. He was in a daze. He couldn’t believe that he was in love with a lesbian. How could he have not known? To put it bluntly, his head was totally fucked up. His mind raced for what seemed like an hour.

  He took a few more gulps and finished the bottle, and his body began to go limp. Nate’s head was leaning over the back of the couch and his eyes were closed when he felt the bush from a vagina brush up against his face from behind the couch. When he tried to push her away, Shawn said, “No, lick it.” She began to grind her crotch into his face. Instinctively, he began to lick.

  At the same time he felt his pants being unfastened. Within seconds Sahleen was sucking him and had him hard. Sahleen switched places with Shawn and they both had their way with Nate. A part of him was loving it. Before he knew it he was fucking Shawn from behind on the couch, and she was screaming out his name while he tongue kissed Sahleen. He pulled violently at her hair and smacked her across her ass. She was getting off on every bit of it.

  “That’s right, Nate, punish me,” Shawn yelled out. When his dick slipped out Shawn quickly got on her back and asked Nate to dive back in. Nate was getting caught in the moment. “Come here, Sahleen,” Nate heard Shawn pant out.

  She commanded Sahleen to lick Nate while he penetrated her. When Nate felt Sahleen’s tongue touch his backside he felt shivers run through his body. He couldn’t believe Sahleen was going out like this.

  Sahleen began talking to Nate. “Hit it harder, Nate. She likes it rough.”

  “Yeah, Nate, I like it rough.” The couch was sliding across the floor with each powerful slam into Shawn. “Now, Nate, put your hands around my throat. I…I am…gettin’ ready to come…” She was moaning loudly.

  “What you want, baby?” Nate asked, making sure he heard her correctly.

  “Choke the bitch, Nate. Don’t be scared, baby. That’s what she wants,” Sahleen said, with a devilish look on her face. She kept pulling at Shawn’s nipples, and at the same time she was masturbating watching them.

  Shawn’s head was thrashing back and forth as Nate wrapped both hands around her neck and began to choke her. Her eyes rolled up in her head and her body began to shake like she had been electrocuted as she came with flaming intensity. She passed out for a few moments, but it didn’t stop Nate from punishing the punany until he came. In the bedroom, both women rubbed and kissed his body. They sucked him until he came once more, then they all sucked and fucked some more. It was every man’s fantasy, and at the same time, his worst nightmare.

  Finding out the woman you love is freak is a defining moment for a man. If you don’t embrace it, it will repulse you. Nate had always held such high regard for Sahleen. He never imagined in his wildest dreams that she would go out like this. While he was recovering from reaching his climax he watched as Sahleen went down on Shawn. He thought about meeting Sahleen at that gay party and realized that she had probably been lying about her sexual preferences all along. It all makes sense, he thought. Both times that I’ve seen Trish there is some gay shit going on. Trish is gay, and she is the common thread between Sahleen and Shawn…that has to be it. Then he wondered how Sahleen would have taken it had she walked in while he was fucking some dude up the ass. Though he never would do anything like that, she hadn’t given a damn how he felt about walking in as he had. She had lied all along, then just sprung her gayness on him. What a bitch.

  Sahleen and Shawn finally fell asleep. Nate got up to use the bathroom, and decided to take a shower. He then threw on some clothes, gathered up his belongings, and started to leave. He sat down in the easy cha
ir instead and let it vibrate. It shook him asleep, and when he woke up it was Sunday morning and Shawn was gone. Sahleen was getting dressed and had her bags together. They both seemed to be pretending that nothing had happened, and Nate was fighting the repulsion, jealousy, and pain.

  The Shark Bar is famous for its food and atmosphere. The Sunday brunch was out of this world. Nate had three plates. One was piled high with waffles. Another had the freshest, sweetest red grapes he had ever tasted, along with melon slices and cantaloupe. His third plate had grits, eggs, bacon, and home-fried potatoes on it. The syrup was served piping hot, and Nate’s mind was temporarily focused only on food. Sahleen, Franco, and the two models that they had signed were eating, too.

  After leaving the Shark Bar everyone headed out to the Hamptons to finish the video. Nate was no longer in the mood but didn’t want to let on to either Shawn or Sahleen how shaken he had been by what had transpired. He shot his scenes and was handed a check by Gus when he was preparing to leave. “Twenty-seven hundred dollars,” Nate said, shocked to be getting paid so handsomely to frolic in a bed with Shawn. Most men would have paid that for the privilege.

  Gus misinterpreted Nate’s look of surprise, and said, “Oh, you’ll get another check for at least twice that when the video is released. The nude stuff was great. Sign right here, Nate.” Nate signed. “Oh, and I need your address, so I can mail your check. Who’s your agent? Because if you need…”