Her Nine Month Confession

by Kim Lawrence

  She hadn’t; she should have told him the truth. Oh, yes, and that would have worked—I can’t marry you, Ben, because I love you, and I know you won’t ever feel the same about me.

  She gave a laugh and then stopped. Was it a joke? She was so emotionally worn down by this point, she was such a mass of hormonal craving and blind lust that once she started talking it would all come out.

  And why not? she thought recklessly. Why not be honest and come clean?

  Would her honesty have a price?

  It didn’t matter because being around him every day and being forced to conceal her feelings was a form of slow death and anyway didn’t he deserve to know the truth?

  He had asked her to marry him—didn’t he have the right to know why she had refused? And had she been right? Was she selfish wanting more? Emmy loved him; he was a great father.

  Her thoughts went round in dizzying circles, until the doorbell rang. Lily leapt to her feet. Someone had their hand on the bell and she knew from bitter experience that if Emmy woke early from her nap she would be cranky all afternoon.

  ‘Idiot,’ she muttered before calling, ‘I’m coming!’

  * * *

  A total waste!

  His morning had been a total waste.

  He had come very close to cancelling.

  There had been several points during the excruciatingly polite conversation over breakfast when she had not even looked him in the eyes and he had been this far from snapping.

  There was a certain black irony to the situation. All his life his focus had been on maintaining a safe distance from emotional entanglements; he’d seen marriage as a trap.

  He’d called it common sense but it had been fear. The irony being that he was frequently referred to as fearless, a risk taker, but, when it came to the things that were important in life, Ben recognised he had been nothing but a coward.

  Now the woman who had taught him that he was not only capable of love but that he needed love was keeping an emotional mile between them!

  Hell, he’d had some low spots in his life but he’d never woken up every morning feeling so dark and desolate. Everything he wanted was there within arm’s reach, but it might as well be a million miles away. He could let it continue—not an option—or he could actually do something about it—better late than never.

  And she wasn’t happy; he knew that. He couldn’t make her love him, but he could damn well try and he would.

  His thought solidified into purpose as middle-aged bankers, who between them could alter world money markets, continued to act like star-struck teenagers. He almost expected them to ask for autographs when the Hollywood couple at the next table came over to say goodbye to him. They’d slipped out of the rear entrance of the hotel to avoid the paparazzi pack who had been joined by three film crews out front.

  Such was the power of celebrity, but on the plus side at least he’d managed to secure some hefty donations from them when he’d explained the couple supported a charity he championed.

  He even managed to maintain this philosophical attitude when counting the minutes until he could get back home. He stepped out onto the street and was hit with a battery of flashes, which quickly abated when they realised he was not even half of their quarry, though obviously it was flattering to be mistaken for the man that had been dubbed the sexiest man in the universe.

  As the cameras were lowered someone recognised him and called out his name, another took up the call and the flashes began again. So near but so far, he thought as he saw his limo pull into the kerb.

  Ben had made a conscious decision early on not to court the media. It was about balance. They were a presence in his life that was unavoidable. His face made a few society pages and the financial papers liked to quote him but he seriously doubted he could live with the level of media intrusion enjoyed—or not—by the couple who had escaped the pack.

  If he was seen falling out of nightclubs or frequenting pole-dancing establishments, he had no doubt he would have had his own pack of press stalkers, but he didn’t. His name rarely made it to the tabloids and it was hard to imagine what story they could spin from his breakfast meeting, but everyone, he thought, schooling his features into impassivity, had to make a living.

  Frustrated by his indifference and lack of response, a few tried to goad him into responding by throwing out a few suggestions for him to deny.

  Ben ignored them and the cameras being thrust in his face. The doorman, who had walked ahead of him, opened his limo door; he was literally a couple of feet away when it happened.

  Every head including Ben’s turned towards the tall gorgeous redhead poured into a clashing bright neon-pink minidress that hugged her sinuous curves. The press pack parted like the Red Sea for her as she ran towards Ben like a heat-seeking missile in five-inch heels.

  Oh, hell! For some reason Lily’s twin was about to present the press pack with a photo opportunity and he had no way to stop it, short of rugby tackling her or trying out a useful judo move.

  In the event it seemed unlikely that either would have stopped the woman, who was extremely determined. She oozed all over him, plastering herself against him like a second skin. As she lifted her face and gave a predatory smile he got a face full of alcohol fumes—definitely wasted! Light a match and they’d have gone up in flames!

  He stood rigid as she wound her arms around his neck. Her fingers dug into his scalp as she jerked his head down and she went in for the kiss.

  The entire sordid thing was a headline writer’s wet dream, he thought as he finally managed to bundle her into the waiting car!

  ‘Just drive!’

  His passenger had begun to gently snore.

  CHAPTER TEN

  AS SHE RAN into the hall the bell got louder but to Lily’s relief there were no cries from upstairs, and she’d have heard because since Ben had had the nursery wired for sound the sophisticated monitor system meant she could hear a pin drop in the nursery from anywhere in the house. It meant she was no longer running up the stairs at every imagined sound of distress.

  ‘I’m coming!’

  A scowl on her face, she flung open the door and stood there as her chin hit her chest.

  ‘Thank God!’

  Lily wasn’t thanking God, she was feeling slightly queasy as she stood to one side to allow Ben with her twin slung over his shoulder entry into the hall. Like a clockwork automaton, she turned and closed the door behind her.

  ‘This,’ he said, turning to face her, ‘is not what it looks like.’

  ‘Lil...Lil...’ The slurred voice trailed away as the redhead flopped down again.

  ‘She just appeared out of nowhere... She’s not sober.’

  ‘I can smell that.’ The initial stab of sheer visceral jealousy had receded, but the sight of Ben with her twin, wearing a dress that was a wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen, slung over his shoulder remained an image that did not fill her with joy.

  ‘I didn’t have a clue what to do with her so...’

  ‘You brought her home.’

  ‘Not really a plan, more...desperation,’ he admitted and took a deep breath. ‘I should probably tell you—your sister kissed me, and it was filmed.’

  ‘Did you enjoy it?’

  He shuddered. ‘I did not!’

  ‘Hey! I’m a very, verrry good kisser.’ The slurs returned to snores.

  Ben rolled his eyes, his mouth twisting in a moue of distaste. ‘She’s totally off her head.’

  ‘You did the right thing,’ Lily said nobly as her sister lifted her head and slurred again.

  ‘Congratulations...can I be best man...no, maid of honour...?’ Her head dropped and a moment later there was another gentle but audible snore.

  ‘Do you suppose she needs a doctor?’ Lily asked worriedly.

/>   ‘What she needs is to sleep it off.’

  Lily nodded towards the stairs. ‘I expect you’re right.’

  She walked behind him as he carried Lara up the stairs, opening the door of the nearest guest bedroom when they reached the top.

  Without hesitation Ben dropped his burden on the bed and heaved a relieved sigh. ‘Can you cope from here? I’ve had enough of your sister for one day.’

  Lily nodded.

  It took her half an hour to settle Lara safely. When she went back downstairs Ben was nursing a whisky.

  ‘I know it’s only twelve o’clock but I need it. Your sister is...’ He shuddered. ‘God, she’s a total nightmare!’

  His obvious disgust made it easier to be generous and, anyway, Lily was genuinely worried about her twin. ‘Not really, she’s... I think she’s just very unhappy. There are things going on...marriage problems.’ Lily’s compassionate heart ached for her twin. She had no doubt that she would get the full story once Lara sobered up.

  Ben was less sympathetic. ‘I’m not surprised! You’d need to be a saint to be married to her. The woman is unbalanced. I have no idea what her problem is and quite frankly I don’t want to.’

  ‘Do you think I should sit with her in case she wakes—?’

  ‘No, I do not.’ He put down his glass and moved closer, his gaze trained on her face. ‘Were you jealous?’

  ‘A little. She was always... I always felt invisible when Lara was around.’

  ‘Sibling rivalry?’

  ‘No. I didn’t compete. Lara was always better at everything.’

  He reached out and touched her face, husking, ‘You’re worth a hundred of the Laras of this world.’

  She smiled. ‘I was jealous for a second,’ she admitted. ‘When I saw you holding her. But then I saw your face.’ A small bubble of laughter escaped her lips.

  ‘Glad someone thinks it’s funny.’

  A worried expression replaced Lily’s smile as she admitted, ‘I’m pretty sure her husband might not see the joke...’ From what she had seen of the man he was not the non-jealous type. ‘We could always tell people it was me?’

  Ben shot her brilliant plan down in flames. ‘We will not.’

  ‘But what if Raoul comes here thinking—?’

  ‘I can look after myself,’ he interrupted, sounding amused.

  ‘And me...you have me, Ben. Me and Emmy. This has been and always will be a special time for me.’ Her voice thickened with emotion as she gulped. ‘I have some lovely memories, ones that I will treasure, but I can’t carry on stringing you along like this. You deserve more,’ she told him, tears standing out in her eyes as she looked up at him.

  Ben stood there like a statue carved from stone, all expression wiped from his face. Had he left it too late?

  ‘You deserve the truth, the reason why I can’t marry you, why I never will.’

  He moved then, lurching forward, his face locked in a grimace of anguish. ‘Is there someone else? That doctor...?’ His eyes narrowed as he recalled the young medic who had been sniffing around, being far too attentive.

  ‘What? No, of course not, there’s no one.’ The tears threatened again. ‘There never will be anyone. No!’ She took a step backwards to evade him, knowing full well that if he touched her her resolve would dissolve.

  ‘I can’t marry you because I love you.’

  She waited but his expression gave little clue as to what he was thinking or even if he believed her.

  ‘Sorry, but you can see now that the marriage of convenience thing won’t work for me.’

  ‘Fine.’

  Lily swallowed. She had hoped he’d take it well, but not this well!

  She turned, struggling to match his casual manner. It wasn’t as if she enjoyed dramatic scenes or anything. ‘I should ring Mum to let her know Lara is all right. She rang last night to say she’d had an odd call from her.’

  ‘No.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Not now.’ He grabbed her arm and swung her towards him. ‘Say it again.’

  She shook her head. ‘Say what?’ Their eyes connected and the eloquent glow she saw in his made her suck in a taut gasp. ‘We’ve drifted apart over the last few years—’

  ‘We have drifted together over the last few weeks.’

  ‘I’m not talking about us, I’m talking about Lara and me.’

  He swore under his breath. ‘I don’t want to talk about Lara.’

  ‘What do you want?’

  ‘I want to hear you say it again, the reason why you can’t marry me.’

  ‘I love you.’ She lifted her chin; she’d thrown her pride away and it no longer mattered.

  ‘There’s no chance this is something temporary?’

  She shook her head unhappily.

  ‘You didn’t want it to happen, but it did?’

  Her eyes fluttered wide. ‘How do you know that?’

  ‘Because it happened to me too. I always thought I wasn’t capable of loving anyone...and I was glad of it. I was an idiot but you taught me, Lily, you taught me what love is... You made me whole. I love you, Lily, with all my heart.’

  The simple sincerity of his words, the emotional throb in his deep voice, made her eyes fill with tears of joy. She shook her head, still unable to quite believe this was happening. ‘Why didn’t you tell me, Ben? I’ve been so miserable, pretending.’

  ‘I was waiting...’

  ‘For what?’

  ‘I wanted to prove to you that I was genuine, that I was worthy of you, committed.’

  ‘You made me think that all you cared about was being a father to Emmy.’

  ‘I was trying not to rush you...’ A shade of indignation slid into his voice. ‘How the hell was I to know you loved me?’ Before she could respond he bent his head, putting all the pent-up frustration of the last two weeks in the deep, hard, penetrating kiss.

  She surfaced with a dreamy smile. ‘If you’d done that I might have told you,’ she admitted.

  ‘I had this plan in my head. I wanted to get everything right. I had this idea that the work at Warren Court would be finished, though obviously if I’d known you loved me I’d have thrown the plan out the window.’

  She tugged at his shirt to get his attention and received more of it than she had anticipated as he claimed her mouth again in a series of hard, hungry kisses that merged into one and left her feeling drained and incredibly happy.

  ‘Work on Warren...?’ she mumbled against his mouth.

  ‘Yes, this place is a bit small and my grandfather is getting too old to live there alone. We thought that a ground-floor apartment would give him privacy—’

  ‘We? A conspiracy...?’ Before he could respond to the teasing she pressed her hand to his mouth. ‘What is this with you and houses? I don’t give that—’ she clicked her fingers with an expressive snap ‘—about houses. It’s people that I care about, you and Emmy. I love you so much, Ben—’

  The rest was lost in his mouth as he kissed her until her head spun. When he placed her back on her feet she needed his support to stop her falling over.

  She might have said he had kissed her senseless, but actually she realised she had only just come to her senses.

  He stroked her face with a loving hand. ‘I don’t care about where I live either. My home is anywhere you are. I just wanted to prove to you that I was sincere, that I could be a good father and husband, that I am totally into this.’

  Heart singing with joy she had never imagined ever feeling, she slipped her arms around his waist, tilted her head back to look up into his face. ‘Are you totally into me too?’

  His mouth curved into a wicked grin. ‘Oh, absolutely—and ready and willing to prove it.’

  ‘Can you get upstairs without buying an
other house?’

  ‘I’ll try,’ he promised, scooping her up. At the door, he paused. ‘I should say there is a builder stopping by tomorrow. I thought I’d do a few renovations before I hand it over to the hospital... With a bit of work it could be perfect for families who find themselves in the situation we did.’

  Lily’s eyes filled with tears. ‘Oh, Ben, that’s a lovely idea.’

  ‘I just hope that some of them have the happy ending we have had. This time last year my life was empty, and now I have...everything I need.’

  Lily framed his face with her hands. ‘So do I.’ Adding, ‘Shush,’ as he ran up the stairs with her. ‘We don’t want to wake Lara. Too late,’ she added as there was the sound of someone loudly weeping from the door they were passing. ‘Sorry, Ben...’

  He sighed. ‘Well, just remember where we were and promise me that if she comes to our wedding you’ll hide the booze.’

  ‘You wanted family life,’ she teased.

  He covered the hand she had placed on the door handle with his and looked down with fierce longing into her face. ‘I’ve always wanted you. I always will.’

  A few weeks later they exchanged vows in front of their friends and relations, but for Lily what he said at that moment meant so much more.

  EPILOGUE

  Emily Rose Warrender

  Year One Homework.

  MY WEEKEND.

  I was going to ride my pony this weekend. He’s cool, but my mummy and daddy had to go to the hospital, so I stayed with my grandma and we played tea parties because she is quite old, maybe even twenty, and she needs to sit down a lot.

  Mummy and Daddy brought home a baby this morning. Mummy says he looks like Daddy, but I don’t think so because my daddy is very tall and handsome and baby Harry is wrinkled and red. My mummy has red hair like me and she is very pretty and so am I.

  Harry can’t do anything yet but Daddy says when he’s older, maybe next week, I can teach him stuff like how to kick a ball and other things that I’m very good at. Daddy says I can be the boss.

  I love my mummy and daddy a lot, and Harry, but my pony is better. I am going to be a very good boss.