A Slight Change of Plan

by Dee Ernst

  “Oh.”

  We were kind of quiet again after that. We’d sat down to eat just after six, and now, almost three hours later, we had reached a sort of plateau. I had to make the nine-thirty bus, so he walked me down Central Park West until it turned into Eighth Avenue, and we looked in the windows at all the jewelry and electronics, brushing by the tourists who stood gazing up at the night skyline. We made small talk and quick jokes until we reached the Port Authority building. He insisted on standing with me at the gate until the bus showed up, and then he gave me a cool kiss on the cheek and told me how great it was to see me again, and he walked off into the sunset. Figuratively, of course. There are no real sunsets inside the Port Authority building. Besides, it was too late in the evening.

  He was just the same as he’d always been, in spite of the lines around the eyes and the thickening waist. His voice was deeper, coarser, and he had a much tougher shell around him. Being the CEO of a big corporation would do that to you, I imagined. His hands were the hardest part of the evening, because every time I looked down at them, I remembered their tenderness and strength, as well as their playful teasing. It seemed like I had spent the best few years of my life holding on to one of those hands.

  So I got to spend forty-two minutes on the bus, looking out the window, wondering how I was ever going to be happy with someone like Tom Smith, or anyone else for that matter, when there was a Jake Windom in the world.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  I had turned my phone off when I was with Regan, picking out her wedding dress, because I don’t consider myself one of those people who need to be constantly available to the world at large. No one is going to call me to advise them on an international crisis, or to walk them through a particularly delicate bit of heart surgery, so why do I have to always be “on”? Nothing was more important than Regan’s dress, and then I went off to see Jake, so I didn’t look at my cell phone until the next morning, and there were six text messages—five from Tom, beginning with Hi, how are you? and ending with I can’t believe you’d treat me this way!

  Seriously?

  The sixth was a text from Laura, saying she had broken her leg, and could I give her a call?

  “Laura? What happened?”

  She sighed. “I fell down the basement steps. Stupid cat ran between my feet, and bam, down I went. It’s a clean break, right above the left ankle, but I’m out of commission for a while. They don’t put you in a cast anymore. They just tell you to keep all weight off the thing for six weeks. Thank God the boys are gone.”

  Her two sons had been sent off to a month-long sports camp the previous weekend.

  “Well, I guess the good news is that you won’t have to worry about who’s going to drive them all over creation for the next month,” I told her. “What about your job?”

  She laughed. “I always slow down during the summer, and in this market, no one will even miss me. And I now have a perfectly good excuse to sit in the sun and read for the next few weeks, instead of running around trying to cover everything on Bobby’s ‘to do’ list. How was your day yesterday? Did you see Jake?”

  “Yes. I also helped Regan pick out her wedding dress. It’s perfect, fits her like a glove, and cost less than five hundred bucks. She’s one lucky girl.”

  “I’m sure she is, Kate, but what about Jake?”

  I tightened my grip on the phone. “Jake is just exactly the way he was thirty years ago—smart, charming, funny—and I felt so comfortable with him. It was a great evening. After which he went home and probably banged his barely legal girlfriend.”

  “Did you ask him about her?”

  “Yes. He’s with her because he’s looking for some fun.” I had wandered onto the deck and was staring out into the woods. “He married the woman he left me for. She pretty much made his career. Then she left him. Six years ago.”

  “Wow. So, are you going to see him again?”

  “What would be the point? He’s got this other woman. And I’ve got Tom, who’s a fairly good man. I’d like things to work out between us.”

  “Okay, but if Jake should get in touch with you again, remain open. I mean, if you had a great time, he probably did, too, and that could be the start of something.”

  I put the palm of my hand on the top of my head and pressed down hard, as though trying to push out all my confused thoughts. “I’m not sure I should be thinking along those lines, Laura. Jake and I had our chance. I don’t know how useful it is to keep thinking about what-ifs.”

  “The world would be a dull and miserable place without the what-ifs, Kate.”

  “Maybe. Do you need anything?”

  “Nope.” She laughed. “I’m going to make Bobby wait on me hand and foot for the next few weeks. I think I deserve it.”

  I laughed with her. “You do, baby sister. Take full advantage.”

  I hung up, then called Tom.

  “Where were you yesterday?” he said.

  I took a deep breath. “Yesterday I helped my daughter pick out her wedding dress.”

  He was silent. “Oh. Why didn’t you answer my texts?”

  “Because I did not want to be interrupted while I was picking out my daughter’s wedding dress, and turned off the phone, then forgot to turn it back on.” I was proud of myself that my voice was still nice and even.

  “Oh. Well, I didn’t know that.”

  “Really? So you just assumed I was checking my texts every five minutes but chose to ignore all five of your requests for attention? It didn’t occur to you that maybe, just maybe, I was doing something important, and didn’t have time to play the ‘Hey, how you doin’?’ game?”

  He was silent. Good.

  “Kate, it’s just that I was worried.”

  “About what?”

  “About what you were doing.”

  There it was. I took another deep breath. “Tom, seriously, it’s none of your business what I’m doing.”

  He was quiet for so long, I almost cracked. But having played the control game with Sam, the brightest and most stubborn of my kids, I knew when to hold ’em.

  “Kate, it’s just that…”

  “That what?” God, were we really having a conversation like this over the phone? I really hated technology. We should be nose-to-nose in a dark room, sweat trickling off our bodies from the summer heat, so in case it ended well we could have great makeup sex.

  “What is this about, Kate? Why are you so angry?”

  Well, poop. That was a very unfair question. I was angry because I had met Jake Windom, and that big fantasy I had in my brain about “closure” was just that—a big fantasy. I wasn’t happy I’d seen him because I could continue with the rest of my life with no regrets. I was miserable I’d seen him because it reminded me of everything I had lost.

  This was not Tom’s fault, by the way. And I knew that. So I would have to be very careful to separate the reason I was mad at Tom from the reason I was mad at the world in general.

  “Tom, the thing is, I’ve been alone for a long time. I’m not used to having to answer to anyone. I felt stalked. I mean, I think you and I may have a future, but we’re not there yet.”

  “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m used to clingy women, and my behavior has been conditioned over the years for me to play a very, well, active role. I need to step back and allow you your space if we want to be successful going forward.”

  The words were right, but the delivery felt like a very patronizing sales pitch. But I took it.

  “Good,” I told him, even though that was not how I felt. “I’ll call you.”

  “How about dinner tomorrow night?” he asked.

  Hmmm. I had already designated Saturday as a spaghetti Saturday. Since I felt a little guilty about dumping all over him, I said, “Come here Saturday. I’m making pasta, and there’ll be some people. It will be fun.”

  “Okay.” His voice was considerably brighter, so it must have meant something. To him, anyway.

  When we hung up, I felt some
thing was not quite right. I called Cheryl.

  “Can you and Marco come over for spaghetti on Saturday?”

  “We’d already made plans, dinner and a movie.”

  “I invited Tom,” I told her.

  She was making little clicking noises with her teeth, which meant she was thinking. “Then we’ll be there, because you do need a crowd. He might think this is some sort of step forward, being introduced to your family and close friends. Are you ready for a step forward?”

  “I’m not sure. Will he really think that? Isn’t that a little high school?”

  “Of course. But let’s face it, that’s where men learn most of their dating behavior. Do you have a few C-listers? That way Tom will understand that his being invited was not really such a big deal.”

  “C-list? I don’t think I have a C-list.”

  “Of course you do. New neighbors? The golf pro? Cleaning lady? I know for a fact you can drum up a few lawyers.”

  “The lady across the cul-de-sac. She thinks Boone is adorable.”

  “Excellent. And a few lawyers?”

  “Cheryl, in all the years I worked at that office, I did not find one person I would consider inviting to my home. But seriously, maybe he doesn’t even know the difference between the A-list and the C-list.”

  She made another, even more impolite noise. “That’s another thing we learn about in high school, Kate: Life’s journey is all about working your way up to the cool kids’ table. Don’t forget it. Ever. What should I bring?”

  “Chicken nuggets and Boone’s Farm apple wine?”

  She laughed and hung up. Boone came up to me and laid her head on my lap, her butt wagging gently where her tail should have been. Time for a walk.

  Since I had canceled my golf lesson, I had changed the route Boone and I took every day. Now we came out of the cul-de-sac and turned left toward the walking trails, instead of down past the pool. I had never been a great fan of Mother Nature. I mean, I loved looking out at things, but I never enjoyed being in the midst of, well, a forest or a desert, for example. My idea of the perfect wilderness setting involved carefully weeded flower beds and comfortable seating. Plus, I was a little phobic about ticks. But I braved the wilds of Madison rather than face the golf pro, and I was meeting a whole new set of neighbors, the hardy, outdoor set. There was one very friendly man who walked his Jack Russell terrier who seemed very open to conversation, but his dog kept trying to hump Boone, so our exchanges so far had been rather short.

  Boone and I braved our way through the trees. It was summer already—it was mid-July, and although Memorial Day was the usual start of summer, I always considered the Fourth of July to be the official jumping-off place. I never put on a bathing suit before then.

  On the way home, I stopped by and knocked on my neighbor’s door. It took a few minutes for her to answer, but since her front door was open behind the screen, I figured she was home. When she appeared, she gave me a big smile, opened the screen door, and reached down to pet Boone.

  “Kate, hello. And Boone, how’s the girl?”

  Boone wriggled with delight.

  “Marie, I’m having some folks over tomorrow for spaghetti dinner. Do you think you could come over and join us?”

  She broke into a delighted smile. “Of course. I’d love to. Dane was coming over, but he’s here all the time. I don’t get too many invites these days, so I certainly won’t say no. Thank you so much.”

  “Dane?”

  “My son. We usually see each other on the weekends, but he’ll understand, I’m sure.”

  “Invite him along,” I told her.

  She tilted her head in surprise. “Really? You don’t even know him.”

  I waved a hand. “Well, you and I are going to be neighbors for a long time, so I may as well get to know him, right?” Besides, I thought, nothing says C-list like a neighbor’s son.

  She beamed. “How thoughtful of you, dear. All right, then. What time?”

  So I was set. Tom was going to meet my friends, some family, and also some of the most insignificant people in my life.

  Now, there was a step. I’m not sure if it was forward or not, but at least it was something.

  Saturday morning, Sam came down fully dressed at a fairly early hour, surprising me just a little. He gave me a quick kiss and opened the fridge.

  “Alisa and I are going to have to miss your thing tonight. We’re going into the city to hang out with some of my lab people; then we’re seeing Tim’s—remember Tim? He helped us move?—his brother is in a band and they’re playing in Chelsea tonight. And then we’re going to crash at Tim’s place, so we don’t have to worry about catching the bus. Sorry.”

  “No problem, honey. Have a great time.”

  He had pulled out some organic cranberry juice and poured himself a huge glass. Then he started taking all his pills. He took at least eight different supplements, from fish oil, which I could perfectly understand, to blue algae, which I didn’t get at all.

  “So, Mom, how’s it going?”

  I settled back with my coffee. “It’s going fine, Sam. Thanks for asking. Still nothing on the job front, but I’m not worried yet.”

  He nodded. “Good. Good. Listen, Alisa and I aren’t being too big a pain in the ass, are we?”

  I smiled. “Alisa is a great girl, and she can stay here as long as she likes. You have always been a pain in the ass, but I’m used to it by now. Are you really going to move to France and raise my grandbabies in a foreign country?”

  He made a face. “Mom, you have no idea what kind of opportunity this is for Alisa. She’s not even begun her doctorate, and this guy over there is crazy to get her. Alisa is really brilliant.”

  “I know. And apparently she can also make a mean latte. But France?”

  He finished taking his pills and put the glass in the sink, caught my look, then put it in the dishwasher. Good boy.

  “Who knows what’s going to happen, Mom? I know how you are about planning way too far in advance for everything, so let’s just wait, okay?”

  Fair enough. I resented the “planning way too far in advance” remark, but knew it held a kernel of truth. As I finished my coffee, it occurred to me that with the kids out of the house, Tom could spend the night with me for a change. I sent him a quick text, making the invitation, then went into the den to check my e-mails.

  And there it was, a message from Jake, telling me what a great time he’d had, and maybe we could meet again next week?

  My ears were filled with the sound of all my blood rushing to my head. Really? He wanted to see me again? But what about the girlfriend? I had been that girl, the one who had put her blind faith in Jake because I thought he was such a wonderful guy, only to have my heart stomped on because he really wasn’t. Did I want to be That Woman? The woman who knowingly went out with an attached man in hopes of luring him away? And how did I feel about the fact that Jake seemed perfectly comfortable cheating on this girlfriend, too?

  On the other hand, Sandra the Beautiful didn’t look like the type to have too many sophisticated emotions, and would probably be moving on to the next guy before the back door even got close to smacking her on the butt.

  Damn, I wished I knew what I wanted. I wished that there was some clear plan out there for me, and that all I had to do was follow the dotted line. What I was not going to do was be an “other woman,” although since the other woman was usually the young, sexy one, the whole situation appealed to my sense of irony. So I sent him a simple line back—What about Sandra the Beautiful?

  Take that, Jake Windom.

  The next night, as I was chopping salad, I heard Boone barking and knew somebody had come up the driveway. But after a few minutes of no one coming through the door, I went down to find Laura sitting on the bench, Bobby standing beside her, holding her crutches.

  “Hey,” I called, coming down into the courtyard.

  Laura looked up and smiled. “Can we eat out here?” she asked.

  I ga
ve Bobby a kiss and a quick hug before sitting down next to Laura. “Sure. We’ll bring down the dining room table and chairs, set out a bunch of candles; it’ll be great.”

  She nodded. “Good. Stairs are really tough for me. You know how uncoordinated I am. In fact, I may have to spend the rest of the month here, because going down is harder than going up.”

  “She won’t let me carry her,” Bobby explained. “She’s afraid I’ll throw out my back.”

  I shook my head. “Laura, you probably don’t weigh more than a hundred and twenty pounds.”

  “I know. But Bobby’s back is tricky. Picking up a six-pack can be fraught with peril.”

  “Well, Tom is coming, and Jeff and Phil and my neighbor’s son. Hopefully, between all of them, we can find someone who knows the fireman’s carry.”

  She rolled her eyes. “I am not going to be slung over somebody’s shoulder like a sack of flour, with my butt stuck out for all the world to see.”

  “Laura, honey, you have no butt, remember? Can I bring you out some wine?”

  She nodded, and Bobby followed me into the house.

  “She’s in more pain than she admits,” Bobby said. “Devon is homesick and keeps texting her every five minutes for her to come and get him.”

  “Wait a minute,” I said. “Those boys have been going to the same soccer camp for ten years. This year he’s homesick?”

  “This year he has a girlfriend, which is the only reason she hasn’t sent me up there to get him. And on top of everything else, your mom got her cable shut off because she forgot to pay the bill.” He sighed. “Laura’s stressed and doesn’t handle it the same way you do.”

  I wasn’t so great at stress, actually, but Laura tended to crumple quickly. I poured the wine.

  “Mom had her cable cut off?”

  Bobby nodded. “And her cable is tied to her phone. So at first she thought the phone was broken, so she drove to RadioShack and bought a new one. But then when the TV stayed blank, she called a neighbor to try to fix it. That’s when they figured out that everything was turned off. It took her four days to get it turned back on.”