by Dee Ernst
Laura shook her head. “Why did your parents divorce, Phil?”
He shrugged. “Because my mother is a total raving bitch?”
“No, really,” Laura chided.
“No,” I said. “Really.”
“Mom,” Regan said. “You bait her.”
“Moi? Never.”
“Wait till she finds out that you and Edward are, were, well, whatever,” Regan said, looking a little worried.
“Oh my. I hadn’t thought of that. Well, we just won’t mention it, will we?” I said, glaring around the room. “Like, ever.”
Jake came in the back door. “Bobby sent me in to break up the kitchen party and move everyone outside.”
Laura laughed. “Good idea.”
“Jake,” I said, “this is my daughter, Regan, and her husband-to-be, Phil.”
Jake shook hands. “Good to meet you both. Kate has been filling me in on the wedding details.”
“I’m sure she has,” Regan said. “And I’m sure she’s been very open and honest about her feelings about the situation.”
“What are you talking about? Your mother has always been reserved in her opinions. Unless you mean how she mentioned about having to slash her list of guests, and how you’re only having a buffet instead of a six-course sit-down meal, and the whole ‘She’s not even having a real band’ rant?”
Regan laughed. “That’s Mom.”
Jake grinned. “She’s actually slowed down. In her prime, she was completely terrifying.”
Regan nodded. “She still can be. But these days, she tries to use her powers for good.”
“Enough,” I said loudly. “We can dissect my personality outside. Leaving Bobby out there with my mother is cruel and unusual.”
Jake reached out and patted my cheek. “Only to you, Kate.”
Laura handed everyone a dish to carry out, and we trailed out of the kitchen. Jeff, coming up behind me, whispered in my ear.
“Meryl is pregnant.”
“Meryl? The wonderful woman in Maine who’s going to be carrying my grandchild?” I set a bowl of pickles on a table and hugged him. “I’m so happy. Okay, we need to keep our fingers crossed and think good thoughts.”
“She says she feels good. It’s only a few weeks, but it’s a great start.”
“Let me know when I can start planning the shower. I’m thinking we could get a room at Rod’s Ranch House. Would your friends come out from the city? We’ll do a Saturday luncheon.”
“Do you have a guest list for this, too?”
I looked skyward. “Maybe.”
He kissed me on the cheek. “Knock yourself out, Mom. And I’m happy that you’re happy.”
We ate under a striped tent that had been staked in the middle of the yard. Jake had been hovering over the grill with Bobby, but after the table had been loaded down, he sat between me and my mother, his plate piled high, an icy bottle of water at hand.
“No beer?” I asked.
He shook his head. “Nope. Driving. I never drink and drive anymore. God spared me too many times during my misspent youth; I’m not pushing my luck now.”
“Luckily,” I said, “most of our favorite haunts back then were in walking distance.”
Regan looked over and shook her head. “Mom, one or two glasses of wine, well, that’s okay, but anything more than that and you’re a little embarrassing. I can’t imagine you going out drinking.”
Jake threw back his head and laughed. “You should have seen her trying tequila for the first time.” He grinned at me.
“At the Varsity,” we said together, and I laughed with him.
Laura leaned in. “Do tell.”
“Well, the Varsity was a fairly nice club,” I began.
“For a sports-themed bar on a college campus,” Jake said.
“Yes. And on Tuesdays they had contests,” I went on.
“For ladies only,” Jake put in.
“Yes. And one month we were a little short on rent, and I thought I could get us an easy fifty bucks.”
Jake shook his head. “She’d never had tequila before.”
Laura made a noise. Devon was leaning in, listening closely. She hit her son on the arm and glared at him.
“Remember,” she said sternly, “your aunt was of legal drinking age at the time. And I’m sure this kind of thing is not allowed anymore. She could have gotten really ill.”
“Oh, I did,” I said. I looked at Devon. “I was so sick, Jake had to practically carry me home. I spent the night on the floor in our bathroom.”
“I did, too,” Jake said. “I was afraid to leave her.”
“Nothing in my life felt so good as that cool toilet bowl against my cheek.”
Wade yowled with laughter. “Oh, that’s gross.”
Jake nodded. “Yes. The whole night was kind of gross. But she learned a valuable lesson. So did I. I never let her drink like that again.” He looked at me. “I was so worried about you. I still feel sick when I remember how badly I was frightened.”
I remembered, too. I could hear his voice, as though it were yesterday, asking me if I was okay, telling me he was going to call an ambulance. I’d kept shaking my head no, and he’d held me, lying with me on the cold tile floor.
“I didn’t drink for a month,” I said. “I couldn’t even look at a beer.”
“But,” Jake said with a grin, “you got over it.”
I made a face. “And how about the time you decided to drink yourself sober, and tried to finish off the keg at eight in the morning?”
Jake groaned and we all laughed. Phil raised his hand.
“I’ve done that,” he said. “Usually, it doesn’t end well.”
“This time it didn’t, either.” He pointed a finger at me. “You never tried to stop me.”
I waved my hand at him. “Could I ever? But I did call some people to come over and help you out.”
Devon yelped, “At eight in the morning?”
Jake and I spoke together—“That’s what friends are for.” And we all laughed.
My mother, sitting primly on Jake’s other side, sniffed. “It’s a miracle the two of you managed to graduate at all.”
Jake leaned over her. “Your daughter had the best study habits I’d ever seen. True, when she let loose, it could get crazy, but she would sit at her desk and shut out the world to get her work done. She was something to see. Her concentration was so intense, sometimes she’d forget to eat.”
“That would not happen now,” I muttered, and we all laughed again.
A few hours later, Jake had left, Mom and Bobby’s sister had gone inside to watch some TV and cool off, and there was a soccer game going on, involving everyone under the age of forty. Bobby was acting as ref, a few neighborhood kids had come by to fill in the ranks, and they all seemed to be having a great time. Regan had declined the invitation to play, and was sitting with Laura and me on the screened porch, watching her husband-to-be race down the field, trying to get the ball from a very determined Brianne.
“The girlfriend,” I observed, “is a bit competitive.”
Laura nodded. “I think that’s why Devon was attracted to her in the first place.”
Regan sighed. “First love is so sweet.”
“At that age,” Laura said, “I was such a baby. I never would have had the nerve to jump into a game like Brianne. I would have been happy to be the cheerleader.”
“That’s because you always wanted to be a cheerleader,” I reminded her.
“True. I wasn’t cool enough.”
“But you did have a boyfriend,” I said. “Your freshman year. I remember a very tall kid with long hair who didn’t say anything.”
Laura smiled. “Freddy. Yes, my very first high-school crush. I was so in love. Until you brought Jake home for Christmas. After that, Freddy never had a chance.”
Regan sat up. “Oh?”
Laura shook her head at the memory. “Can I tell you? Jake Windom in his prime took your breath away. I mean, he’s still a good-lookin
g guy for his age, but then? He was something else.”
Regan looked at me. “Well, I have to admit, I can really see what the attraction is. He’s a lot more fun to be around than Tom was. And I can tell you mean something to him, Mom. The way he looks at you?” She was quiet. “Daddy never looked at you that way.”
I reached over and grabbed her hand. “Honey, your father and I were very happy for a long time. We had you kids and a life together that worked. At some point, things started to fray. But for a long time, it was all good.”
“I know, Mom.” Regan squeezed my hand. “But he still never looked at you the way Jake does.”
We sat for a few minutes.
“So, what about Edward, Mom? I mean, I’ve got kind of a stake in this.”
“I know, sweetie. And I wish I could give you a nice, simple explanation of what’s going on. But I can’t. I really like Edward. I really like Jake. At some point, something will change.”
“Yes, Mom, but in the meantime…” She shook her head. “It would be so cool if you and Edward ended up together. But Jake would get hurt.”
“I know. I’m very aware of that, Regan.”
We sat for a few more minutes.
“Mom seems pretty happy, too,” Laura said.
“Yes. She has somehow fallen in with a group of women who find her good company. She’s got more on her social calendar right now than I do,” I said.
“What’s going to happen?” Regan asked.
“Happen when?”
“When you find her another place to live?”
Laura and I looked at each other. I’d been so relieved at my mother’s good mood that I hadn’t thought of that.
“I don’t know,” I said. “How’s that coming?”
Laura made a face. “I have somebody calling me next week about the possibility of a bed. It would be available October first. In Hackettstown.”
“That’s pretty far,” Regan said. “And if Gram is happy…”
I shot her a look. “She can’t live with me permanently. I hope to be starting a full-time job in the next few months. And it’s still the Cold War between us. Granted, we’ve actually had some spontaneous conversations, but it’s still pretty much a don’t-speak-until-spoken-to situation.”
“Maybe,” Regan said, “you could find her a condo in your development.”
“Honey,” I explained, “she cannot live by herself. She forgets things. Important things. You know that. And her health is only going to get worse. She should be on oxygen. She needs to be using her walker at all times. Doing everyday things is going to get harder and harder for her. And I don’t live in an assisted living community. Somebody would have to be paid to come in and stay with her.”
We were quiet again, watching the soccer game.
“How can they play in this heat?” Laura said at last.
“They’re young,” I said.
“But still. Look at Jeff. He’s not enjoying this,” Laura said.
“He never smiles when he’s sweating,” Regan said. “Ever see him run? He looks like he’s about to kill someone.”
“Nobody ever looks happy running,” I said. “Ever notice that? If all those endorphins are pumping, you’d think all runners would be smiling all the time.”
“Sam looks happy, though,” Regan said. “I bet you miss Alisa.”
“Yes, I do,” I said. “And not because she kept Sam on the same plane as the rest of us. I really got to like her. Sometimes she’d say or do something so sweet, I’d elevate her to favorite-child status.”
Regan made a noise. “Mom, I thought that since I was getting married, I was your favorite.”
“Sadly, Jeff chose this time to get some woman in Maine pregnant with my first grandchild. The two of you are in a dead heat most days.”
“And I guess Jake will be your guest at the wedding?” Regan asked.
“If I say yes, you can’t take away from the number of people I can invite.”
“Mom. We have a finite number of seats. Jake coming means somebody else can’t.”
“No, Regan,” Laura cut in. “Sorry, but I’m siding with your mother on this one. A guest of the mother of the bride who is also her date is in a completely different category, and cannot be lumped with other guests.”
“You just made that up,” Regan said.
“No. Look it up. It’s a rule.”
Regan waved a hand. “Whatever. He’ll look great in the pictures. That’s the important thing.”
“My, my,” I clucked. “Aren’t we getting a bit coldhearted?”
“Mom, planning this wedding has been the most exhausting, frustrating, and calculated thing I’ve ever had to do. Worse than getting into veterinary school, and you know how hard that was. If it weren’t for you, I think we would have eloped.”
“Weren’t for me?”
She grinned. “I really wanted that favorite-kid status.”
I laughed. A few minutes later, Bobby’s sister came out. “Kate? Your mom says she’s ready to go.”
Regan stood up. “I’ll bring Sam home, Mom. He’s on Phil’s team, and they need all the help they can get.”
I said my good-byes and helped Mom into the car. She was very tired, I could tell, and she put her head back on the car seat and napped all the way home. Her breathing was still labored as we walked into the garage, and she had to immediately sit down before she could stand up again to get ready for bed, but she seemed calmer, less angry about the world. She did not look gray and pinched like she had a month before.
“This was a good day, wasn’t it, Mom?”
She nodded. I waited for her to reach for the remote, but she just sat there.
“He apologized,” she said.
“Who, Mom?”
“Jake. He said he was sorry about hurting you. He wanted me to know.”
That took me back a bit. “That was nice of him, but why would he apologize to you? I’m the one who got stomped on.”
She glared. “Because you were my firstborn, and the one dearest to my soul. When your heart broke, mine did, too. I felt so bad for you, and I knew there was nothing I could do to make it better. I felt angry and helpless, and I wanted to kill that boy.”
I stared. “Why didn’t you ever tell me that?”
She rolled her eyes. “Were we even talking to each other then? And then you got all geared up for law school, and there was that whole fight. I wanted you to come home for a while but, no, you went off again, and then by the time things were good between us, you were with Adam, and I didn’t want to drag up anything about Jake. I knew you still loved him.” She sniffed and straightened her shoulders. “Then you became a mother. I thought you would have figured it out for yourself. I still don’t know why people keep saying you’re so smart.” She leaned back in the recliner and closed her eyes. She looked very peaceful. “He’s smart, Jake is. He knew. I still don’t trust him, but at least he’s smart. And now he knows if he’s going to screw you over again, he’d better wait until after I’m dead.”
I leaned over and kissed her cheek. “Thanks, Mom.”
And then I went upstairs and got into bed. But I did not sleep. Not for a long, long time.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Seeing two men at the same time wasn’t as logistically hard as I thought it was going to be. As soon as Edward heard that Elaine was going to be in the same hotel, even though it was weeks away, he found a short-term rental in a fabulous complex and moved. He was in Jersey City, a bit farther from me, but closer to his old friends and business connections in the city. I saw him once a week, during the week, and on Sunday afternoons.
Jake came to Newark every Wednesday to have lunch with me, and spent all day Saturday.
After a few weeks of this, I was no closer to deciding which of them I wanted more. Actually, I wanted them both, and seriously thought about how long I could possibly keep doing this. I knew how selfish I was being, but I just couldn’t stop. Being with Jake was like curling up with my fa
vorite blanket, soft, warm, and safe. He knew me so well, I didn’t have to finish half of my sentences most of the time. Being with Edward was like climbing into the front car of a roller coaster. I never knew what was coming next, but there was a good chance it would leave me smiling.
Cheryl came by and helped me dig up my marijuana, which, in spite of its limited growing space, had managed to cause so much shade that my tomatoes were small and under-ripe.
She arrived wearing hot-pink capris, a sleeveless flowered tunic, and jeweled sandals. Her official pot-harvesting outfit. She did not get a speck of dirt on her. The woman was a real pro.
“Okay. We need to hang these upside down in a cool, dark place to dry out. I suggest the garage.”
I brushed some dirt off my jeans. I was, as you can guess, filthy. “That would involve sneaking them past my mother, or taking them in through the outside door, in which case the entire neighborhood will see them.”
“Them” were six plants, over three feet tall and almost as wide, with trailing root systems still caked with dirt.
She made a face. “How about tonight? We’ll just leave them here for now.”
“The problem is that Mom and all her friends come in and out of the basement through the garage. They might get noticed.”
Cheryl frowned, a sign that she was thinking. “We could disguise them.”
“As what? Christmas garland?”
“Maybe. Do you have any tinsel?”
“Can’t we just put them in a plastic bag and stick them in a closet?”
She shook her head. “No. Upside down and in open air is best.”
“Cheryl, since when did you become such an expert?”
“Kate, the Internet is a wonderful place. You should spend a little time there.”
“Listen, why don’t you just take them and hang them up with all your own plants. I still don’t know why I grew these in the first place. If I ever feel the need to get stoned, I’ll just call you, okay?”
“Okay. By the way, who are you dating these days?”
“Please, Cheryl, don’t. Both of them. Can we not talk about this?”
“Of course. Are you sure you don’t want me to leave a little behind? I bet you could use some serious relaxation.”