Rescuing Hi`ilani (Special Forces: Operaton Alpha) (Delta Force Hawaii)

by Reina Torres

  He walked her to her door and stood there with his hand on her lower back as she tried to grab hold of the key for the front door.

  She’d tried a handful of times before he gently pulled the ring from her fingers and held it out.

  “Which key?”

  She lifted her head and looked him in the eyes. “Green.”

  He flipped through the keys and separated the key with the green plastic tag on it. “Okay. Let’s get you inside.”

  The grating sound of metal against metal actually settled her nerves. Made it easier for her to just blank out her mind. Ignore the aching empty spot in her chest that seemed to extend down into her soul.

  The screen door swung out and he used the advantage of his height to pull it to the side without making her duck. He didn’t even have to look at her or ask the question again. She just told him. “Pink.”

  Jackson swung the heavy wooden door open a few seconds later and she stepped inside.

  She didn’t have to turn around to know that he’d closed the door behind them. Jackson had a presence that was impossible to miss, like he was able to fill up the room around her like a physical touch.

  It was too tempting to walk into his arms and stay there forever.

  She had to put some distance between them. Reaching out, she put her hand on the top of her tiny dining room table. Her hands were clean. She’d washed them half a dozen times at the emergency room and then again before they’d left the police station.

  Still, she knew what had been on them just a few hours ago and she felt like she could probably wash them a hundred times more and she would still feel the blood wet between her fingers, or flaking off the back of her hands.

  “Do you think I should go back in the morning and look at the photos again?”

  She heard the soft chime of the keys on a hard surface.

  “You looked over all of them tonight.”

  Hi`ilani nodded. “But only one of the men was in there. Or at least I think it was one of them. If one is in there… shouldn’t the other one be in there too?”

  The room remained silent as she remembered Officer Wong’s words when he’d sat her down with the computer as they began the search. “These are only the photos of the men we’ve had in custody before. One, or both of the men, might not be in here. If they’re new to the game or if they just haven’t been taken into custody before, you may not see them.”

  And that was likely true.

  The one picture that she believed that she’d recognized had only been because she’d covered half of the photo with her hand and squinted at it.

  Trying to be a witness to a crime committed in the long shadows of a nearly abandoned park wasn’t going to make it easy.

  Or even possible.

  “You should get some sleep.”

  His words made sense.

  “I’m exhausted,” she swallowed and tapped her fingertips on the table top, “but I’m too wired to sleep.” Her eyes closed for a split second before they snapped open again and she felt the underlying tension between them like a tremor under her feet.

  Turning back toward the door, she looked at Jackson and lost her emotional footing.

  “You came to the show tonight.”

  He nodded slowly.

  “Looks like I made a hell of an impression on your friends.” Her cheeks heated up with shame. “I’m sorry I lost my mind back there. I think I remember most of what I did, but I think I’m just so numb…”

  “Numb happens.”

  She heard sympathy in his voice, understanding.

  “And then the pain is going to hit you. Over and over. Sometimes it’s going to be a little twinge of pain in your chest. And then when you least expect it, it might knock you to your knees and steal your breath.”

  “You know I lost my mom when I was younger,” she didn’t wait for his reaction, they’d spoken about her mother’s death when they were together before, “but that was in a hospice, quiet and calm. And you’re probably speaking from experience. When you were deployed overseas, right?”

  A quick nod was the answer she needed.

  “Someone took Mackie from me. No one is ever going to replace him in my life. He believed in me from the very beginning and it was really starting to pay off. I had something I wanted to tell him tonight.” There it was, that twinge of grief in her chest, as if someone had reached in and squeezed her heart. “I was going to wait until we were done so we could go and celebrate together.”

  And we’ll never have another moment like that again.

  Her breath burst from her lips and pulled back in on a gasping sob. “Oh God, he’s gone.”

  She felt herself falling, knew she couldn’t stop herself in time.

  But when the ground didn’t rush up underneath her she felt his arms around her again, his hand cradling the back of her head and gently guiding it to lean against his shoulder.

  It felt so good to be in his arms. To hear the reassuring beat of his heart in his chest.

  “It feels like it’s been forever,” she murmured against his shirt, rubbing her cheek against the soft cotton.

  She felt him place a kiss on the top of her head and the hand on her back smoothed slowly up and down her backbone as he cuddled her close.

  “It feels like nothing’s changed.”

  A shudder ran through her from head to toe, but she didn’t move away from him. It was just too tempting to enjoy the warmth and comfort that he offered. “Is that what it feels like?”

  She knew her voice was barely a whisper, but that was all she could manage with her heart lodged in her throat.

  “Is that why you came to the show?” She was glad that she wasn’t looking up at him. She didn’t know what she wanted to see in his face, but she also didn’t want to be disappointed.

  “I came because I wanted to tell you that I was wrong.”

  Breathe. She told herself to breathe.

  She was already walking the edge of grief, fighting off her tears.

  “I was wrong when I told you it couldn’t work, that I couldn’t see you anymore.”

  Light headed.

  She felt light headed.

  “I think I need to sit down.”

  She expected him to let her go. To let her fold down onto the couch behind her.

  Moments later she found herself seated across his lap, leaning back against the padded arm of the couch. It was a rush, yes, but it also stole her breath.

  He took her hand in his and covered it so that he gave her his warmth. “I need to explain what happened, but you need to know that there’s one part of this that you can’t mention to anyone.”

  “What do you mean, I can’t tell anyone? What can’t I tell them?”

  “What I have to tell you has to stay between you and me whether you decide you can forgive me, or not.” She watched his lips press into a thin white line and saw his eyes darken. “Can you do that, Hi`ilani? Can you keep my secret?” She saw him swallow, his Adam’s apple rising and falling under his skin. “Can you promise me just this one thing?”

  She could hear the worry in his tone and saw the concern in his eyes. “What’s wrong, Jack? You’re scaring me.”

  Jackson shook his head. “I’m sorry, baby. You’ve had a hell of a night and if I’d done the right thing before you wouldn’t have to go through this now. I just need you to give me this chance to explain.”

  “Okay,” she let a breath sigh from her lips, “tell me.”

  He was trained to focus. Heartrate down, focus up.

  He was trained to infiltrate enemy strongholds, extract innocents, government employees, and prisoners of war.

  He was trained to light ‘em up and take ‘em down.

  But sitting there on Hi`ilani’s couch he felt like he was about to jump headlong into a rushing river with swollen banks. He had to swim or sink.

  And damn it, he wanted to swim.

  “That training that I went to,” the first thing he did was hit rough water, there
were so many ways he could finish that sentence and none of them sounded or felt good, so he went for the embarrassing truth, “right before I made an ass of myself, was actually a selection and was supposed to be kept as secret as everything else I couldn’t tell you back then.” He felt her tug on her hand, but he didn’t let go. Jackson kept his hands gentle. “It was a selection for Delta Force.”

  He could tell by the look in her eyes that she didn’t know what that meant.

  “First Special Forces Operational Detachment-Delta. They call it Delta Force, but what it all boils down to is that we’re a special mission unit for the Army, like the SEAL Teams are for the Navy.”

  Her eyes narrowed and she wiggled a little to sit up higher against the arm of the sofa. “Delta Force? There were movies about that, right?”

  He nodded, chuckling softly. “Yeah. There were some movies, but it’s more than that.”

  “Oh, I get it,” she smiled for the first time since they’d left the theater. “I’m just sorry I don’t understand what this had to do with anything.”

  “Deltas, like the SEALS, we don’t tell people what we do. Secrecy is what keeps us alive both in the field and at home.

  “Part of that secrecy is keeping our interactions to a minimum.”

  The look in her eyes told him he’d stepped in something.

  “Interactions? Well that sounds clinical. Are you sure you’re not a doctor? That would be a little less aggravating.”

  He lifted one hand away and rubbed at his forehead. “I thought this through more than a dozen times before I even got to the theater, but I’m still sticking my foot in my mouth.”

  “Pretty much.”

  He hung his head for a moment, trying to organize his thoughts, but as soon as he untangled one the others tied themselves up in knots. He wanted to give up, let her go to sleep, talk later when he’d had a chance to think it through another hundred times or so.

  Right.

  He was never going to get it right.

  And then she touched him.

  Set her hand on the back of his neck.

  Brushed her thumb along his skin and sent shivers down his spine.

  “Jack.”

  She moved her thumb again, brushing back in the other direction. He would sit there forever as long as she kept touching him.

  “Jack, look at me.”

  He turned his head, but didn’t move anything else. He was selfish enough to want her hands on him.

  “I’m trying to understand, Jack. It’s just been a long day. Please, just tell me what you’re thinking.”

  It wasn’t until he blew out his breath between his barely parted lips that he realized he’d been holding it in.

  “I’m thinking that you’re so beautiful it makes me ache just to look at you. That when you touch me, I don’t ever want you to stop.

  “You need to know that if I didn’t think… didn’t believe that it was the best thing for you that I stayed away, I wouldn’t have done it.”

  He still had a hold of her hand, and brought it up to his lips and then leaned his cheek against the backs of her fingers.

  “We could be called up for a mission with barely enough time to get to the hangar. We could be gone for days, weeks, who knows. And if something were to happen to us, all the Army could tell our next of kin was that we died. Things that we see and do have to remain a secret for everyone outside of our unit and our command. Families, we were told, were a luxury that we wouldn’t be able to enjoy

  “And then I met Truck and Ghost, the two men I was with at the theater. They belong to a Delta Force team based in Texas. My commander asked me to meet with them and answer any questions they had about what to do while they’re here and while we talked, I met their wives.

  “That’s what floored me. Wives and some of the men in their unit have children. And here I thought I’d given all of that up when they selected me to become a Delta. The first thing I wanted to do was tell you. Talk to you and explain that I was wrong when I told you I couldn’t see you anymore.”

  He watched as she processed his words. At least she wasn’t telling him to get out. That had to mean something.

  “So…” she pulled her lower lip between her teeth and worried it for a moment, “you came to apologize for what you said.”

  “Yeah.” He pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. “That was something I owed you, but there was more to it than that.”

  She sat there, waiting, with her eyes fixed on his face.

  He could say so many things to her, he could try to explain, but there was one thing he really needed her to hear.

  “I love you. I loved you then, but I didn’t want you to have to worry about me when I was called away. I thought it would be better for you if I made it a clean break and walked way.

  “Looking back now I realize that I was a complete idiot and up until the shooting last night my intent was to get down on my knees and beg your forgiveness, to give me a chance to be in your life again, but now…”

  Her eyes were shining with tears and he worried that he might have crossed the line with her.

  “I don’t want you to make a decision or even worry about this until later. You need some sleep.”

  “Sleep?” She shook her head. “You tell me you’re part of some secret special missions team and that’s why you broke my heart. You tell me you love me and you want me to let you back into my life.” She took in a breath that sounded like a gasp. “But you think I can just go right to sleep?”

  “You need to get some rest.”

  “And you need to not drop a bomb in my lap and expect me to shrug it off. I’m still trying to understand even half of what you’ve said to me, Jack.”

  She pulled her hand away from his and used her other hand to push against the back of the sofa as she dropped her legs to the floor.

  “Well the good news is that I’m so exhausted that I’m going to try to sleep. So you can go whenever you want. I guess I’ll see how I feel about it in the morning.”

  He stood as she moved toward the doorway. He didn’t know what was beyond it, but he wasn’t about to invite himself further into her home.

  When she was gone out of his sight he waited right where he was standing. He’d made a tactical error with her.

  Again.

  He could plan any kind of mission and get his team in and out safely, but talking to the woman he loved? Total FUBAR. Maybe he wasn’t cut out for a relationship after all.

  But Hi`ilani? She made him desperate to try.

  He heard water turn on. A sink by the sounds of it. He stood there waiting while she washed up, opened drawers, and probably changed her clothes.

  He didn’t move.

  Couldn’t.

  Not yet.

  Not even when she stepped back through the doorway and stood there watching him as she rolled one foot over so that her toes were curled under, making the arch in her foot really noticeable.

  “You’re still here.”

  He nodded. “And I’m planning to stay.” Jackson gestured at the sofa. “I’ll sit here through the night.”

  She squinted at the windows that lined the front of her apartment. “It’s almost dawn.”

  “And through the rest of the day until we’ve heard from the police that they’ve caught the men who tried to shoot you.”

  “That could be days, Jack!”

  “Then I’ll stay for days.”

  “But you’ve got your missions to do with your team, right?”

  “We’re on leave. All of us. I’ve got time. And anytime your life is in danger, I’d take leave again, in a heartbeat.”

  He could see the moment she just gave up arguing, but it was also the moment when he could see just how exhausted she was.

  “Go to sleep, Hi`ilani. I’ll stay out here.” He saw the way she closed her eyes, squeezing them tight to hold back her tears. “I won’t let anyone get to you. You have my word on that.”

  Stepping away from the wall she star
ted to back up and go back the way she came.

  He watched her as she mulled through her thoughts. He didn’t move. She needed to think things through without him pushing for the outcome he wanted.

  “Jack?”

  When she spoke, he could hear the uncertainty in her voice. He just didn’t know whether that was a good thing or not. But damn it, he wanted to find out.

  “Yeah?”

  She started forward and before he knew it, she had her arms wrapped around his waist. Leaning her cheek against his chest she held him tightly as she shook from head to toe.

  He felt her tears wetting the front of his shirt and he didn’t care one bit.

  Jackson wrapped his arms around her and held her gently as she cried, pressing little kisses on the top of her head as she held onto him.

  He had no idea about how long it lasted, and would have been happy to let it continue as long as she needed him.

  Holding her was heaven, feeling her pain and knowing he couldn’t do a thing to stop it, was absolute hell.

  When she stopped shaking she loosened her hold on him and stepped back.

  He reluctantly let her go, but this was not the time to do what he wanted. She needed to know that he was there for her.

  She looked up at him and there was the slightest smile touching her lips. “There’s something you should know, Jack. Something I wanted to tell you almost a year ago, right before… before you walked away.”

  Jackson waited for her to continue. He wasn’t going to say a word until she had her say.

  “I loved you, Jack. I know I didn’t have a clue about your job and what all that entails. All I knew was that you were in the Army. And that you were one of the best men I’d ever known. Then you broke my heart and I’m not sure if I can feel that way about you again.” She closed her lips and swallowed, wringing her hands together once and then again. “Seeing you again, feeling the way you hold me, makes me feel like it’s possible, but I’m just so confused. And I’m tied up in knots.”

  She closed her eyes and he watched her carefully. Just in case she needed him again.

  “So I’m going to try to get some sleep. And while I know I won’t be able to convince you to leave, there’s a part of me that doesn’t want you to. I don’t have anything for you to change into and I’m sorry.”