I failed again. Always failing. No wonder Reid was so angry. I was weak, and he had to come in and save the day again.
Reid opened the car door and stepped out with me in his arms. I allowed myself just a few more seconds of his warmth and comfort. But even in those final seconds, something felt different, the uncertainty and anxiety had already curled in my belly fighting to break free.
“I can walk,” I snapped.
I didn’t want to walk, I wanted Reid to wrap me in his warmth and never let me go.
“I’m sure you can, Ava, but you’re not going to,” Reid replied.
“Put me down,” I tried again.
Please don’t let me do this, I screamed in my mind.
“No. Stop fighting Ava.” Reid’s angry voice was back.
If I was smart, I would’ve closed my mouth and conceded, but all those toxic emotions swirling around in my belly broke free. And standing in the middle of Doc Chesterfield’s parking lot, the Python in my belly threatened to choke me from inside out if I didn’t let him loose.
“I said, let me down. Now Reid.” I struggled with all my might until he finally lost his grip on me and had to settle me on the ground. “I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with you and Mac, but you both think you can swoop in and take over my life anytime you think I need your help, but it ends here,” I yelled. I might’ve stomped my barefoot on the pavement for full dramatic flair. “Thank you for finding me and saving me from that bastard Carl, but I know what is happening here. I know you hate me, I got Rick killed, I pulled you into my disastrous life. And, in your misplaced obligation, you think you need to continue to take care of me until you can let the poor, used up, soiled woman down. I get it, I’m dirty now. You don’t need to pretend. I will see the doctor, scrub Carl’s filth and slime off my body, and you can just drop me off with JJ. I won’t bother you again.”
When I was done with my temper tantrum all I heard was two angry men growling. It sounded something like a mix of a bear and a wounded lion. Austin stomped away muttering a string of curse words that would make the devil himself blush. Reid, well, he just stood in front of me staring. I wasn’t sure if it was relief or anger that flashed in his eyes.
“All of what you just said is jacked. Totally fucked up. I know you needed to spew out all that shit and get it off your chest. I’ll give you that, Ava. What I won’t give you is you talking about yourself that way, ever again.” Reid grabbed me by both my shoulders and shook me so hard my teeth rattled. “Don’t you ever call yourself, soiled, used up, or dirty again. Do you hear me? Don’t you ever talk about my Goddamn woman that way. Whatever Carl did to you, it’s not your fault. You may not get it now, but you will, Ava. I’ll make sure of it. Nothing that piece of shit did is your fault. And Rick, he died protecting my woman, my family. I can never repay that, but I will not ever allow you to disrespect his sacrifice. He died so I could live another day loving you. Do you get it yet, Ava?” Reid stopped again and searched my confused eyes. “No, I see you don’t. But mark this, you fucking will. And one more thing. No woman of mine is walking barefoot in a parking lot with a Goddamn blanket wrapped around her. I don’t give a flying fuck if you’re in tip top health and want to skip to my Lou. Not ever gonna happen, sweetheart. So, get over yourself.”
With that, he scooped me up and marched us into the clinic. There was so much he just said to me I didn’t know where to begin.
“Did you say you loved me?” I whispered.
“Jesus Christ, she’s getting it,” he mumbled.
“That’s not an answer, Reid,” I snapped.
“Now, she’s breaking my balls… yes, sweetheart, I love you.”
And with those words, with the sun coming up over the horizon in the early morning hours my world was filled with a little more color.
Maybe, just maybe, the universe was wrong.
Chapter Four
RELIEF
Reid
Jacked.
Every fucked-up word she spoke tore me to shreds. I needed to be patient with her, and handle this with care, but I snapped when she called herself ‘used up.’ What the fuck? It was a slow build up, one I tried to control, but the more she spoke, the harder it was to contain my fury.
I wished I could be there when Damion ripped Carl’s last breath from his body. Making sure that Ava was taken care of was more important than disposing of the scum that Carl was, but there was still nagging in my gut. A nagging feeling that my brother would have the pleasure of killing the man that hurt my woman.
Doc Chesterfield met us in the lobby of his clinic dressed in casual blue jeans and T-shirt. I was relieved he didn’t have his white doctor coat on. Maybe if this was less formal, Ava would feel more comfortable. Who the fuck was I kidding? No amount of casualness would ease the shock and pain of being violated. That was just a lie I was trying to convince myself of. And this was not about me, this was about getting my woman the treatment she needed to ensure she was safe.
“Logan,” Dr. Chesterfield greeted. “Follow me.”
He motioned for me to follow him into a small exam room. When I tried to place Ava on the exam table her grip around my neck tightened.
“No.” That’s all she said, a single syllable that spoke volumes. Maybe she was getting it now. I wasn’t going anywhere.
I found a chair and settled myself with Ava still in my arms. The doctor looked at us but didn’t make a comment about Ava not wanting me to let her go.
“Ava, I need to ask you if it is okay for Logan to stay in the room while we talk. Once I begin my exam, if you prefer, he may stay in the room, but I will need you to move to the table,” Dr. Chesterfield said.
His voice was calming and soothing. I had never heard him use that tone before. When he patched up my crew, he was the gruff Med Corps Officer I knew him to be in the Army.
“I want Reid to stay with me. Can’t I sit on his lap while you look at my face? I don’t think my nose is broken,” she whimpered as she pulled the blanket tight around her body.
Check yourself, Reid. Our girl is strong.
I bit back a curse and tried to tamp down my anger. Jacob was right, Ava was strong, and she didn’t need me losing my temper. I had to get my head straight and prepare to hear her say the words that would make me want to tear apart San Francisco.
This wasn’t about me.
The doctor sat on his stool and rolled himself closer. He gently used his thumb to touch Ava’s cheek and nose. Once he had checked both sides and swept his thumb under her eye and over the bruised area, he sat back.
“I agree. Your nose is not broken. You’re going to have one hell of a bruise for a few days though. I’m interested in hearing about your head injury. When Austin texted me, he said you had possibly been knocked unconscious?” Dr. Chesterfield jotted something down on a notepad and tossed the pad onto the exam table looking back at Ava.
“When…” Ava stopped and cleared her throat. “When Carl took me from the safe house he hit me in the back of my head. I think… I think he hit me with his gun. I must’ve passed out because the next thing I remember is being in the trunk. I hit my head on something hard while I was bouncing around in there. Maybe a tire or something? And, I think I hit my head when…” Ava stopped again, closing her eyes. Doc Chesterfield patiently waited for Ava to pull herself together. “When we were in the shower. I can’t remember if I did for sure or not. We were struggling, and I was trying to get away from him. In the struggle, I slipped, and we fell out of the shower onto the floor. I might have hit my head when I fell, but nothing hurt.”
“Okay. Let me check the back of your head.” Dr. Chesterfield rolled closer again and maneuvered around the chair.
I’m sure the exam would’ve been easier if Ava was on the table and he could check her head without having to move around me as well. Though, I was grateful he was allowing her to sit on my lap.
“Ouch, there,” Ava said and grabbed my hand holding it tight.
“Oh yeah, you
have a goose egg back here,” the doctor chuckled. I wasn’t sure what there was to chuckle about, but I appreciated the gesture. “I’ll get you an ice pack and a Tylenol. We are going to treat this as a concussion. I don’t see the use in a CT scan tonight. I understand you’ve already been nauseous. What about a headache, do you have one now?”
“No. And after I threw up I felt better,” Ava admitted.
“I can imagine you did. All that adrenaline pushing through your body. I will go over the instructions on how we treat a concussion, though I’m sure Logan here has them memorized with the number of times one of his crew has come in here with a head injury.” Dr. Chesterfield took a moment and jotted down another note. When he looked back over, his eyes bore into mine. A silent communication, preparing me for what was about to happen. I took a deep breath and blew it out. Ava smiled up at me and squeezed my hand. Even in her darkest hour, she was trying to reassure me. Christ, this woman unmanned me. She never ceased to surprise me with her strength.
“Ava, before we begin your exam, let’s talk a little bit about what happened in the shower, and go backwards from there,” the doctor coaxed.
“What about the shower? I already told you what happened,” Ava replied.
“Would you feel more comfortable if we maybe talked alone?” Dr. Chesterfield asked.
“What? No. I want Reid with me. I don’t understand what else you want me to tell you.” Ava’s response was fast and sure.
The doctor cleared his throat, and I braced myself.
“I understand this is hard. I’ll be as gentle as I can be, but there are certain details I need. And I am sorry if they seem intrusive. When you were in the shower, did Carl wash your vagina?”
“WHAT!” Ava screeched.
Her eyes were as wide as saucers, and she was shaking again.
“I’m sorry Ava. I am only trying to gain insight in whether or not he tried to wash away fluids. Sometimes, after a sexual assault, the assailant will try and wash his victim…”
Sexual assault. Assailant. Victim. I didn’t hear the rest of what the doctor explained to Ava. Those four words replayed in my head over and over again. I hoped Carl was screaming like a bitch in Damion’s basement. I hoped Blaze was disemboweling him, and using his intestines as a noose. Sick motherfucker.
“He didn’t rape me,” Ava yelled.
“What?” the doctor and I asked in unison.
“He… Carl… he didn’t rape me. He licked my face. He kissed my mouth, he undressed me and saw me naked.” Ava’s cheeks turned red, and she lowered her head. “… and he tried to grab my breast. That’s when we struggled. Jacob told me not to make him mad, to be patient and you would come and get me.” Ava gripped my hand tighter and raised her eyes to meet mine, tears brimming. “I tried. I really tried, but when he reached out to touch my breast, I had to stop him. You came in the bathroom as soon as we fell out of the shower. He didn’t rape me. You got to me in time,” Ava explained.
Relief. Pure relief flooded my body. I would like to say that it was all for Ava’s sake, that I was a good man and I was only thinking of her. But that would’ve been a lie. The relief was for all of us.
“Why did he take you to the shower? And who is Jacob?” Dr. Chesterfield asked.
“Jacob is.. um… my husband. He was killed, but I could hear him in my head,” Ava explained in a rush, “Carl was being crazy, he was talking to some woman named Eva. Only there was no one there. I was confused, and Carl accused me of planning to run. That made him mad, and he slapped me in the face. My nose was bleeding, and he took me to the shower to clean up. He yelled some more at Eva then got in the shower with me. Talking about consummating our love, and he called me his wife.” Ava turned herself in my lap and looked me square in the face. “Do you believe me?”
“Yes, every word, sweetheart. I am sorry I assumed. But, I needed to make sure that you were safe and taken care of.” I kissed her forehead.
“I knew you were coming,” she said. “Jacob told me. I could hear him.”
“I know he did, sweetheart. He talked to JJ too.” I wasn’t ready to admit that Jacob had spoken to me as well.
Dr. Chesterfield looked at me and nodded his head.
“Great. Well, Ava, I’ll get you the instructions for your concussion. Reid, you know the drill; wake her every two hours, headaches or vomiting, any more swelling I want to see her.”
The doctor grabbed his notepad and left the room. With a gentle click of the door, we were alone.
“Thank you,” Ava said snuggling in close. “And I’m sorry.”
“There is nothing to be sorry for,” I replied.
“Are we just going to pretend I didn’t have a complete meltdown in the parking lot? And two point five seconds later my mood swung the other way and I was back in your arms?”
“Yep.”
I could feel Ava shaking, only this time I smiled brightly. I knew what was coming next. She wouldn’t be able to stop it. A cute little snort came from Ava followed by a full belly laugh. There it was, my woman, in my arms, her head thrown back laughing.
This was how I was going to make sure every day was like from now on. Only we would not be sitting in a doctor’s office. And she would not be wrapped in a blanket. No, my woman would be on my lap, in our bed with nothing between us. And her head would be thrown back, only it would not be laughter I heard, it would be her soft moans of pleasure.
“Can we get out of here? I want to see JJ.” Ava glanced up a horrified expression crossing her face. “Oh my God, I forgot about Suzie. Where is she? Is she okay?”
Chapter Five
DARK CHOCOLATE WITH RASPBERRY FROSTING
Ava
It’s official, I was the worst friend ever.
“Don’t start that shit, Ava. I know that look,” Reid scolded me.
“I can’t believe I forgot about Suzie? Is she okay? Where is she?” I repeated starting to get off Reid’s lap now in even more of a hurry to get out of here.
“Slow down.” Reid held me tight and settled me back on his lap. “Suzie’s still in ICU. Michael is with her. I will get you there tomorrow. Right now, you’re gonna get cleaned up, and we are headed to Mac and JJ. I promised JJ I would get you back to him as soon as I could.”
“How is he?” I asked.
My poor boy had to be so scared. I knew Mac would take care of him, but I needed to see him and hold him. Pepper his handsome little face with kisses.
“Mac texted that they are both safe. He told JJ that I found you, and we would be on our way in a little while. JJ is a little shaken up. He heard a lot of what Carl said to you. We tried to shield him from as much as we could at the safe house. But, your boy is smart. He had that shit figured out in two seconds.”
I had been trying to block out what Damion said about taking Carl to his basement. And what exactly he meant by, ‘Blaze having fun with Carl.’ Damion’s reputation preceded him. His MC was brutal. You’d have to have been living under a rock not to know about Iron Claw MC. But now, thinking about all that my son heard, all that he saw, and how scared he must’ve been. I hoped Blaze was removing Carl’s fingernails one by one. I knew that Reid would never give me details, and I would never know exactly what happened to Carl. I was okay with that. Damion told me I was safe, and I believed him.
“Thank you for taking care of him. And me. You seem to be rescuing us a lot lately.” I glanced at the door making sure it was still closed. “May I ask you a question?”
“Anything,” Reid replied.
“Damion called you brother, and family. Is that brother as in by blood, or brother like guys say to each other?”
I knew Reid had a blood brother, but he never talked about him, and I had never asked. Yet another thing I had to feel like crap about. I had been pretending to be an ostrich the last five years. Sticking my head so far in the sand I allowed the world to go on around me. Never really getting too involved with anyone except JJ. Hell, Suzie was who I considered my best friend,
but I was only on the outskirts of her life too. We got together for a movie and wine often, but all the conversation was kept on an acquaintance level. She never brought up Jacob, and certainly never brought up my miscarriage.
No, Mac was the only one who made me talk about it. Every year on the anniversary of Jacob’s death he forced me to visit the baby’s memorial marker he had placed in the children’s section of the cemetery Jacob’s buried in. I didn’t want the marker, I didn’t want the reminder, and I more than anything never wanted to talk about it. But he did. He never let me forget I killed my child. My stupidity. If I had just listened and sat down, I wouldn’t have fallen and hit my belly on the table. Every year Mac rubbed it in, that I didn’t listen.
I secretly hated Mac a little more every time we visited for making me remember. It was coming, the anniversary, and I knew he would drag me there kicking and screaming. I was already trying to freeze him out. Mac was the master of emotional blackmail. He used Jacob’s love against me. Each year I said no, and he coaxed me into going by telling me that Jacob would want me to remember our child.
“Damion is my blood brother. We share the same mother but have different fathers. Not many people know,” Reid answered, pulling me from my musings.
“Does Mac know and his club?”
“Mac knows. There are some guys in his club that know, but only his most trusted men. That is for both our protection.” Reid stopped, and a pained look crossed his face. “I love my brother. He’s a good man. He lives his life by a strict code of honor, family is always first, he protects and takes care of what is his. Do I wish he had chosen a different path? Yeah, I do but I understand why he chose the club, and I respect his decision. He always protected me when we were growing up. My mom tried the best she could in the beginning, but my dad was a piece of shit. Damion took that for me. As soon as I turned eighteen, he drove me to the Army recruiter and told me to go.”
Unbroken -Part Two - A Second Chance at Love Romance: The Collective - Season 1, Episode 6 Page 3