Dare to Love (Maxwell #3)

by S. B. Alexander

  Kross hadn’t closed his mouth.

  I inhaled the sweaty air. “Yes. So fucking what?”

  “Why did you lie, man?” Kade squinted as though the sun was blaring in his face.

  Kross shook his head. “We’re not going to castrate you yet.”

  “Come near my balls, and—”

  “Enough.” Kade scratched the back of his head. “Dillon Hart paid me a visit at the club last night. He doesn’t want you anywhere near Lizzie. And how did you know where he lived?”

  “I asked Hunt to find out.” He worked at the Guardian, a company owned by Jeremy Pitt. They did all kinds of security checks when someone hired them as a bodyguard.

  A muscle jumped in Kade’s jaw. “I told Dillon you wouldn’t be bothering him or Lizzie again. Right, Kel?”

  “I’m sorry I lied.” The pain in my gut eased slightly. “I didn’t know for sure if she was Lizzie. The hall was dark, and she didn’t exactly fess up. I had to see if my instincts were correct. I paid a visit to Dillon’s house yesterday. Yeah, it’s Lizzie Reardon. But don’t worry. I won’t ever bring her up in this house.”

  “And what about Dillon? I don’t want to bail you out of jail or find that you’re in a coma in some hospital.”

  Big brother was always trying to protect his family. I couldn’t blame him. He’d been through enough when his high school nemesis had ambushed Kody and sent him to the hospital to get revenge against Kade.

  “I don’t mess around with other guys’ girls.” I wasn’t completely sure if they were dating. However, they had been kissing when I interrupted them at the club. Regardless, I would hate if the tables were switched. Better yet, I’d kill any dude who came between a girl and me. At least I didn’t have to worry about killing anyone since I didn’t have a steady girl.

  “You can’t see her,” Kross said. “We know how fucked up you were when she moved away. And Mom.”

  I stood. “You too? I was thirteen. Let’s not forget how ornery you were when you had to leave your girl behind when we left the academy.”

  “Still, dude. My girl wasn’t a reminder of what happened.” Kross pushed off the Mustang. “If we have to see Mom return to the mental health facility, I’ll—”

  Kade caught his arm. “Easy.”

  Kross jerked out of Kade’s hold. “I’m cool.”

  I snarled. “You think I’d do anything to hurt Mom?”

  Kade rubbed his jaw. “It’s your dick we’re worried about.”

  I growled. “Bite me.” I stormed out, passing Lacey.

  “Kelton, I want to talk to you about Chloe,” she said.

  I waved my hand in the air. “Later.” Like a lifetime later. With Lacey and Chloe as cousins, I was in the middle of a situation that was sure to blow up. More between Lacey and me. I adored my future sister-in-law, but I wasn’t about to listen to her speech about why I should get back together with Chloe. I had bigger problems. I had to keep my distance from Lizzie. But I wasn’t sure I could.

  * * *

  I showered quickly, dressed, then opened my bedroom door to find Lacey with her knuckles raised, about to knock.

  “I don’t want to talk about Chloe. What’s gone on between us is our business,” I said nicely.

  She splayed her fingers. “Five minutes. Then I’ll leave you alone.” She pushed past me and took a seat on my desk chair, sitting regally with one leg crossed over the other, hands in her lap. She’d taken after Chloe more and more. Actually, Chloe’s mother was big on proper etiquette.

  I leaned against the doorjamb. Might as well get this over with.

  “Something is wrong with Chloe, and she won’t tell me. And I don’t think it has anything to do with the breakup, even though you know she’s in love with you.”

  I was well aware of that fact. Suddenly, I wanted to bang my head against the wall until my brain shut down. “I’ve told you several times, I don’t do love.”

  “Yeah, because you’ve seen how Kody still hurts over the loss of Mandy. Blah. Blah. Blah. You’ve got to open your heart someday.”

  Screaming, yelling, or even tearing out my hair wouldn’t do any good. I wanted to tell Lacey to back off. But she was only looking out for her cousin. I got that. “You did warn Chloe about me when you first met your cousin. I’ve also been very clear with Chloe about my intentions. She deserves someone who is willing to give as much love as she gives in return. I’m just not that guy.”

  She popped out of the chair and glided over to me. “Will you ever be that guy?”

  Maybe someday. “No.”

  “You will.” She pointed a finger in my face. “And when you do find that special girl, you’ll never be the same. Or maybe you’ll be less of an ass.”

  I was never the same when Lizzie moved away. Hence one of the main reasons I couldn’t or wouldn’t fall in love. “But a lovable ass.”

  “Pfft.”

  “Lace?” Kade called. “Dinner is ready. Bring Kelton.”

  “Do you know what’s wrong with Chloe or not?” she asked.

  “I can’t say I do.” I tipped my head to the hall. “Go. I’ll be out in a sec.”

  I wasn’t exactly hungry. But my mom would be disappointed if I didn’t make it to dinner. She’d also be worried if she thought I wasn’t feeling good. I straightened, combed my hands through my wet hair, and wound my way down to the dining room.

  Dad took the head of the table near the window. To his right was Mom, then Kody. To my dad’s left were Kade, Lacey, and then Kross. They were passing around salad, rolls, and lasagna, filling their plates as they chatted.

  I slid into the chair next to Kody, inhaling the spicy aroma of the lasagna.

  “Lacey, when does baseball training start?” my dad asked as he poured dressing on his salad.

  “Next week,” Lacey said.

  She was a big deal for Colby College. She’d perfected her fastball, curveball, and slider along with a change-up pitch she’d learned her freshman year on the team. The media whispered about her being scouted by one of the major-league organizations. One thing I admired about her was her dedication to the game. I didn’t know if women would ever make it into the major leagues, but if any female could, it would be Lacey.

  My dad beamed her way. He had a huge soft spot for her, as though she was his daughter. I wouldn’t doubt he was thinking of Karen. My sister had wanted to play sports, mainly football. Mom reached out with her small hand and touched his unshaven jaw. He kissed her palm. They each seemed to know what the other was thinking.

  “Kelton,” Dad said. “Have you heard from Mr. Davenport about your summer job?”

  Mom peeked around Kody. My heart warmed to see how proud she was of my intentions to become a lawyer. Sometimes I had to pinch myself that she was even home. My dad said her medication helped a great deal. I believed time was a better medicine. But if the past showed up at our door, all the healing could be gone in a second.

  “Not yet. Probably tomorrow.” Trudy had relayed that message to me when I’d seen her at Rumors. “If not, I’ll call.”

  “You need that job for your résumé and law application to Harvard,” Dad added.

  “Martin,” Mom said in a small voice. “He knows that already.”

  Dad had been asking me for the last two weeks about the application process. Normally he didn’t ride any of us about what we had to do, but with only me in college, he seemed to be particularly interested in making sure I graduated and got into Harvard Law. He’d wanted all of us to get a degree, but Kody, Kross, and Kade had other interests, at least for now.

  I took a bite of lasagna, the spices exploding on my tongue. After I finished chewing, I said, “I have the packet ready to submit this fall. The only thing missing is the summer job.” I’d interned at a small law firm in Boston last summer. But my father and I figured a larger and more influential law firm, like Davenport, would seal my application.

  “How’s the club going?” Dad asked Kade.

  “Busy,” Kade sa
id in between bites.

  Lacey wiped her mouth. “Speaking of the club. I meant to ask you.” She glanced at Kade. “I overheard some guy talking to you last night. Who’s Lizzie Reardon?”

  My mother dropped her fork, the sound booming louder than a detonated bomb against her plate. My dad all but choked. Kade froze with a dinner roll halfway to his mouth. Kross stopped chewing. Kody kicked me hard underneath the table.

  Motherfucker.

  My pulse went from fifty beats per minute to a thousand in Mach time. I tried to swallow the large chunk of cheese that was lodged in my throat, but it wouldn’t move.

  Lacey’s face began to resemble my father’s, whiter than the snow falling outside. Before I could move or say anything, my mom rose gracefully and left the room.

  “Don’t anyone move,” Dad ordered in a lethal tone that I hadn’t heard in years, before he chased after my mom. The last time he was this pissed was right after Kody and Kross had beaten Greg Sullivan, Kade’s nemesis, into a coma.

  “I’m sorry. Did I say something wrong?” Lacey set down her fork.

  “You’re still not sharing things with your girl?” I asked Kade through clenched teeth. Damn brother always seemed to keep things from Lacey. Which always got him into trouble.

  “Until you walk in my shoes, shut the fuck up,” Kade barked.

  I hoped to never walk in his shoes. He worried constantly. He frequently got migraines. He was protective as hell. I swore he would develop an ulcer before he hit twenty-five.

  Kody sat back in his chair. “Is Lizzie Reardon in Boston?” His voice hitched.

  “Yes,” I said. “You were practicing on your guitar when our brothers were about to cut off my nuts earlier.”

  “Would someone tell me what’s going on?” Lacey demanded. She was worrying her bottom lip.

  “Lizzie Reardon is the sister to the girl who shot Karen.” Kross glared at me.

  “And the girl who broke Kelton’s heart at thirteen,” Kody added.

  “What!” Lacey slapped Kade on the arm. “Why didn’t you tell me?” She covered her mouth with her hand. “Oh my God! Your mom? I should go apologize.” Lacey started to stand.

  Kade grabbed her wrist. “Let my father handle this.” The color drained from his face.

  Years of healing had probably just gone down the drain. But I prayed it hadn’t. No sooner than we’d had a chance to process what was happening, my dad entered, scratching his chin, trying to hold in the anger that was evident by the hard look he nailed on all of us.

  “Everyone out except Kelton. And Kade, please sit with your mother.” His voice was taut. “She’s in her bedroom.”

  They scrambled to their feet and left.

  Silence filled every nook and cranny in the dining room as my old man began to pace across from me. I thought of many things to say but none that would ease the rage flowing through him. He had to calm down first before he would even listen.

  “Is Mom okay?” I held my breath.

  He heaved a loud sigh, sat down, put his face in his hands then ran them through his graying brown hair. As he lifted his head, his body slumped, and he blew out all the air in his lungs. “I don’t know. But three years, and all could be lost with one question.” His voice wobbled. “Now, tell me what the fuck is going on? Are you seeing Lizzie?”

  “No, sir. I did, however, talk to her.” No way was I lying to my old man.

  “Do you plan on seeing her?” He stuck out his chin.

  My father and I hardly talked about women, although he’d asked me recently if I was serious about Chloe. I told him I wasn’t in love with her and she didn’t do it for me. He’d said I would know when the right one came along. In the meantime, he counseled me to be honest with Chloe. I shared with him that I’d been upfront with her from the very beginning.

  “Why does everyone think that I would fall for Lizzie again?”

  “You’re avoiding the question, son.”

  I chewed my lip. “It doesn’t matter if I do or I don’t. She has a boyfriend.”

  “Boyfriend or not. You two were inseparable as kids. I know how broken you were when she moved away. I would bet that you’ve thought about her many times over the years, and now that she’s here in Boston, I’m sure you’re curious. You probably have questions. And I’d suspect that your heart never really got over her.”

  Says the psychiatrist to his son. “I’m not going through the hurt and pain again. So don’t worry about Lizzie showing up here.”

  “Don’t live your life on the premise that all women will run from you. Remember it wasn’t Lizzie’s fault she moved away. Her father took another job.”

  I jerked my head back. “Are you saying you don’t mind if I see her?”

  “You’re an adult. I’m not about to tell you who to date and who not to date. However, Lizzie’s presence in our lives could be complicated, not only for your mother, but for all of us. Could you look at her and not be reminded of what happened to your sister?”

  When I look at Lizzie, I only see her beauty. I only know when I lay eyes on her my stomach goes haywire. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t plan on getting serious with her or any woman.”

  My dad smiled, albeit sadly. “You will find that special woman one day. And when you do, you’ll see the world in a whole new light.” His voice trailed off as though he was thinking of my mom.

  I was already beginning to see the world in a new light. One I wasn’t sure I wanted to see. Ten seconds of silence ensued before I said, “Lizzie said her father contacted you to check on us. But he never heard from you. How come you didn’t keep in contact with the Reardons?” Our family had had to heal, but so had the Reardons. Not to mention that the psychiatrist in my father would have wanted to know and help.

  He twisted a cloth napkin at the corners. “Our life got busy with your mom and our move from Texas to Massachusetts. It was a tough time for all of us.”

  I interlaced my fingers and set my hands on the table. “Do you blame them for what happened?” Over the years, our family had been concentrating on taking care of Mom and trying to get on with our lives.

  “Christ, no. If anything, I blame myself for not teaching Karen gun safety. Every day I kick myself for not allowing her to learn.” He lowered his gaze. “I just wanted my little girl playing with dolls, not guns.”

  “And Mom?” I wasn’t sure if he talked about that day with her, or if the topic was part of her therapy.

  “I’ve tried to broach the subject. I’ve even suggested to her psychiatrist to try, but every time she either changes the subject or drops into a deep depression for days. I don’t know how she’ll react if she continues hearing Lizzie’s name.” He was knotting the napkin.

  My dad was a strong individual. He was retired from the Special Forces, had fought in many military campaigns, and had led a team of soldiers. But when it came to Mom, the wall of strength he erected fell, and behind it was a man who worried about his family and the love of his life. Seeing him powerless and concerned only confirmed why I didn’t want to do love.

  “Dad?”

  His head came up slowly, his warm gaze urging me to continue.

  “I know you said Karen found the combination to the safe. I also know you try to protect us. But what if…?” I couldn’t bring myself to even ask. Kade had said I needed to talk to someone. I locked my shaking hands underneath my legs. “What if… it was my fault?” I tensed.

  He angled his head, his eyebrows bunching together. “What do you mean?”

  My heart rammed against my ribs. I shuddered. “For the last seven years I’ve been trying to remember if I was the one who left the gun safe unlocked.”

  His gaze darted back and forth over me as he continued to play with the napkin that was turning into one big knot. “Is that what you think?”

  I jumped out of the chair, my hands pulling my hair while my pulse pounded in my ears. “I don’t know. Lizzie walked into the garage that day as I was putting away the ammo. I got d
istracted. You trusted us. I’m so sorry.” I lowered my head, my eyes catching a glint off my butter knife. I was ready to use it on myself.

  The longer we didn’t speak, the quicker my heart sped up.

  He cleared his throat, but his voice still broke when he spoke. “Look at me, Kelton.”

  I glanced at him. My pulse was erratic. Beads of sweat coated my forehead.

  With soft eyes, he said, “You’re right. I do protect you boys at all costs. But if you had left the safe open, I would’ve confronted you immediately. I always checked behind you boys. I did that day after you left the garage with Lizzie.”

  On shaky legs, I shuffled back to the wall, plastering myself against it. Then I covered my eyes with both my hands as I lost my shit. I hadn’t cried that hard since the funeral. For seven years I’d been carrying around the thought that I might have been responsible for my sister’s death, always afraid to broach the subject with anyone.

  Hands were tugging at my wrists. “Son, I promise. You didn’t leave the safe unlocked. I told you boys she’d found the combination in my office. You know she went to great lengths to get what she wanted.”

  That was true. We all did when we didn’t get what we wanted. I dropped my arms. “I need air.”

  My father pulled me in for a tight hug. “Why didn’t you tell me? All these years you kept this bottled up. Is this the reason you act weird around Karen’s anniversary?”

  I could only nod as he held me. Every year around the time of her death I became a recluse. I’d either lock myself in my room, disappear into the woods behind our house, or—once I was old enough to drive—head down to Cape Cod and sit on the beach.

  “You need to talk about your feelings more,” he said.

  I gently pushed away, wiping my eyes. “I’m good.” I was a fucking mess. Sure, I was relieved beyond belief that I hadn’t left the safe unlocked, but my mom could relapse. I couldn’t handle my family being broken again. And to put the cherry on top of my meltdown, I wanted a girl I couldn’t have and one my heart couldn’t handle. “I need to see Mom.”

  “Sure, but Kelton? Do me a favor? Try talking about what bothers you.”