by Abby Ayles
“He is nothing like I was told. He is so warm and full of kindness. A proper gentleman, too. Yes, I see in his eyes that he has suffered great loss and has lived in sorrow and pain for a time. However, those days appear to be well behind him.”
Judith marveled at how wise her aunt was. How was she able to tell so much in such a short space of time?
Oblivious to Judith’s thoughts, she went on.
“It is not the only thing I can see, my dear Judith.”
There was something in her voice that made Judith look at her again. Their eyes met and held, and an understanding passed between them.
Her aunt knew. Still, Judith held her silence.
Aunt Tia did not seem to mind. She was happy to speak for them both.
“I saw you two the other morning, after I had retired to my chamber. Arm in arm as you walked.”
Judith spoke then. “Aunt Tia, you were supposed to be resting.”
Her aunt giggled heartily. “And I was, my dear. I rested while I watched.”
It occurred to Judith in that moment what had really happened that morning.
“You did not even have a headache, did you?”
Aunt Tia snickered. “Ah, seeing as you surmised that by yourself, I cannot deny it now, can I? Yes, you caught me. I am guilty as charged. I thought it was best to give you two time alone. I was happy that I did. It appears you have grown even closer. I notice you no longer address each other so formally.”
The memory of that beautiful morning returned to Judith, and her cheeks flushed crimson. She could hardly believe how perceptive her aunt was. Even more so than Amy.
“He suggested we call each other by our christened names,” she explained.
“Ha! It appears I was right. He does nurse affections for you, my dear. Strong affections! Why, I dare say he loves you! I see the way he looks at you. It is the look of a man who is entirely smitten.”
“I could say the same for the way he looks at you,” Judith countered.
However, she could not ignore the fluttering of her heart. Could it be true? Could Stephen truly love her?
This time, Aunt Tia laughed. It was loud, filled with such profound happiness.
Its depth warmed Judith’s heart.
“Oh, my dear child. If I did not know better, I would say you are jealous. The duke likes me, that is all. I still cannot tell if it is entirely because of my person, or if the admiration he carries for the late countess plays a role. Nevertheless, I can assure you he sees me as nothing but a mother, no more.”
Judith knew this was true. “I am not jealous. Why ever should I be?”
It was too weak a protest, and Aunt Tia saw right through it.
“Perhaps because you love him, too? Do not even think of lying to your dearest old aunt, my love. Even a blind man can see it.”
Judith knew when she had been cornered. There was no use trying to deny it. Beyond that, she had always been able to confide in Aunt Tia.
Sighing, she acquiesced. “Very well, Aunty. You are correct: I do believe I have fallen in love for the very first time, and with none other than the Duke of Sawbrook.”
As those words left her lips, it felt as though a weight lifted off her chest.
She felt so free, so light.
“You say it as though falling in love with a duke is a thing to dread.”
“Oh no, not at all. I do not think it is. Nonetheless, I do not see how anything could come of it. I cannot remain in Dunham forever, and shall have to leave at some point … I fear soon.”
“Hogwash! You can always return, as his bride!”
Judith’s eyes widened. “Aunt Tia!”
“What is it, dear child? Do you not want to marry him?”
“I do,” she heard herself say, before taking the time to give it ant serious thought.
Her eyes widened as she realized the implication of her answer.
It was the first time she had let herself admit that she wanted to be Stephen’s wife. She had not even dared let herself entertain such a thought.
I am far gone now. There is no longer hope for me.
“Ah … I reckoned as much. So, what is the matter? Is there something about the duke that worries you? Is that it?”
Judith pondered that question. Was there? Of course, there was.
“You say you are certain he feels the same. However, he has never implied it,” she grumbled.
Aunt Tia did not miss a beat. “Not with his words, perhaps, but he has plenty of times with his actions.”
“His actions?” Judith asked, her brows furrowed.
Aunt Tia nodded as she patted Judith’s hair, finally finishing the styling.
“Think carefully. Surely, there must be things he has done or said that you could not quite explain or understand the reason for. Things that could well be considered strange for his character. Say, like following you all the way down here …” she paused to murmur into Judith.
“Do you really think it was simply because of a sense of responsibility that a duke would leave his seat? If he worried so much about your safety, he could have easily sent a servant along to serve as escort.”
“You are saying that was not the reason?”
Aunt Tia rolled her eyes, pulling away. She turned Judith’s chair around to face her.
“Oh Judith! I admit you take after me in many aspects, but it appears you are not quite as discerning, yet. Of course, it was not! He came because he could not bear to be without you, don’t you see?”
Judith’s head spun.
Her aunt had said so many things that morning that she was afraid to let herself believe, lest she began to hope, only to have her heart broken.
Yet how could she not believe it? How could she not dare to hope Aunt Tia was right and that she was not alone in sharing these feelings of … love?
She started to remember incidents, like the time when he had become furious after finding she had ridden out to the fields, the very first time.
How he had come after her the second time. His sudden interest in joining them at dinner more frequently. The way he had feared for her safety when they had all thought her missing.
How he had begun to smile again.
And, of course, the sudden decision to come all the way to Earlshire with her. The way he looked at her when he thought she was not looking, and how he looked at her when he knew she was.
Could it be possible that he, too, bore feelings for her? She decided it very well could.
She sincerely hoped her aunt was right.
“You finally see it, do you not?” Aunt Tia asked, eyes wide with excitement.
Judith tried to respond but ended up stammering. “I… It… I…” she closed her mouth and took a deep breath.
“I think I do. Still, I may be utterly wrong.”
Aunt Tia was shaking her head before Judith had finished speaking. “I think not. Nevertheless, we shall not burden ourselves with his feelings. The only thing we are certain of are your own feelings. Have you decided what you will do about them?”
Judith was instantly alarmed. “Do? Why do I have to do anything?”
“Hmm. So, you plan not to tell him?”
Judith’s heart thrummed wildly in her chest.
“Should I? Goodness! I most certainly cannot!”
Aunt Tia broke into laughter again. “You sound as though it is abominable; unheard of! There were few things I did not do in my youth, my dear. Telling a man of my feelings was not one of them.”
“You told Uncle Dalton first?”
“No, not Dalton. My first love, Henry. I was no more than seventeen at the time. Dalton was head over heels in love with me, but I only had eyes for another man. Unfortunately, Henry’s heart belonged to another. It was after his marriage that I left London to tour the world. When I returned, Dalton was still waiting. I thought it would not hurt to give him a chance. I did and came to love him. The rest, as they say, is history.”
“I do not know if I feel so enco
uraged, Aunt Tia. The man you confessed your feelings to ended up marrying another.”
Aunt Tia seemed to give it some thought.
“Hmm. True. Well then, perhaps, you should not say a word. Simply keep your heart open and experience this feeling at its fullest.” She reached out to cup Judith’s chin.
“The time will come when you will have to make a decision. Then, you will know what you must do. Let your heart guide you.”
As soon as Aunt Tia finished speaking, the butler arrived to announce that Stephen was ready to leave.
Immediately Judith rose to her feet. Amy was waiting by the door when they stepped out and together, they went down to the carriage.
As soon as Judith’s eyes fell upon Stephen, her body tingled, her skin hummed.
She turned to Aunt Tia. Her words still rang in Judith’s head.
In no time, they had loaded their valises on the carriage and one by one, they said their goodbyes.
Judith was the last to embrace her aunt. As they remained locked in each other’s arms, Aunt Tia whispered in her ear.
“Remember what we have discussed, my dear. There are so many things that require us to be brave in this life. Love is the most demanding of all. Yet, you must find courage and take a leap of faith, for to live without it is to not live at all.”
They pulled away then, and Judith had to struggle to hold back the tears that filled her eyes.
The past days had been entirely wonderful. She had known she wanted to see Aunt Tia but she had not realized quite how much.
“I love you, Aunty. You are an angel.”
Aunt Tia smiled as she reached to catch a tear that broke free, wiping it away.
Her fingers stroked Judith’s cheeks tenderly.
“You are my angel, and I love you with all my heart.”
With Stephen’s help, Judith climbed onto the carriage. Amy followed, and Stephen finally joined them.
As the door closed, she heard her aunt call out. “Journey safely! May the heavens be with you!”
The wheels began to roll, taking them back to Dunham.
Judith’s eyes fluttered to Stephen, and she breathed in relief when she found him looking out of the window.
It would have been embarrassing to be caught stealing glances again.
She smiled as she remembered all the other times she had been caught before, and all the times she had been the one to do the catching.
Aunt Tia’s words echoed in her head still.
Indeed, she did not know what the future held, but she had decided that no matter what, she would have courage; she would dare.
It was a solemn promise.
Chapter 26
They arrived at Dunham before sunset.
It was clear the entire household was happy to have them back. They were well received by everyone.
The servants attended to their every need, Sarah treated them to a sumptuous supper, and even Mr. Beauregard had a smile for Judith and Amy.
As much as she had enjoyed her stay at her aunt’s manor, Judith could not deny she was happy to be back home.
Home.
Once upon a time, Charleveaux had been the only place she considered that way. It was no longer so.
The days continued to pass and, as they did, everyone returned to their daily routines. However, there were a few changes.
Stephen began to ride out to the village to meet with his people, and once or twice he hosted a dinner for the lords in his duchy.
Each time, Judith had had every intention of making herself scarce, but he requested her presence, saying it would be an honor to have her by his side.
He introduced her easily as his guest and gave no further explanation concerning how she came to live in his home.
She had watched the lords busy themselves with speculations, curiosity filling their eyes, but Stephen did not seem to care what they thought, so she learned not to either.
As he became more serious with handling estate affairs, getting busier by the day, they grew even closer.
He always found time to spend with her, and Judith found herself falling more and more in love with him.
She was happier than she had ever been.
Alas, there were times when she felt a dark cloud looming, a fear that something was going to happen to snatch this happiness away from her.
Nevertheless, she continued to bask in the bliss, trudging onward, choosing to remain courageous.
Stephen never spoke anything of love to her, and though on many occasions the words were on the tip of her tongue, she said nothing of it either.
She chose to find satisfaction in the deeds and goodness he so often showed her; what it meant to be loved.
Despite her ever-growing affections for Stephen, she did not forget her family.
She continued to correspond with her parents and Aunt Tia.
The roads to London were almost ready to permit carriage trips once more, and she knew that the time was near when she would have to return home, or go on to Yorkland.
She wanted to do neither. She wished to remain with Stephen, staying by his side and loving him for the rest of her days.
However, something else troubled her. Despite how close they had grown, she sensed there were still things he hid from her.
Some doors in the house remained locked; there were days when he would be gone for hours and she would know nothing of his whereabouts.
And no one seemed able to tell her either.
There was also the matter that she still did not know the details of what had happened to his wife and unborn child.
He was now very different to the man she had met all those weeks ago, but some of the sadness still lingered in his eyes. She wished it would all be gone.
She tried to rid herself of these thoughts and concentrate on what they already shared, but no matter how hard she tried, the concerns would not go away.
One day, they eventually drove her to follow him when she saw him walking down a corridor with that faraway look in his eyes; the one that was an omen of his imminent disappearance.
She watched as one of the servants handed him freshly picked flowers. He accepted them with thanks and continued on his way.
She remained quiet, trailing him all the way to the west wing. There, he stopped by a door, unlocked it, and went inside.
She stayed outside, waiting, and wondering what lay in there. About an hour later, the door opened, and she watched him leave with a bunch of wilted flowers. Clearly, they were not the ones he had entered with.
Judith did not move an inch until the echoes of his footfalls faded away, letting her know he was far gone.
That was when she came out of her hiding place. As she reached the door, she tried to open it. To her surprise, it opened.
Her eyes widened. She had not really expected it to. Could he have forgotten to lock it after leaving?
Gently, she stepped into the room, closing the door behind her when she had fully entered.
That was when she took her time to look around. The sight she found took her breath away.
Her jaw fell, and she gasped in awe as she took it all in.
It appeared that this chamber had been meant to be a nursery for his child.
A crib lay in the middle, and the walls were beautifully decorated with colorful paintings and artifacts.
Baby dresses were strewn all over. A nursery chandelier hung from the ceiling.
It looked as though everything had been left the way it had been when they were preparing for the child’s arrival.
As she walked further into the room, she looked behind her and stopped in her tracks. On the wall that held the door hung a portrait.
It was of a woman. A very beautiful woman with kind, innocent eyes.
Judith’s heart twisted with sadness as she realized who it must be.
The late duchess; Stephen’s lost wife.
It was easy to see why he had been captivated by her from the start. She looked as though she had ha
d a pure soul and a giving heart.
Judith stood there for the longest moment, taking in the features of the woman in the painting.
Her face had been round, her chin, soft. Her skin flawless, her eyes blue, and her hair had the richness of honey. She had clearly been petite, and her sweet smile looked as though it may have stolen many hearts.