“Sure. I just wondered.”
She led me off towards the afternoon market as it was closing down and the sun was beginning to set behind the old houses and shops.
“Talk to him about it,” she said. “He loves you. I’ve never seen him so happy. If anyone can confide in him, it’s you.”
She rummaged in her bag for her car keys, “He’s just always kind of been a closed book.”
She unlocked the car and we climbed in. She pulled off towards the setting sun, in the direction of her house.
Thomas had never been a closed book with me. He told me everything. He loved me. There wasn’t anything he couldn’t talk to me about.
We arrived back at the house to find chicken hotpot cooked by Kevin on the table. Everyone tucked in, but all I did was watch them. Seven-year-old Jake was shovelling onions onto his brother’s plate. Tommy ate them without noticing, but frowned every time he looked down and noticed his portion was the same size.
Ava was talking to Kevin about our afternoon shopping. He showed the same level of enthusiasm Thomas did when I talked shopping talk; he listened but wasn’t all that interested, although I could see him mentally undressing her and wondering if she’d bought new underwear. She had. And Thomas was watching me. I couldn’t let things fail. If we did one thing religiously it was communicating. We always talked, and we would…just not during our weekend in Jersey. I smiled to show him everything was fine when he gave me a questioning look. I loved it when he did that. He sucked his top lip into his mouth and frowned. He was adorable. God, I loved him.
Everything would be fine…I knew it.
Thirty Four
If pigs could fly, there’d be a sty in the sky.
October 17th, 2010.
“I don’t want to go back to work,” I groaned as the cab turned onto our street.
The weekend had been amazing. We’d all spent Saturday evening on the sofas in front of the gas fire while Ava and Kevin shared the boys’ school stories; I had rested my head on Thomas shoulder while he held me and we listened. The weekend had been perfect, but I had felt myself slipping more than once. I zoned out, went into a trance and had no idea what I was thinking about. Kevin took Thomas to play tennis on Sunday. Thomas wasn’t really a golf man and the triumphant grin and fist pump he gave me when he convinced Kevin to go to the courts instead made me smile. When they left, I sat at the garden table and watched Ava with the boys. I liked to watch. I felt like I had been on the outside looking in for a long time and, although things were different now, I liked to step back and just watch. A mother’s love was a beautiful thing. I remembered when my mother loved me, like the love I saw Ava had for Tommy and Jake; I knew she loved me once. It was a question I would never be able to answer. Why, and how, did she just switch it off? I had convinced myself over the years that it was my fault; I must have done something wrong. I just wanted to know what I did. I would feel like a part of me was missing until I knew. I wouldn’t be complete until I knew why my mother had left me, why she had become the person she became.
“You could always take some time off,” Thomas said as he played with my ponytail and I closed my eyes. Why was travelling so exhausting?
“Quit my job?”
“Why not? I make enough money for the both of us.”
“You weirdo. That’s not the point. I’d get bored.”
“Not if you kept yourself occupied,” a tense silence passed between us before Thomas cleared his throat. “Imagine all the laser tag obstacles you could set up.”
Yes, we liked to play laser tag in the house.
“Mmm, speaking of laser tag,” I gripped his leg and ran my hands up and down his thigh. “Shall we play?”
“Laser tag?”
“I was thinking you could use a different weapon.”
I licked my lips as my fingertips grazed his crotch. He tugged on my ponytail to expose my neck and dived in to sink his teeth into the flesh.
“It just so happens I’m loaded and ready to go.”
I hummed in response and stroked with more pressure, feeling the arousal soak my new French knickers instantly as he grew in my hand.
“I think your holster is too small.”
“It’s a big weapon.”
The cab pulled up outside our house. The driver looked in the rear-view mirror in shock. Brazen? Unashamed? Yes, we were.
“Go and hide.”
Thomas growled as he reached into his considerably tighter pocket for his wallet and I scrambled out of the car and ran to the house. I stopped in the foyer and looked around. White blouse. Perfect.
I kicked my shoes off and left them by the door.
I shimmied out of my jeans and left them at the bottom of the stairs as I ran up.
I heard him throw our bags down as I slipped my bra out of my sleeve and hooked it over the bannister.
“Skye?”
The edge in his voice made my knees weak and I sneaked into the wet room when I heard the creak on the third stair. The water shot out of the rainfall shower and I climbed under, pulled the tie from my hair and allowed it to cascade over my shoulders with the water. The room began to fill with steam and I buzzed with anticipation.
The door opened and I looked up to find Thomas in his underwear.
“Mmm,” he groaned, devouring me with those hungry eyes. “Wet shirt contest?”
“How about a white contest?”
My gaze dropped to the strain in his white boxers. His eyes fell on my shirt, my nipples visible and hard beneath the thin cotton.
He slowly stalked towards me, the steam wetting his hair so it fell over his forehead. I reached for him, pulling him under the stream and watching his glorious length appear as the underwear turned transparent.
“What now?” He cocked his brow.
A challenge.
Game on.
I dropped to my knees and pushed him back against the tiles. Hooking my fingers into his boxers, I tugged them down and caught the tip of his cock on my tongue as it sprang free. I closed my mouth just over the crown and looked up at him. I allowed a moan to vibrate down his shaft; he groaned through clenched teeth, laid his head back and slipped his hands into my hair. I sucked him into my mouth, just hard enough to make him shudder and swallowed the shot of pre-cum. Bobbing my head, I gripped the back of his thigh with one hand and held his balls in the other. I knew what he liked and I liked to drive him crazy. He eased his hips forward but I edged back, teasing him, waiting for him to lose it.
“Skye,” he grunted. “Take it all.”
I shook my head as I sucked up, releasing with a pop that made him quiver, and then I let the tiger loose. I took him all the way in, swallowing as he hit the back of my throat. His hips thrust forward, his hands pulled my hair and I sucked him until my eyes watered and my aching cleft throbbed with need. I felt his balls tighten and his body tense up. I sucked harder and faster, trying to not to choke, but not giving a fuck. I needed to taste him.
“Skye,” he breathed, pulling my hair away from my face so he could watch his cock slide in and out of my mouth. “Skye.”
He held me still as his cock jerked and he exploded. I drank every drop as it coated my tongue and slid down my throat.
“Get up.”
Thomas curled his hand around my throat, pulled me to my feet and backed me up towards the opposite wall. I lost my footing so he crashed me to the tile and lifted my legs around his waist. He slammed into me and a garbled cry left my throat before his mouth attacked mine. I knew we had time; Thomas could come multiple times if he kept going and the aggression he fucked me with told me that was exactly what he intended to do. I cried out as he hooked one of my legs over his arm and pressed his hand flat to the wall. The other arm held me to him and he plunged deep into my core. I came with a scream and wrapped my arms around his neck. I came again and again, each one rippling through me like the violent waves of a deep sea storm. My legs quivered around him and my toes curled as I dug my heels into his ass.
My final orgasm hit me like a tornado and I lost my mind when he came with me, sinking his teeth into my shoulder and my body went rigid with unbearable pleasure.
The water continued to pour as I fell languidly against him and he took my weight as he set me down.
Thomas held me to him like a child as he reached for my body wash. We’d just fucked each other seven shades to Sunday, yet I’d never felt so looked after as he tenderly washed me, kissing every inch of my body until a gentle orgasm washed over me, simply from the connection and his mouth.
We were snuggled on the sofa watching the sports news. I was dressed in a t-shirt of Thomas’ and the pair of boy shorts he’d picked out, and he was in his boxers and glasses, entranced by the news so he knew what was going on in the sports world before work the next day.
“The boxing heavyweight title is on the line next Saturday as Bloodhound Brett goes up against The Cyclone to try and knock him off the podium…” the newsman continued reeling off the news, but I was lost as they cut to highlights of the last match between the two fighters. I sat up on the edge of the sofa.
Curtis was on TV, in a suit, standing by the ring with a stoic, emotionless expression on his beautiful face.
“Thomas-” I pointed to the screen, but there was a knock at the door before I could speak.
“Who’s that?” He prepared to stand, but I beat him to it.
“I’ll go. It’s probably Jen bringing Buster back.”
I needed air. Maybe opening the door would give me the smack in the face I needed to get my heart going again.
I opened the door and froze.
“Hi, Skye.”
“Beth.”
Thirty Five
Holy. Mother. Fuck.
October 17th, 2010.
I didn’t know what to say. I couldn’t say anything. I just stared at my big sister as she stared at me. She was smiling like we hadn’t been strangers for the last ten years. She was gorgeous; I was able to register that much. She looked like our father; pale skin, dark hair, golden eyes that weren’t quite green or brown. She looked like me. I looked like my father. It was too much to take in.
“Are you going to invite me in?” She smiled. We even had the same teeth. It was like looking in a mirror and seeing myself in five years, except she was thinner than me. I carried a little extra weight; probably payback for the popcorn and Nutella I’d eaten while my world fell apart around me.
I felt like that again as I continued to stare. The walls I’d build between the past and present came tumbling down. The collision of times was never supposed to happen.
I could smell the smoke. I could hear the shouting. I felt the reminder of loneliness; it fell on me like a ton of bricks.
“Skye?” She was still there.
“What are you doing here?”
“I lost you,” she whispered. “Two years ago. My phone was stolen and I lost you.”
“It’s been seven years, Beth.”
“I know,” she took a step forward, but I took one back. “Please, just let me in.”
“Skye?” Thomas appeared at the door. “Oh.”
He knew. It was impossible not to. Even the blind could have seen we were related.
“Hello,” She was waiting for an introduction. She wasn’t going to get one.
“I think you should leave.”
“Skye,” both Beth and Thomas said.
I was contemplating changing my name.
“It’s fine,” I pushed Thomas back and closed the door around me before turning to Beth. “I needed you. I needed you then, when I had nothing else.”
“I’m sorry.”
“We had no one, Beth. I had no one. We were supposed to face it together, but you ran away like everyone else.”
“Skye-”
“No,” I shook my head. “I can't. You need to leave.”
I closed the door and my heart fell. As I turned around and leaned against the door for some much needed support, I saw Thomas sitting on the bottom step waiting for me.
I knew the pain I saw in his eyes mirrored mine. So I did it for him. I turned around and opened the door.
“Beth?”
She stopped still at the edge of the driveway and bowed her head. Was she waiting for an onslaught of abuse and expletives? I didn’t know. I only knew one thing – the words that would come next.
“Come in.”
Thomas disappeared into his office as I led Beth into the house and through to the lounge. I stood by the door as she walked around the room, looking over the various photos of our holidays.
“What’s his name?” She asked, picking up a photo of us in Egypt.
“Thomas.”
“You’re married?”
“No. We have everything. We don’t need a couple of rings and a party.”
“But you’re wearing a ring.”
She looked at the diamond and ruby ring on my finger and I covered it with my other hand.
“Thomas gave it to me. It’s a promise ring,” I couldn’t help the bitterness in my voice. “He promised he’d never leave me.”
He bought it for me on our first anniversary. My birthday. We weren’t just celebrating a year together. He was helping me to heal and be able to celebrate my birthday again. I would never forget that night for as long as I lived. It was the first time he told me he loved me. It was the first night I let him in. It was the night he promised he’d always be there for me, and love me like no other. Every day since then, he seemed to love me more.
“I’m glad you have him.”
“He’s all I’ve got.”
Beth moved to the mantelpiece. I wanted to scream like a feral beast when she picked up Oliver’s photo, but I calmed when she caressed the silver frame and traced her fingers over the letters of his name. The tears built and my heart thawed just a little as she stroked her thumb over his face and held the photo to her chest.
She missed him.
“I think about you every day. Both of you.”
“What happened?”
“I think I was ashamed. I was away when Dad left but I thought things would work out. Then – then Oliver died and I wasn’t there. I should have been there. When Mum disappeared, it all just fell apart.”
She sat down and buried her face in her hands before continuing.
“You were the strong one and you were just a baby. You lost, but you battled to survive and look where you are now,” she looked up as the tears fell. “I ran and I pretended it wasn’t happening. I didn’t even grieve. I just told myself Oliver had moved away.”
I fell to the sofa opposite and just looked at her; it was all I could do. I couldn’t say anything. What was there to say that would ease the pain that had quickly consumed us both?
“I’m getting married,” she kept her eyes on her lap where her fingers were now knotted together. “You know, with a couple of rings and a party.”
She tried to laugh, but I stayed quiet. I was suspicious.
“I can't start a family knowing I deserted mine because I was a coward.”
“So this is about easing a guilty conscience?”
“No,” she shot to her feet. “It’s about trying to fix everything. I just want my family back.”
“We’re not a family anymore.”
“But we can be.”
I scraped my hands through my hair, and remembered my state of undress.
“Look,” I sighed. “It’s late. I can't do this now. Stay here tonight and we’ll talk tomorrow.”
Thomas swooped into the room like the saint he was.
“Beth, I’ve set up the spare room for you.”
“Thank you.”
“It’s down here. Third door on the right. You’ve got your own bathroom and you can take anything you need from the kitchen and utility room.”
“Thank you, Thomas. I’m sorry we’re meeting like this.”
“Maybe there will be more smiles over breakfast,” he offered her a weak smile and turned to
me. “I’ll meet you in bed.”
“Don’t steal from me,” I said to Beth when he’d gone. “And don’t run. If you run, we’re done for good.”
I left her standing in the middle of the lounge. She could stew. She could wonder if things were going to be okay. I’d been doing it for years.
I climbed the stairs heavily. My heart hurt. I had no idea what to do. It was like one of those dreams you’d been waiting for, only to find it was a nightmare.
I smelled the lavender and closed my eyes as the calming scent filled my nostrils.
I entered the bedroom and found tea lights flickering on the chest of drawers and bedside cabinets. I sighed as I looked at Thomas, standing by the bed waiting for me.
“What did I do to deserve you?”
I could feel the emotion bubbling not far under the surface. Thomas saw it.
He strode towards me and placed his hands on my shoulders, “You breathed.”
He crushed me to him and I cried into his chest, great loud sobs of regret and fear of the future.
“Hey,” he held me back and wiped the tears away with his thumbs. “I’m here. I’ll never let anyone hurt you.” I nodded. “Come.”
He led me to my side of the bed and tapped my arms for me to raise them. Removing his t-shirt from my body, he kissed each shoulder and pulled back the duvet as he discarded the cotton on the floor.
“On your stomach.”
I got on the bed with a sigh and relaxed a little more. The mattress dipped as he straddled me and the smell of lavender grew stronger.
“You’re still clothed,” I said, turning my head to look at him.
“It’s not about sex,” he squirted oil onto his hands. “Just relax and let me take care of you.”
His hands found my shoulders and began to ease the tension that had knotted at the bottom of my neck the second the news came on, and as he slowly caressed my body, encouraging the tightness and aching to fuck off, I closed my eyes.
As I drifted into a Thomas and lavender induced sleep, my mind travelled back, and back some more.
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