After such bliss, life dealt me another blow. I was six weeks late on my period. Scared and not really knowing what to do next, I made an appointment at the Health Department.
Pregnant at 18? Really? Guess the pull out method wasn't for us. We had to make some quick money to be able to take care of our new family and a baby on the way, so we sold our house for barely anything. Once again, parents came to the rescue. This time it was my mom, offering her basement apartment to us. It took us about $5,000 to fix it up but it turned out to be a nice starter home.
Chapter 4
Twins Born
I was nervous and scared, because I knew we weren't financially or emotionally ready to have children. We were just kids ourselves. Mom and Dad wanted to have a family meeting with me and Henry to decide what we were going to do next. Of course, like all parents that are scared of their children throwing their lives away, Mom and Dad proceeded to tell us that we wouldn't be able to finish school. That we weren't ready for children and that our lives would be ruined. I know that they meant well, but the decision wasn't theirs to make. Dad had a twisted theory on the whole thing. “It is a seed, you can plant it, water it and let it grow, or you can take the seed and just throw it out”. I realized that very moment, that my parents wanted me to have an abortion. Being pressured into making a decision was really hard for me emotionally. Abortion was murder in my mind. Of course it wasn't a planned pregnancy and we were not married, but it happened for a reason. God doesn't make mistakes and in my heart, I knew that I wanted to keep the miracle God gave us. So Henry, his mom and I drove to Indianapolis where the closest abortion clinic was. The protesters and the lady at the health department scared me half to death, with their screaming, their signs like, “A heartbeat=Baby” and “Abortion is Murder”. Getting lost a few times on our way to the clinic, should have been a sign that I was doing something, I wasn't meant to do. Everything seemed so wrong. Not being able to shake my heart ache, we walked inside. A smiling lady at the front desk said we had to fill out some paperwork. Standard procedure, was to run some blood tests and that is when we discovered I was RH negative. I didn't know at the time, it was a very serious condition during pregnancy, which required me to take daily medication to make sure my body didn't reject the life growing inside of me. That was another sign. They say, three's the charm! During the ultrasound, to find out how far along I was and if the baby was ok, I found out we were expecting twins. And there was my third sign. There was no way, I could go through having the abortion, after hearing my babies’ heart beats. After the exam, I walked into the waiting room, tears streaming down my face. Henry stood up to greet me. With as much strength in my voice that I could muster, I told him and his mom that we were having twins and I will not go through with it. As a supportive partner, he stated that he respected my decision, no matter what I had decided. That day, we drove home in silence. Upon my arrival home, my parents rallied around me, trying to comfort me. They thought I did have the abortion. Head held high, I informed them that was not the case. I couldn't have killed my twins, my heart would have been broken and I would have never been able to live with myself. I know,I made the right decision, because God told me so. So, Henry and I continued to live in my mother's basement apartment and life was well for the time being. My pregnancy went off without a hitch and around thirty weeks, I was told I will have a C-Section. The babies were both breach and the doctors were afraid to try to flip them. At 32 weeks I started to have contractions. Not really sure what was happening, I called my mom. She was under the assumption that they were braxton hicks contractions. I knew I was in labor. My mother rushed home and off to the emergency room we went. Doctors discovered, I was already dilating. This is never good, with twins. Finally they gave me a shot, and some medicine to make the contractions stop. As a precaution, they kept me in the hospital overnight. One day, doing mundane tasks around the house, I felt a sharp pain in my stomach and what felt like water gushing. My water broke. Frantically, I called mom again, and once more, off to the emergency room we went. Miraculously the boys weren't breach anymore and I was able to have a normal child birth. Besides screaming my head off and feeling like I was being ripped apart. After what seemed like days, my beautiful, strong twin boys were born on a sunny September day 2001. I love my children more than anything. As a young mother, I gave up my teenage years, my innocence and absolutely don’t regret it at all. When the boys were about a year old, with my mother's help, I finished college. Even made it on the dean’s list! Having my children made me stronger and more determined to do anything that I wanted to do in life. I juggled the boys, school, and being in a relationship with Henry. My family kept pressuring Henry and I to get married. I needed them to just back off and stop meddling.
Henry's proposal was one of a kind. He got down on one knee, with the ring I picked out, slipped it on my finger without saying a word. Definitely not the marriage proposal I had dreamed of, since I was a little girl. The man telling me how much he loves me, cherishes me, adores me and wants to marry me. Nope, instead I got a wordless proposal that I actually said yes to. His aloof manner was good enough for me. I loved him, he loved me and he was the father of our children. The wedding planning was soon underway. Well, again it didn't go the way I had dreamed of. My family planned it. I know they were just trying to help, but it still was our special day. The wedding colors were red and white. It was going to be an outdoor wedding. The men wore white tuxes, even our little boys and all the bridesmaids wore long, red dresses. My dress was a special dress, with a hoop underneath and a five foot train. It puffed out beautifully, when I walked. Sparkling beads were sewn all throughout the dress. The bridesmaids had to help me use the bathroom. They were all very sweet. My bouquet consisted of fresh, red roses while the bridesmaids had white roses. Dad walked me down the aisle. I realized a few steps down the aisle, that I forgot my bouquet. It was too late. People already had seen me in my dress. I could have kicked myself, if my dress wouldn't have been so big. Henry’s dad was an Elvis impersonator and he sang the song “I can’t help falling in love with you” during the ceremony. It was very interesting and fun at the same time. This is my future father in law? He put his heart into his performance. Dressed in his white tuxedo, his voice was clear and smooth as he serenaded us. After we said our vows, my cousins set off fireworks, while we shared our first kiss as husband and wife. Since it was an outdoor wedding, we had our pictures taken for our photo album. Sharing stolen embraces and secret kisses as the photographer snapped away. After everyone ate, drank and shared a few kind words, we got down to business. Dancing! Everyone was on the makeshift dance floor, just like old times. Bumping, grinding and couples sharing kisses on the floor. It was wonderful to see our families blend together and have a good time on our special day. When it was time to throw the bouquet, all of the single girls gathered up in a circle and I gave it a good throw. One of my girlfriends ended up catching it. Kelley wanted the bouquet, because she had been with her man for years. In a sweet gesture, my friend offered up the flowers to her. Kelley did end up getting married and to this day my other friend never has. Henry and I shared our first dance as a married couple. I was so happy because he never really danced with me but we danced to our song “All my Life”. We kissed and shared gentle whispers while we were dancing. I will never forget that moment. The night was getting late and everyone started to leave. We couldn't wait to spend our first night together, finally as husband and wife. He had made special preparations for this night as he did Valentine’s Day many years before. Henry was even able to get the same hotel room. Once again, we found ourselves in the room where it all started. I gave myself to him, as he gave himself to me. Taking the initiative that night, when we got to the room, I directed him to get undressed. Leading him to a chair, I made him sit, facing me. Slowly, I got undressed. With a grin on my face, I revealed that I wasn't wearing anything under my wedding dress. Nothing. A smile flashed across his handsome face. He reached up, to caress my breast.
I playfully swatted his hand away, telling him he couldn't touch. Of course, that caused him to frown. But a curious smile displayed across his lips, almost in wonder of what was coming next. Slow, almost gingerly, I started to move my body to the imaginary sexy song that was playing in my head. Hips moving in small circles, I place myself right above his lap, facing away from him. My ass grinding on his now growing cock. Henry took his arms and wrapped them around my waist, to lift me up and slide into me. It was such a liberating feeling to be in charge. Grinding on him, my hips were making small circles on his lap, with his thick, hard, cock buried deep inside my hot, wet hole. I bent down to touch my toes, leaving the tip of his dick in, teasingly still grinding. Bringing my body back up, I let my back touch his chest. He took one of his hands, to squeeze my breast and pinch my nipple. Letting his other hand slide into my lap, his fingers found their way to my clit, gently massaging it with every deep stroke I gave him. I could feel his hot breath on my ear, soft moans escaping his lips at the base of the back of my neck. Henry's hand was now intertwined into my hair, pulling it with each deep stroke that he met my hips with. My pussy was sopping wet, as I was letting out cries now in anticipation of my orgasm. His ass off the chair, he was pumping my cunt hard from below, my toes leaving the floor, every time he pumped. Nails digging into his thighs, as I braced myself for what was about to come. He bit my neck, with one deep thrust and that was enough to push me over the edge. A guttural scream escaped my lips that I have never heard. He let out a loud moan with one final thrust, deep into me. I leaned back onto his chest. Henry lovingly wrapped his hands around my waist, kissing my shoulder from behind. And that is how we consummated our first night of marriage. With me finally in charge. The next morning we were off to our honeymoon in Hawaii. It was the most beautiful place I’ve been in the world. It smelt like flowers everywhere and some places there were pineapple fields that were never ending. The beaches were white sand and the water was a beautiful blue color. Our honeymoon adventure included Maui and Honolulu. We went horseback riding, snorkeling and even caught a musical while we were there. I couldn’t really understand it because they were speaking Samoan. What I could make out was something about the white man taking over the land. It was interesting. The clothing, acrobatics, music, and dancing was nothing like I have ever seen before. We loved going to happy hour from four to six. You could get free drinks at our hotel at that time. So, just like any newly married couple on their honeymoon, we would get wasted at the bar and go back to our room and have mind blowing, toe curling sex. Our week was up and it was time to go home as a married couple and see our boys. When we got home our boys acted like we were gone forever. The first time they acted up, we knew we were back to reality. Henry and I started talking about getting a place of our own. It was back to living on a strict budget. It was time to buckle down and start raising our family in our own home. We looked around to find a house that would be affordable plus big enough for our family. Our family moved out of my Mom's basement and into our first home. We found a place to rent on a dead end street on Blackford Avenue. I was going to school full time and working at the front desk at an Inn that kept me pretty busy. Henry was working part time helping ends meet. I was always busy trying to pay the bills and keep the house clean. I don’t know how we made it, living there. We were not on any kind of assistance so we were defiantly on a strict budget. To have fun we would invite some friends over and have game night. We would play Pictionary, dice, cards until late in the evening. It was free and we all had a fun time. Sometimes Henry’s brother would come for game night too. Henry's brother was living with his parents, that were meth addicts, and manufacturers of it and he didn’t want to live there because of that. We decided to let him live with us, to get him out of an unhealthy environment. I couldn’t stand what was going on at his house. He had no drive to get his high school diploma. I helped him get the diploma and I tried to help him quit being depressed. After he graduated it seemed like he became a much happier person. His confidence came back. I was really proud of him. He ended up going into the Marines. I thank him for serving our country. During all of this, I was still going to college and the professors select a few students to work on a historical museum. I was picked for two holiday seasons in a row. It was a true honor that I was one of the students picked for both years. During my last semester, I ended up getting a design internship at a high end furniture store. After my internship was over, they offered me a very exciting job in Tennessee. I was on cloud nine, the day I was offered the design job. Literally crying tears of joy on my way home from the interview. I couldn’t believe, I finally got our much needed and deserved ticket out of Southern Indiana to a brighter future.
Chapter 5
Moving to Tennessee
We moved to Tennessee to start my career in interior design. The money was a lot better with this job. My paychecks were four times bigger than what I made in over a three month period back in Indiana. Working with the public was my forte. It was easy to become personable with my clients. Sometimes it was challenging, because they were really picky about what they wanted to buy and put into their homes. But my customers were glad that I was helping them and not just trying to sell something, so I could make my commissions. Very soon after starting, I was named one of the top ten sales people and interior designers of that store and in the whole district. My grandmother was proud of me, because she knew how much I wanted to be a good designer and make it in the designer world. I was working sixty hours a week and wasn't able to see my family much. The pay was great, but on one of my drives home, I realized the money wasn't worth making my family come in second place in my life. Due to me being the main bread winner in the family, I had to come up with a plan before quitting. Life dealt me another big blow. Just when I thought, I had my life together and knew where I was going, my grandma passed away. I went back up to Indiana in November of 2007 to attend her funeral. The “Big C” took her from me, just like that. She had been doing fine and then one week she just got really fatigued and couldn’t eat or drink anything. My wonderful grandma didn’t deserve that. But I did realize that she wasn't suffering anymore. It was her time for her to go to a better place. I loved her so much and nobody could compare to her. She was my role model and I always wanted to make her proud. I knew that she would have loved for me to have gotten my bachelor’s degree so I didn’t waste any time and enrolled at a University in Tennessee January of 2008. While I was attending the university, I started volunteering for the domestic violence program. It blew my mind, how many people are physically, mentally and verbally abused. There were so many people that wanted to tell their stories and were afraid for their own wellbeing and their kids’ lives, but they were usually too terrified to leave. Some did get out of their horrible situations, some stayed. Because I grew close with the director, she thought I would want to help with a homeless shelter in the same small community. I was on board, from the first day. All of us from the program arrived at the shelter. We had help from the community in each of us adopting a room, renovating it, and picking out furniture for homeless families. All of the renovating, purchasing and layouts of the rooms were done by the people that volunteered. I even brought my boys one day to help us paint. It was the perfect time, to teach my boys about charity and helping the less fortunate. Early on, I realized that any of us could be in a very bad situation one day, and have to go to a shelter ourselves. The shelter was completed and there were already numerous names on the waiting list to get in, as in most cases, more names then there were rooms. It really felt good to be a part of that particular project, in helping families in need and giving them a nice home to stay, even if it was temporary. Trying to be strong, after the death of my grandmother was hard. I was working, taking care of the boys, and going to school. I turned into a recluse. My friends noticed me distancing from them and called me out on it. They knew I was having a hard time. Just not how deep, my inside pain really was. Henry and I didn't have much of a sex life anymore. After
the boys were born, it’s like he didn’t want me at all anymore. The lack of sex and passion, started to wear on me pretty bad. We really started having problems before we got married. He was never affectionate towards me, since he had a vasectomy. After we had the boys, our sex life was almost nonexistent. His short fuse and bad temper returned. He was not a happy person. Thinking counseling would save our marriage, we went to some of the appointments. We missed some because he really wasn't making an effort to go. It seemed like he didn’t even care about our marriage. I bought several books for him and some for us to read. None of them were fully read. I felt like I gave our marriage all that I could. My heart and soul was poured into this marriage and our children, but I couldn’t take not feeling loved any longer. I begged him join me on the couch, and we fought because he wanted to stay on the other end. Sex wasn't happening either, in the bedroom or any room for that matter. Dressing up in super sexy lingerie, dancing in front of him, even trying to get on top of him and taking it, I was rejected. So, once again, I decided to make a change. I wasn’t happy with him, so I thought getting a nicer home in town, would help us and the boys. Wanting more out of life, than a loveless marriage, working myself to death and being rejected all the time, I started to look for another house. Through friends, I heard about this house. It was another fixer upper, but being a designer, I knew I could fix it up. I found out who owned the house and went to talk to the couple. The next chapter of my life in this house, was going to be wonderful. Bringing my portfolio with me, I showed them what I had done in my career and told them, I could help them fix the home up, as a trade for rent. We worked out the deal and moved in. Finally moving from a mobile home to a historic mansion, was my dream come true. I was in my dream home, the boys were doing great adjusting, but I still wasn’t truly happy because of my relationship with my husband had been very bad for a long time. The boys and I would go fishing together, swimming, and pretty much everything under the sun for fun. Too bad, we did it all without their dad, he just would rather not go with us. Every blue moon, I got him to go to the creek to swim and the boys were so happy on those trips. We were lonely and all searching for time, love, and attention from Henry but we never could get enough of it. All I was asking for, was for some affection and for him to try to be a happy person. He couldn’t give that to me. Maybe, it was too much to ask. Being a simple woman, all I wanted was love, affection, emotional support and a bond. I wanted someone that was a mate, a soul mate. So, I decided to end it and put everyone out of their misery, including my beloved children and myself. Unfortunately, it didn’t get better. As a result, it led to a divorce. We were together ten years and married for six years. It was hard to give him, up but I tried everything I could to avoid a divorce. And that was the end. Henry moved back to Indiana. The boys and I moved, into my dad’s place in Tennessee. This was a huge adjustment for us all, but we made the best of it. I was in my final year of college and the boys were in second grade. This was a very challenging year for everyone, from the divorce, to living in tight quarters with an alcoholic that was OCD on top of it all. It seemed, no matter what I did, it wasn’t good enough. My Dad wasn't happy with us being there, because he was used to being alone. I am internally grateful for my dad and allowing us to stay with him; I really appreciate everything he has done for me and my boys. He will help anyone in need and really does put himself last. I was overwhelmed with all of the obstacles that were in my way, from not having enough money, going through a divorce, no child support from my ex, going and taking care of the boys. Not to mention, still going to college and writing for a magazine in my spare time.
Confessions of a Secret Dominatrix Page 3